Disclaimer: Freaks and Geeks, as well as any other trademarked, copyrighted TV series/movie/intellectual property mentioned within this story all belong to their respective owners. I did not create nor do I own any of the music referenced or characters used in this story (except the Matsen family & other original characters). No copyright infringement is intended. This work is intended to be an alternative exploration of the original. No profit has been sought or is being made from this work. Furthermore, any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental.
Adding this for the sake of clarity: Chapter 1 takes place *BEFORE* episode 1 of the show. Chapter 2 is where the show starts.
Chapter 1 – "Sticks and stones…"
Another day at McKinley High… another abhorred, monotonous school day. I leaned back against the chain-link fence, cracking a few of the weather-worn plastic slats that had been placed in it decades ago as a privacy measure. The courtyard was never supposed to be a hangout for smokers, but that is what it eventually turned into as more and more kids realized that they would not be chastised for smoking on school grounds if they were in that area. It was quite apparent that the staff knew what was going on within the confines of the fenced space, but trying to stop it would be like pulling teeth. I guess they figured they had a better shot of smokers going back to their classes if they were still at school instead of being forced to leave for their nicotine fix.
I stared out in front of me, watching my friends joke around and take a drag off a cigarette every now and then. I use the term 'friends' far more comfortably now than I did when I first encountered them, because if you asked me a few months ago, I would have told you I'd never be caught dead hanging out with the freaks. They simply weren't my kind of clique, and our social standings were at complete opposite ends of the spectrum (jocks and burnouts coexisting? Not a chance). Lots of things can change in a couple of months, though... lots of things.
I wasn't formally welcomed or initiated into the group, not at first, but I guess there is a bit of hesitation in telling the 6'1" former defensive tackle of the McKinley Norsemen to take a hike. I started hanging around the patio just to get away from anyone who would want to talk to me, just so I could be by myself in a group of people who didn't want to know me anyway. I wasn't like any of the people who hung out there at all. I didn't wear band t-shirts, I didn't have long or greasy hair... hell, I didn't even like cigarettes thanks to growing up in a household with two chain-smokers. I was trying to be a recluse, but I had good reason. It wasn't until one of my new friends, Nick Andopolis, sparked up a conversation with me that I actually exited my shell a little. Well, it started out as Kim Kelly's attempt to press my buttons, but it grew into a conversation.
Even though I was a newcomer to the area, it was easy to spot the regulars, like the group of four that Kim and Nick were a part of. At first glance, they were your typical set of burnouts and didn't really stand out from the other packs in any shining way. The one thing I could say about them was that they all liked to talk... loudly. It was actually because of their loud conversations that I had learned all of their names, as well as bits of pieces of their dirty laundry. It wasn't that I attempted to eavesdrop on them... it was just a very open space where sound had a tendency to travel.
Kim had been giving me a judgmental stare for the better part of the week, almost like she had just noticed that I was one of those... things, one of those jocks, and I simply did not belong. She wouldn't have exactly been wrong, either.
"What's with the meathead in the corner?" she said to the rest of the group, but made sure she spoke loud enough for her taunt to be heard by me. "It's like, who the hell invited him back here?"
Her quip was more than enough to gain my attention and make me turn my head towards the group.
"Keep it down, loudmouth," her boyfriend, Daniel, seemingly hissed through a whisper, giving her a look like she was playing with fire.
Aside from that, none of the clique replied to her questions. As far as I could tell, they were all avidly trying to avoid even the temptation of looking my way. All of then, that was, except for Kim. She was staring a hole into me as my gaze shifted between the four clustered freaks. She looked pissed, as if my very presence in the area was an error and she was contemplating being the one to fix it. I decided to test the waters, not at all waiting for that little voice in my head to chirp up and stop me in time.
"I thought I would try hanging out with the cool kids for a change," I called back flatly with a quick, fake smile before turning my gaze back down to the notebook I had been scribbling in. Shit. I shouldn't have said anything, I thought to myself. Now they'll notice me more than ever.
I just couldn't help myself, it seemed; one snappy attitude deserved another. Honestly though, the girl and I even shared a current class together and she had no idea who I was. I turned my head slightly, trying to catch any reactions in my peripheral vision.
Daniel released a genuine, yet small laugh and turned his head my way. The guy had one hell of a smile and it was hard to tell if he was trying to be nice or just vindictive with it sometimes.
