He leaned over the railing of the balcony outside his apartment, staring at the concrete and occasional pedestrians below. His lips were drawn in a tight line, heavy-lidded eyes focusing on nothing in particular. The wind blew through his hair on that starless night. The night life of Amestris continued as usual. The city was peaceful, but his mind was restless.
He exhaled through his nose, shoulders drooping as his chest deflated. How the hell did I ever end up there? Why didn't I just take a desk job instead?
His senses were then assaulted with phantom screams, heat, and smoke. The stifling scent of decaying bodies was all around him. Gunshots rang every second; bodies fell like rain. Blue lightning flashed on occasion, signaling a completed transmutation resulting in either fire, weapons, or explosions. Armed with his kunai, he ran through the streets, murdering every set of red eyes he encountered. He didn't want to die, so he followed orders. The Ishvalans had to be exterminated; that was it, so they were told.
"Maes?" he whipped his head around at the soft voice, not realizing that he had broken out in a sweat. His wife stood in the open doorway, brows furrowed and eyes searching for what could be the cause of her husband's stress.
Hughes stared back at her, noting her expression. His face softened after a few seconds, signature smile finding its place again. "Hey, Honey."
"Is everything alright, Dear?" she walked towards him and stood facing him at his side, one hand resting on the crook of his elbow.
He stared at the hand for a moment before turning back to the street below. "Just couldn't sleep."
"Did you have a nightmare?"
His smile softened. "You could say that."
"Was…was it about Ishval?"
He remained silent. Gracia looked down at her hand, tracing it lightly along his forearm until it reached his hand, palm resting on his thumb. He turned his hand over and intertwined their fingers. She leaned her head against his bicep. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" she whispered.
His smile faltered when she wasn't looking. I know, Gracia, but… "Some things you're better off not knowing. I don't know if I'll ever be able to talk to you about it."
"You don't have to hide anything from me, Maes. I know that war must have been horrific. Whatever you did won't change how I feel about you."
If only I could believe that, Gracia. He continued to look down at the street, eyes focusing on a couple appearing to have just come from watching the new play. Gracia sighed. It wasn't like him to be this quiet or closed off. She turned to look at his face where his smile found his lips again.
He blinked before turning to face her, hands resting on her waist. "Maybe one day in the future, Gracia, if it ever gets easier to talk about."
His wife nodded in response. Hughes' smile relaxed a bit, and he pulled her in closer, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and the other around her waist. She complied, hugging him back. "You sure you don't need to talk about it tonight? I don't want this to keep you up for the rest of the night."
He kissed her forehead. "I'm sure, Honey. Besides," he placed one hand on the rounding part of Gracia's belly. "Don't wanna risk stressing you out with little Elycia on the way."
She smiled, placing her hand on his. "That's true."
Hughes got down on his knees and kissed Gracia's stomach. She combed her fingers through his hair. Hughes whispered, "Hey there, Elicia. You doing ok in there? Daddy can't wait to see you!"
Gracia giggled. "It'll be a few more months before we see her, Maes."
"I know," Hughes replied. "But I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!"
"I know, Dear," his wife replied as he stood up. "I'm excited to see her, too." She looked down at her belly as she began rubbing gentle circles on it.
Hughes' smile turned sad again as he sighed. There's no guarantee that Gracia will stay with me if she finds out what happened in Ishval. And what about Elicia? If I tell Gracia, would it be right to keep it from her, too?
He was torn away from his thoughts when he felt a hand press against his cheek. His startled eyes met Gracia's bright ones, a soft smile settled on her face. "Tell me when you're ready, Maes. I already told you it won't change us."
Hughes smiled again. Guess I'm easier to read than I thought. No…she just knows me too well. Of course. "Alright, Gracia. When I can bring myself to do it, I'll tell you, and Elicia, too, if you think she can handle it."
"Thank you, Maes." He bent down and met her lips with a tender kiss, to which she returned without hesitation. When they parted, she took his hands in hers. "Now let's go to bed. Think you can sleep now?"
Hughes turned and looked back toward the city for a brief moment as he thought. He turned back to his wife and shrugged, "To be honest I'm not so sure, but I feel better than I did before you came out here."
"Do you wanna try then?"
"Sure." Gracia turned and walked back inside their apartment leading Hughes behind her.
About ten minutes later, they were both back in bed, Gracia fast asleep. Hughes fought to keep his eyes open, not wishing to take his eyes off of Gracia anytime soon. After batting his eyes a few more times, he decided to surrender that battle and try to sleep again. As he closed his eyes for the night, he thought about how he would tell her about Ishval, how he would keep his promise to her.
He didn't know that he wouldn't be able to.