Hey guys; I know I said I'd be sticking to Luna is Strange for the time being, but I decided to take a small break from angst to whip up this bad boy. I've been pretty hardcore with watching Whose Line lately, and well… Here you go!
Enjoy!
The camera pans around an applauding audience. Standing in the aisle is none other than Luan Loud, dressed in her formal Future Tense attire.
"Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway! The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter! Hi everybody, my name's Luan Loud; come on down and let's have some fun!"
She rushes down to a quaint little desk on the west side of the room, and takes a seat. She preps some little blue cards before turning her attention to the four gentlemen seated on stage.
…
"Introducing first, I swear I'm the pitcher, Harold McBride!"
He laughs at Luan's anecdote, and gives a wave to the audience.
…
"Next, Tell another nose-ring joke, Chunk!"
He just smiles through his teeth and plays it cool.
…
"I wish I could be as funny as my daughter, Lynn Loud, Sr!"
He half smiles and nods, and uses his middle finger to rub his nose (which gets blurred out), clearly intending for Luan to receive a certain message.
She laughs. "No thanks, dad. This isn't a loudcest story!"
…
"And last but not least, I swear I'm not going to end up like Chris Savino, Lincoln Loud!"
He belly laughs.
…
The camera returns its attention to the host.
She dings the buzzer for no reason. "I just wanted to see what the BUZZ is about. Hahaha, get it?!"
…
"Hi everybody, welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway. It's a show where the points are made up and nothing matters," she jokes with a sly grin. "If you're not familiar with how this works, well… You will be."
"I'm gonna read stuff off these little blue cards, our gentlemen performers are going to make fools of themselves for you lovely people, and I'll ding this buzzer…"
EHHHHH (I'd say ding or buzz or something, but the actual buzzer from the show makes more of an EHHH sound. You get the idea.)
"…When I decide they've fooled around enough."
…
The gentlemen performers smile and laugh, the audience laughs, there's a whole bunch of laughing so get used to me saying it every five f***ing seconds.
…
"Alright, so we're gonna start off today's show with a game called Scenes From A Hat, and it's for all four of our performers."
The four performers- you guessed it, stand up and make their way down. Lynn and Lincoln take the east side, and Harold and Chunk take the west just a little over to Luan.
"Okay, so what we did is we had our audience members write down ideas for scenes, and we put their suggestions in this hat," she explains, holding up a silly hat… Use your imagination on what makes it so silly.
"I'll pull out- not like my dad…"
The audience Ohhhhhhhs as Lynn blushes and nods.
Luan laughs at her own joke, then continues. "I'll pull out a paper from the hat, and whatever's written on it will be the prompt for a scene."
…
"Alright, let's begin," she says, pulling out her first slip.
"Okay, let's do Names that would get your child's butt kicked."
Harold steps forward.
"Come here Clyde…"
EHHHH
…
As everyone loses their minds, the camera pans out to Clyde in the audience sitting by his other dad Howard. He's not as amused as everyone else.
…
Harold laughs it off and takes his place on the side.
Lincoln steps up.
"Come here Luan."
EHHHH
…
Yes, there's more laughter, and Luan just calmly nods her head.
"It's gonna be come here, Lincoln here soon," she quips.
He just brushes it off and returns to his place.
…
Luan gets bored with this topic, and pulls another slip out of the hat.
"Things that would get you fired from work."
…
Lynn takes the stage.
"Is it okay if I bring my eleven kids to work?"
EHHHH
…
Then Harold.
"I swear sir; it wasn't me who took those pictures of his ass with the photocopier…"
EHHHH
Chunk comes up to join him, and holds up an imaginary picture as he cringes.
"Of course it was! Look how huge that arse is!" he jokes with his thick British accent.
EHHHH
…
Next, Lincoln.
He whistles a tune as he animatedly pretends to take off all of his clothes and read a comic book.
"What?" he playfully asks.
EHHHH
…
Luan laughs at them, the audience laughs too- even poor Clyde.
She pulls another slip out of the hat.
