Asking the Author

by yellow 14

Patroklos does not like the fact that Yellow 14 is typing up a Soul Calibur V story that's about someone else and comes out to complain. Unfortunately for him, Yellow 14 has a long list of characters from Soul Calibur V who are more interesting and he doesn't like hearing about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own and never will. Are we clear on that, or would you like diagrams?

"Hey, fanfiction author! Yes, I'm talking to you!. Yes, you Yellow 14!"

Yellow 14 sighed and stopped typing as Patroklos charged up to him from behind his latest story and glared at him.

"What is it Patroklos?" he asked with a sigh. It was starting to get out of hand really, Yellow thought to himself. Some of these characters seemed to think that they were in charge and that really shouldn't have been the case.

"You're planning a story based on the characters from Soul Calibur V, aren't you?" Patroklos demanded and Yellow rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I'm writing a story set in Soul Calibur V. What's your point?"

"Why aren't I in your story then!? I'm the main character of the game, it should be focused on me!" Patroklos demanded angrily with a scowl on his face. Yellow sighed. He really should have seen this coming he supposed. He favoured Patroklos with a very firm look in the hope that Patroklos would get the message and go away. Patroklos simply stared right back at him and Yellow sighed once more.

"Do you really want to know the answer to that question Patroklos?" he asked wearily. It was bad enough trying to coax out an unwilling story at the best of times and Soul Calibur V was particularly reluctant to give up it's story. "Do you really, really, really want to know?"

"I'm the main character! It should be about me! Of course I want to know!" Patroklos replied angrily with a scowl across his face and Yellow mentally wondered if he was so used to scowling he had forgotten how to use any other expression. Deciding to avoid mentioning the scowl, Yellow decided to humour him.

"It's very simple Patroklos," he began with a smile. "Of all the characters in Soul Calibur V, it is your character that is probably the most boring of them all."

Much to Yellow 14's amusement, Patroklos began spluttering uncontrollably and his face began to turn red. He reached for his sword, before dropping it as Yellow made the handle too hot for him to hold. When he finally regained the ability to speak, he glared at Yellow.

"Who is more interesting than me!? I've only HAD one game to get into my role!" he demanded. "And I've had a story told in the game, unlike some of the other newbies."

"Indeed," Yellow said amiably. "Unfortunately, that doesn't really endear your character to me particularly, especially as Soul Calibur V is by far the worst game in the series that I've played. And I must admit, I really didn't like the change in the way we could only play one story instead of all the stories like we did in the previous games. That really ticked me off."

"Well, who in Soul Calibur V is more interesting then?" Patroklos demanded angrily. "And don't talk about the characters from the previous games, they've had longer to fit in than me!"

"Certainly," Yellow said with a surprisingly gentle smile. This was going to be fun. "In that case, I'll start with one of the more obvious ones then. How about…Viola? She's a LOT more interesting than you. And far more likeable."

"Viola!?" Patroklos spluttered. "Viola!? But-but-but-"

"Let's see now," Yellow continued, ignoring Patroklos's stuttering protests. "According to the Soul Calibur wiki, she's a fortune teller who can accurately tell the future. So accurately that she has to keep moving. Apparently makes her something of an outcast. She can't remember who she is either, so there's a lot of story potential there."

"But-but-but, I'm the one who's looking for his long lost twin sister!" Patroklos spluttered and Yellow 14 rolled his eyes.

"And you spend most of the game talking about how you're following your own path while doing someone else's dirty work without even asking questions," Yellow pointed out with a touch of annoyance. "You also just kill innocent unarmed people just because they happen to look suspicious and your fighting styles really aren't that original. Viola on the other hand…her orb is a most interesting addition. I don't believe that I've seen anything like it, except for that forgettable guy from Soul Calibur II."

"Shuttup! I hate you!" Patroklos shouted at Yellow, who proceeded to his next subject.

"The next logical person to cover is her companion," Yellow said, quickly diving into the Soul Calibur wiki once more. "Z.W.E.I is by far, a more interesting character than you," Yellow paused and began counting off reasons on his fingers. "Firstly he's on the run from your first master Graf Dumas after interfering with his purge and saving innocent lives. Or at least trying to. Can you say that you acted with such honour?"

