Chasing the Dragon
One-shot
"Come on, get up." A calm and collected voice says as someone's lean arms wrap around my legs, taking off my shoes. I feel as if I've heard that silky voice numerous times before, but no matter how hard I try, I can't place it to a face, or even a name for that matter. Once they are finished with my shoes one of the said arms sneaks under my torso and I can feel the other one's fingers play with strands of my hair, which are stuck to my forehead and damped by the cold sweat.
After few tries, which demanded tremendous efforts, I finally manage to open my mismatched eyes. My vision is still incredibly blurry form my high, so it takes few extremely long seconds for me to make out the face of the owner of the voice. Pale faced man with piercing red eyes framed by his black hair stares back at me. He looks so familiar and I'm certain that I used to know who he is, yet I'm still unable to match the face before me with any name I know.
"Ciel, please." I hear the voice call my name silently and for a fleeting moment I wonder how does that man know it until suddenly everything – those worried crimson eyes looking down at me, that long black fringe, which almost touches my face, along with that velvet voice – clicks into it's respectful places. Sebastian. Out of all people how could I forget Sebastian and the love hate relationship that binds us?
"I'm okay, leave me alone." I force my throat to work even if I really don't posses the needed energy to do so. Sebastian's eyes soften a bit, he's relieved. It's almost funny to see such an expression on his face. After all, that man is the bastard who gets me drugs so I bet his consciousness is long gone. Yet whenever he sees me like this, or in a state of withdrawal, he pulls this face. This face which says that he's worried sick, that he's sorry. I simply don't get him.
"That's good." The taller man mutters. Somehow the soft smile on his lips makes me feel ashamed of getting high again. I don't get why I feel so, but this only leads me to wanting to find another needle and pierce the soft skin above my veins, or maybe find a little bag with snow white powder in it and snort it, so I could chase away the pain once more.
I can no longer feel anything beneath me so I presume that Sebastian is now carrying me, I also can't see where the said man is going as my field of vision is filled by his face. When I hear the doors open and my sight is taken over by white I understand what was his destination – the bathroom.
When Sebastian puts me down – he does so to be able to turn on the shower – I notice that the mirror cabinet, which was filled with drugs for Sebastian to sell from the moment I stepped into this apartment – about a year or two ago – and still was, if I remember correctly, before my high, is now open and completely empty. I feel my heart start to beat fast and a huge lump in my throat. The drugs in there were worth a shit ton of money and Sebastian's too greedy to let all that potential profit go to waste. He wouldn't throw them out. No. I can bet a thousand dollars that he only hid it. I know him too fucking well. After all, I've spent the last two years living with him.
Actually how we came about this living arrangement is nothing out of ordinary. If you don't count the drugs, that is.
I met Sebastian one day while I was taking a stroll through the dirtiest part of the city in which I used to live. I was feeling down in the slumps that day – my parents had recently died and at the time I was living with my annoying, yet caring aunt Angelina – and I think that the awful aura surrounding me was Sebastian's reason for approaching me. I think he saw a potential addict, a person who sought the escape from reality, no matter in what shape or form it came. He first gave me a little sample – "A little something to brighten your day" he said – and that little bit was more than enough to get me hooked on heroin and then I ended up buying a bit more 'just to see if it makes me feel better again' and never stopping again. At first, just like I said, I bought only heroin, but it didn't take long before I quit being choosy and bought any kind of prescription medicine that Sebastian had.
The rest of our so called story happened after I already became a drug addict, so I don't remember that much of it. If those muddled images can even be called memories, that is.
Well anyways, I remember buying drugs from him numerous times, obviously, until we fucked one night. That night we were both looking for a release and somehow one thing led to another until the deed was done. Truth to be told, it was my first time with a man, but I couldn't say that I didn't enjoy it. I remember us becoming fuck buddies, and me spending countless nights in his bed. There's a huge gap after this, but I can still make out aunt Angelina's eyes clouding over and the blank stare in them, after she found out that I was a junkie.
From then on things get even cloudier.
There's this as if a picture of me leaving aunt Angelina's house – after I could no longer stand the way she looked at me whenever our eyes met – and me somehow ending up at Sebastian's apartment. Then him deciding to let me stay for a short while, just until I find my own place, and us ending up fucking that night. Then the said short stay turning into a permanent one. There's also the one of me noticing the locked mirror cabinet and soon finding out what's in it.
Somewhere between Sebastian fucking me senseless almost every night, and him finding me during one of my worst withdrawals – the said man racing to the mirror cabinet, unlocking it and then searching until he found the desirable liquid substance and a syringe, returning to my side, filling the said sharp object with the sweet nectar and finally stabbing it into my vein, right where the needle fits perfectly, pushing the heroin into my bloodstream and ultimately the dragon wishing away all of my sorrows and pain – we became lovers.