"Let's do- oh my, haha… Let's do where do babies come from?"
…
Lynn takes the stage.
"I'd say ask Harold… But…" he says, playfully shrugging.
The crowd Ohhhhhs at his burn, but it's all fun and games and no one gets butt hurt like the real world.
EHHHH
…
Harold takes the stage.
"Ask Lynn Loud! That dude's got eleven of them!"
EHHHH
…
More laughter as Luan picks the next scene suggestion.
"Things that could go wrong with your car."
Chunk steps up almost instantly.
"I knew I shouldn't have put my finger in there…" he jokes before stepping to the side.
EHHHH
But he comes right back.
He pretends to be looking for some keys, then grabs his nose-ring. "Aha!" he casually lets out, and he pretends to pull off keys from his ring and put them in the ignition before Luan dings her buzzer.
EHHHH
…
She eyes him with a grin, and he just shrugs. Then, she does her job some more.
"Hmmm… What mirrors would say if they could talk."
…
Lynn comes up.
"Dang… You look good enough to get her pregnant a twelfth time!"
EHHHHH
Luan holds the buzzer extra long as she face palms, doing her best to contain a belly laugh.
…
Next, Lincoln.
He slicks back his cowlick.
"Who says turkey tails aren't sexy?"
The feminine persuasion of the crowd cheers.
Luan just shakes her head.
EHHHH
…
Then, Harold comes up.
He laughs to himself before beginning, and he looks to Luan as if to ask for approval to go ahead.
She gestures him to do so, and he finally does.
"N**** you look just like Wayne Brady!"
EHHHHHHHHHHHH
…
Everyone loses their s***. It's the funniest damn thing they've ever heard.
Luan is practically dying, waving her hands around. "You can't say that, Harold!"
He just smiles, unfazed.
…
Finally, everyone dies down a bit, and he returns to the side.
Chunk comes up.
…
He similarly hesitates, and Luan leans back and smiles a smile that says: Don't do it!
But he does.
"N**** you look just like Mick Swagger!"
EHHHHHH
…
Again, everyone's hysterical. It's the new funniest damn thing they've ever heard.
Luan again KEELS OVER…
(See f***ers… I 'member.)
…
"What?! What?!... You don't even have any hair!" she jokes.
"And Mick doesn't have that giant nose ring!" Lynn adds.
Chunk just nods as he returns to his post.
…
Luan finally regains some composure.
"Phew… We might be getting some calls from our sponsors after that one…"
"It wouldn't be Whose Line without bald jokes, huh Chunk?"
"Or giant nose jokes," he responds.
"Man, we forgot to talk about Lincoln's freakishly big shoes!" Harold adds.
Both Lincoln and Lynn guffaw, but again, it's all in good humor.
…
Luan looks at her cards, and then her watch.
"Well, at the risk of topping that stuff, I'll do one more suggestion," she says, pulling one last slip from that goofy hat you were supposed to use your imagination to make interesting.
…
She face palms, again trying to contain her laughter. She acts like she's going to put the paper back in the hat, but everybody's like, Awwwhh Come on! And she reads from it anyway.
"…What Luan Loud is thinking right now."
…
Chunk steps up, and as soon as he does, she dings her buzzer.
EHH
He playfully throws his hands up, but decides to play by whatever strange rules this game is built upon and takes his place back to the side.
…
Then, Lincoln comes up.
"Why does everybody ship me with Maggie?"
The crowd really digs this one, but Luan just sneers.
EHHHH
…
Next, Lynn comes up.
He sticks out his front teeth, and pretends to be a squirrel.
"Well howdy SpongeBob! We could be tighter than bark on a tree!" he says with a cartoony Sandy Cheeks imitation.
EHHHH
It goes over really well, especially with Lincoln.
"Finally! Someone says it!"
…
The crowd all applauses as the gentlemen performers return to their seats at the very top of the stage, and Luan turns her attention to the camera with a wide grin.
"We'll be right back with more Whose Line Is It Anyway! Don't go anywhere!"