"Whatever," Kim said, rolling her eyes. I found that she did that a lot, both in the burnout patio and in class. "Did your teammates realize you suck or something, and banish you to our little corner?"
Sticks and stones, I told myself. Sticks and stones... It didn't take more than a moment for my snide side to kick in and further my contempt with a misogynistic dig. I mean, what the hell? Did I mistakenly step on the estrogen button or something? Why is she suddenly targeting me?
Ken then turned his attention towards me as well. "Uh, Kim, that's... um... Donovan. Donovan Matsen. He's the football jock who put that other player in a co-"
He stopped talking when I abruptly raised my head and gave him a cold, hard stare. His mouth was still ajar and he looked like he was just expecting some sort of retaliation. This was exactly why I quit the team, why I started frequenting this place- to get away from what happened.
Three weeks ago, during the first game of the season when we were unlucky enough to be going up against the Wellington High Jaguars, I tackled Tommy Addler. It might not sound like much when I just put it out there like that, especially considering that that is specifically what I am supposed to do for the team, but when I mention that Tommy is a legend not just in his school but also in almost any other through the region with a football team, it may take on a more significant light. The kid started out as nothing, people couldn't even be bothered to remember his name, let alone give him respect. When he got ahold of the ball for the first time though, all of that changed. During mid-season of his freshman year, he made a wild interception from out of nowhere. He just jumped up high into the air like he was a goddamn grasshopper or something, caught the football as if it was second nature and as soon as his feet hit the ground again, he took off running like a bolt of lightning. He did this two other times before the game year played out. Tommy was pretty much fast-tracked to quarterback during his sophomore year and had led the Jaguars to their first-ever state championship. The kid was a prodigy and a machine all in one and, from all the rumors going around, it sounded like he was bound and determined to take his team to the finals once again during his junior year.
He also had a target on his back; that was for sure. There were plenty of players on other teams that were full of jealousy, or simply wanted to make a name for themselves as the one who stopped Addler. I fell loosely into the second category. The damn kid was so fast that he hardly ever got tackled and, if he did, it was just barely. He got away from me on three separate occasions last year, so my sole objective during the entirety of that game was simply to grab the little shit. It wasn't for recognition or bragging rights, though I would have been sure to take full advantage of those if I pulled it off, but simply because I knew I could do it. It was something that was ingrained in my system. I had been playing a defensive tackle position since I was twelve and I grew to love it and crave the high it provided whenever I smashed into another person, took the wind out of their lungs and made their feet fly into the air.
When the opportunity presented itself and Tommy was left out in the open, I lunged forward, bulldozing my way through Jaguars and hitting him just as the star quarterback caught the football (it was another goddamn interception... and during the same play where we had just intercepted the ball from them!). Before he could even really begin to make pace with it, our bodies collided. I wanted to make it as spectacular of a tackle as any touchdown the Jaguar rival could pull off and I hit him with all of my might as he turned towards me, crashing both of us into the ground. There was a buzz in my head as the rush of adrenaline ran through my body. I laid on my back, listening to half of the crowd cheer and the other half boo. Even though the Jaguars were undoubtedly going to keep their fourteen point lead and win, this would be the highlight of the game for sure. I laughed to myself, my chest heaving up and down vigorously, as players from both teams huddled around us. There was no denying it, I was proud... I was damn proud! My friends helped me to my feet and I even received a few congratulatory pats on the back. I turned around to see how pissed off Tommy was, maybe even shoot him a taunting smile that read 'I got you,' but there was one problem- Tommy Addler was not getting up.
I had broken other player's collarbones and given them various other sprains, pains and bruises with my hard hits, as tackling the shit out of someone was just my thing on the field, but I had never put anyone in a coma... not until that day at least.
Life kinda stopped being the same for me at that moment. I had never realized the impact I could make on someone's life with just a display of brute strength and cockiness, and I certainly didn't want to be the reason why someone never woke up again. It was agonizing from the moment the reality of the whole thing set in, which was around the time he was being loaded into an ambulance to be taken to the hospital. I sat out the rest of the game, I didn't go to practice the following day, and Tommy's parents made sure I wasn't allowed to visit or get any sort of update on his condition while he was in the hospital.
Luckily, Tommy did wake up, just over a week later and the doctors expected him to make a full recovery and rejoin his teammates on the field sometime later. I, however, did not recover so well and decided to drop out altogether. I was never like that before football... I never wanted to hurt someone or win at any cost. The results of what I was becoming scared me enough to realize I needed to distance myself before there was another incident.
