A/N so... yeah... i heart transformers... so here's a fic about ironhide and sam. i really hope you like it cuzz i worked real hard on this.
i don't own transformers, but I really wish I did!
Sam took a deep breath. It's going to be okay, he thought to himself. Well, it'll be okay until Mom gets her baseball bat, he corrected himself. He wrung his hands together, taking another deep breath. Ironhide noticed and kneeled down to look Sam in the face.
"Sam, you need to calm down, remember? Ratchet said stress isn't good for the sparkling," he said. He smiled at his nervous partner. "Everything will be fine, you'll see." Sam snorted.
"Yeah, I'm sure they'll take the news just fine," he snipped sarcastically. "Don't you remember when you guys first came to Earth and my mother was ready to take on the whole S.W.A.T. team with a baseball bat? The worst part is that she totally stood a chance!" he continued, whipping around. He started pacing, holding his stomach as if he were sick. Ironhide only chuckled.
"Your mother is not going to assault me with a piece of wood, I assure you," he said as comfortingly as he could manage. Sam laughed hysterically.
"You're right, she'll do it with her metal bat instead," he said, turning around to face Ironhide. He didn't understand how Ironhide could be so calm, standing there leaning against the wall of the N.E.S.T. building, looking bored as he played with a rock. Then the human realized something.
"You're just as nervous as me, aren't you? That rock's like your version of a stress ball, isn't it?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. Ironhide waved a servo in the air, a hissing noise coming from him that was the Cybertronian equivalent of phsssh.
"I have no reason to be nervous, Sam. Even if your mother does, as you say, 'flip', she won't be able to hurt me. I'm practically indestructible," he argued. Sam rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, that's why Sentinel's rust gun almost killed, huh? Your amazing nigh indestructability? Come on, admit it, that rock is like your stress ball," he said. Ironhide rubbed a servo in pain as he remembered the terrible experience.
"You said you wouldn't talk about that," he whined. Sam shrugged. Then he rubbed his stomach in discomfort.
"You said I wouldn't end up pregnant with some freaky alien-human hybrid thing, too. Which, by the way, is the cause of this conversation," Sam said. After a moment's thought, he added, "Asshole." Ironhide huffed.
"One, you're not pregnant, you're carrying a spark, and there is a big difference. Two, it is not some freaky alien-human hybrid thing, it is a spark that will soon become another autobot. Sam, you don't seem to realize how great this is. No one thought we would be able to have sparklings here on Earth, but you've proven that wrong. Aren't you happy?" Ironhide asked. Sam sighed.
"Of course I'm happy, 'Hide. It's just... This is gonna be hard to explain to my parents. They don't even know I broke up with Carly, let alone the fact that they're going to be grandparents in less than a week," he said, rubbing his stomach again. "Man, I'm glad I didn't get fat, or I never would have been able to lie as long as I did," he added.
"I still find it quite strange that your females gain weight when they are pregnant," Ironhide said thoughtfully. When he noticed Sam wringing his hands again, the autobot scooped up the human in a servo. "Hey," he said quietly. Sam looked up at Ironhide, anxiety plain on his face. "Your parents aren't going to beat me with a bat," Ironhide continued. Sam huffed.
"That's not what I'm worried about," he started. "At least not entirely. What I'm worried about is that they'll hate me. They expected me to meet a nice girl, bring her home and introduce her, marry her, and give them grandkids. Instead, I broke up with two hotties, shacked up with an alien robot warrior, and got pregnant. I'm still not even sure how that happened." Ironhide opened his mouth to speak, but Sam cut him off, saying, "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm not pregnant, I'm carrying a spark." Ironhide chuckled nervously.
"That wasn't what I was going to say. I was trying to say your parents are almost here," he said, pointing a digit to the gate. Sam gasped, whipping around. Sure enough, there were his parents in their beast of an RV.
"Put me down," he hissed. Ironhide carefully set the human down.
"Remember," he said. "Stay calm, stress is very bad for the sparkling. " Sam waved him off, absentmindedly clutching his stomach. They waited for his parents to be cleared, then walked over to greet them. Sam's mother hugged him tightly, saying he was so glad to see him while his father complained about having to go through security to get back on the base.
