AN: this is something very old that I'm just getting around to posting here

Harry woke up with a hangover. In a concrete, obviously Muggle cell, with a steel door. What the?... Examining himself, he noted that he was:

a) tied to a chair,

b) wearing a pink and orange robe, as well as a crown, and

c) he still had his wand in his enchanted holster.

The door opened. A rather pretty red-headed woman, a dark-skinned man with an eye-patch, and someone that Harry recognised from his reading as Captain America, entered. Pirate was glaring, while the good Captain appeared rather puzzled.

Suddenly everything came back to him. He winced.

10 hours previously

"C'moooon. I dare everyone to drink a bottle of firewhiskey! It's our fifteenth reunion! Let's make it special!" hollered Seamus, staggering around, brandishing bottles of the highly alcoholic drink. Inebriated as he was, he made a rather amusing sight.

now

"Now, Mr Voldemort-Awesome-Sparkly-Dark-Overlord, can you please state your, and your followers, the Sparkly Eaters of Poo, reasons for attempting to take over New York yesterday evening?" asked the Eyepatch. Harry decided that he would call him that, instead of Pirate. Pirate was too generic.

"You see, we had a school reunion party. With, you know, alcohol." Harry wondered how to explain everything else without breaching the Statue of Secrecy. Or without having to perform Obliviations and camera wipes.

6 hours previously

Ron stood up on the table, a half-empty bottle in his right hand, his wand in his left. "I nominate everyone to re- hiccup -enact Lord Voldysomething! And his Death Eaters! In New York!"

"In pink!" Hysterically shouted Lavender. She was red in the face, and her eyes were half unfocused.

"In sparkles!" Added Pansy, draped over her boyfriend, Theodore Nott, who still looked rather sober, despite the empty bottles of Brandy around him.

"Hear, hear! But Potter's Voldemort, obviously!"

now

"A drunk reunion." Eyepatch glowered ineffectively at Harry, who was too hungover to notice that fine detail.

"Someone suggested that we… re-enact something that happened at our school. With more pink. And sparkles."

5 hours previously

"Praise his highness, the Dark Overlord of Sparkles!" slurred a neon-pink robed Seamus, staggering across a street in New York, along with the rest of his yearmates, all similarly clad, shooting sparkles, ribbons, lace and all manners of silly things everywhere, and tying up the police with the stuff. The occasional belches of fire, from firewhiskey overconsumption, were put out with liquid glitter. Hermione and Ron were tasked with the important task of keeping Harry, who had drunk two bottles of firewhiskey, upright, and shouting,

"I am Loooooord Voldemoooooort, Aawesooome Spaaaarkly Daaaaaark Ooooverlord! Bow to me, you Muggle peasants! Bow to my most sparkly glory, the evil pinkness of my robes! Boooooow to meeeeee!" He took another swig of firewhiskey, followed by his conscious yearmates a full half of whom were already passed out on the street. And then they all promptly passed out too.

Back in the cell

"I can promise that we won't do it again. We'll spike all the alcohol in the surrounding two miles of our reunion location with knock-outs. Honest."

Eyepatch frowned, but before he could do anything, Hermione apparated into the cell and apparated out with Harry, who was still tied to the chair, before anyone could even see her.

In Grimmauld Place, Harry beheld the rest of his yearmates, just barely stirring, and decided never to attend a reunion again.

In Stark Tower, the Avengers decided to simply forget the Sparkly Overlord. He hadn't actually harmed anyone, after all.