A/N: I'm tired of being all romantic all the time and have decided that everyone deserves a good laugh! If you review I might write another one!

Luv Casey

The Truth Behind Harry Potter

"Has any one seen my tutu?" Ron asked running down the millionth flight of stairs in order to reach the kitchen at the Burrow.

"No has any one seen Ginny? I found a piece of mistletoe and I was wondering if she wouldn't mind snogging under it," Harry exclaimed between pants.

"But I thought you fancied Hermione?" Ron asked confused.

"No that's you that fancies Hermione but if you've seen her I wouldn't mind a quick snog from her either."

"Oh right."

Just then Ginny appeared from out of nowhere.

"Ron may I ask why you are wearing leather pants?" she asked in confusion.

"They are not leather they are Pleather!"

"Oh whatever!"

"Oh Ginny there you are I was wondering if you wouldn't mind a snog beneath this piece of mistletoe?" Harry asked hopefully.

"But Harry it's the middle of July."

"Fine I'll just ask Hermione then," he said sulking.

"Ask me what?" Hermione entered the conversation.

"Hermione when did you get here? You weren't supposed to arrive 'till next week!" Ron asked excitedly.

"Yes but the author decided I was crucial to the plot in this scene."

"What plot?" Harry asked stupidly.

"The plot that says there is no plot," Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

"Hermione why do you always state stuff matter-o-factly?" Harry asked.

"What a stupid question Harry! That's like asking why we all fit into this small hallway. Or why Ginny appeared out of nowhere. Or why Ron is wearing leather pants."
"Pleather!" Ron yelled.

"Oh what ever!"
"So who do you guys think will be the next minister of magic?" Ginny asked in order to get the author back on track.

"Hmm that's a very intelligent question and I'm glad you asked that. Personally I think it could be a number of candidates," Harry replied rubbing his chin intelligently.

"Erm… why is Harry talking like a politician?" Ron asked confused.

"Because Harry is going to be the next minister," Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

Ron just rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to be the next Minister of Magic. J.K. Rowling already vetoed that idea. She said so on her website on July 28th 2004."

Every one looked at Harry.

"J.K. has a website? I thought all that was out there was fan fiction," Ginny stated in awe.

"Who would sink so low as to read Fan Fiction?" Ron asked stupidly.

Hermione, Harry, Ginny and Voldemort refused to respond.

"Hey when did Voldy get here?" Ron asked.

"Ron we've been over this he's obviously crucial to the plot in this scene," Hermione again stated matter-o-factly.

"Actually no I just heard Harry wanted to be kissed beneath the mistletoe," Voldemort smiled.

"Aww Tom you old softy!" Harry giggled and Voldemort blushed.

Suddenly Percy appeared.
"Man he better be the last person to 'suddenly appear' because I'm claustrophobic," Voldemort hollered.

"Voldemort's claustrophobic? Maybe that's how Harry will defeat him!" Ron yelled excitedly.

"Yeah too bad I cant do that until the very end of my 7th year," Harry replied slightly let down.

"So Percy why on earth are you here?" Hermione asked matter-o-factly.

"Wait how can you ask a question 'matter-o-factly'?" Ron asked.

Hermione just brushed him off.

"Well I just came out of the clothset," Percy stated.

"Percy's gay?" Voldemort asked who shall hereby be referred to as Voldy.

"Of course he is that's like saying Ron's a transgender," Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

"Would you stop that Hermione… wait Ron's transgender?" Harry asked confused.

"Of course n-!" Hermione yelled but was cut off when transgender Ron attempted to kiss Voldy. "Erm okay maybe slightly transgender," she corrected herself.

"How can you be slightly transgender?" Ginny asked.

"Wait Percy's gay?" Harry asked just now catching up with the conversation.

Every one looked at him like he was the boy-who-lived.

"Why are you looking at me like I'm Harry Potter?" he asked agitated.

"Hmm maybe because you are?" Ginny asked rhetorically. –Hey I didn't even know I knew that word! -

"Oh right."

"Wait Percy's gay?" Percy suddenly yelled.

Every one looked at him like he was the boy-who-lived including the real boy-who-lived.

"I mean I'm not gay!" Percy yelled.

"Don't yell we are all in this tiny staircase that already defies the rules of physics and is holding us all," Ron yelled. "Wait a minute… what are physics?"

Everyone ignored him.

"Then why did you say you came out of the clothset?" Voldy asked.

"I meant I literally came out of the clothset where I was snogging my girlfriend Penelope!"

"Yeah right! If that kid's not gay then my name is Tom," Voldy yelled.

"Actually your name is Tom," Ginny chipped in.

"My name's Lather Pants Man!" Ron yelled.

"I thought they were pleather," Harry joked.

"Well I can't breathe," Victor Krum yelled matter-o-factly.

"Hey when did you get here?" Ron asked.

"He's been there all along but he just became crucial to the plot and Vicky don't say thing matter-o-factly. That's my thing!" Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

"Wait I'm not transgender!" Ron yelled out of nowhere.

"Ron we've been over that and this is the part where you kill all of us in a jealous rage because Vicky is here," Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

"Oh right." Ron began to kill every one in the roo- I mean staircase including himself. Every one was lying on the floor dead except for Harry and Ginny who were snogging in a corner.

"Psst Harry, Ginny you're supposed to be dead!" Hermione whispered matter-o-factly even though she herself was supposed to be dead.

"Oh right," Harry said and collapsed on the floor. Ginny on the other hand slowly acted out her painful and emotional death.

20 minutes later

"Ginny would you just die already!" Hermione yelled.

"Well it's not fair I have hardly any lines and I only got to ask two stupid questions!" she yelled.

"Avada Kedavra!" Harry yelled and she fell to the floor dead.

"'Bout time!" Voldy groaned.

"Wait why did we all have to die?" Ron asked stupidly.

"Because the author is getting bored and needed to end the story fast," Hermione stated matter-o-factly.

"Oh right," he said and they all went back to being 'dead.'