My parents were split on the issue, with my mother being very understanding and my father being disappointed in me. He had aspirations of me riding into college on a football scholarship, being spotted at a game and going pro. It was the second time I disappointed him with a big decision. The first one, ironically, was actually being that I joined the football team in the first place. Before that, he wanted me to study business or something so I could master the stock market. He always liked to say it is the smart way to get rich.
Add to all of that the fact that the Addler family was considering filing a lawsuit and it was easy to see why I just wanted the world to forget about me.
Kim's jaw dropped upon the realization of who I actually was. "Oh, shit. You're that guy? Seriously?"
I didn't reply... I was too ashamed to. If her recognition had occurred before the incident had, I likely would have puffed out my chest and boasted like nobody's business, but it felt like those days were long gone and all I could feel when looking back on my time as a player was disgust. I simply looked at my notebook once again and hoped they would just return to their regular routine of ignoring me.
They were mumbling amongst themselves now, undoubtedly about me, but they were at least quiet about it this time. There were only small snippets of dialogue that I did catch floating my way and one in particular at least made me chuckle to myself. Kim was being chastised by Ken for 'poking the coma-inducing bear,' and she countered him, raising her voice nearly to a yell and defending, 'Yeah, well they all look the same under those stupid helmets! How was I supposed to know?!' Suddenly, I noticed a shadow approaching, but did not raise my head up to see who it belonged to.
"Come on, leave him alone, Nick," I heard Daniel command from across the courtyard.
Seemingly ignoring his call, Nick spoke as his shadow nearly consumed me. "Hey man."
I looked up, trying to appear as indifferent as ever. The guy was tall, had to be taller than me, or at least it looked that way from where I was sitting.
"Do you, um- you know, can I?" He pointed to the empty space beside me with his odd stuttering. I raised an eyebrow and nodded after a moment of hesitation. The uncertainty in his voice, in addition to how friendly he was trying to sound overall, made me relax a little, but as he took a seat beside me I couldn't help but speculate on just what was going on. I knew there was bad blood between freaks and jocks, so a target could very well have been on my back and I was being lulled into a false sense of security.
"Hey, I just wanted to say that I heard, ya know, about what happened with you leaving football and stuff. I think- I think I know what you're doing here, too. Just getting away from it all... right?"
After another moment of hesitancy, I simply nodded again, trying to appear indifferent. He certainly seemed to know the drill, that was for sure.
He nodded in return. "Yeah, I kinda thought so." After releasing a somewhat sizable sigh, he clasped his hands together and looked down at them. "I, uh... losing a team sucks, man, right?"
I was puzzled. What did he mean? I didn't remember him being in football at all, or even... and this it hit me- basketball. That's right! He was one of the up and comers on the basketball team until he was caught with a bag of marijuana in his locker. When was that, anyway? Oh well, it doesn't matter... that kind of thing would nix anyone's future prospects in sports.
"Earth to Nicholas! Come on, man! He ain't interested!" Daniel yelled, trying to peel his friend away from me.
I decided to point out that I wasn't oblivious to his friend's cries. "Your buddy seems like he doesn't want you talking to me."
Nick shrugged his broad shoulders. "Nah, it's not- it's not you, really. He just hasn't had a lot of good memories with the jock crowd, ya know? Anyway, we're not in sports anymore for totally different reasons, but I still know how it feels to have that teammate friendship and lose it all at once."
It was weird- I had known this kid for all just twenty seconds and something about that last thing he said totally got to me. I felt bad for him in that moment, because the guy really looked like he was lamenting what he had lost, or at least those who he had. While his exile came from within the team, mine was self-imposed. I was still friends with most of my former teammates and spoke to them every now and then. They usually wanted to talk sports and, sooner or later, the conversation would turn to me coming back. That was something I simply was not interested in so it was just far easier to avoid talking to most of them for any great length of time.
He looked at me solemnly for a second and then cracked a slight smile. "Do you want to, um... do you want to hang out with us?" His slight smile turned into a full-on goofy grin. "I mean, yeah, why don't you come over and sit with us, man? You seem like a cool guy, you got a sense of humor at least... and it feels good to get in with a new group. Trust me, we don't bite."
"Nah, it's..." My first instinct was just to say thanks but no thanks and ignore him, but he seemed so certain about what he said and, honestly, I was jonesing for some people to just talk to. As it turned out, I made for a pretty pathetic hermit. If I was going to hang around the patio for a while longer, it wouldn't hurt to make a few new acquaintances. I didn't think I would find any friends out there, but maybe some decent people to shoot the shit with during lunch and in-between classes.
