LotR Goes Camping
By Psyco101, JilseponieAngel, and Twilight Fox
Disclaimer: We don't own the LotR characters. Angel: I don't want to. I hate them! *Psyco shoves Angel* Psyco: Well, we don't own them J. R. R. Tolkien dose (actually it's Christopher Reuel Tolkien, Tolkien's son who has the copy rights on it.)
Warning: Humor Intense! Written by extremely hyper authors at camp (aka Family Reunion).
Sam, Frodo, Merry and Pippin stared at the box with the picture of a cabin tent.
"So...uh...what do we do?" Pippin asked poking the box with his walking stick.
"We eat it!" Merry and Sam cried together.
Gimli rolled his eyes. "Aye, no that going to get the tent up. Blimey, you open the box."
"No you do!" Pippin said.
Frodo groaned. "Pippin he wasn't talking to you specifically. I'll do it." Frodo pulled out his knife and cut the tape on the box. "Owww!" He cried dropping his knife and sticking his hand in his mouth.
"What is it, Mr. Frodo?" Sam cried.
Frodo sniffed, tears streaming down his face, "I cut my finger."
It was Gimli's turn to groan. "Get over it, Frodo son of Drogo!"
"Well I at least don't have a long name Gimli son of Gloin!" Frodo shot back at Gimli.
"Hey quit accusing Gimli of having a long title--that's my claim! I am Aragorn son of Arathorn, and called Elessar, the Elfstone, Dúnadan, the heir of Isildur Elendile's son of Gondor! Owww!" He said, the owww expressing his pain at dropping wood to on his foot.
Gimli glared at Aragorn.
Boromir noticed this and said to Aragorn. "I think we need something to eat. Come help me figure out the stoves." With that he led him away to where the stoves were.
Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli started to attempt to put up the tent.
"Ouch! Sam! The pole goes over there!" Merry said after being hit by one of the tent poles.
"But this is longer than that other pole." Sam complained.
"Merry is right Sam; you have the shorter pole." Frodo said, having mostly gotten over his cut.
Sam looked closer and walked away muttering incoherently. Merry stuck his tongue out at Sam's back.
Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Gimli continued putting up the tent.
* * * * *
Boromir and Aragorn managed to get the stove out without any incident but the problems arrived while they were trying to put on the propane can.
"It goes here." Boromir said pointing to the knob that turns it on.
"No here." Aragorn said pointing to the place where it was suppose to go.
They repeated that conversation for a few moments, then they decided on how to decide.
"Let Rock, Paper, Scissors decide." Aragorn said solemnly.
"Ok." Boromir agreed.
They did it. Aragorn won.
It took a few minutes to get it on tightly. Then they tried to turn it on, it kept wiggling so Boromir held it down with one hand and tried to turn it on. All of a sudden it turned on full blast, slightly singing his hand.
"OWWW!" Boromir cried loudly.
"Quick under water while I find some herbs to heal it!" Aragorn cried.
"Where's the water? I see no stream close by!" Boromir cried.
"I think this has water in it." Aragorn ran over to the pump, and did everything possible to turn it on while Boromir turned of the stove and then started to hop up and down in pain. Aragorn finally got fed up with it and kicked it; it turned on.
Boromir ran over and stuck his hand under the water; Aragorn started walking around the grounds trying to find the herb to heal burns, softly singing "Tiptoe through the Tulips" in a high-pitched voice.
"What are you looking for? And quit singing that stupid song!" Boromir demanded.
Aragorn told him. Boromir looked shocked. "Don't you have that in your pack?" He asked.
Aragorn stopped thought about it for a moment and then said, "oh yea! I do!" He then ran over to his pack got out the herb and put it on Boromir's hand, then bandaging it.
They then were able to start cooking without incident. Having learned by trial and error how to work the thing.
Now we switch to Gandalf and Legolas who have been trying to start a fire.
Legolas struck the match yet again. "Stupid muggle matches!"
"Muggle?" Gandalf questioned.
"He's reading the Harry Potter books." Sam said darkly, sitting under a tree near by.
Gandalf looked shocked, but didn't say anything. Legolas finally got the match to light but it burned out before it touched the paper starter.
"Aurg! NO!" He cried throwing down the box of matches.
