Title: Chocobos Go Wark
Author: DMitchell1985
Beta: Dreamcatcher
Summary: Reno isn't fond of chocobos in the least.
Rating: G -cough cough wink wink-
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, but we all know that I wish I did.
Word Count: 1,957
Pairing: Reeve/Reno
Warnings: Slash
Spoilers: A couple, but nothing major.
Author's Notes: The generator I got this from gave this particular result a G rating, so I tried to work with that. Still, I am going to mark the fic one rating higher, just in case. Again, thank you to my wonderful, wonderful beta, Dreamcatcher, who pretends along with me that this is a clear, G-rated fic.
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Reno looked up into the sky and frowned at the chocobo that flew overhead. Although he knew that the large birds were useful in their own right, he couldn't stand the sound of their constant warks or the ever-present danger of falling poop that followed them wherever they traveled.
He had once told Rude about his irritation at the birds' continued existence, and his partner had laughed in his face and told him that he was being paranoid. But Reno knew better. The chocobos were after him.
He had, on more than one occasion, been victim to an idiotic chocobo's calling card. After the third ruined shirt and the unforgivable sticky mess that he'd had a difficult time washing out of his hair, Reno had begun to avoid the malicious fowl altogether and stuck to the only birds that mattered, hot women and Shin-Ra helicopters.
Reno kicked at the dirt around his feet and stuck his hands in his pants pockets while he waited for Reeve to finish yet another long meeting. He looked down the alley that ran behind the restaurant where Reeve was meeting his chief foremen to see if he could spot Rude's bald head shining in the sunlight. No matter where they went or what they were doing, Reno could always count on Rude's unnatural scalp to give him away.
It wasn't that Reno had a problem with Rude's lack of hair, just that it amused him more than anything else. He found this to be especially true when some young thing would slink up to his partner while they sat drinking the memory of their workday under the table at their favorite dives. The woman would invariably end up sprawled across Rude's lap in an attempt to keep the man's attention solely on her while she traced her garishly-polished fingernails over the unbroken curve of Rude's crown. Reno would simply sit back, with a drink in his hand, to laugh at the predictable show that most people put on when a Turk walked into a bar.
He smiled at the memory and thought of the jokes he had heard based on incidents like that memory alone. What do you get when a Turk, another Turk, and a skirt meet up at a bar? A. . .
"Reno!" An unseen voice called Reno's name from behind him.
He spun quickly on his heel to face whomever had called out to him. Seeing that it was Reeve, followed closely by Elena, he straightened his back before answering. "Yes, sir?"
"I'm ready to go. I've called your name three times already. I don't know how you manage to guard anyone if you spend the entirety of your shifts daydreaming," Reeve admonished lightly.
Reno felt his face grow warm in response to the slight reprimand. "I apologize, sir."
Reeve motioned for Reno to follow him as he turned to walk to the company car that would carry them all back to Shin-Ra Tower. Reno moved toward the executive, his eyes catching Rude and Elena's bemused smirks.
Elena slid into the driver's seat and waited for her passengers to get in, while Rude ushered Reeve into the backseat of the car. After Reeve was seated, Rude sank down onto the seat next to him and Reno walked around to the opposite side of the car. Elena started the ignition and drove away from the restaurant when Reno's door slammed shut on the sound of Midgar's foot traffic.
Reno leaned back against the leather seat and tried return to his previous strand of thought. Proving to be unsuccessful in recovering the place he left off, Reno settled for staring sullenly out his window. He could feel someone's gaze upon the side of his face, but he resisted the temptation to glance over and see who it was. He had an idea who it might have been regardless.
"What were you thinking about so intently that it caused your mind to wander?" Reeve's even tone did not contain any anger on the surface, but Reno knew that the stern man could easily hide the emotion.
"Uhm," Reno began. "Nothing really." He swallowed and kept his face to the window.
"Is that so? You seemed to be concentrating awfully hard on 'nothing'."
Reno turned his head to look at his superior and he saw Rude eyeing the both of them as they spoke. A flick of his eyes toward the front of the car revealed that Elena was watching them, too, from the safety of the rearview mirror. He decided they only needed to know part of what he had been thinking about. There was no good reason to bring up Rude or the bars or the beautiful women who liked to sit in their laps when they went out.
"I was thinking about chocobos, sir."
"Chocobos?" Reeve repeated the word awkwardly, as though that was the last thing in the world he expected Reno to utter. "Chocobos?"
"Yes, sir. I saw one fly over the city and I started thinking about chocobos." Reno mentally pleaded with himself to stop talking, because so far he had only managed to sound like a backwater simpleton, instead of the competent Turk he knew that he could be when he focused on a task.
"I see," was all that Reeve said aloud for a moment, his eyes never leaving Reno's face. "Was there anything in particular that chocobo made you think of?"