"But…but…but Graf Dumas was helping me search for Pyrrha!" Patroklos protested. "Or that's what he was telling me until-"

"Until you discovered he was lying through his teeth and as it happens was also the new incarnation of Nightmare. Yes, I know," Yellow said, rolling his eyes. "However, his story is far better. He has that werewolf of his at his command, something I've never seen in a Soul Calibur game. Of course, I could be wrong. Just think about it. Where does his wolf companion come from? And then he rescues Viola and becomes her travelling companion," he paused and gave Patroklos a small smile. "Maybe something more perhaps, something for the fanfiction writers to play with. And again, we never see him cut someone down in the street just for looking suspicious. That's just bad."

"He was pale! You weren't there, you didn't see!" Patroklos protested and Yellow sighed.

"You're right, I didn't see. And the reason I didn't see was simple. The designers of Soul Calibur V decided to go with the painted art style instead of movement. Which worked really well with the game Ace Combat, Distant Thunder, but that's because it had a great story behind it," Yellow paused and looked firmly at Patroklos. "You on the other hand did not."

"But I've got a connection to one of the series staples," Patroklos said with an air of superiority. "Surely that in itself is worth something?"

"I'm glad you mentioned your connection to the game staples actually," Yellow said with a smile "as the next character I'm thinking of is the protégé of one such character. I refer of course to Natsu."

"Natsu!? She's practically a rule 34 Naruto clone!" Patroklos exclaimed and Yellow shrugged.

"She is indeed that in effect," he said in agreement. "But her story has so much potential, just think about it."

"What do you mean potential?" Patroklos asked angrily and Yellow shrugged.

"Well think about it. She's searching for her mentor Taki, who was overdue from her mission in the western continent. She's accompanying Lexia, another character as her bodyguard, who actually doesn't have issues with the fact she has a demon inside her. Literally. Oh and she's been discriminated against all her life of course, but I digress."

"Shut up! I hate you!" Patroklos shouted and Yellow rolled his eyes once more. "Less interesting than a Naruto clone! Whatever next, a spoilt rich kid?"

"Well, that's funny you should mention it actually-" Yellow began, but Patroklos cut him off.

"Shut up. I hate you! I refuse to believe that a spoilt rich kid is more interesting than me!"

"You can believe what you like, although I'm not sure that the term spoilt really applies," Yellow said thoughtfully. "Well, a tad bit spoilt anyway. She could have had an easy life, she's got the right background after all. A member of the upper classes who enjoys reading and poetry and is able to play the koto with some skill I believe-"

"What's a koto?" Patroklos asked puzzled and Yellow typed the word quickly into google to find out.

"It's a Japanese stringed instrument that evolved from a Chinese guzheng apparently. Fascinating."

"And how is she more interesting than me?" Patroklos demanded and Yellow shrugged.

"She's the naïve rich girl going out into the world. She's openly accepting of Natsu. And she's less…whiny," Yellow said the last word with a hint of distaste. "I swear, you're just an annoying teenager at times."

"Shuttup! I hate you!"

Yellow rolled his eyes at this latest outburst. This was just getting painful. And more than a little difficult to close, if he was honest. And he really wanted to get on with the various other projects littering his muse, he really did.

"Then of course there's your dear sister," Yellow said with a sigh. "She's a bit…" Yellow frowned for a moment as he tried to think of the appropriate word. "Angsty for want of a better word."

"Angsty? But that's wh-"

Yellow waved his hand to cut Patroklos off with yet another sigh.

"Angsty in a different way," he pointed out with just a hint of annoyance. "It's not necessarily a good trait in her case, but given her past, probably justified. Besides, that's not what makes her interesting."

"Then what does?" Patroklos demanded as his hand reached for his sword. Yellow rolled his eyes and heated the handle once more.

"Well now you should mention it, she's a very lost person in every sense of the word," Yellow said with amusement. He took a glance at the Soul Calibur wiki for details. "She's been abducted, passed from family to family as she brings bad luck and death upon anyone who gets close to her, something I suspect that Tira is responsible for. Then she's captured and abducted by slavers and is sold to some nobles son. She falls in love with said man and for the first time her heart and mind are at peace. He proposes to her, be-"

"Hold on a minute, Pyrrha got married?" Patroklos asked in surprise and Yellow rolled his eyes once more.

