Hi :) So I have had this particular idea bubbling away for a few weeks now, and finally today I decided to sit down and start turning my bullet points and notes into an actual story. I can see this having three or four parts, depending on how it goes. It's set before Beasts Obsession (purely because when I started planning this Olivia was still in charge of the squad). I did write this on my phone, and I've tried to catch any mistakes but there may be a couple that have slipped my net and I'm sorry for that. Please let me know what you think, I'm always looking to make my writing better :)

Consequences

Amanda blew on her hands and rubbed them together in an attempt to warm them up. So much for spring, she thought bitterly. The temperature had dropped 20 degrees and sitting in a car for 8 hours hadn't helped at all. She stifled a yawn, and she saw Fin smirk out of the corner of her eye.

"He ain't coming back here," Amanda said, waving in the direction of the apartment building they had been staking out, "this is just a waste of both our time." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

She knew that she should be grateful that their cases had been relatively quiet recently. With everything that had happened in the past few weeks it seemed like the squad was finally being given a break. But stakeouts usually meant sitting around doing nothing and it just irritated the blonde detective. She would rather be doing something more productive like profiling the suspect.

"I forgot how grumpy you are when you're tired," Fin mused, cracking a smile at his partner. The gesture coaxed a tentative grin from Amanda just as he knew the remark would and he chuckled lightly as she pulled a face at him.

"Tired, grumpy and cold. I've been here three years and I'm still not used to how cold it gets," Amanda replied, shaking her head as a flash of lightning lit up the dusky evening sky. The corresponding crack of thunder echoed not too far away a few seconds after. "Great," she huffed as tiny droplets of water began to patter across the windscreen.

"The storm'll shift the cold weather, dunno what you're complaining about," Fin said, which earned him an eye roll in response. "Only two hours to go, you want a coffee?" he asked, digging in his pocket for some change

The blonde immediately perked up at the thought of a coffee. The least heinous of all of her addictions, the thought of the caffeine and the warmth appealed to her tired, cold self. "Always," she replied, flashing a smile at Fin, "don't forget…"

"Double shot, extra milk. I got you partner," Fin gave her a mock salute as he got out of the car. Amanda shook her head as she watched him walk down the street. It had taken Fin a long time to remember how she took her coffee, and even sometimes now he would still mess it up. She pulled the collar of her coat up and tried to get more comfortable in her seat as she focused her attention back on to the apartment building.

Amanda was startled by a sharp knock on the driver's side window. Her hand immediately flew to the gun at her hip even though she caught sight of Fin through the glass a millisecond later. A blast of chilly air hit her as Fin got back into the car and she gratefully accepted the warm cup of coffee he handed her.

"Thanks," she smiled, taking a peek under the lid. Encouragingly it looked like it was a right colour and she took a moment to appreciate how the hot cup warmed her hands.

"Any movement?" Fin asked, even though if their suspect had emerged Amanda would have contacted him. Amanda shook her head in response, turning in her seat slightly so she could face Fin and still keep an eye on the building across the street.

"Old lady took her dog down the road and back, that's it," Amanda replied with a sigh. She glanced at the clock, 1 hour and 45 minutes to go. She really was exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep for a week. She'd have to settle for 8 hours, because she was back on at 6 tomorrow morning.

"I think you're right, he'd be an idiot to come back here," Fin mused, "our time will be better spent chasing up the other leads; I'll talk to Liv in the morning."

"Hmm," Amanda agreed. The strong aroma of fresh coffee had quickly filled the car and it was starting to get overwhelming. She rolled down the window as much as she could without getting covered in rain and turned her face towards the breeze. The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a while until Amanda attempted to have a sip of her coffee.

As soon as the slightly bitter liquid was in her mouth Amanda wanted to spit it out. The thought of swallowing it made her stomach turn. But spitting the coffee out wasn't an option so she forced it down, wincing as the taste of it caused a wave of nausea to wash over her.

"What's wrong?" Fin asked as he saw his partner struggle to swallow the coffee, "damn I got your order wrong again?"

Amanda shook her head, the coffee tasted fine; she didn't know what had come over her. "No, no I just, I just don't want it," she explained as she banished the coffee cup to the holder on the dashboard.

"The only time you don't want coffee is when you're sick," Fin said, narrowing his eyes at Amanda, "if you're sick you should'a said, Amaro could've switched with you."

Amanda waved off the concern that was currently etched on her partner's face, "I'm not sick, I just probably should have eaten more today. Coffee on an empty stomach you know?" she said, frowning as she waited for the nausea to pass. She wished she has some water to wash the taste out of her mouth.

"Yeah," Fin replied. He rooted around in the glove compartment until he found a candy bar and offered it to the blonde, "3 meals a day Rollins," he reminded her with a wink. After being her partner for 3 years he knew that Amanda often skipped meals, though not deliberately; it usually happened if she was particularly caught up in case

"Yes dad," Amanda replied jokingly as she took the candy from him. As she unwrapped the chocolate the thought of eating it turned her stomach again. Maybe she was getting sick.