After the… Uhm… "Commercial break"… We return to see everyone where they were before.
"Welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway! The show where everything's made up, and apparently you can get away with saying the N word! Hahaha!"
Lincoln opens his mouth and raises his finger.
"Don't even…" Lynn sternly tells him.
…
Luan intently looks at all of the performers as she dons her thinking cap.
"1000 points for Lincoln for keeping it clean here…" she says.
He playfully brags, his dad and Harold playfully scowl, and Chunk just shrugs. "The points don't matter."
…
"Alright, for our next game we're gonna have our guys use some props to aid them in their scene, in a game cleverly called Props. You have to use the props you're given," Luan explains.
…
"Dad, you'll be with Chunk, and Harold, you'll be with Lincoln."
As they group up and peek at some of their props, Luan glares at a certain audience member.
Clyde notices, and Luan makes her way up to him as the crowd cheers.
She extends her hand to invite him down, and although he's a little nervous, he doesn't freak out and be all robot with a nosebleed.
…
He follows her down and takes his place on stage with the other dudes, and Luan returns to her desk, proudly taking hold of her cards.
"I thought it would be PROP-er if our first prop was our good friend Clyde." He shakes all the contestants' hands, and they assume their positions.
"Hmm… Okay, Harold and Lincoln, Clyde will be your prop. Chunk and Dad, you can select props from the bin… I don't know if the rules allow for that but-"
"What rules?" Lynn sarcastically asks.
"Haha! Exactly!… Okay then, whenever you guys are ready, take it away," Luan tells them.
…
Harold pretends to be "watering" Clyde. Lincoln gives him a confused look.
"Mr. McBride, what are you doing?"
"I got a new Chia pet!"
EHHH
…
Lynn and Chunk bring out Fenton the Feel-Better-Fox.
"Oh heck no!" Lynn blurts out.
"Put that thing back where it came from or so help me!" Chunk sings, channeling his inner Mike Wazowski.
And he does.
EHHH
…
After some whispering and snickering, Clyde gets in a fetal position and holds his arms out in a "hoop" shape.
Then, Lincoln puts his hand into the "hoop," and scrunches up his face as he moves it around, like maybe he's looking for something.
Harold acts confused. "What are you doing?"
"I'm pretty sure I saw a key in this toilet," he answers.
EHHH
Luan belly laughs at this particular bit. "Ahhh, toilet humor," she says as she wipes away a tear.
…
Chunk and Lynn pull out a pair of black and blue bowling balls.
Chunk holds them up to his groin, and dons a melancholy expression.
"My balls are black and blue…"
EHHH
…
Harold takes a seat on a stool, and Clyde takes a seat on his knee. He then makes a mockingly stiff face.
"Well hi, Mr. Coconuts!" Harold jokes.
EHHH
…
Lynn pulls the actual Mr. Coconuts out of his bin, much to the audience's delight.
"Well hi-ya, Mr. Coconuts!"
EHHH
Luan just sardonically grins as the audience eats it up.
…
Harold sullenly looks to his son.
"Come here Clyde…"
The crowd pops, and he and Lincoln pretend to hit the child.
EHHHH
He's cool about it though, because this is fiction based on a kid's show- everyone's happy.
…
Lynn pull out a blonde wig that resembles Lori's hair. He smiles, and takes off Chunk's hat. He then puts the wig on him. He just accepts it as the crowd and others laugh it up.
Lynn takes a step back, and dons a spazzy look. "L-L-L-Lori!" he sputters, and he gestures his hands against his face like he's having a nose bleed. Then, he starts the robot. "System overload, does not compute!"
EHHHH
Clyde just sneers at him.
…
"Alright, one more, guys," Luan tells them.
Lincoln rests his arm on Clyde's shoulder and smugly smiles.
"So… Wanna be part of my harem?"
EHHHHHHHHH
Clyde guffaws, Luan guffaws, and Lynn Sr. just shakes his head at the boy.
"Sorry," he coyly tells his father.
