Disclaimer: The following is a work of parody. The original Garfield: Prince of Tragedy: Royal Rescue Part 2 was written by ShakespeareHemmingway, one of the great literary minds of our time. Negima is the property of Ken Akamatsu. Recommended for ages 12 and up. Some assembly required. Do not attempt this fic if pregnant or nursing. Side effects may include compulsive donkey-laughter, projectile diarrhea, and the urge to watch Hogan's Heroes re-runs.
Chamo: Mangaka of Tragedy
It was morning eve when Ken Akamatsu was in his floating manga fortress in Tokyo sky. He was doing Great Work of drawing Love Hina sequel and making the plots.
"This is needing more panty shots." Said Ken Akamatsu with ecchi wisdom.
As Ken Akamatsu was ordering assistants messenger came with words of urgency.
"Ken Akamatsu I have the terrible news! Wife of Ken Akamatsu has been taken by manly force!" Said the messenger with despair.
"What is your nonsense?" Cried Ken Akamatsu with flabbergasting words.
"It is true see for yourself." Said the messenger as he put Blu-Ray in player for viewing.
Video images showed Chamo and wife of Ken Akamatsu meeting with secret trysts. Chamo carried wife of Ken Akamatsu into Love Hotel with ermine vigor.
"NOOOOOO." Howled Ken Akamatsu with feelings.
Ken Akamatsu sat with silence and rage building inside like tempest. His hand closed on drawing pens shattering with vise grip. Ink splashed on walls like blood from broken hearts.
"CHAAAAMOOOOO." Yelled Ken Akamatsu with angry faces.
The video continued and showed Chamo taking wife of Ken Akamatsu into manly embrace for lovemakings. Ken Akamatsu watched her ravishment with black fires of jealousy boiling in blood. He stood up and crumpled drawing chair like cardboard.
"BETRAYAL." Roared Ken Akamatsu with insane voice.
Ken Akamatsu turned and marched into private Loli Dojo to contemplate revenge. He stared into distance with thousand mile stares and saw only images of loss and traitors.
"I will create nefarious plans to destory Chamo, no ermine no matter how manly will spit on my honor and live." Said Ken Akamatsu with oaths.
"What will you be doing?" Asked assistants with wondering.
"I will lay trap of cunning for so-called great hero. But traps are needing bait and I must find the juiciest morsels of all." Said Ken Akamatsu with villain hand clasp.
Ken Akamatsu took photo of Kagurazaka Asuna from pockets and looked at it with evil intent...
Meanwhile in 3-A dorms Kagurazaka Asuna and Anna Cocolova were having girl talk.
"What is wrong Kagurazaka Asuna, you are having the sad looks?" Said Anna Cocolova with concern.
"I am always having thoughts of true love of my life." Said Kagurazaka Asuna with longing look at picture of Chamo in heroic decorations.
"You know you must let go of him for his freedom, true man can not be held down to life of one woman." Said Anna Cocolova with gentle advice.
"If only I could be caught in Chamos studly arms one last time." Said Kagurazaka Asuna with fantasies.
"HA HA Do not worry for you will soon be ensnared forever!" Said nearby figure of mystery.
Kagurazaka Asuna and Anna Cocolova turned in horror to see vision of evil swoop through windows.
"KEN AKAMATSU?" Shrieked the women with terror.
"More or less for I am man changed forever by flames of vengeance. Now I live only to destroy the man who was loving you." Said Ken Akamatsu with slicking back hair and throwing away glasses.
"No, you are after CHAMO." Cried Kagurazaka Asuna with dawning realization.
"Yes and you will be siren call that leads to his doom. Now for capturing!" Cackled Ken Akamatsu with mad laughter and snapping fingers.
"NOOOOOO." Screamed Kagurazaka Asuna and Anna Cocolova as black cages rose up and jailed them. Ken Akamatsu transformed into monster bat form and took cages in claws flying off to [ERMI-NET WARNING: YOUR COMPUTER IS AT RISK OF VIRUS INFECTION.]
[ERMI-NET WARNING: YOUR COMPUTER IS AT RISK OF VIRUS INFECTION.]
Asuna's and Konoka's room was as silent as the grave, and nearly as empty. Inside, Albert Chamomile, companion to heroes and lover of mischief, stared for a moment at the notice that had interrupted his typing. What kind of bullcrap was this? He'd run anti-virus programs just yesterday!
Chamo let his mouse hover over the window's 'X' button. As if he had the time for that nonsense again. His latest masterpiece wasn't finished yet, and that just couldn't stand. At the rate he was working, all those cheesy one-liners and grammatical errors were going to go unwritten! Cannon fodder guards would go un-exploded! Objectively terrible sex scenes would never be consummated! 'Love is Lingerie,' hit rock single of the decade, would never be a thing! And worse...
And worse, his precious audience was waiting. He could not let the man down.
Click.
[YOUR COMPUTER IS NOW INFECTED.]
...What.
Chamo had a cold, cold feeling.
Click.
[HOW INFECTED IS IT?]
Click.
[SO INFECTED.]
Click.
[INFECTED AS BALLS.]
[HAVE A NICE DAY :3]
Chamo's computer made a harsh whining noise, and shut down of its own accord. His cold feeling got colder.
Suddenly, a new presence revealed itself, and Chamo knew he was screwed. He knew it as surely as he knew there was a sword hovering in front of his nose.
"'Sup, furball," said Kagurazaka Asuna with the kind of tone most people reserved for bathtub grime, or reality television.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Chamo raised his paws from his miniature keyboard. "Uh...afternoon, nee-chan. Nice weather we're having, eh?"
"Yeah, it is. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and I'm on fire." Anya Cocolova somersaulted into Negi's loft, and her right arm promptly burst into flames. "Feels like a proper storytelling day, if you know what I mean."
"Since when does storytelling need a sword?!"
Hasegawa Chisame's head appeared above the entrance ladder; her artifact sprites were floating nearby, saluting her. "It needs one when it's interrogation," she said.
"Oh God, you already know, don't you."
"'You will soon be feeling hammer of righteous might.' Said Kagurazaka Asuna with justice."
"...Fuck."
The napping, the studying, and the goofing off alike were startled out of their wits as sounds of carnage echoed through the middle school dorms.
WHAM! "How dare you put us in terrible fanfiction! And in those shitty roles, too!"
THUD! "It was terrible on purpose! The suck was stylistic! How did you even know I was writing?!"
BIFF! "Never mind that!"
CRUNCH! "You were spying on our correspondence, weren't you! Spying on me and Rakan-san! What was that all about, Chiu-chan?!"
DOOF! "I-I SAID, NEVER MIND THAT!"
"ANYA FLAME BUSTER KICK RAAAAAAAAGH-"
BOOM! "Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap-"
"What do you think you're runnin' from, punk?! The disease is inside you!"
"Get your little mutant ass back here!"
"Make me into a soppy little damsel, will you?!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
-END-
Author's Notes: Many thanks go to guest reviewer Diablo4000 for inspiring the twist ending. You're awesome, bro.