I don't own The Good Wife.
I still miss Will Gardner. I do. And it's silly because he was just a fictional character.
/
He watched. Watched as the people who were once closest to him fall apart. As their world was flipped upside down. And there was nothing he could do to help. So Will watched.
Diane, his best friend, his coworker, his dance partner. She cried. In the hospital, in front of people. And then, she pulled herself together. She had to. Had to tell the partners. They needed someone. Someone to look up to. Someone to stay strong for them. So she did. Kept the firm at the top, by running a hundred miles an hour. Afraid to stop, lest she shatter, unable to go on. So she kept on pushing. She allowed herself to cry, in the shower. And it was only there, she could fall apart. She was hurting, and there was nothing he could do.
Kalinda. K was hurting so much, that it hurt him, and he didn't even think he was supposed to be able to feel anything. She shut down, and threw up every wall around herself she could. Worked overtime. Tried to block it out. Did anything she could to numb the pain. Drinking. Razor blades. Almost swallowed a whole bottle of pills... Cary stopped her. He was the only one who could tear down some of her walls. He listened to her crying, screaming. Will couldn't do anything to help, he could only watch her self destruction.
Cary was flailing. It was hard to watch him hold himself together. He was strong for Kalinda. Had to be. He held her up while she was falling apart and he was shaking beneath it all. Only after death, could Will see how much the younger man admired him, and wished to be like him. He wished he would have given Cary more time, more attention, more guidance. But he can't go back, and he proud of the Harvard kid who had come so far, and grown up so much.
Alicia. Watching Alicia would have killed him if he wasn't already dead. She was existing, not living. Still alive, but not wanting to go on. He could see the way she curled into a ball and fell apart every night, pull herself together during the day, and then fall apart all over again. She looked so empty, like she couldn't feel anything anymore. She missed him. So much. And he missed her, the old her, who was so full of life. What he wouldn't do to see her smile again.
6 months later, and they were all doing better. Mostly. He was still worried about them, but they were sticking together. Fighting for each other, not against. He wished he could let them know it was ok to move on, but he couldn't. They would have to figure it out themselves.
2 years later, and he still watched.
Cary bounced back the fastest, and that helped Kalinda as well. He didn't want to think about what would have happened to the investigator if she didn't have Cary. Diane took longer, but she is doing so, so much better. He knows that she cries still, on his birthday, and on the anniversary of his death, but that is ok. Strong is what she is, and strong she will stay. He was so proud that he had the privilege to be her partner.
And then there was Alicia. It had taken her the longest to live again. So many times he wished he could have comforted her, to let her know he still loved her, to tell her to keep going. But he couldn't, and he was so thankful for the man who could. He didn't know Finn Polmar very well, but he was taking care of Alicia, so Will approved of him. Besides, the guy took a bullet to try to help him. Made him kind of hard to hate. Watching Alicia get ready to pledge her life to yet another man was rough, but he was happy for her, because she was finally smiling again. A real smile. Not quite the 100watt smile he fell in love with all those years ago, no. It was a softer, older smile, but it was a smile. And it was enough.
He was no longer worried about them. They were going to be just fine. And he always watched.