Sebastian pulling off my indigo blue t-shirt, wet from my sweat, and throwing it to the ground brings me back to the present. Soon my skinny jeans and boxers follow, leaving me completely naked in front of the man. Sebastian picks me up once more and places me right under the shower head, causing the freezing cold liquid to rain down on me. I start to tremble while begging him with my eyes to turn it off, but the water still falls on me and he continues to stare at me with a stone cold expression on his face.
Once this treatment is done I end up in our bed. I don't remember walking on my own so Sebastian probably carried me to the said piece of furniture. It doesn't take long until sleep takes over my eyes and my mind goes blank.
I somehow end up quite clear headed the next day. The fact even surprises me, as I haven't understood so well what's happening around me for a while now.
When I look around I find out that I'm the only person in the huge pile of white bedsheets and pillows of the same color. It's a bit saddening, but it's not like waking up alone is unusual for me – after all Sebastian leaves for his part time job most of the mornings – it's just that I would've loved to share one of my brighter days with him.
Sebastian works at a coffee shop half a day, four days a week and that makes the said man at least more responsible than I am, even if he doesn't look like it. Why he works there though, is completely beyond me, as Sebastian makes more than enough money by selling drugs. I'm tormented by my curiosity over this matter every day, but he has never told me the reason for it and I've never asked about it either.
I used to work a while back as well. At first my parent's inheritance was enough to take care of my expensive hobby, but soon – after aunt Angelina found out about the addiction – it got cut off and I had to find a job. But along with my worsening addiction, my social skills went to shit as well and I would get extremely nervous whenever someone tried to talk to me – the fact that I worked in retail really didn't help – and eventually I started getting this random outbursts of anger if someone as much as touched my while going past. After me and Sebastian became a couple and he started taking less and less money from me to pay for the drugs, so I quit my job. I wasn't able to do it in the most gracious way either since that day I was only able to meet my dear friend Molly in the afternoon.
I ponder for a moment if I would go outside now – as I haven't left the apartment for the last few months – if my social skills would have impaired even further of if somehow the opposite happened. Probably the former though.
When I hear something rattling in the kitchen, I find myself to be not as alone as I thought to be. I decide to get out of the bed and investigate the source of the noise, but without even doing so I probably know what it is – Sebastian preparing the breakfast for both of us. Or maybe even lunch I'm not entirely sure what time it is right now.
I finally force myself to turn my head and check the time in one of the ten clocks we for some reason own, even if we have no use for them. It's 12:24 a.m. I stare at the little device trying to figure out if my eyes aren't deceiving me, it wouldn't be the first time that they did so. But no, no mater how hard I try to see how the said clock is messing with me, I find that it's showing the true hours. I'm a little shocked by this, I have no idea how I've managed to get up so early by myself.
It takes a lot of tries until I make it out of bed, and by the time I do, the rattling has already quieted and now became more of a sizzling sound. When I'm in front of the mirror I notice that I'm only wearing a black pajama top. It's certainly not mine and it's oversized enough to let me conclude that it belongs to Sebastian. I'm too lazy to change into anything decent and end up leaving the room just like that.
When I enter the kitchen Sebastian, just as I predicted, is preparing breakfast. Ironically back when I first came here he was a terrible cook, just as myself, because he really didn't spend that much time in his small apartment and mostly ate in restaurants or just got a take out. We kept this practice alive for a while, until I had my first complete breakdown and we started leaving the apartment less and less.
"So how did the young master sleep today?" He asks. I can see a slight smile playing on his lips and for a fleeting moment think about what it could mean, until I catch myself doing so. I'm just being ridiculous, Sebastian's always smiling.
"A lot better after you left the bed, why thank you." I reply and lean into a wall. Sebastian isn't any more dressed up than I am, he's wearing black pajama pants, and by the looks of it, the piece of clothing on him and the garment that I am wearing make a complect. I watch him bake scrambled eggs and at that moment i wonder how he looks nothing like a drug addict or a dealer. Maybe he doesn't look like a drug addict because the said man is nowhere near being a junkie, and I'm not aware if he ever was one. And maybe he doesn't look like a drug dealer because people who portray them usually haven't ever dealt with one hence resulting in an image so very different from the truth.
Sebastian turns off the stove and goes to take two plates from cabinet right next to it. In few minutes he's going to put them on our glass coffee table and stare at me as I eat. He always acts that way while saying things like "If I leave you on your own you're just going to forget to eat." And I won't lie, I'd forget. I always do, even if my head is clear like today, but I still hate being babied.