Rude laughed quietly from the other side of the car and Reno heard Elena give a cough that sounded suspiciously like a laugh of her own.
"Erm." Reno hesitated for a moment. Could he honestly tell Reeve about his fear of being pooped on yet again? He knew there were worse people he could admit the truth to, like President Shinra or his son, Rufus, but this was still Reeve, the man who had essentially built Midgar from the ground up and was known for his tempered demeanor. He would be laughed out of the car before they reached the next traffic light.
He sighed to himself and decided to own up to the reason why he had allowed himself to become distracted. If he was to be written up for neglecting his duties, he might as well be written up for something trivial, and not an imagined plot to intentionally place Reeve's life at stake.
"I don't really like chocobos, sir. I always seem to get crapped on every time one of them flies by. That's what I was thinking about when I saw that one in the alley. That I might get crapped on again."
Reeve chuckled quietly and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his amusement was evident. "I suppose I can understand that." He smiled slowly and went on. "I've always been fond of chocobos myself. I even had a stuffed chocobo as a child named Lolly."
Reno frowned in his confusion. He expected to be further dressed down for his actions, not to have Reeve share a personal, childhood memory with him. Part of him wondered if this was some sort of double-sided conversation that Reeve would use as a way to get him to work overtime or do him a personal favor if he overlooked Reno's small misstep. Reno decided to wait and see before he gave into the panic that chewed at him. All he needed was another bad field report. He had had three write ups this week so far, with the lightest of his offenses being that he accidentally-on-purpose electrocuted some jerk that got a little too close to him for comfort.
"Lolly, sir?"
"Yes, I named it after my father's chocobo that was named Lolonyo,only I couldn't say the bird's name properly. So, Lolly it was. The bird died a few years back, but I've still got one of its offspring that answers to the same name."
Reno raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
"Yes. I wouldn't mind taking you to see him some time. Maybe then you would see that not all chocobos are prone to relieving themselves on you." Reeve smiled slightly and began to gather his briefcase and jacket as they pulled into the tower's parking garage.
Reno slid out of the car when Elena pulled into Reeve's assigned spot and stared over the top of the car at the man he thought he had figured out. Since when was Reeve known for his love of wretched birds that pooped wherever they saw fit? The citizens of Midgar, yes. But chocobos? That did not sound like the Reeve Reno knew one bit.
"Yeah, okay," Reno said blandly. He could always find a reason to be busy whenever the issue came up again.
Reno, Rude, and Elena surrounded Reeve as they escorted him first to the garage's elevator and then to the man's office. Upon reaching his secretary's desk, Reeve informed Rude and Elena that they could go, then beckoned for Reno to join him in his office. Reno followed him in and suppressed the urge to start when the door clicked shut behind them.
"Just so you know, there will not be a report about your performance in the field today. I am certain that is the last thing you need after the difficulty you had explaining why you were caught overseeing the now-infamous secretarial office race two days ago." Reeve laughed companionably and moved to sit behind his cluttered desk.
Reno stood a healthy distance away from the man and his easy smile that caused Reno to grow increasingly uncomfortable for reasons that he could not identify.
"Thank you, sir."
"I was serious about you coming by to see my chocobo some time."
Reno nodded dumbly and hoped that Reeve would dismiss him soon. A nagging voice in the back of his head seemed to know the cause of his discomfort, and that fact caused his face to grow warm.
"I appreciate that, sir."
Reeve sighed audibly when Reno said nothing further. "You can go, Reno." He began to pull several messy piles of paperwork towards him.
"Thank you, sir," Reno said with every bit of practiced formality he could drum up. A significant part of him felt completely "sir'ed" out at the moment.
"You know, Reno," Reeve said suddenly, looking up from his paperwork. "There is more to see than chocobos at my stable."
Reno grinned and shifted his hips so that his left leg supported his weight. "Like harnesses and chocobo feed?"
"Those, too," Reeve's voice dropped as he continued speaking. "But there are other things that are just as important, like an excellent riding instructor to give you a guided tour of the building and everything in it. . ."
Reno was not certain whether they were still talking about chocobos or not, but he decided to take Reeve at his word. What harm could it cause if he took Reeve's words literally? After all, the man was not exactly hard on the eyes.
"Duly noted, sir." With a wink, he left Reeve's office much more cheerful than when he entered it five minutes earlier.
As he walked down the hall to the elevator, his thoughts from outside of the restaurant returned to him. He laughed to himself in remembrance of the end of his joke, causing several of the elevator's occupants to move away from him, giving him the space he usually warranted. They knew that a laugh from Reno could mean anything from something being about to explode violently to him preparing himself to tell the most inappropriate joke he could think of at any given moment.
He pressed the button that would take him to his floor and resolved to go see Reeve's chocobo sooner rather than later.
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The End