Remus stares up at the top of his four-poster bed. He can't see much, but he stares anyway.
He can hear James's even breathing, and Peter turning over to mumble something in his sleep. Remus smiles and thinks offhandedly that this must be the quietest this room has ever been.
He can't help but feel a rush of affection every time he thinks of them. His friends. They are the most obnoxious trio of twats he has ever met, and yet he loves them.
They're practically his family, and they're his. He still can't believe it; he wonders sometimes if they are all completely insane for wanting to stick around with a werewolf for a best friend, until he remembers that yes, the Marauders are nothing if not completely insane.
He is still scared, though. What if they decide one day that he's not good enough for them? What if they decide they don't want him anymore?
I wouldn't care much, he tries to tell himself. I'm used to people leaving me.
But he knows deep inside that that is perhaps the falsest statement he could think of. He doesn't know if he can survive without his friends. He owes them so much, they've done so much for him, they're still doing so much for him, and he doesn't think he can ever repay them for everything they've done for him. Fuck that, he knows he can never even begin to make it up to them, but of course that's not going to stop him from trying.
And the fact that they've done so much for him scares him. He knows it would never actually happen - would it? - but he's scared that they might one day think he's not worth everything they've done for him.
When he's sitting pensively at the breakfast table sometimes, thinking about things like this, or when he's pretending to pay attention in History of Magic, James or Sirius comes up to him and ask him if he's 'Alright, Moony?', and he wishes he could tell them everything, wishes he could tell them just so he can hear the reassuring 'Oh, come on, Moony, of course we're not gonna leave you, you're a Marauder!' that he knows they will say - right? - but then he just settles for a nod and an 'I'm fine, James,' or an eye roll accompanied by a 'Yes, Padfoot.' Because, again, he is scared. That they will think he's a sissy, insecure loser, and then, of course, leave him.
Everything about his friends scares Remus, and exhilarates him at the same time, they fill him with both fear and joy. He cannot decide which is stronger.
Remus exhales, and turns to his luminous clock face. It is ticking the seconds left for him to turn sixteen. Tick, tick. He does not know what lies at the end of all those ticks. Happy times, he hopes.
Tick, tick, tick. It is midnight. Remus is sixteen years old.
The thought does not fill him with as much joy as it should, as his mind immediately wanders to tomorrow, which is a full moon. He can see silvery light trailing in through the open dormitory window, and it makes him shudder involuntarily.
Remus is about to settle in under his covers with a sigh and close his eyes, when a sharp hiss from the bed next to his stops him.
Remus lifts his head up and looks warily at Sirius's bed - warily, because one never knows what one might find in Sirius Black's bed.
'Moony?' whispers a voice.
'Yes, Padfoot ?' he replies quietly.
'Happy sixteenth, Moony,' says Sirius, and Remus can hear the half smile in his voice.
'We got you presents, and you'll get those in the morning,' Sirius continues. 'But I wanted to tell you now, because midnight and all that, yeah?'
'Yes, midnight and all that,' Remus agrees, amused. 'But did you really stay up for me?'
Sirius chuckles. 'Don't flatter yourself, Moony. But, uh, yeah. I did,'
'Wow,' says Remus. 'That's not flattering at all.'
'Just go to sleep, you prat. It's too early in the morning for sarcasm.'
Remus laughs quietly. 'Right then, oh great Padfoot.'
Remus just knows Sirius is smiling that peculiar Sirius-smile of his as he tells him, 'Happy birthday, Moony.'
Remus says nothing. He stares up at the top of his bed, and feels his lips curve into a small smile.
'Thank you, Sirius.'
And somehow they both know that the 'thank you' isn't just for the birthday wishes.
Happy birthday, Moony.