I go to the bathroom, dying to take a piss and maybe slip a little something into my sleeve, to have it ready when my mind will start going blank or I'll get extremely nervous, yet when I check the mirror cabinet it's empty.
Fuck. I forgot that Sebastian decided to hide the drugs from me. Now I'll have to wait until he leaves for work and search the whole place. It's not the greatest task to do, as by looking for it, I'll only get more tired and crave a bigger high that the little bit I'll find could provide.
This situation leaves me with no other choice but to get back into the lounge, and so I proceed with that plan. Once I'm back, I notice that on the glass coffee table there's not only two plates, but also two identical mugs. When I get closer I find that the steaming hot liquid in mine is my beloved Earl Grey tea and black coffee in Sebastian's. The said man is already sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for me to sit down, so I flop down next to him and start eating. The food tastes really good and this causes me to ponder when was the last time I could truly taste the food that I was eating. Probably few weeks ago since I remember having a better day somewhere around that time as well.
We continue to eat in silence until Sebastian speaks. "I think it's enough." He states.
"What's enough?" I inquire, sipping my now only warm tea.
"You drugging yourself this much. Until you're completely clean I'll give you small doses that the withdrawal wouldn't be so bad, but that's the most you're going to get." I can feel Sebastian's eyes boring into me and I don't think I'll be able to stay under such an intense stare for long. My body begins itching all over, my palms are now wet from cold sweat and I can practically feel my brain shutting down.
"As if you'd do that." I snort, trying to hide my discomfort. That little something to calm down my nerves would be very useful right about now,
"I already did. There's not a single pill left in this apartment, you can search all you want." He speaks picking up my and his, now empty, plates and carrying them off to the kitchen. "Anyway, today I will be working in the afternoon so try to behave until I come back." He adds and once those words leave his mouth he enters the kitchen and I can hear the sound of plates clashing. He must have put them in the sink.
Sebastian disappears into the bedroom and I don't see him until he emerges fully clothed in black dress shirt and black skinny jeans. His hair looks messy, but falls perfectly against his pale face complexion. He proceeds my way, while wearing this seductive smirk on his lips. Fuck him and his overconfidence.
I decide to ignore him, hence I turn around searching for the TV remote. Once I find it, I turn the electronic device on and glue my eyes to the screen. I go through the channels expecting to find something decent, yet the best I can find is some kind of lame cooking show. I wonder why did I even try, it's the middle of a work day for fuck's sake.
"You're heartless, you know that?" Sebastian mutters behind me, his voice sounds as if he's given up on life, but I can tell that it's only one of his many plays. Soon I can feel slender, soft fingers gently brushing against my neck.
"That makes me exactly like you, doesn't it?" I retort and turn the volume up.
Sebastian's fingers travel up my neck and start playing with my tangles strands of hair, With his touch he lures my head into turning to face him and once I do his fingers slide from my hair onto my lips. His thumb forces open my lips and I playfully bite it. The smirk on his lips grows even bigger and soon my mouth is left agape, his fingers start pulling up my chin and his face is coming closer and closer to mine. Only seconds later his teeth are nibbling my lips. This sweet torment ends once his tongue enters my mouth and starts a passionate dance. It continues until we can no longer breathe and Sebastian pulls away. I'm left gasping for air, trying to fill my lungs with oxygen, but when I look at Sebastian, he has already regained his composure and is only slightly huffing. It's so fucking unfair.
"Don't miss me too hard." He says and leaves me still lost in the sweet and intoxicating sensation of his tongue exploring my mouth.
Sweat is dripping down my eyebrow, I'm shivering, my whole body hurts and I think I'm about to vomit. I run to the toilet and leave what's left of my dinner from the previous times in there. As my guts try to forcefully eject themselves through my mouth, I wonder how many times today has it already happened.
The bastard truly did it, he threw out all of the drugs in our entire apartment. Because of that Sebastian still gave me small doses to make the withdrawal symptoms easier to suffer through, but today he has been out the whole day, hence before leaving he gave me a small packet which should have had enough drugs in it to last me the entire day. The contents of the bag were laughable, it only had half of the dose which used to be my usual few weeks ago. Of course I wasn't able to contain myself and had all of the precious white powder in one go, hence now I'm going through withdrawal with no drugs in the entire apartment.
Then it suddenly hits me. I think of a way to get drugs even without Sebastian's help, and I can't do anything but laugh at the fact that I didn't think about it sooner. After all it is bluntly obvious.