…
Lynn pulls out a mistletoe from the box, which the crowd just eats up.
"It is Christmas time, dad!" Luan snidely jokes.
…
Lynn contemplates his next move for a moment.
Finally, he makes his way over to Harold, puts the mistletoe above his head, and plants a big wet smooch on him.
And yes, everyone loves it.
Luan, Lincoln, and Clyde's jaws drop at seeing their parents kiss.
Harold is quick to wipe off his lips and look to his husband in the crowd. "You saw that!" Howard just laughs.
…
Lynn makes his way back to his spot, and Chunk gives him a high five.
Luan just smirks. "You know, I didn't ring the buzzer," she jokes.
So, Lynn hands the mistletoe to Chunk, and gestures him to over her way.
He just shrugs and does as he's told.
And yeah, Luan's quick to buzz that mother lover.
EHHHH EH EH EHHHHH
…
The crowd applauds as the camera again zooms in on the host.
"Don't go anywhere folks, we'll reveal the winner right after this!"
After a commercial plays telling the viewers to go read "Luna Is Strange" by JamesSunderlandsPillow on either Archive of Our Own or FFN...
The camera pans around the stage to reveal Harold, Lynn, Lincoln, and Luan lined up on stage.
"Hey everybody, welcome back to Whose Line Is It Anyway! Tonight's winner is Chunk, I gave him four million points to promise he'd never come within five feet of me again, so he's gonna tell us what to do now," she explains with a smile as the camera focuses now on the Englishman.
"Hmmm… How about a hoe down?" he says with a shrug, and the crowd cheers.
…
"Alright! A hoe down! We'll do a hoe down with the musical accompaniment of the lovely Luna Loud," she says, and the camera turns to show Luna sitting at the piano, simply smiling.
"…What are we gonna do a hoe down about, Chunk?" Luan continues.
He "Hmmmmms" as he slowly turns to face the audience, and they cheer for a the kabillionth time.
"I don't know… What do you guys think?" he asks, and everyone starts blurting out ideas.
…
Some creepy looking, maybe drunken ginger dude named Pillow distinctly shouts out: "Fan fiction!"
…
"The fan fiction hoe down! I like it!" Luan proclaims.
"Okay, so we're doing the fan fiction hoe down. Luna, whenever you're ready take it away."
…
Luna starts playing a hoe down tune, and the audience members clap to the beat.
They start with Harold.
"I don't read fan fiction, I've heard it's quite bizarre… Stories about fluffy junk, they take it pretty far… Old men write about their 'ships for countless hours a day… Crying about kissing stuff, yeah, and I'm the one who's gay?!"
Ohhhhhh the audience chants.
Lynn cools down from laughing to take his turn.
"I read this crazy story about life and death and such… politics and rhetoric about stuff that's just too much… It really was far out there, adults would call bologna… It was a horror story about My Little Pony!"
The crowd laughs, and somewhere in the distance, Lucy Loud sighs.
Next up, Lincoln.
"I went to this party that really was a bore… I tried so hard to make it fun, that is for sure… I had to call Luan to think of something snappy, and ever since then people all 'ship her with Maggie!"
The crowd laughs and Ohhhhs as Luan just accepts the burn.
…
It takes a little bit, but she finally shakes it off and takes her turn to finish the hoe down.
"If I had a show, I'd want it to be sweet… One boy, ten girls, wouldn't that be neat?... But I have no such luck, I'm not like many others… Cause everyone who writes my fics makes he f*** my brother!"
"Makes me f*** my brother!..." they all reluctantly sing in unison to cap off the hoe down.
…
The crowd gives them all a roaring applause, and the contestants all shake each other's hands and what not before the camera focuses on Luan.
"Well, that's all for tonight's show! I'd say tune in next time, but our contracts will probably be terminated after this. I guess that means there will be one HO DOWN! Hahahaha!"
"Good night everybody!"
Well… There's eleven minutes of our lives we'll never get back:)
Thanks for reading, and I hope you had fun. I know I did.