Fin watched his partner with interest as she slowly unwrapped the candy bar. He had seen her live on nothing but coffee for hours and he'd never seen her have that reaction before. Every day in the past week she had refused donuts, even though everyone knew they were her favourite thing. He saw how she nibbled on the chocolate tentatively and suddenly a thought popped into his head.

"You're not pregnant are you?" Fin asked. He hadn't meant to say it out loud. One minute he was thinking it, the next he'd blurted it out. he immediately regretted it as Amanda turned to face him, an incredulous look on her face.

"No I am not," she denied, her accent becoming more prominent in her annoyance. She threw the barely eaten chocolate bar indignantly at Fin, "did Amaro put you up to this?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at her partner.

The question completely confused Fin, and he worked quickly to try and soothe the irritation he had obviously caused his partner, "no, Manda, why would you think that? It was a stupid comment; I've just never seen you turn down coffee like that before. I'm sorry."

Amanda's face softened at Fin's apology, but her cheeks burned red as she remembered her conversation with Nick the other day. "He asked me the same question the other day," Amanda admitted. "He said I'd been looking more 'healthy' lately, that my face was fuller. Which is basically a nicer way of saying fat right? Then he, rightly, thought he'd pissed me off so he tried to fix it by saying Maria's face had puffed up with she was pregnant with Zara and maybe that was why," Amanda sighed, cringing at the memory.

Fin tried to hold back a laugh as he imagined that scene playing out in his head. He wondered what kind of payback Amanda had in store for Nick as it was clear she hadn't let it drop. Amanda caught the muffled splutter of laughter from her partner and hit his arm.

"It's not funny Fin… I have put on a bit of weight. When I quit smoking all I wanted to do was eat. Have you noticed?" she asked, an air of self-consciousness lacing her question. It wasn't often that she spoke with that kind of doubt in her voice and he knew he had to tread carefully.

"I don't make it a habit to take note of your eating habits," Fin reassured her, "I ain't noticed nothing." He thought it was best to leave out the fact he had noticed about her refusal of the donuts, as it was clearly a sore subject.

"Okay," Amanda replied miserably as she pulled down the sun visor to look at herself in the mirror.

As soon as she'd pulled the visor down, Fin reached over to shut it back up again. He let his hand rest on her shoulder briefly to get her attention.

"Manda," she across at him, "your face ain't fat okay? You know, you're so skinny that sometimes I'm worried when it's really windy that you'll blow away," Fin smirked.

Amanda fought the urge to laugh but she quickly lost as Fin continued to smirk at her. Rarely was there a time when Fin wasn't eventually able to make her feel better about a situation, no matter how crappy it was.

"Shut up," she said, rolling her eyes at him.

The rest of their shift passed as slowly as Amanda knew it would and despite attempting to try the coffee two more times, just the smell of it was enough to put her off. Even thought she had laughed it off, she couldn't help but think about what Fin had said earlier. About how she only ever refused coffee when she was sick. That much was true. But she didn't have a temperature or any signs which would point to her being ill. Her appetite had decreased in the past week or so, but she'd put that down to the sweet cravings lessening as her body finally got used to the loss of nicotine. She shook her head softly, of course she wasn't pregnant. There was no way…

"Shit," Amanda whispered, a cold chill flooding her veins as she counted back the weeks in her head. She exhaled loudly as she double checked with the calendar on her phone. Her periods had never been regular but she hadn't had one since that disastrous night she'd spent with Nate. She cringed at the memory, she'd lost so much self-respect that night crawling back to him, but even that paled in comparison to the whole situation with Declan Murphy and the gambling club.

In the past few weeks Amanda had worked so hard to earn back everyone's trust, she'd fought tooth and nail against every urge to place a bet that had emerged, knowing that she really was on her last chance. Her fresh start would be ruined if it turned out…

"You okay?" Fin asked, startling her out of her thoughts. She took a deep breath and tried to compose herself before she faced her partner.

"Yeah I'm good, I just, I left Frannie with a neighbour," that wasn't exactly a lie, Amanda often left Frannie with her elderly neighbour if she was going to be away for an extended length of time, "I forgot to ring and check on her," she said, hoping the lie in the latter part of her explanation would go unnoticed by Fin.

But her partner didn't fail to notice that Amanda was indeed acting a little bit odd. Whether it was that she was getting sick or if she was overtired he didn't know but something was definitely off with the blonde. Fin quickly quashed the idea that she was gambling again, he knew by now what that looked like, and it wasn't that.

"You know you can talk to me right," Fin said, his voice soft. Gone was the smiling, albeit grumpy Rollins from just a couple of hours ago. The blonde's face was fixed in a frown, and he knew she was worried about something other than her dog.

