A/N: Crackfic. Based on this tumblr post:
"my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said "i'm going to die" and drank the whole thing"
Ugh. Artemis hated college. Artemis hated mornings. Artemis hated not having coffee. But most of all, Artemis hated not having coffee during morning classes at college. Ugh.
She made her way through the throng of people on campus, all but shoving them out of her way. She grumbled angrily, shouldering her way through a pack of idiots blocking the hallway. What are they doing there if they aren't going to class? MOVE! she mentally seethed. She bumped her shoulder into a particularly loud idiot, sending him into the nearby wall. She didn't stop to hear his complaints.
Her thoughts stewed angrily on her way up the stairs to her class. Megan had made noise all night and therefore Artemis hadn't slept a wink. Once again. Damn projects, she grouched inwardly, damn Megan and her damn sleep schedule, damn college with morning classes and damn broken coffee machine!
Artemis all but kicked open the damn door and stomped her way to a seat in the middle of the cluster of cramped desks. She hated it; but she couldn't sit in the back and fall asleep, or sit in front and risk getting caught slacking off - or sleeping - in front of the teacher.
She threw her bag onto the floor underneath her chair and promptly let herself fall into her place. She slouched, grouched and crossed her arms, muttering childishly under her breath. She looked at the clock, which indicated there was still about fifteen minutes before class. Artemis all but screamed her frustration. She also restrained herself from tossing chairs and desks at her leisure onto the few other students that had arrived early.
At about five minutes to the hour, a bunch of living-dead-like students walked in followed by the teacher who was trying and failing to keep all his papers in his hands. Artemis snorted. Some students had severe cases of bed-head, others had their clothes inside out, and one guy was actually still in his pyjamas. One dude, the hispanic guy who sat next to her, looked so beyond tired that Artemis could tell he had probably woren his clothes not just yesterday, but also the day before. His hair was so mussed up and greasy from lack of sleep that when he ran his hair through it, it stuck straight up and reminded her of a hedgehog. His eyes were so tired she thought they might be made of glass. The kid's face was covered in stubble, and she thought she noticed an incredibly small trail of dried on spit sitting at the corner of his mouth.
But Artemis dismissed all that. Why? Because, the guy was holding a cup of scalding hot coffee. Black. Just the way she liked it. She could snap his neck and just take the coffee, no questions asked. However, before Artemis could revel in her murder-coffee fantasy, the guy pulled a king-sized can of some kind of energy drink out of his backpack. Studying the can, she was pretty sure it was one of the extra caffeinated ones that were most likely spiked with speed and heroin. He put it on his side of the desk and promptly dropped his bag onto the floor.
He took the pin on the can and cracked it loudly cracked open, some residue spraying into the air. With one hand he grabbed the can, and in the other he grasped his cup of coffee. Oh lord, Artemis thought in horror, is he really..?
He started pouring it into the coffee, twisting the rich ebony colour into a disgusting mix of brownish-green. "I'm gonna die," he announced to what looked to be no one in particular, but he shot a sideways glance at her and their eyes met. He finished pouring the radioactive juice into his elixir of wakefulness and crushed the can, interrupting the teacher.
Everyone looked at the kid, the crushed can of the energy drink and the tall cup of weird smelling - and looking - coffee. Before the teacher could stop him from effectively killing himself via energy overdose, the kid chugged the whole energy-coffee without pause for breath in under thirty seconds.
Artemis thought there were two possible outcomes to this: option A where he starts vibrating; option B where his heart explodes in his chest. When none of those things happened, class returned to normal - well, as normal as it could get. The madman turned to her and quickly introduced himself.
"I'm Jaime Reyes," he told her hurriedly though she understood him.
"Uh, I'm Artemis Crock," she replied still bleary with sleep.
He took out his wallet, faster than her eyes could follow his hands, and he handed her a card with some numbers. "Get the nurse," he told her with a smile.
Artemis' eyes widened and she started to stand up, but Jaime collapsed on his desk, crashing down loudly. "JAIME!" she screamed despite herself. She didn't even know the guy. "SOMEONE GET THE NURSE!"
...
And that's how she ended up spending her day waiting next to a guy she barely knew who tried to commit suicide via poison ingestion, talking about their next project. The teacher had assigned them together on the next team assignment.
"So," Jaime said, his thick accent making his words sing. "Coffee shop tomorrow at 7?"
Artemis smiled. "It's a date."