Always Almost Asking
A/N: This is not a polished, perfectly structured story. It is disjointed in places, and just feels wrong.I didn't even really mean to write this in the first place. I woke up with an image of the Tenth Doctor proposing to Rose in my head, and this torturous image demanded to be written into something. I personally don't see the basis behind this actually happening (advertising my story so well)-which makes my brain's obsession to get it out there more ridiculous (though my thoughts about the subject made me cry). Maybe one day I'll flesh this out into something better, or someone else can if they would like to, and the ideas will get the attention they crave.
I apologise for any mistakes, grammatical or plot wise. Some episodes I haven't seen in a long time.
Mainly takes place in the David Tennant Years.
x
He had no idea why he was here. Really, how he had found himself here now, looking at the glistening jewellery in the glass case before him, he tried to work out why he wasn't back home.
He had left his friends alone, something he always finds unbearable considering who one of them was.
Wait.
That's why he had come here.
"Sir?"
The suited man looked up at the lady behind the counter, and offered her a sheepish smile. She seemed to understand his nervousness, and came to stand opposite him, leaning her elbows on the glass display between them.
"It's okay to be nervous. Most of the guys we have in here are the same, fretting over if they made the right decision or not. But if you came here in the first place, then you must have decided correctly for you."
Her customer just nodded his head once, and then swallowed thickly.
"You'll be alright. So, what is the lucky lady like? Or, gentleman, I suppose. We serve to anyone."
She looked encouragingly at him, and he permitted himself to speak.
"She's...she's brilliant. She's the greatest person in the entire universe, and she doesn't even realise it. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, she is-and always will be-fantastic."
The staff member grinned at him at his outburst.
"Well, she certainly deserves someone like you then. What's her name?"
"Her...Her name's Rose. Rose Tyler."
"Oh, that a beautiful name. Would you like to start selecting a ring now? How about something with a red or pink stone, suiting her name?"
The Doctor allowed himself a small smile at the thought of a pink ring for her, but quickly cast the idea aside.
"No, no. I was thinking more of...err..."
What was he thinking? He still didn't know why he had come to this shop, after never even thinking of it before.
Well, he had considered it before, but not that much. Welllll, maybe a bit more than that, but not all the time.
Alright then, yes, he did think about it all the time. But he really shouldn't. It could never work, they weren't even the same species, and it wasn't like she was his to ask anyway.
Then he would think of her in the TARDIS, where no-one could claim she didn't belong. She just fit with his blue ship and-that's it!
"Something blue. Perhaps a sapphire?"
"Certainly, sir. Is this what you were looking for?"
Studying the blue and silver engagement ring being held out to him, a wide grin broke out across the Doctor's face.
"Perfect."
x
He always kept it in his jacket pocket, forever waiting for the chance when it could be revealed and the question asked. He was certain she would say yes.
He never did reveal it, though. He wanted to, oh how he wanted to, but the moment had to be just right.
He wanted the night he asked her to be the best that they had ever had, the most fantastic adventure yet.
But every journey with her was precious, each one becoming better than the last.
So he never gave it to her, because there would be another adventure to come. One, which would be so much more than the last.
He didn't think it would ever end, that he would no longer be given more time to ask her.
As he finds himself saying his last goodbye, he still can't find himself to say it. To do what he has longed for from the moment he took her hand and said "Run."
He has to. Now is his last chance, no matter how much it hurts. Not much time is left, and there is now nothing he can do, but he has to let her know. His question can never be answered in the way he wants, but he just has to let her know. Let her see just what they could have had.
"And I suppose... if it's my last chance to say it... Rose Tyler-"
-I love you. Will you marry me?"
x
It still has its place in his pocket, carried around in his jacket wherever he goes. He finds it comforts him, curling his hand around the small velvet box that reminds him of what he had. That she was real.
He doesn't take it out of the case, never allowing himself to see what would have sat perfectly on the finger of her left hand. It wouldn't matter anyway, as he can picture it in all its glory, but if he touched it, and felt the cold, lifeless metal against his skin, he wouldn't know what he would do. No, it would be best if it was left in its cage, never to be seen by him again. Just like he would never see her.
x
He never tells Martha, he couldn't. Occasionally he can feel her eyes on him as he closes his own, letting himself live in the fantasy that would have been brought on by the treasure in his fingers.
Despite her confused glances, he knows she has ideas of who he's thinking of, and, well. She's right.
It's clear how his companion feels every time her predecessor is mentioned, but he can't stop himself. He speaks whatever he has on his mind, and it's almost always her.
He won't ever tell Martha, but he needs her to know. His words and actions make it obvious how he feels, and he hopes she understands.
Martha can never have his hearts. He lost his hold over those a long time ago.
x
It was odd to be human. He couldn't deny that he had thought about it before, thinking about being one with Rose.
