a/n: There are a lot of unanswered questions at the start – however the explanations accumulate throughout the story.

Enjoy!

*Rose*

Earth, England, Chiswick. 2013, December 2nd.

Rose had long since worked out that the distinctive sound The Doctor's TARDIS made was simply because he left the brakes on. She had also long since decided that she was too nostalgic not to do it on purpose. It wasn't quite the same sound, a slightly different pitch for a slightly different TARDIS. Now though she hated it. She hated it because it reminded her of him. Shoving that train of thought as far away as she could Rose ducked her head and got out of the TARDIS. With a fully functioning chameleon circuit the TARDIS could be anything anytime, however Rose decided she liked the consistency, and almost always asked the TARDIS to take the shape of a fuchsia Porsche. As Rose headed up the front door of Donna's place she found her already waiting outside.

"Was wondering when I'd see you again, spaceman with you too?"

Rose froze and shuddered, trying to supress the tumult of emotion that fought to overcome her at those words. Donna didn't seem to fail to notice and her smile faded as she beckoned Rose to come inside. Grateful as ever for Donna being so understanding just when she needed it, Rose followed her into the house, afraid to speak lest she fall into a heap of tears.

"Rose? What's wrong, what's happened?"

They had sat down on the couch and Donna twisted her body so she could face Rose. Determined not cry, Rose started to talk, but the noise fell away in her throat and she let it all out, all the tears and the anguish.

"He's…"

Swallowing and forcing herself to continue, forcing herself to admit to it out loud for the first time.

"He's dead."

She had though it would hurt to say it, and it did, but it was more like a dead emptiness, mind-numbing as if her mind was still refusing to let this piece of information in.

"Oh Rose…"

"I'm sorry Donna, he was you're friend too…"

"He was you're husband."

She had a fair point, but still, Rose felt guilty for springing it on her like that. It was the first time she had spoken about it since it happened… She had thought about confessing to her mum, but over the past year Rose and Donna had become best friends, ever since John had worked out how to safely extract the timelord consciousness from Donna, with Rose's help of course. After freaking out that she was remembering again, and then freaking out over how they had managed to get back to this world at all, Donna had joined John and Rose on countless adventures, even bringing her own husband along for some of them – which of course had him freaking out as well. Rose hadn't had a friend like that since Shareen, and never one she could be so open with when it came to all the alien things.

"We were on the planet Magnasia, back in our own world. They're an intra-galactic planet so we got into trouble straight away – humans amongst Triaths – think somewhere between a dryad and a dwarf. They were determined to sacrifice me to their deity and understanding their customs better than I did… He asked to take my place… They didn't stop him… I…"

she stopped, unable to continue for a moment as she remembered that day. Recovering she finished her story.

"They planned to kill me the next day anyway, and I might have let them if John hadn't made me promise to run and live. So while they were caught up in their ceremony… After they had killed him… I ran. I ran to the TARDIS and escaped… And I've hated myself for not coming up with a way to save him since."

Donna didn't speak at first. There was nothing she could say that would help anyway… it was just good to be around her and let it out of her system. They sat in silence for a time, punctuated only every now and then by Rose's sobs. When Donna did speak again, it was in a tone that brooked no argument.

"You and me, we're going out for lunch now, and you're not going to argue about it."

Nor did she.

Two hours later, when Donna and her were sipping coffee at a Café in town, Rose was feeling much better. Good food and good company had cheered her up, and she was laughing and chatting with Donna with ease. They had kept the topic of conversation light so far, and so Rose was a bit startled when Donna put a serious face again.

"I'm not the only reason you're here though, and I think I might know something else John said to you before you left."

As ever, that woman doesn't miss much… Rose thought grudgingly. And Donna had known John almost as well as Rose had. She thought back to the last time she had spoken to her husband.

"Go and find him,"

It was one of the things he had said, back when she was begging him to stop being so stupid and not to leave her again.

"It's over for me, but it doesn't have to be for you… please my love… I want you to be happy…"

Donna was right. But allowing herself to come back to the Doctor's world was as far as she could bring herself to go.

"No, Donna… I can't… I just…"

"Why? I know you want to."

"No, I… I dunno… I just, dunno if I can face him, I mean, could you? After just leaving you like that could you?"

"Yes. You know I would. I'd probably give him a right slap for it, but if I had a bloody TARDIS of my own I'd go after that spaceman again, and there's no reason why you shouldn't."

"Yes there is a reason! A bloody good reason too…"

"And that is?"

"I'm scared, okay?"

"What? That he's moved on and doesn't love you anymore?"

Rose bit her lip, the word 'love' in that sentence made her feel uneasy and brought up long forgotten memories of guilt from when she had first gotten over the Doctor.

"It's hardly an impossible concept…"

Donna laughed,

"Don't be daft!"

"It's not like I…"

"Of course he still loves you!"

She interrupted,

"How could he not? When he's the same man as your husband?"

"Exactly!"

"Sorry? I thought we were disagreeing?"

"No…"

Rose sighed, more than whether the Doctor still loved her or not, she was scared that he was too much the same man as her husband.

"He's the same man… That's the problem… I'm scared that if I ever see him again, if I were ever to travel with him again… that every time I looked at his face I would see John…"

Donna's reproach softened at that.

"Perhaps he's regenerated? Who knows how long it's been for him?"

"And if he hasn't he'll break my heart again when I see him, and if he still loves me I will break his again when he sees me hurting…"

They sat in silence for a while after that until Rose made to get up and leave.

"You won't leave though…"

Donna said softly, and looked up a Rose, who said nothing.

"Because there's still a part of you that desperately wants the Doctor back."

Rose, who was about to leave and had her back to Donna by then laughed a soft sad laugh to herself and replied, though she doubted Donna would hear,

"Yeah… S'pose you're right…"

And without turning around or waiting for a response she left the café to where her fuchsia Porsche was parked.