Wilted Roses and Broken Fluorescents

If there's anything in this world that's desired the most, it's the love and comfort of your spouse. You know, the feeling of victory you get in the pit of your stomach when you look at that wedding ring on your finger? The way it shines all around and gives you a reminder that you're loved so well? The warm embrace of your spouse's arms when you both wake up in the morning, or the desperate hold you're given at night while making love? The taste of their kiss floating right in front of your lips that's almost as addicting as nicotine? How their face is perfectly shaped for your hands?

Or…the melancholy realization that that excitement and spark just…wilted away into the wind without warning – leaving you cold and empty and lonely…?

Imagine this: Your spouse is a hardworking person, and you guys are fortunate enough to have such a high income and well-paying jobs. You both raised two healthy children who grew up educated and ended up marrying their own lucky guy/gal. You think of retiring to a small ranch house in the country and living the rest of your numbered days admiring the acres and acres of land you've required. But…one day, your spouse ends up being relieved of their job, leaving you two panicking for another way to raise money. To your guys' unfortunate chances, it's impossible to find another high-paying job in their field of interest. Days go by, you lose money, and you're forced to move out into a smaller house. Your dreams of retirement are non-existent, but you're still optimistic. Their smile is the only thing keeping you going…

…that is until they stop smiling.

The light in their eyes have basically vanished without a trace and they start drinking more to deal with the stress of your financial troubles. You don't know what to do, but you do everything you can to make them the way they used to be. You try to hug them, kiss them, arouse them, seduce them, pull them into bed to make love…but all that they do is just push you away.

They're yelling a lot more as well. Their temper is shrinking every day, and you wonder if it'll ever end. You just want their charming aura back into your life. You want their embrace, their kisses, their smile, their enthusiasm, but you can't do anything! Everything you do just fails! Everything you do is a horrid reminder of how much of a failure you've become! You're a failure! You're a nuisance! You're a fucking, stupid, naïve, failure of a spouse! You are nothing! NOTHING! NOTHING!

You start drinking along with your partner, and you both get into a drunken fight. Cursing, slurs, vulgar language, red faces, yelling turns into screaming.

And that's when they hit you. Square in the face – leaving you stumbling to the ground and hitting your head on the sharp edge of the counter. Its split open, and you have to go to the hospital.

Hospital bills = less money.

You now have staples and stitches in your head, and all you want to do is go home and rest. Of course, as soon as you walk into the door, they open another bottle of alcohol. You don't stop them, you just sit down and rest, feeling completely exhausted and defeated. You take a nap.

You end up having a dream of what used to be. You dream of the sparks that flew sky-high when you two first met, the butterflies that flew around in your stomach on your first date, the tingling on your lips after your first kiss, the beautiful awkwardness of your first time having sex, the toe-curling, back-scratching, hair-pulling, out-of-this-world ecstasy of a good fuck, the marriage proposal, the marriage, the honeymoon, the kids…the love that used to be.

God damn it all, I want it back.

I want to be his love again.

I want him to sweet-talk me down in his soft, romantic French accent.

The roses that he gave to me all those years ago have wilted.

And all I can do is cry.

I want our marriage back.

I want the light back.

I want the happiness back.

…I want him back.