But, this wasn't in the way he had always wanted it. He didn't want to be forced into it, doing it out of fear of what would happen if he didn't.
Mostly, he had never seen himself forgetting her.
He feels disgusted when he realises later, what he had done to betray her. It wasn't Joan's fault, it wasn't Martha's. It was all his own.
Although, he did think about her, had dreams plagued with visions of her leaving. He never told anyone else, but he found himself still wanting to say those words. The ones which she never heard.
John Smith was so confused by this reaction to a girl who he didn't think he knew, one who looked nothing like his dream woman.
But actually she was, wasn't she? He would always see her when he slept; want her when he forgot he had never seen her before.
The Doctor's thoughts didn't change when he was John; he just forgot what they were. But he couldn't forget in his dreams, they were the same as he had as a Time Lord.
And sometimes, just sometimes, he reached into his pocket seeking the comfort of a small velvet box, and panicked when he found it wasn't there.
x
The Master was never meant to find out. He had heard of Rose, the Doctor had found a way to bring her into every conversation he overheard when he was a human seeking for Utopia, but he was never supposed to know who she was.
It happened one day when the Master decided he wanted to play with his fellow Time Lord where he had him trapped aboard the Valiant. It was his favourite activity, trying to find something to make the Doctor snap, but he was rather disappointed by the results so far.
Today though, he had a new idea. He ordered his servants to bring in his other well-worn toy, and soon Jack Harkness was in a clear place where the Doctor could see him.
The Master was rather interested in Jack's abilities, as much as it hurt to look at him. He could take out all of his sadistic wants on him and then he would just come back to life! A rather brilliant way to spend the time until his ultimate plan could come to its end.
It was after he demanded the Captain to be shot, that the Master properly noticed the habit the Doctor had picked up over the past couple of years. He should have searched that jacket more thoroughly when he first captured the Doctor, really.
"So, what have you got there?"
He might as well get straight to the point, and by the Doctor's flinch when he approached closer, the Master guessed it was working.
It didn't take long before the Master had wrestled the Doctor's now weakened hands from around the object, and was curiously looking at the box in his hands.
"Ooh, look at what I found! I don't think you should have that. Hm...Well, depends what it is, I guess."
Once opening it, the Master peered at the ring for a few seconds before laughter starting bubbling forth from his lips.
"Well, Doctor, this makes things interesting. Who's it for? I honestly don't think there's anyone here that you can about that much. Oh, and don't worry, I know it's not that girl out there, the one you foolishly think can stop me.
"To want such a stupid, human ceremony is rather odd, Doctor. I think you really must have lost it."
The Master giggled again, before suddenly leaning close to the Doctor and adopting a serious expression over his features.
"There was one though, wasn't there? I really can't think who it was, but you could hardly shut up about her. Even as an old, weakling human I was becoming quite bored when you turned up and started sharing stories about this fabulous woman.
"Things did pick up a little when you revealed that bit about the Time Vortex-I'm rather interested on how she got out of that one-but I still can't recall her name..."
He looked at the Doctor expectantly, eager for his answer, but he didn't have to.
As Jack returned to consciousness, he vaguely started to listen to the Master and the Doctor's conversation. Before he realised who was asking the questions, and the situation he was in, he found himself answering:
"Rose."
The moment the name left his lips, Jack had never regretted anything more in his life. From the Master's manic grin, to the Doctor's panicked expression, he knew he'd made a terrible mistake.
"Doctor, I'm sorry. Oh god, I didn't mean to, honestly I-"
"Jack, it's fine."
"-didn't. I'm sorry-"
"JACK!"
The Captain closed his mouth at the Doctor's order, the Master's smile stretching even more.
"Hm...I think that's enough excitement for today. I'm sure we'll be able to do this again very soon."
Moving back from where he was stood leaning over the Doctor's chair, the Master held the ring's box in front of him before putting it into his pocket.
"I think it'll be best if I hold on to this for now."
After one last smirk in his enemy's direction, the Time Lord turned round and gestured to Jack.
"Get him back in his shackles."
The Captain, with guards gripping tightly onto either side of him, was led out of the room, with one last glance of concern towards his friend.
x
The Master was rather pleased with the way things were turning out. He had found out the full name of the mysterious girl who had taken hold of the Doctor, and today had retrieved all available files on Rose Marion Tyler.
"...and banished by Queen Victoria. My, my, she had been busy."
He had had the Doctor taken to his office so they could continue discussions over the Master's favourite subject over the past few days.
"Why have you brought me here?"
"Oh, Doctor, I thought you may prefer it, away from eager ears. You've never told anyone about this before, and this behaviour is so unlike your kind. Time Lords are above this. Above apes.
"You were clearly uncomfortable with that revelation last week, and have seemed to be much rather upset afterwards. Now, I'm hoping you can shed some light on what happened to Ms. Tyler."
