Hello, me again, im pretty sure im boring you all now, but i got this idea from the spolier from next weeks holby, and i couldn't help not write it. I really hope you all like it and i don't own anything !
Hope you enjoy !
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"I'm not addicted … I'm not addicted ... I'm not …"
She sat crouched down in the locker room, sweat dripping from her forehead, rocking backwards and forwards until the energy she had for that had all been consumed, she had nothing left, nothing left to give, and slowly slowly she was getting worse.
"Eddi ... Eddi … stop ... Look at me ... stop"
Luc gently took hold of her face, and lifted her chin up to face him, he couldn't bare it, couldn't bare the fact she was in so much pain, but not only that, she was also suffering emotionally and mentally, not only physically. Today had been proof that she was way off the handle, she could no longer see through an entire shift without her little "Pick me ups" As max used to address them. He'd destroyed her.
"Please listen to me, you need help … you need help"
Help? She was beyond help, Luc could only blame himself, he'd left her, abandoned her when she needed him most. When she had put all her trust into him he'd left without even a moment's notice, he can't even justify the way he treated her.
"No I don't ... I'm okay now? Remember, you told me I was okay"
Remembering a conversation she had with him only hours before, he had told her she was getting better, that she was slowly becoming less dependent on the pills, but all that had failed, she thought she needed them, she couldn't cope without them, they've become an escape, and escape from the patients, the hospital, the stupid long hours … him.
"No ... give me the pills eddi"
He placed his hands on either side of her face, making direct eye contact with her, she could hardly keep her eyes open, how had she gotten herself into this position? What had happened to the feisty strong willed nurse he had left behind. He'd broken her, she was broken, and it was all his fault. He couldn't help but think it was now his duty to put her back together again.
"I .. I can't .. please … please don't make me"
She was almost begging him, tears began to fall down her fragile face and collide with the sweat dripping from her forehead as she began to experience extreme withdrawel symptoms. He gently wiped her tears away and delicately kissed her forehead.
"You need to give them to me … we can get through this"
He reached down for her hand to reassure her he was going to help her, that she knew we was there for her, as much as she denied needing help, needing him, it was becoming more obvious by the minute that she needed somebodies help.
"Hey ... Hey look at me … eddi look at me"
She was beginning to drift off, she'd lost all sense of of everything, she felt as though she was falling as if she wasn't her anymore, like she was watching ahead at some broken addict on the floor. Addict … that's what she was … she'd become addicted to a stupid prescription drug .. one that was supposed to help people with pain, except it's causing hers, the irony ..
"I ... I don't need this Luc, I'm okay"
She tried to force a smile but even that was too much effort, she needed to get out of here, to sleep, to get off these drugs properly. It doesn't matter what she needs though, because what you need is not always necessarily what you want, she didn't want his help, she needed it, even after everything he did to her, and all that time she felt inadequate to him, useless, he was still the only person she trusted enough to help her get through this. If she ever could...
"I need you to get better"
A single tear fell from his eye as his voice began to crack, He'd finally realised the effect it can have on someone when they're let down so many times, when they needed somebody and nobody was there. Where was he when she was getting high with the hospital junkie? Where was he when she needed some kind of relief after a long day at work or a difficult case? ... Hiding. He was hiding.
"Why would it even matter?"
Eddi was giving up, she didn't want to live this life anymore, full of disappointment after disappointment, everyone letting her down, she felt as though she didn't deserve the happiness she'd seen so many people receive. Boyfriends... husbands... Family … children … she didn't deserve any of them.
"Because I want the old you back"
"You mean the one … the one you left?"
"I'm never leaving again"
She could tell he was being serious, but how could she take that risk again, she couldn't put herself out there to be hurt again, not after last time, she needed someone, but not someone who'd leave her when things got a little tough.
Luc stood up and placed his arms out so she could grab on to his arms, she looked up at him with all the energy she had left in her body, and saw the glint of sadness in his eyes, he really did care for her, he honestly wanted to help her.
"Trust me eddi ... Please trust me"
She grabbed his hands and he pulled her up, she collapsed against him in fits of tears, as he gently placed a supportive arm around her waist, keeping her up, she needed to cry, she needed to let it all out in order to move on, and to get better.
"Please don't leave me Luc, please don't leave"
She was begging him, she needed him more than ever, he'd caused this, but it wasn't only his fault, she shouldn't have got involved with max, she should have known better, she should have used her common sense and stayed away from him, but she didn't, and that was why she was in this position now, a complete wreck, addicted to painkillers, and crying on the man who had broken her heart.