"We're the parents of the kid who saved the world and we have to go through a metal detector? Without us, their asses would be on Cybertron, shoveling coal," he griped.
"It's nice to see you too, Dad," Sam said, rolling his eyes. His mother fretted with his shirt.
"Ugh, Sam, you're so dirty. Why is your shirt all greasy?" she asked.
"He's been helping Ratchet in the med-bay with upgrades today," Ironhide said. Judy snorted.
"Why, he doesn't know a thing about cars, let alone giant alien robots," she said.
Sam huffed while Ironhide said, "Maybe not before, but ever since he touched the sliver of the Allspark, he learns quite fast,"
"Look, can we please stop talking about me?" Sam said.
"Oh! Right, right, right, you had something you wanted to tell us," Judy said.
"What, did Carly break up with you? Again?" his dad asked. His wife gave him a dirty look.
"Well, uh, why don't we go inside so you can sit down," Sam said nervously. They all followed him as Ronald talked about Sam not being able to hold a girlfriend. They went to the newest addition to the N.E.S.T. building: the living room.
"Oh, this is nice, " Sam's mother commented. His parent's sat while he stood next to Ironhide, nervously shuffling on his feet. Once she was comfy, Judy asked, "So what did you need to tell us, Sam?" Sam took a deep breath, rubbing his stomach.
"Well, Dad, you were half-right," he started. Ronald huffed and threw his hands in the air in exasperation. "Before you start lecturing me, let me finish. Yes, Carly and I aren't together anymore, but I broke up with her, not the other way around," Sam said. His parents stared at him, their eyes wide.
Then: "You're telling us you're gay, aren't you?" Judy asked. When her husband gave her a shocked look, she huffed. "What? He could have just told us he broke up with her over the phone. The fact that he brought us here to tell us means there's more to it. And who breaks up with a girl like that without being gay?" she said. Ronald sighed.
"Fine, you were right," he said. He pulled out his wallet and handed his wife fifty dollars while Sam sputtered.
"You made a bet on my sexual orientation?!" he asked. Judy shrugged.
"Yeah, and?" she said. Ironhide knelt down to Sam.
"Calm down, or I'll call Ratchet," he whispered. Sam nodded.
Judy, however, with her sharp, mother's ears, asked, "Why does Ratchet want him to stay calm? Has he been getting into fights?" Sam groaned.
"No 'mommy' I'm not getting into fights. Just listen. I have more to tell you," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Before Ironhide could speak, Sam mumbled, "Yeah, yeah, I'm calm." He looked at his partner, hoping that Ironhide might want to help him explain the situation. There was not one speck of mercy in his optics.
Taking a shuddering breath, Sam turned to his parents. "I'm dating again," he started. They looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish. "It's… uh, one of the autobots," he continued. They barely blinked, so he kept talking, gaining confidence. "Mom, Dad, I'm dating Ironhide," he stated. This threw them off.
"Really, not Bumblebee?" his mom asked. Sam did a doubletake, and Ironhide looked at Sam.
"Why would I date Bee, Mom, he's my best friend," he said.
"Yes, why would you date Bumblebee, Sam?" Ironhide asked, his cannons whirring to life. Sam gave him a dirty look.
"Put those things away, okay? You don't need them, Galahad," he snapped.
"Galahad? What, is that some kind of weird pet name?" Ronald asked, wrinkling his nose in distaste. Sam huffed while Judy smacked her husband.
"They can have whatever pet names they like. Don't think I've forgotten your's, Red," she said.
"Why do you call him Red?" Ironhide asked.
"'Hide don't ask," Sam warned. Of course, it was too late.
Judy explained, saying, "Woody Woodpecker is red. Pecker is slang for penis. And Sam's father has one big-"
"Mom!" Sam interrupted angrily.
"A big what?" Ironhide asked, feigning ignorance. Sam gave his mother a dirty look, silencing her.
Until he looked away, that is. As soon as he did, she answered Ironhide, saying, "Penis." Ironhide chortled while Sam and his father glared at Judy.
