A/N

Alright, I'm going to try not to waste your time. Here are the facts:

1) I'm back posting because I think I found a way around FFn censorship of lemons.

2) This story is extremely personal to myself and my experiences. No character was expressly created to represent either me or anyone in, or no longer in my life - rather they are vessels which I use to convey the emotions and thoughts that harassed me for the past two years.

3) Lemon (explicit content) is entirely optional in this story. You can skip it and not miss anything plot wise, and you'll see more details about this later.

4) I will not read guest reviews and delete them the minute I get them. Why? Because I want to thank you for taking the time to write something for me, and ask you clarifying questions if you leave me critique.

That'll be it for now. Enjoy.

Should It Be Your Desire

"D-Dammit! Damn it all!" Came a choked voice from down an unlit hallway. A man stumbled out of the darkness upon unsteady feet, and with a free hand supported his limp body on the frame of the corridor entrance. The sound of lungs drawing in a ragged, stinted breath preceded his ungraceful entry into the living room of the single story house in which he lived. Pulling the hand that was pressed to his forehead away, he shuffled across the thin carpet on to the smooth tiles of the adjoining kitchen. With his forearms holding his body steady against the cool metal of the refrigerator door, the man squeezed his eyes shut tightly and ground his teeth.

"No... no, no, NO!" He exclaimed, declaring every objection with a pound of his white-knuckled fist. Whipping his body around he shouted a punctual "fuck" that reverberated in his eardrums as he stormed into the living room. He wrought and twisted his hands almost past his threshold of pain as he pivoted on the heel of his foot in a frantic pace back and forth.

"You really think that's the answer?!" He hollered back into the corridor, grabbing a DVD case off the floor. "Do you think that's it? Because it's not!" He howled, throwing the case as far as he could into the corridor where it sounded with a loud 'crack'. Both hands were cupped over his face now as he took heavy steps towards the couch and collapsed down upon it. He muttered with a somewhat desperate tone mingled with disbelief as he shifted about, eventually coming to a rest with the side of his head supported by a well padded armrest.

As scrambled as his mind was, one thought kept driving circuits endlessly. "How could she even think of something like that?" The question arose over and over and never gave him a moment of peace as he held back bitter tears. He wasn't going to cry, he wouldn't let himself cry. That wouldn't be right for him, a grown man of twenty-two, to fall victim to.

"Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." He mentally commanded himself, biting the inside of his lip as he did so.

"Don't... cry..."

"Baby."

"Try again, Adam."

"Wimpy little baby."

"Last chance before I call your parents and send you to Mrs. Crechton's office."

A boy not much older than ten turned his head to look up at his teacher. Wrinkling his nose slightly, he turned to stare at the boy that stood sniffling in front of him.

"Sorry... Lee-yam," he said with little hint of sincerity. Even so, the social convention was complete and enough to satisfy the teacher. After lightly chiding the boy she let him leave the small, padded gym to the cafeteria, leaving her alone with a runny-nosed child. She checked her watch briefly before she knelt down and placed her hands on the boy's shoulders.

"Do you need me to take you to the nurse? I'm sorry about Adam... growing boy like you with a strong arm. At least it was only a dodgeball."

The boy's chin bobbed down for just a moment, but then switched to a slow shake side to side.

"Hmm. Alright go eat lunch and let me know if you feel funny or get a headache. Okay? See you back in the classroom." Standing up, she gave his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before making her way to the staff lunchroom.

The boy wiped his nose upon his sleeve and made his way to the cafeteria, only stopping once at a nearby bathroom to snatch a few lengths of toilet paper from the stalls. The cafeteria was stuffy, crowded and smelled strongly of casserole and cinnamon rolls. Grabbing a lunch tray with a moderate serving slopped on it, he sat down at the long table assigned to his class. No one was seated across the table from him, nor to his sides. His few friends were most likely already done scarfing down their food and playing outside under the sun.

"Loser."

After only a few bites of cheap food, a surprising force knocked his head forward enough to elicit a small grunt. Snapping his neck to the side, he watched Adam walk past with his hand in the shape of backwards 'L' on his forward. Despite it being the wrong hand, the message got through just fine.

He sat quietly, dropping his plastic fork on top of his food. He wasn't all that surprised by what just happened. Adam was a jerk to everyone and it was just his dumb luck to be in the warpath that day. Although it did happen more often to him specifically than he would have liked. The incident with the dodgeball was about as much of an accident as the bap on the head he had just received. He did not tell his teacher that Adam had discreetly noted he was going to aim for his head before the game began.