I rip a single sheet of toilet paper and wipe the remains of vomit off my face. My legs are shaky, but I manage to stand up and go look for my cellphone in the bedroom. It takes a while, but I find it under one of the many pillows in the bed, which I and Sebastian share. I unlock it in few ties and start looking through my contacts, hoping that I still have that one particular number.
Bingo. I finally find it and smile to myself, today must be my lucky day.
I press the call button and wait through the signals for the person to pick up. Unfortunately, he doesn't answer the first time, hence I wait for few moments, then take a deep breath and call him again. I wait through the signals once again, counting them, and begin to think that he won't be answering this time either, when he suddenly picks up.
"Lau, you alone?" My voice comes out strained and I remember that he's the first person I have talked to in the whole day.
"Oh, what a surprise! I can't believe that you're calling me!" The cheerful voice from another end replies. Lau is one of my aunt's acquaintances. When I first met him I believed him to hold the position of the director in some huge trading company, but later – after I started living with Sebastian, that is – I found out that it's only his cover job and that he's actually a drug dealer as well.
"Drop the bullshit. Do you have anything?" I hiss. Lau usually annoys me enough as it is, but now I'm practically ready to decapitate him.
"Well I just got a new batch of heroin. But how come you're buying the junk from me and not your darling Sebastian? Trouble in paradise, eh?" Lau teases me.
"How soon can we meet?" I pretend not to hear anything apart the first sentence and open the closet in search of decent clothes and shoes.
"I can be in that park near your apartment in about an hour." The man says and from his tone of voice I can guess that he's extremely amused by this whole ordeal.
The first half an hour passed by quite quickly – I chose the clothes I'm going to wear, a dark blue sweater and black baggy jeans, then I find where Sebastian hides money and throw up again. But the second half of the hour goes by tormentingly slow – I basically just look at the clock and count minutes until I'll have to go down the stairs.
Once Lau's here, he messages me. Actually it's only a blank text, but I get the idea. After placing my phone in my pocket and checking if I have the right amount of cash, I take few deep breaths and after extremely long pause between me unlocking the door and opening it, I leave.
When I finally make it outside, into the intoxicating darkness, my breath starts hitching and I have to force my legs to move forward and not scram back into the safeness and comfort of my apartment. From then on everything becomes a blur – I go find Lau sitting on a bench; I sit down on the bench back to back to the one Lau's sitting on; we exchange the desired items; I go back. It's as if I did those things on autopilot and only switched back to manual when I was back in the apartment, with a small plastic bag, filled with heroin, in my hands.
I take off my shoes and rush to the kitchen. Even with my shaky hands it takes only moments for me to locate a lighter and a roll of foil. I waste no time looking for scissors though, and rip out a small uneven square out of the said foil. I spit on it and pour a bit of snow white powder on the top, then I take the lighter and light it beneath the uneven square until the mixture starts evaporating. I chase after the swarming fume and inhale it, letting the calming effect embrace me. It feels so good, almost heavenly, yet I find it to be not to my satisfaction, hence I pour everything that's left in the plastic bag on the kitchen table. I rip a long strip of foil and use it to stack the precious powder into thin lines. Once I'm done doing that, I make a small tube like object out of the said foil and bring it to my nose, snorting the heroin.
When there's no powder left on the table, I lay down on the cold kitchen tiles. The sweet bliss washes over me and my vision blurs.
Soon all of the blurriness is changed by the darkness. At first the loss of vision startles me, but then I realize it might only be that I closed my eyes without noticing. It doesn't take long before the light taste of vomit, which was still present in my mouth disappears as well. Slowly, but surely, the sense of smell follows and I can no longer smell the scent of me and Sebastian, which always lingered in our apartment. Suddenly I can no longer feel the coldness of the kitchen floor as well. The loss of this sense makes me understand that I am indeed dying, that this was the last time I ever danced with the dragon, that this morning was the last time I ever saw Sebastian, was kissed by him, was touched by him.
Someone unlocks the door and I hear soft footsteps, as well as the sound of Sebastian calling out my name, if I'm right he's in the bedroom right now. Soon the footsteps start to sound rushed and the sound of my name on his lips becomes desperate.
It only takes few seconds, but my hearing also fades away and my body is takes over by the nothingness.
AN: Hey, I hope you enjoyed this:3
I was inspired to write this fic by My Sweet Prince by Placebo. I fucking love that song!
Anyway I'm posting this while on my cellphone, so please forgive me all my errors, I'll fix them in few days when I get my computer back xd
This is also my first ever Kuroshitsuji fic so the characters might have seemed a bit ooc xd
And I also know nothing about drugs (though I did a bit of research) so if I got anything wrong please correct me:d
Negative and positive comments are welcome.