"You sure everyone is cool with me hanging out over there?" I asked loudly with a slight smile of my own. "Even Blondie?"
The three guys broke out in laughter, with Ken commenting, "He already knows your nickname, Kim."
She glared at me irritably through squinted eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. If looks could kill I would have been six feet under by that point.
She simply stated 'Screw you,' under her breath before turning and walking away without another word.
"She, uh, really doesn't like me," I stated, scratching the back of my head as Nick and I made our way to the others.
Daniel shook his head, "Nah, don't worry about it. She just gets like that sometimes. It's like, we've been going out for two years, right? But there're still days when I could swear she hates me."
The trio laughed; his two friends actually nodding their heads in agreement. I took a seat and started talking with them. Nick seemed content with my attempt to connect with all of them, Daniel looked somewhat skeptical, but with Nick's comment about his troubled past with those involved in sports I couldn't really blame him. And Ken... well, I couldn't even begin to read his opinion on me, but he did seem to be sizing me up in some way with his eyes.
We discussed a lot of random stuff in just a matter of minutes. Sure, most of it was just about movies and music, but it was nice to talk with some of my peers about anything other than sports. In the time we talked, I could see Daniel ease up and grow more comfortable with my presence. I could also tell they were all just itching to bring up the subject of the Addler tackle, but it seemed as if they gauged my earlier reaction to it with the correct amount of caution and stayed away from the subject entirely.
It didn't take long for the first bell to ring and signal that lunch was over and we had just a few minutes before the start of the next class. We all said our goodbyes, some quieter than others, like Ken with a simple wave of his had before he disappeared, and Daniel asked me something I wasn't expecting him to.
"You got any plans after school today, Donovan?"
My mouth fell agape slightly as I readied myself to just say I was busy, but the words simply wouldn't come out. I honestly had no plans; my abrupt divorce from football had left me with quite the open schedule. Finally, forming my awestruck appearance into a little smile, I replied, "Kinda sounds like I might now, huh?"
He grinned, squinting his eyes in the happy expression, and released a laugh, carefully outstretching his arm and patting my shoulder. The action felt measured, as if he was performing the movement before he thought about what he was doing, froze for a nanosecond once he did, and ultimately decided to go through with it anyway. "Meet back here after class, man. We'll see what kind of trouble we can all get into."
The group was small, but each of my new friends had their own very distinct personality that shown brighter than most of my old friends. Daniel was kind of like a rebel without a cause (he even had somewhat of a James Dean look about him, complete with jeans and a leather jacket), and liked to think of himself as the 'mature' one of the crowd. He didn't care much for school, but he seemed the type who would be there for his friends in a heartbeat. If you really listened to some of the things he said, you might also get the idea that he held a touch of anarchism in his core. Nick was probably the friendliest of the group, and far kinder than was good for him in most instances. Even though it was the bane of his short-lived sports career, he still loved to smoke weed and have a good time while high. Then again, all of the kids who frequented the smoking patio did. Aside from pot, Nick was also obsessed with music and had aspirations of someday becoming a famous drummer. Last but not least was Ken. If he opened his mouth, you could almost bet that his words would be dripping with sarcasm if they weren't already going to be an outright wise-crack. He was a bit of an oddball in that he seemed to come from a better background than any of us, but he preferred not to talk about it. Daniel's girlfriend, Kim, was somewhat of a firecracker, and everyone felt they had to watch their step around her. On a good day, she was just one of the gang, but on a bad one, she was looking for any reason to put a target on you. Even worse, once her sights were aimed, she never missed. Her short-temper, coupled with Daniel's incessant display of charisma towards other females, created a rather rocky relationship between the two, but they endured... somehow. I was mainly going from the bits of pieces I got from the three guys, because Kim still wanted nothing to do with me even after I had received my invite to join the group.
Things continued to get better and better between the four of us over the next couple of days, even with Kim commenting about how it was 'typical male bonding bullshit,' and that I 'wasn't even going to last a week.'
Low and behold, after only a week of knowing each other, we were all friends, much to Kim's dismay. I was honestly surprised with how well and quickly we all got along, especially considering that I came from a clique that the group absolutely hated. Either I was totally desperate for some human interaction, or I had run into a (mostly) good bunch of people. I was hopeful for the latter.