Any other day he would have just shrugged off the attacks. It wasn't difficult to do; he'd done it many times before. He knew going on with the day would be as easy as forcing a smile until the tears left, finishing his food and seeking safety under the sun's rays among friendly company. But he didn't feel like just ignoring it that day. Maybe it had to do with the impact addling his brain or perhaps it was all just a whim, but he didn't want to do anything else in school that day. He didn't want to go to recess, he didn't want to go to the nurse's office, class or even home. There was one place he wanted to go, and it was to hide.

These were the images and thoughts that stabbed at him as he cried alone in the remote foliage and tall grass of the Striaton city gardens.

He didn't know how long he'd sought refuge in the gardens. Half an hour, an hour, probably no more than two. The toilet paper he had stuffed in his pockets earlier was in a crumpled, soggy mess in front of him and his tears had mostly run dry by then. And what for? Not much. He was still upset, conflicted and hungry - no improvement made there. A part of him wanted to lie down on the ground and keep feeling miserable, the other figured he should go home before mass hysteria really set in with the school officials and his parents. Yet another strongly wanted to return to school and deck out Adam right as the last bell rang.

Ultimately he chose the path of least resistance and let his head rest upon the ground in broken defeat. Lost in his misery, all was silent for a while. Then, for the third time that day, he was struck in the head. Several times.

He sat up with a racing heart when he felt his skull being drummed upon. His eyes came to focus on a pudgy little pink and cream Pokémon.

"Hey. What's wrong with you?" Asked the Audino rather matter of factly, reaching a paw out to tap him on the head a few more times. Catching its paw in the middle of a tap, he pushed it to the side rather roughly and turned away.

"Why would I tell you?" He responded. "Go away."

"Because I asked?" The Audino tapped him a few more times before being shunted off again.

"Don't you have something better to do? I said go away!"

"I'm the one who should be asking that. It's not everyday one of you people come into our part of the gardens, so since you happen to be my 'guest': start talking or leave."

The boy was somewhat taken aback by how direct the creature was in front of him. Compared to other meek Pokémon he had encountered in the gardens, this one wasn't scared to get close and talk. Most would just leave him alone or scurry away in fear. He shuffled uncomfortably where he sat before speaking.

"I... I'm not sure what's wrong."

The Audino seemed a little disappointed and let out a sigh to show this.

"Fine, hold still."

He did not move as it came close to him, leaned its head forward and pressed one of the little curls under its ears to his chest. He took shallow breaths and stared at the top of its head without moving or making a sound.

"Is that so," said the Audino, breaking the silence as it withdrew its head.

"What's so?"

"How you think no one's on your side. That and how you wish you weren't such a crybaby. I agree, it sucks talking to crybabies you know?"

"Hey that's not true cause I've got people on my side. But..." he said, lowering his voice, "how did you know that last part?"

"These thingies," it replied, lifting a hand to show off one of the curls. "I'm not very good at using them though, but I can definitely tell you're a crybaby. Heh, I can even tell without using them. C'mon and talk to me. Tell me why you're sad and why you're such a loser."

The boy stiffened indignantly at the Pokémons last comment.

"Hey you've got it a little backwards here. No, totally upside down. I'm not a loser. I'm a loser cause I cry a lot - no wait I'm not a loser!" He attempted to explain, hot embarrassment washing over his face as the Audino laughed at his verbal slip.

"Oh reeeally? Here let me have a go at you again and we'll see what you really think."

"Don't touch me! I don't think I'm a failure and I came here because I wanted to."

"Oh you're a failure too?"

"No!"

"Then what're you doing here watering the plants all by yourself for?"

"I'm not here to water the plants!" shouted the misty-eyed boy, "I'm here because yes, I'm a stupid little loser!" And with that, he hugged his knees and hid his face behind them.

Not a sound passed between either set of lips for a few seconds. Then the boy felt two soft hands pat the top of his head and rub gently.

"Umm... my name's Tirian."

"L-Liam..." He said with a slight croak, lifting his eyelines above his kneecaps.

"Do you want to talk about this? For real now? Clear out whatever's bothering you up there and maybe I can help put some pieces together for you. At least I can try."