"I know," she replied, forcing a smile that Fin didn't buy at all, "I'm just feeling a little rough is all, maybe I am coming down with something."

"Well you can stay over on your side of the car I don't want it," Fin joked, but his humour didn't have its usual effect on the blonde detective who just smiled limply at him.

Fin checked the clock on the dashboard. 9:56pm. "It's almost ten; let me drive you home, I'll sign ya out," he offered, "Get a decent night's sleep."

Amanda shook her head and reached for the door handle and she was relieved to see it had stopped raining, "actually I think it might be better if I walk. I need some fresh air after being stuck in this car all day," she explained, "thanks though," she smiled slightly at him, hoping to allay the concern she could see written all over Fin's face.

"You sure?" Fin asked sceptically. He already anticipated the blonde's affirmative response, Amanda was stubborn all hell but that didn't stop him from worrying about his partner.

"Yeah, it's not far," Amanda nodded as she got out of the car. She zipped her coat up against the cool breeze and shoved her hands into her pockets. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Text me when you get in," he called as he watched her cross the street.

"I'll be fine," she called back over her shoulder.

"Just humor me okay?" Fin replied. Amanda waved in response and carried on walking down the street.

He briefly considered following her before he remembered that Amanda was a big girl and could take care of herself. And she'd made it clear that whatever had caused her distress she didn't want to discuss with him. Fin wasn't hurt, just worried. Amanda was a closed book anyway, but ever since she had gone undercover for Lt. Murphy she had shut herself off even more. Fin had reconciled quickly with his partner, but he knew it had taken a while longer for Nick and Liv. Even without the recent complications, the blonde wasn't known for her ability to ask for help and Fin resolved himself to keep a closer eye on Amanda for a while, just to make sure she was okay.

Amanda fought to keep the panic that was rising inside her at bay as she located a late night pharmacy. Moments when she was worried, or stressed like she was currently, those were the moments when she needed to place a bet. When she needed to sit at a blackjack table and feel the rush of the high and let it wash away her troubles, even if only briefly. She had deleted all of her bookies' numbers weeks ago but Amanda had a few committed to memory and her fingers itched to type the digits into her cell phone.

She shook her head to try and clear the unwanted thoughts out of her head as she found the aisle she needed. Not wanting to risk being seen by anyone she knew; however small that chance was, Amanda glanced around furtively before picking up a slim blue box from the shelf. She waited what felt like an impossibly long time for the disinterested looking cashier to ring the item up and put it in a paper bag. After paying, Amanda stuffed the bag inside her coat and left, once again checking just in case.

Walking the last couple of blocks to her apartment building felt like a marathon, as if the tiny box she carried inside her coat was weighing her down. But it wasn't the box that was weighing her down; it was what the thing inside the box could reveal that terrified her. She tried to calm herself by thinking of her paternal grandmother. Nanna Rollins had never liked a panic without good cause and was fond of telling both Amanda and her sister that it 'ain't good to worry 'til you got somethin' to worry about'. Unluckily for Amanda, she had inherited her mother's tendency to worry about everything.

Thinking about it logically, the few extra pounds, the recent loss of appetite and nausea could all be explained away easily without even mentioning the 'p' word. And although she had been reckless, Amanda wasn't stupid; she and Nate had used protection. But there was no room for logic in Amanda's panic fuelled brain and her hands shook as she fumbled to open her front door.

Frannie came bounding up to Amanda, only to back away without jumping up like usual. She'd always been perceptive of Amanda's moods and the dog settled for a frantic scratch between her ears as Amanda shrugged off her coat. The blonde barely noticed the note tacked to her pinboard from her neighbour, informing her that Frannie had been out for her evening walk. Clutching the white paper bag to her chest she went into the bathroom.

She wished her hands would stop shaking. It took Amanda two attempts to get the cardboard box open and she pulled out the instruction leaflet, skimming it briefly to find out the most important detail. One line or two? In about 3 minutes she would find out if those lines would change her life. When she was done Amanda put the cap on the little white stick and placed it upside down on the edge of the sink. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands, then set a three minute alarm on her phone.

There was no way she could leave the bathroom, the suspense was too much, so the blonde settled for scrubbing the bathtub to distract herself. She was only halfway done, up to her elbows in soap suds when the shrill ringing of her alarm made her jump. A heavy feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach as she rinsed off and dried her hands. She turned off the ringing alarm, and then turned her attention to source of her current anxiety.

Amanda took a deep breath and picked up the small white stick. She stared straight ahead as she turned it in her hands, and she almost didn't recognise the pale, worried woman she saw in the mirror. Amanda set her jaw, and coaxed herself to look down. And then she saw it. Two strong blue lines in the little plastic window.

She was pregnant.

Thank you for reading, I'd love to hear your comments. Lea :)