You Know You're Disgusted With Twilight When…
Karin: Hey everyone! Welcome to my first Twilight fic. This is all for pure humor so please no one take it personally. The sole purpose of this is to create some laughs whether you are a Twilight fan or a Twilight booer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Even though I think Stephenie Meyer could've done better, I admire her as an author and respect her for becoming so successful.
You Know You're Disgusted With Twilight When…
#1- You want to bang your head against the wall every time someone talks about Edward Cullen.
#2- You are completely turned off from the fact that the vampires are TOO invincible.
#3- You claim you absolutely cannot take any of the Twilight vampires seriously because they sparkle.
#4- You tell every Twilight fangirl you come across that Twilight is the book of Mary-sues.
#5- You hate the fact that Bella can't get it through her head that Edward and his family are not perfect.
#6- You are annoyed with Edward for being good at everything without even trying and doesn't seem to have any flaws.
#7- You are horrified by Breaking Dawn for the fact that it was the most Mary-sueish thing you have ever laid your eyes upon.
#8- You tell your friends that if given the opportunity, you would tell Edward Cullen that he overacts like a pregnant woman to his face.
#9- You pity Jacob Black and hate the fact that everyone portrays him as only wanting to get into Bella's pants.
#10- You say that Twilight is an insult to vampires everywhere and that it has shamed their awesomeness.
#11- You start a war with the Twilight fans to see who can get the most people to hate or support Twilight.
#12- You go around pissing off all the Edward Cullen fangirls you can find by picking on all the faults you can find on Edward. i.e- overacts like a woman, very unrealistic, the fact that he SPARKLES in the sunlight, etc.
#13- You get pissed off at the fact that Bella forgave Edward without hesitation despite the fact that he left her depressed and somewhat suicidal in New Moon. It doesn't matter if he loved her, that was still something that she should've given him a punishment for.
#14- You make up a Twilight-haters theme song and post it on Youtube and at the end of the song you put "Join the Twilight-haters army! We want you!" and have Uncle Sam pointing to the person watching the screen.
#15- You make it your mission to prevent people from reading the RPG mary-sue known as Twilight with every fiber of your being.
#16- You sit in the principal's office while the principal calls your mother because you got into a fight with a Twilight fan (This occurrence can range from once everyday to once every week. We have yet to encounter a Twilight-hater that could go without getting into a quarrel with a Twilight fan for over one week).
#17- You make a side show demonstrating the points why Twilight is horrible and show it to your English class for a book report/project presentation.
#18- You retort to Twilight fans the proof of Twilight being a Mary-sue was Breaking Dawn itself. Stephenie Meyer had made it clear that in the first three books that vampires were indeed unable to impregnate or have babies and then all of a sudden Bella is pregnant and they say "Oh, it's happen before" as if the direct statements and implications of vampires being unable to reproduce did not exist.
#19- You call an exorcist when your sister has become a Twilight fan.
#20- You tell the Twilight fans you side with the werewolves just to piss them off.
#21- You make your casual dinner topic about how much Twilight shamed the world of literature.
#22- You take your sister's special edition copies of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Braking Dawn and make a bon fire with them to just roast a bag of marshmallows.
#23- You write Bella/Jacob fanfictions and post them up everywhere to make steam come out of the Edward fangirls ears. Often at times forums and communities for the Jacob/Bella pairing pop up soon after if all you get for said fanfictions is flames because "Edward and Bella belong together".
#24- You are not trying to summon Edward Cullen from Twilight to kill me for saying he overacts like a pregnant woman.
#25- You actually had done some of the listings above and plan on doing the rest memorizing every little detail of this list.
Warnings: Some activities on this list can cause Twilight fans to come after you with torches and pitch folks. Be sure to have a passport and your getaway all planned out before you anger Twilight fans. Have a nice day!
Karin: Okay, here's the thing. Please do not flame me for putting this list up just because I wrote these things about Twilight. Personally, I think the book could've been better and it had the potential to be. Anything other than pointing out grammar mistakes or spelling, I do not want to hear. Please don't anyone take this personally; this is all for pure fun and to create some laughs.
I plan to make it up to the Twilight fans because I also have a "You Know You're Obsessed with Twilight when…" story done and ready. However, it will not come out until October 6 because it is my friend's (who is a major Twilight fangirl) birthday. Honestly, I believe that list is funnier. In this list the variety didn't really stick out as much while the Obsessed one is weird in a good way.
Hope you had laughs.
See ya next time.