The little boy was taken aback by this. Why was this Audino interested in him? It had to be some sort of cruel trick or practical joke, and at that thought he bit his lip and turned his head away. He decided to ignore the Audino until it left - it had to get bored eventually. But even so, his will wavered. He didn't really want the strange little Pokémon to go, in fact he desperately wanted it to stay. He had always wanted someone to talk to, but no one was perfect or he figured would just laugh at him if he tried.

But this wasn't a person. He knew nothing about the Audino, and the Audino knew nothing about it. It was a clean slate on both sides and for all he knew, the two would never meet again. Slowly, his lips moved without his consent.

"What do you want to know?"

The Audino moved and seated itself next to him, pressing its warm, creamy colored fur against his side - a comfort that the school boy would often seek for years to come.

"Anything."

Although they spent little time together on that first evening, Liam knew as he ran home to his panicked parents in the early evening that he had made a friend. Someone who was willing to listen to his problems, and for some reason made speaking his mind such an easy thing. As he lay in bed that night, he already began devise ways to meet Tirian again.

To him, the next day at school just couldn't pass fast enough. The scolding he received from his principal and teacher barely even bothered him, and nothing got him down that day. Not even Adam. The minute the final bell rang, he dashed down towards the Striaton gardens to search for his friend. It was not long before he found the Audino, and almost every day after that he was off the beaten road of the garden playing with or seeking emotional support from Tirian.

The Audino seemed to enjoy his company just as much as he did hers. She admitted that when she first saw Liam, her intention was to mock him a bit and then run away. It seemed like a quick way to get a laugh out of an otherwise uneventful day. Learn about his problems, get him to reveal embarrassing little snippets and then turn his words around to spite him. What she didn't expect was getting deeply in touch with the very things she intended to use against him for cruel fun, and finding out she didn't have the heart to go through.

And that was how it was - Liam would wait all day to get out of school to meet Tirian, and Tirian would spend her day waiting for Liam to come find her. Thus it was no surprise that before long the two were best of friends.

Almost a month later Liam had saved up enough money for a single ball, and after bringing her home the two were as happy as could be. Liam continued with his schooling, and Tirian had the luck to be accepted at the local Pokémon Center as an assistant, but other than that nothing significant changed about their relationship. They still spent each day waiting to drop all else and run to each other.

Years went by in this fashion, and with it came changes in both of their lives. Liam graduated high school and with help from his parents moved out of home. He found odd jobs for a time before settling into a comfortable enough job stocking shelves at the local trainer's market. Tirian on the other hand achieved a greater degree of success and become a fairly well known healer among her colleagues throughout Unova.

The most significant change was within their minds. Little hints here and there, gazes held too long, hours spent pouring out the troubles of their souls, an unusually cold night in autumn spent under the covers together... Neither really thought much of how it happened because that was really it - it just happened.

They fell in love.

Those were happy times. He lived a decent enough life, earned a fairly decent income and could afford decent food and shelter. Above all, he had Tirian. As for her, she seemed pleased with life and held its reins tightly as evidenced by her ever-growing prestige as a healer in Unova. But her greatest joy, albeit one shrouded in secrecy, was that of having Liam...

As these old, faded memories rippled through his mind, Liam said nothing. He pulled as much comfort as he could from them and wondered how in the space of half a year so much good could go so, so wrong. Pulling himself up from his position on the couch he rested his back into the couch and tilted his closed eyes to the ceiling.

"Everything was so wonderful..." he uttered quietly to no one in particular. "Why'd it have to turn out like this..."

He angrily wiped away a few stray tears that escaped his control and began to guide his thoughts in a different direction; one that wasn't so comforting. After licking his almost-chapped lips and swallowing a lump in his throat, he lost himself in another chain of memories, and thus began the task of following it link by link to the end.

"Hey Liam, there's a call for you up front! Get your ass up here!"

"Yeah I'll be there in a sec."

Pushing a few more cardboard boxes into their place on a shelf, Liam put his arms in the air, stretched and yawned as he headed for the storage room exit. It was the first time he'd gotten a phone call while at work at the trainer's market, and the sudden intrusion into his isolated part of the building came as a small surprise. Nevertheless, he was happy to have a few minutes away from cataloguing shipments and taking stock for the store.

The store wasn't too crowded; a few trainers were here and there in between shelves picking out supplies or just looking around for who knew what.