Gandalf sighed. "If only we had magic."
Legolas looked at him incredulously. "Gandalf you nitwit! We do have magic! You're a wizard!"
Gandalf eyes widened. "By George you're right!" He looked around muttering, "now where did I put my staff...?"
Legolas and Sam groaned.
"You're getting old Gandalf!" Sam said.
"Gandalf looked at him confused. "What?"
"Your staff is in your hand!" Legolas said.
Gandalf looked down at his right hand and grinned sheepishly. "Why so it is."
Legolas and Sam exchanged worried looks.
A bear suddenly came into where they were camping. They all grabbed their weapons and cried, "go away!"
The bear stood up on his hind legs and roared. The Fellowship dropped their weapons and screamed in terror.
"Everything for himself!" Aragorn shouted and bolted the others following suit, leaving behind their weapons. They hid behind the half-finished tent.
The bear lowered itself back to all fours and walked over to where Boromir and Aragorn were cooking, and ate all that was in the pot, then wandered off. The tent collapsed.
Aragorn straitened his back and said, a little bit shakily, "Back to what you were doing."
They all went back to their jobs; the Hobbits and Gimli started to rebuild the tent. Boromir and Aragorn went off in search of food. Legolas and Gandalf had finished with the fire that was now crackling merrily, so they sat down on chairs to rest and watch the others.
All of a sudden a chipmunk came out of the forest and started sniffing around the campsite.
Gimli noticed and cried, "what in all of Middle-Earth is that?"
"Uh...I think it's a chipmunk, or a ground squirrel." Legolas said examining it.
"Ahhh! Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!" Gimli cried grabbing his axe and madly swinging at it, the chipmunk evading him each time. This went on for several minutes, Gimli getting madder with each swipe. Finally the chipmunk ran under Gandalf's chair.
"Ha! I got you now, vile little creature!" Gimli said evilly advancing on it.
"Gimli, no! Gimli, stop! Gimli NO!" Gandalf cried noticing the wicked glint in the dwarf's eyes, and pulling up his legs barely in time, for Gimli swung one last time at the chipmunk, severing the legs from the chair, the chipmunk decided it had had enough so it ran back into the forest. Gandalf, still of the chair cried "Gimli!" Then landed heavily on the ground.
Frodo, Merry, Pippin, and Gimli had sat down by Sam, who had again given up on putting up the tent, after more or less getting the tent up again.
Sam suddenly looked thoughtful. "Guys, why are we camping?"
Everyone looked thoughtful.
"I don't know." Frodo said.
Merry suddenly looked scared. "Guys, I think we're in a fan fiction."
Everyone gasped. "No, not a fan fiction!" They cried.
Merry gulped. "Think it gets worse. It's a humor fic!"
"Ahhh!" They all screamed, jumping up looking around wildly for the author.
Gimli fell to his knees. "No! Valar help us!"
Two girls walked out of the forest. One is wearing a black DARE t-shirt and capries. The other was wearing a yellow t-shirt and jeans. Both had their hair in ponytails. The one in black held a spiral and pencil and was smiling triumphantly.
"I'm done! I've done it!" She cried.
The yellow cackled madly. The Fellowship grouped together fear written on all of their faces, they were defenseless against this foe.
"Are-are you the authors?" Boromir asked.
They nodded gleefully.
"Yup! All this torment was my, Angle's, idea, Psyco101 helped me though to mess up your personalities!" The one called Angle said.
"But sadly it's time to end this wonderful story." Psyco101 said.
A big hot-pink box appears, with little bows and frills on it. "All right everyone into the box." Angle says pointing to it.
The Fellowship grudgingly walks into the box.
"Until next time. TTFN, Ta Ta for Now!" Psyco101 calls.
The End
A/N: *Angel cracks her knuckles and stretches* yes that was fun. Hope you liked it. I want FLAMES! Got it? I wrote this in total anticipation of all you LotR fans hating me! I very much dislike the movie Lord of the Rings and I was at Psyco's Family reunion and she got bored and major writers block. She said she wanted to write a LotR so I, being a wonderful devoted bestest friend, helped her out. Well...I also have wanted to mess with the LotR people, so it worked out both ways, so remember FLAME!! :) Have a nice day. (And remember to review *cough* flame *cough*.)