"No, she got engaged," Yellow said with a hint of annoyance. "I do wish you'd wait before interrupting." Yellow took a deep breath and continued. "The young man was brutally murdered and disfigured and Pyrrha was arrested and imprisoned for it. Naturally Tira is the most likely candidate for that crime."

"Why does everyone blame me?" Tira asked in a false-innocent voice that was fooling no-one. Yellow and Patroklos both glared at her and she simply smiled.

"Tootles!" she said cheerfully, before skipping away. Yellow chuckled and Patroklos raised an eyebrow.

"That was pretty random," Yellow said, seeing the look on Patroklos face. "Anyway, as I was saying, Pyrrha was imprisoned for the brutal murder of her fiancé, something I suspect you could have found out with a little research. Certainly I have no doubt that had the Graf actually been looking for your sister, his agents probably would have found her then."

"I told you, the Graf-"

"Lied to you, yes," Yellow said with a sigh. "But, with the amount of effort you put into being his pet, you could have covered far more," Yellow leaned back in his seat. "If you ask me, you got too attached to the power of Graf Dumas."

"That's a lie!" Patroklos shouted and Yellow shrugged.

"If you say so," he said nonchantly, before looking at the Soul Calibur wiki once more. "Anyway, in prison, Tira moved in and…seduced her for want of a better word."

"Seduced is the right word!" Tira said cheerfully and Yellow fixed her under his gaze while Patroklos reached slowly for his sword.

"Tira, what are you doing here?" Yellow asked in a long-suffering voice and Tira giggled. "I'm pretty sure the topic at hand is about who is more interesting than Patroklos here, not you."

"Oh I just heard someone talking about little old us and I just had to come along," she replied with a chuckle. Suddenly she swung her ring blade and parried a fast strike by Patroklos. She gave him a smile and wagged her finger at him. "Naughty, naughty little boy. You know we're not meant to fight here."

"I'm not supposed to be dealing with whiny characters either," Yellow said, pointedly looking at Patroklos. Unfortunately he didn't seem to take the hint.

"So who else is more interesting than me?" he demanded and Yellow quickly looked at the Soul Calibur wiki once more.

"Hmmm…" Yellow hummed with a frown. "Elysium is pretty dull and massively underdeveloped if you ask me, so not her. Ah, there he is!"

"Who?" Patroklos demanded and Yellow shrugged.

"This is where it gets a bit more difficult, but I would have to say that Xiba is certainly interesting. Interesting enough to pip you at any rate."

"He's just an orphan who loves to eat!" Patroklos protested and Yellow smiled.

"Yes, exactly. An orphan who loves to eat," Yellow said, before pausing. "Although he's not really an orphan. His mother is still alive and his father is…somewhere else. That makes for an interesting story. Plus, he's part of a group of misfits that include his half sister Lexia and Natsu. He doesn't know about Lexia being his half sister either. He's also a lot more fun and laid back."

"How dare you? How. Dare. You?" Patroklos practically spat, venom dripping from every word. "Everyone knows that it's endlessly angsty characters that are more interesting, with their inner conflict and-and-"

"Constant whining," Yellow finished with a smile. He gave Patroklos a hard look. "Angst is good in the right doseage, but sometimes a lighter character is more fun," he frowned as he looked at the character list. "I wish they'd kept Talim in, I really liked her character."

"Shuttup. I hate you!" Patroklos spat angrily and Yellow sighed. It seemed that Patroklos was busy building himself up into a thorough strop. Even Yellow's three year old nephew was better behaved.

"On the plus side, you're more interesting that the series staple Rock. Gods, I thought that guy was crap," Yellow pointed out and it was Patroklos's turn to give Yellow a long look.

"Rock. I'm more interesting than that walking cliché ROCK!?" he shouted and Yellow shrugged.

"And Elysium of course. But as her potential was wasted, I'm not sure she counts," Yellow said and Patroklos glared.

"Shuttup! I ha-"

"Hate me, yes I know," Yellow said wearily. Patroklos glared at him one last time and stalked off in a huff. Yellow sighed with relief.

"FINALLY!" he said with more than a hint of exasperation. "I was beginning to think he'd never leave. Now, time to get on with my story with no more interruptions."

"Hey Yellow…"

Yellow sighed as Harry Potter wondered onto the muse. This was just one of those days.