JEALOUS.

I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind

Rick exhaled sharply, rapidly trying to fill his tired lungs, fighting to catch a single breath. Trying his damnedest to recover from the medium herd that breached the west end's walls. He quickly looked to his right side to ensure she was there, she was, his eyes engulfed her as he watched the rain trickle down her sun kissed skin. How the edges of her loc's coiled at the touch of it, how she fluttered her eyes at the feeling of the wind brush against her face. He furrowed his brow; turning away from her bitterly at the fact he would never know how it felt to be that close to her again.

He gave admiration to his family for another good fight and victory under their belts, giving orders on the next phase of the rebuild that would begin in the morning and faring them all a good night. Rick's eyes lingered on Michonne, as he watched her head south towards the quaint little house that she called home as of late. Memories of that night filled his mind. The anger…the disappointment the bitter reality that the lost of that fight would haunt him forever.

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love

The wind cut like a knife as he trudged east towards what use to be home, something it had not been for awhile. He looked at the seemingly quiet and dark house before him. Quietly making his way up the stairs and into it, he closed the door softly behind him, looking down at the door knob he couldn't bring himself to lock. He backed away, heading up the stairs, he stopped and looked in on Carl sound asleep with Judith in his arms safely. He planted tender kisses on their foreheads before quickly exiting the room, her presence still haunting the bedroom she once inhabited. He gently touched the door, closing his eyes painfully before shuffling slowly towards his bedroom door and entering it. Rick sat down on the edge of his bed, defeated, the feeling of his world crumbling, plagued him. He has carried many burdens but this one felt too big to bare. He kicked off his boots roughly, before unbuckling and removing his jeans and torn brown shirt. He laid down on his back, his head resting on his arm, as he gazed at the ceiling. He could see her face, hear her giggle, see the light that was always in her eyes, how she entrapped him time and time again. Words could never express how much he longed for her, how much he needed her. Something he wished he could have told her a long time ago, before love ran array.

'Cause I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

He always thought she would come home, constantly leaving the door unlocked, the locks remaining unchanged. Hoping one day she would answer his subtle invitation to come home. The truth is he didn't deserve her presence, he didn't deserve her, his brokenness far too unrepairable . Rick closed his eyes as he replayed the events that transpired six months ago. He thought telling Michonne about Jessie after the walls fell was the best course of action, telling her how he used this woman for his own selfish purposes. How not being able to leave the past in the past caused a whole family's demise and the brutal disfigurement of his own son in the process. The disappointment, anger and hurt in her eyes would forever be carved inside of his mind. The way she distanced herself from him as each day passed, how she never looked at him the same, the knowing guilt of her seeing Mike in his reflection, ate at him every day. Once Carl healed she decided to move out on her own, she promised Carl and Judith it wasn't his fault that she wanted a little time to grow, that she would always be close by but deep down he knew her exit was because of him. That she would never be close enough. Once she left he lost a piece of himself, his demons on full display, no longer having her to keep them at bay, misery finally showing her true face. He remembered her saying that one day this pain would be useful to you, but this pain, this ache deeply rooted in his soul was something he couldn't fill, the one thing he couldn't come back from. Rick wiped away a single tear before turning to watch the rain fall.

As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day, yeah
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive
But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

Michonne panted heavily as she attempted to catch her breath. The recurring nightmare she had was nothing more than her reality. She missed them, seeing Carl's and Judith's beautiful little faces in the morning; bright eyed and happy as they sang loudly and horribly, the smell of Rick's burnt Sunday waffles or how the sound of his snoring heavily filled the house on a rainy day. His dorky little grin and snort when she cracked one of her Pop Pop's show stopping jokes. She missed him; nothing could have prepared her for this feeling, of being alone after finding him, finding herself, finding her family again. It hurt, she was hurt, and moving into this little house all on her own made it worse. The quietness only provided loneliness and despair, she longed for those moments with them again, for him again. She was angry but she never blamed him for any of this, deep down she knew his intentions were good but knowing his actions were the reason Carl almost died hit too close to home. No Rick was not Mike, she knew that but the fact that she almost lost everything again at the hands of someone she trusted could not be ignored. Forgiveness wasn't a option at this point in time but her heart, her heart wanted to run to him and capture him with her love, but her mind wouldn't allow her that peace or satisfaction. Michonne turned towards her window, watching the rain fall; she clutched her pillow, burrowing her face into it as she cried a soul drenching cry.

.