"I promise, I promise you, never again … never again"
He whispered into her hair, he'd missed her so much, everything about her, her erratic moods, her feisty nature, even the smell of her hair, he knew this was where he was meant to be, no more running away from commitment, no more being selfish, his life would now revolve around her. She was his life.
...
Hours later he had managed to support her balance enough to walk her back to his caraven, they needed space, away from everybody, in private, where they could just be with eachother and get through this, together.
They lay on his uncomfortable bed, her head lay against his chest and he softly stroked her hair, he had missed the feel of her against him, the warmth her body had brought to him.
"I missed this ... I missed you"
He wanted her more than anything in the world, just her presence made him happy, the thought that she was his, the thought that at the end of each day, it'd be him she'd come to to discuss her problems, how she felt.
"Really?" She looked up at him
She couldn't deny it, she'd missed him too, more than she could even imagine, she had never felt like this before, not ever, Luc had gotten to her, in a way nobody has before, he irritated her to the point of which she couldn't ignore him anymore, he'd gotten to her, but she couldn't get him off her mind.
"Of course, I care about you eddi, I care about you a lot, more than I've cared about anybody else"
Did he really mean that? After all, you don't hurt people you care about, right?
"you don't mean that luc, I don't know what this is, I cant explain it, but if you cared, you wouldn't have left me like that, you really hurt me, but … you obviously thought I wasn't good enough .."
She placed her head back against his chest, she could feel his heart thud against her ear...
"Eddi, you were more than good enough, I didn't deserve you, but I'm trying to put things right, that's why I need you to work with me, we can get through this"
"Then what?"
What if he left again? What if he thought he'd come back, make her reliant on him, then leave her again, surely he wasn't that cruel … he wouldn't hurt her again.
"What do you mean?"
"After you've helped me get over this stupid thing, what are you gonna do? Leave me again?"
"I'm not leaving eddi"
"What stopping you this time?"
"I care about you"
She sat up and placed her hand against his chest so she was starely directly into his eyes, she missed being this close to him, the comfort he had brought to her was unimaginable, he made her feel at home, she hadn't felt part of anything for years, up until she met him.
"You keep saying that, what does it actually mean luc? How do you care? As a friend? What? Tell me? Please... "
"Well, the thing is ... "
"Don't start with your explanations, it's a simple question luc, why do you want to help me?"
"I think.. I think I might.. I think I might love you"
He had said the L word, he'd actually said it, love? Did he love her? Did he really? She hadn't been loved before, she was pretty certain of her own feelings, but to hear the emotionless awkward Mr Hemmingway, the man she couldn't stand at the beginning, tell her he loves her was too much for her brain to process.
"Wh what?"
"I love you"
He'd said it again …
"You don't know what love is"
"Tell me you don't feel the same"
"I don't ... I don't ..."
"you see"
"Whatever Luc"
She laid back down with a smile on her face and listened to the beat of his heart against her ear …
...
She awoke what seemed like hours later, she softly moved herself so she was still in his grip but sat up, she stared down at him, fast asleep, breathing softly, he looked so content, so vulnerable .. she used to cherish these moments in the little time they were together, the only time she would see his soft side. The she remembered the conversation from earlier, he had told her he loved her, he had actually said it, was it wrong she felt the same? Even after everything? Her heart was almost completely and truly his.
She lent down towards his lips... God she'd missed them, she missed his kiss, the way he was so gentle and tender, unlike max, he was so forceful and urgent, almost like he wanted it over and done with.
She softly placed her lips against his and kissed him, his breathing suddenly changed as he unexpectedly began to kiss her back, he placed his arms around her waist as she tried to pull him as closer to her as possible, this is exactly what she needed, and this was her cure. Him.
"If that's what I get when I tell you I love you, I think I'll be saying it a lot"
He had a smug grin on his face, she'd soon wipe that off …
"I was just feeling a bit lonely whilst you were snoring your head off"
The amusement on her face was apparent in response to the shock that showed up on his handsome features.
"Snore? I don't snore" He said defencelessly
"No, you don't, you're right, but that look on your face was worth it … "
He pulled her closer once more and they once again kissed, this is how it should have been for these past three months, instead of her getting high with the local clown, she should have been here with him .. He may be an awkward control freak .. but he was her awkward control freak.
"Say it again ..." She whispered to him, she wanted him to say it again, she needed to hear it
"Say what?"
She gave him the look ..
"Oh right yes .. I love you eddi"
She kissed him once more and placed his hand against her heart ..
"I love you too" She whispered into his ear.
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My twitter is Gemma_Tones
All my love, gemma xxx