Hopeless Idiocy: Chapter One

Disclaimer/A/N: I do not own POTO and I never will. Sniffle

Hi guys! Some of you may know me as Mrs. Malfoy, but I couldn't have that name because someone already took it…crap. But anyway… enjoy the story! One for thing before you read, this is my first story and I'm not very good at the whole grammar thing. ;) So please excuse any mistakes! Feel free to correct any if them though! And I'm aware that this is very out of character and silly, but I just did it for fun, so if you don't like it, then don't read it! Oh, and I bash pretty much all the characters, so…yeah. ;) Have fun! This is more the movie version so I'm just going to call Erik "The Phantom" most of the time… K? …K.

"Raoul, its Erik's birthday today. Can I bake him a cake? Please?" Christine said to her new husband with pleading eyes.

"Christine, that man is an insane lunatic who tries to steal you away from me every five seconds. No, you may not bake him a cake." Raoul replied with disgust. Raoul and Christine were both still living in the opera house. Raoul continued to carry his position as the patron and Christine wanted to continue her career as an opera singer.

"But foppy face!"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Raoul Screamed. Christine began to whimper. Raoul rolled his eyes and sighed. "Fine, you may bake him a cake, but I'm going with you to give it to him. God knows what he could do to you." Christine giggled.

"Nothing he hasn't done before." Raoul's eyes grew wide.

"WHAT?"

"Kidding, kidding." She said, sill giggling. Raoul's face relaxed a little.

"Just go bake the freaking cake."

"YAY!" Christine yelled happily. She skipped into the kitchen. Raoul merely rolled his eyes. Why hadn't he accepted Meg's marriage proposal? About an hour later, the warm, sweet smell of chocolate cake drifted through the opera house. Christine, wearing oven mitts, ambled into Raouls room almost dropping the cake and bumping into the wall. Raoul sighed.

"Lets get this over with."

"'Kay!" Christine chirped happily. They walked to Christine's room. When they got there, Raoul pulled open the mirror and they both walked through. Faint sounds of the huge pipe organ echoed up the winding stairs. "Pretty music!" Christine said, mesmerized. Raoul kept walking. When they arrived at the lake, Raoul grinned.

"Well there's no way for us to get across! Lets go home." Christine looked up at him with doe eyes.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"N-"

"Please?"

"FINE!"

"YAY!" Christine clapped her hand excitedly and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. (Plot hole...sorry. She had the cake in her hands… but I'm too lazy to fix it…) Raoul shuddered and cupped his hands around his mouth.

"HEY PEA BRAIN! PRETTY WOMEN HERE BAKED YOU A CAKE!" They waited for a short time and soon enough, they saw the small boat coming closer to them. When it reached the edge of the concrete bank, the phantom stepped out; he gave a slight bow to Christine, and Christine curtsied back. He turned to Raoul, and stuck his tongue out. Raoul however, being the gentlemen that he was, flipped him off. Christine ignored this. She practically threw the cake at the phantom and screamed, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIK!" Almost giving him an aneurysm. He smiled painfully at her.

"Thank you my dear." He looked over at Raoul with dark eyes. "Would you like to say something too?" He snarled.

"Bite me."

"I might." The phantom snarled back.

"Come on, Christine." Raoul said, giving a spiteful glance at the phantom. "Let's get out of this hell hole." The Phantom looked at them for a minute.

"I suppose I'll walk you back." He said. Then he muttered, "I have nothing else to do." They walked for a long time up the stairs until Christine spoke.

"I'm tired." She yawned. "Raoul, will you carry me?"

"No, I'm as tired as you are." She turned to Erik and looked up at him with round eyes. "Will you Erik?" The Phantom looked at Raoul and grinned.

"Of course I will my darling, for I unlike little pansy boy over there, am manly and strong, and I will carry you because I am not tired." He looked triumphantly at Raoul. Before Raoul could reply, Christine threw herself into the phantoms arms. "Oomph!" The phantoms eyes bulged out. Christine giggled.

"Your fluffy!"

"So are you! Did you put on weight?" Said the Phantom, a strained look spreading across his face. Raoul glared at he phantom as Christine started to cry.

"Now look what you made her do!" Raoul said, shaking his head.

"Well she's not exactly a feather, you know!" The phantom growled back through clenched teeth and sighed. "I just can't win, can I?" Christine was clinging to Raouls sleeve, pouting. They walked like this for the rest of the way, until they turned a corner and came to the mirror.

"Finally!" Raoul said, looking relived. "Lets go, Christine." He tried to open the passageway door, but couldn't. He started to panic. "What the hell" He said rather loudly. Erik clamped his hands protectively over Christine's ears.

"Oh." Said Erik, smirking. I guess Madam Giry must have locked it by accident again. "Well, you'll just have to stay with me for the night."

"NO!" Screamed Raoul.

"YAY!" screamed Christine.

A/N: YAY! I hope you liked it! I have more chapters waiting, so please R&R and tell me if you liked it. If so, then I'll post more! WHOO! Oh yeah, my dad said he was going to read this. (He thinks I'm doing bad things on the internet…HI DADDY!) Bye for now!

angelofmusic2000 ;)