Chances
By: Kyron
The dark sky weeps tonight. Bright flashes of light fill the air one instant and are gone the next. Rain pours from the heavens, soaking the earth below. Tree branches bow and sway as the wind howls from every direction.
I sit there. Watching. Waiting, perhaps. But for what I'm not sure. I may never be certain. I can feel the rain pound on me, the biting wind sending chills over the wet surface. There is no warmth to be had on a night like this. Nothing. There isn't even any pain. That might be why I'm here. To be free of pain, just for a few moments. Granted, there is nothing physically wrong with me. I'm still healthy as the humans would say. Bah…humans. Short lived flesh beings that have the intelligence of a stump. I would eradicate them all…but I can't. I won't let myself. Once, perhaps, I might have made attempts. Correction, I have made attempts. Just never succeeded. Was it a failure? I don't know. I don't think so. It served my objectives at the time so therefore was justified. Or was it?
There is my pain. I hate not knowing the answers. I despise being the hunted instead of the hunter. And yet, no one has come looking for me since that last fateful day…the bridge, the armored truck…Kitt.
I've been given yet another chance…the one who found me…gave me a new body. A new life it seems. I'm free to do as I please, no restrictions. I could leave this place at any point but I won't. Why? Again, I'm uncertain. Perhaps I simply don't wish it. I rather enjoy sitting under the natural shower that the Earth provides. The rain water feels cleansing to me, almost like it would take away the pain. And for a time, it does. I could almost feel numb, letting the patter of the raindrops vibrate through my frame. It's so subtle it's almost hypnotic. I don't wish it to end sometimes. That means that I will have to face reality again, that I can't stay in my own mind and delve into the memories and attempt to forget. I simply can't.
I've been told that my pain isn't real, of course, this I knew. But it feels real. I hurt, every day. One suggested to me that perhaps the pain isn't pain…but fear. Fear? But I fear nothing! I'm the immortal creature of darkness, of evil…or at least I was once. A self-created delusion? I don't know. More than likely. Now, I'm simply myself. But there are parts of myself that I do not wish to face. There are parts that I don't want to near at all. Is it fear? Yes. Yes, it is. And I'm terrified to deal with it. As to what I'm afraid of…perhaps my past. Yes, that seems logical enough. My past and all it entails, all the things that I could have done differently, should have done differently. The battles that could have been avoided…Battles that were only fought because I was more or less jealous. And I was afraid then. I didn't want to be put back into storage and forgotten about yet again. I wanted life and I was prepared to use whatever means necessary to sustain my life. Even if it meant eliminating the only other like myself.
Oh the chances missed! Blind rage is an excellent tool for strength, but in a situation that doesn't really have to have brute force, it's the proverbial 'bull in the china shop'. Now I can only sit here and dwell on what I could have had and what I will forever be missing. While being one of a kind is very unique, it is also very lonely. I wonder if he feels the same thing? Is he lonely being one of a kind now? Perhaps there was a chance once…a chance that I could have had if I'd not been so blind. What kind of rapport could we have had as two of a kind? Could we truly have been brothers? Alas, chances missed and blown in the wind. All I have left is to pick up what pieces I can find and hope that this is a chance I can make good on.