"I got it, thanks," said Liam, taking hold of a sleek, silver bodied telephone from the grasp of his co-worker.

"Don't take too long or the boss'll get pissed," the worker responded, taking a few steps away while flashing a fist of five outstretched fingers.

"I know, I know... 'Sup, this is Liam."

A female voice came across the line.

"Hello Liam, this is Nurse Joy. I'm calling from the Striaton City Pokémon Center, and this is about Tirian. You are her owner, yes?"

"That works. Sure, I'm her 'owner'. What can I do for you?"

"Well there's been a small incident today. Don't worry though, Tirian is alright. She's just a little shaken up and I think it might be best if she went home for the day."

"Oh? What happened?"

"Well you know what we do here - fix up poor Pokémon that get hurt to the best of our ability. Sometimes that just doesn't work out and as a result we lose a patient."

"Is that so. Well I'm sorry to hear that," said Liam calmly, his eyes scanning the time off a digital clock on the far wall from where he stood. "She had it rough today huh?"

"That would be the best way to say it. As practitioners of medicine we need to accept that sometimes situations that are beyond our control arise," remarked Nurse Joy professionally but with an air of her signature sympathy. "We learn, we remember and do our best to not let our ability to aid those that we can aid be compromised. This is Tirian's first loss and is no doubt taking a toll on her, especially since she prides herself in being one of the best healers in all of Unova."

"Of course... course it would," mumbled Liam, signalling to his boss, who happened to pass by then, that he would only need a few moments to finish his call. "I'll be there soon Joy, thanks for letting me know."

Hanging up the phone he let out a small sigh of disappointment. His relationship with his boss wasn't the best and the last thing he needed was to suddenly drop out of his shift. Still, his concern for Tirian trumped all else and he caught up to his manager and tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

Ten minutes later and he found himself walking into the chemical smokehouse that was the Pokémon Center lobby. Trainers and Pokémon were scattered on the couches or at the front desk, some looked calm and others looked worried. He imagined one of the poor trainers in the lobby might be the one who lost a companion that day.

Almost as soon as he had reached the desk, a set of double doors opened off to the side and out came Nurse Joy and Tirian. The young doctor held one of the Audino's paws and tenderly led her forward. Liam stood stock-still for a moment as he was rather unsure of how to react at that time. Sizing up his partner, he noticed her body was trembling and her eyes seemed hazy and unfocused on the ground in front of her feet.

"Tirian, you alright?"

"Ah. You must be Liam," spoke up the red-haired nurse. Although her voice was not exactly 'cheery' by any standard definition, it did have small undertones of optimism despite the hardships of her career. "She'll be alright. Take her home and let her rest for as long as she needs, and she's free to come back whenever she's ready."

"Yeah, no problem. Thank you very much," said Liam, slipping his hand around that of his friend's and guiding her towards the exit. "Uh, c'mon... let's go home Tiri."

On the quiet amble home the Audino's dejected eyes never left the ground, and after arriving home she made straight for her room and closed the door to it behind her with a soft click. She never said a word or made a sound. Running a hand through his messy, dirty-blond hair, Liam turned away from the room he was just denied entry and stepped into his own room. He decided she needed some time alone and his words of comfort could wait for just a little while.

Looking back, Liam realized Nurse Joy had sugarcoated the impact the event had on Tirian. It sounded like one of those 'another day at work' sort of deals, and as unfortunate as it was it was something that was going to happen at least once in her career anyway. A few days, maybe a week at most and she would probably be right as rain.

A few silent teardrops ran down the crook of Liam's nose as he recalled all this, opening his blurred eyes to stare at the blank, dark ceiling. He regretted much in his life, but not doing more to help Tirian was his greatest failure. Then again, he mentally consoled himself, who would have imagined that in a month she would lose another patient. And who could possibly have seen that soon after that yet another would be at the gates of heaven.

Finally, the last thing he ever expected was the second phone call.

The second time it happened, he was at work again. Although by then he had been 'promoted' to night shift and was no longer isolated in the lonely room in the back. He wasn't one to argue with higher pay, though, and spent the hours of free time he had each night making inquiries to different people about ways he could return to school for a higher education. Perhaps as a doctor so he could work with Tirian, but that was somewhat wishful thinking.

When the call arrived, it came as a shock. First in the way of a high, sharp tone of a digital ring, which snapped him out of the empty trance his mind often wandered into during the midnight hours, second when he knew who was calling.