"Look, could you guys just listen?" Sam asked.
"Will you tell me why you called him Galahad?" his father countered.
"It's a Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference," Sam growled. "Now listen, I have more to tell you." Ironhide put a servo over his mouth, trying to stop laughing. Once Sam realized everyone was paying attention to him, he got nervous again. He rubbed his stomach and took a deep breath. "So here's the thing. 'Hide here forgot to mention that the auto it's can lose a piece of their spark and grow it into another 'bot. We thought that wouldn't have mattered if a piece of his spark hadn't broken off while we were... uh, anyways, that piece is now in me, and it's been developing for about eight weeks now. Sometime this week it'll come out and find a vehicle it likes and become a little bot. So, in a nutshell, congratulations, you're going to be grandparents," Sam said as quickly as he could. His parents sat gaping at him.
Then Ronald said, "My son is pregnant?!"
At the same time, his wife wailed, "I'm going to be a grandma?!" Sam chuckled nervously.
"Surprise," he said weakly.
"Where's the med-bay, I think I'm going to faint," Judy said. Ironhide pointed to the giant doors behind her and she left. From the med-bay, they could hear her say, "Hello, Ratchet, could I borrow one of your wrenches?" Ironhide picked Sam up before he could fall to his knees.
"Guess you were right, 'Hide, she's not going to beat you with a bat, she's going to do it with a giant wrench. Ironhide smiled.
"Ratchet wouldn't give her a wrench," he said assuringly. On the couch, Mr. Witwicky held his head in his hands, moaning about how sons should not get pregnant.
In the med-bay, they heard Ratchet say, "So they've told you? Well here, this wrench is small enough for you to brandish successfully, but big enough to cause damage. Have fun." Sam groaned.
"What was that about him not giving her a wrench?" He asked. Ironhide laughed.
"She wouldn't actually use it," he said. Then he took a step back when a wild-eyed Mrs. Witwicky came out of the med-bay holding a giant wrench high above her head.
"You know Ironhide? We haven't spent much time together, lets remedy that!" she yelled. "Put my son down so I can shove this up your ass! I'm too young to be a grandma!" She ran at Ironhide with a loud battle cry, waving the giant wrench.
"Mom, knock it off!" Sam yelled. Mrs. Witwicky stopped, lowering her wrench. "You are not allowed to come anywhere near us with that thing," her son continued angrily. She pouted.
"I wasn't going to hit you with it, just him," she complained. Then she looked at her husband, who was still lamenting his son's pregnancy. "Shut up, honey, you're being ridiculous," she said.
He snorted, mumbling, "This coming from Miss Wrench-Lady." She growled, raising the wrench again, but when Sam cleared his throat, she dropped it. Turning to Sam and Ironhide, she said, "Sam, sweety, we're not upset because you're having a kid with Ironhide, or that you're with Ironhide in the first place. I'm just a little pissed off that you're making me a grandma before I'm ready. And your father," she paused, looking at her husband who had now started to rock. "Well, he's just a little confused by your pregnancy. And to be honest, so am I." Sam huffed.
"'Hide, put me down," he mumbled. Once on the ground, he said, "I'm not pregnant, I'm carrying a spark, which is a completely different thing. It's kind of like on Alien where the face huggers laid eggs in your stomach, and baby aliens came out, only Ironhide didn't hug my face, and the spark isn't going to rip out of my stomach." With each word, his father rocked a little slower, until he was finally stationary.
"You're not pregnant?" Mr. Witwicky asked hopefully. Sam rolled his eyes.
"No, Dad, I am not pregnant," he said. Looking up at Ironhide with a smile, he said, "I'm just renting out my stomach to a future autobot," he said affectionately. Ironhide's engine revved, like a cat purring.
"And that's quite a miracle, too," he said. Ronald got up.
"As long as you don't impregnate my son, welcome to the Witwicky family, 'Hide," he said. Judy joined her husband and smiled at her son and his bot.
"That's right, Ironhide. We're glad to have you," she added. Sam beamed at his parents.
"Thanks for understanding you guys," he said.