"Joy? Bit late to b-... what? Oh. Oh no... Is she alright? Well fuck, did you call up Officer Jenny? ...yeah I figured you'd have her on speed dial or something like that. Okay, I'm on my way."

Putting the phone down on to the receiver rather harshly, Liam grabbed a pen and scrawled a quick note which he left on the cashier for whoever was coming after his shift. Grabbing his coat off the rack in the back he pulled it on as he quickly made his way out the door and into the wet, cold world outside. He cringed at the thought of how badly his manager would reprimand him for leaving the store unattended, maybe fire him, but it bothered him as much as the sparse drops of rain that fell upon his brow. That is to say, not much at all.

When he arrived at the clinic, Officer Jenny's motorcycle was parked at the curb right outside. Looking through the glass doors into the building, he could see her talking to Nurse Joy. Everything seemed calm enough until the doors slid apart and let loose a wall of warm air and frightening sound.

"YOU COCKSUCKING LITTLE BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KI-!"

A bright flash of light followed by crashing cymbals of static silenced the manic shouts of a man who lay restrained on the floor. His body convulsed and a long gurgle came from his throat as the paralyzing current sent through his body by a uniformed Jolteon coursed through his nerves.

"Sir this is your last warning! One more outburst and my partner will render you unconscious for the rest of the night. Can it!" commanded the officer, nodding to her Jolteon. There was no response from the incapacitated man on the ground.

His feet cemented into the ground in front of the entrance, Liam forced his eyes away from the madman at his feet and towards Jenny and Joy. Jenny seemed genuinely irritated as she roughly pulled out a pen and jammed the tip into a notepad held by her other hand. Her sister Joy had a rather blank look in comparison, and stared silently down at the man as she caressed a Pokémon who held her dress tightly. It was Tirian.

"Tiri!" exclaimed Liam, quickly sidestepping past nearby onlookers to reach her. Her face emerged from the bell of Joy's skirt to reveal crystal eyes marred by tears. Her lower left cheekbone was covered by a small, square of gauze held in place by something similar to surgical tape. She was hesitant to move and stayed where she was until Liam dropped to his knees next to her.

"Oh Arceus, Arceus... what happened?" asked Liam as the Audino rapidly threw her arms around his neck and pressed her eyes into the shelf that was his shoulder and head. He felt hot tears soak into the fabric of his clothing and held her tightly as she sobbed.

"I failed... I failed I failed I failed!" repeated the Audino over and over, each time with more distress in her voice until finally she stopped speaking altogether and gave her whole body over to the motions of despair.

"You're... damn right you did." Came a somewhat raspy voice. It was the man on the floor, and he was beginning to pull himself up to his knees. "You're supposed to be the best in Unova, and you let him die. You let my best friend die, and he trustedyou! Itrusted you! You were supposed to save him!" the man said as sorrow ran in rivers down his cheeks.

"It wasn't her fault, " snapped Nurse Joy in the Audino's defense, "out of all the healers in Unova yes, she did have the best chance, but some wounds are too severe to remedy. You put your own Pokémon in danger as a trainer, so the fault lies only with you. You had no right to attack her!"

At this, the man physically crumped. His shoulders slumped downward and left his head dangling towards the floor as he wept bitterly. And then something began to change. Deep growls began to come forth from within his body; whalish groans that rapidly became louder and louder. Finally, something within the man snapped.

"I'LL KILL YOU AND HE'LL DRAG YOUR SOUL TO HELL!" He screamed, lunging forward with barbaric fervor. Liam was frozen in place yet again even though the man, restrained as he was, posed no real threat. A violent burst of electric energy laid waste to the man's nervous system in a brilliant arc of blue, and moments later the man was sprawled out on the floor and in the realm of oblivion.

"Sleep tight," muttered Officer Jenny, scrawling a few quick notes on her pad before stashing it away. "I need to deal with this schmuck - wait here for a bit while I take him down to the station."

"Take care," said Nurse Joy with a small nod. She flashed Liam a look of empathy before she went to deal with a few people at the front desk.

"He's right... I let him die, Liam, I couldn't save him. I couldn't save them either... I can't save anyone..." whimpered Tirian, hugging his neck for dear life.

Liam said nothing but continually stroked the back of her head with his hand. He felt uncomfortable as he knew many eyes were on the two of them. Before anyone could say a word, he spoke up:

"Let's go home."