The Doctor said nothing, as expected, and the Master moved one of the data sheets for him to read.
"It says here she died in the Battle of Canary Wharf. Interesting what I've read about that-the Cybermen and the Daleks-but it appears to hold a lot more importance than that.
"I apologise that my memory is slightly fuzzy, I was a whole different species then, but I'm certain you said something about her being trapped. In a parallel universe.
"Now, it's not difficult to put it all together and work out what happened to her. At least if she was dead you would have closure, but this-this is a lot worse. Knowing she's still alive, so near yet so, so far. Knowing that she'll live the rest of her life waiting for you, slowly wasting away as she gives in to the fact that you will never, ever see her again."
The Master mock-frowned at the Doctor, and patted his arm in supposed sympathy.
"I'm so sorry, Doctor. Now, what I don't understand is why you never tried to get her back?"
These meetings continued whenever the Master was bored and wanted to play around. He asked questions which the Doctor had been asking himself for years, making assumptions over matters when all he received was a stony glare. The Doctor was thankful that the TARDIS had been altered the way it had, after all of the Master's threats of going back to visit Rose before the incident which changed her life forever.
When the meetings finally came to an end, along with the Master's life, the Doctor reached into his fallen nemesis' pocket and retrieved his property. During the painful days which followed becoming once again the last of his species, the velvet box became a great source of comfort. A pleasant reminder of the brilliance of Rose Tyler.
x
When Martha had gone to bed-one of the last times on the TARDIS before she told the Doctor her decision-Jack took the opportunity to speak to the Time Lord.
"I'm sorry, Doctor. For what happened."
He knew that the Captain wasn't referring to what had happened to the Master, but he pretended he was anyway.
"Hm? Oh, no, no. None of this was your fault, Jack. I should have-"
"Don't, Doctor. Don't blame yourself for any of this, you did whatever you could. But it was me who told him about her."
Continuing to unnecessarily flick levers and press buttons on the TARDIS console, the Doctor avoided Jack's concerned gaze.
"That wasn't your fault, too. I was meant to be more careful, I should have been more careful, I should-"
"Doc."
The Doctor finished his rambling and gradually looked up.
"Did you get it back? I'm sure he still had it in his pocket, right?"
"Yes."
"Can-Can I look at it?"
"...Yes."
"If you don't want me to, I understand. It's just, it would remind me. Of her."
He stopped when the box was gently placed into his hand. Slowly he opened it up to look side.
"It's beautiful. She's gonna love it. Oh, look! TARDIS blue!"
"Jack...she's going to come back. I told you, she can't. It's impossible. She's trapped."
After one last look, Jack closed the box and handed it back to the Doctor. He quickly returned it to his pocket.
"Doc, I know it must seem that way. But surely, you can find a way back?"
"You don't think I've tried?! You don't think I've searched every part of this universe trying to find something, something, which means that I can get back to her?! One goodbye, that's all I got, and now she's stuck there for the rest of her life."
The Doctor barely heard Jack's next words as he thought of the cruelness of the universe, how it just couldn't let him be happy.
"At least you got to say goodbye."
There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, before Jack had the courage to speak again.
"I know it hurts, Doctor. I know that you would give anything to get her back. Because I feel it too. She doesn't even know I'm alive, does she? You got a chance to tell her how you feel, I didn't. You weren't the only one who loved her, Doc. You seem to forget that."
The Doctor looked to be surprised by Jack's words, but soon he felt ashamed for his presumptions.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Jack. No, I didn't think of anybody else, and I'm sorry. I have no right thinking like that. I was lucky to get what I did, and it was my fault that you didn't. I'm sorry."
"I understand why."
"I...I didn't even get to tell her, though. It was my last chance, and I messed it up."
The Doctor's voice was barely a whisper by the time he had finished, and Jack finally moved to hug him. After his initial shock, the Doctor soon hugged him back.
"I'm sure she knew, Doc. We all did, anyone could see that you two were made for each other.
"Did you...did you ever tell her about this?"
He tapped on the box in the Doctor's pocket, and the Time Lord shook his head.
"No, I never asked her. I kept meaning to, everyday I'd try to do it...but I didn't. I really thought I'd finally be able to tell her, but I didn't have time. I didn't allow myself to have time."
"Just so you know, Doc. She would have said yes."
"Thanks, Jack."
x
It was so much easier talking about her to Donna than it was with Martha. Donna, well Donna felt like a sister to him, his best friend. She helped him through the grief, and taught him that it was okay. With Martha, he started to feel guilty about what he said; about the effect it had on her. But Donna wanted to know more, she wanted to understand how he felt.
So he told her. He explained what had happened to Rose; the things that were said and the things that weren't. He described his dreams and why he feared his nightmares, and she comforted him when he couldn't sleep. He showed her the ring, and she understood.
He never showed her a picture, though. Maybe he should have done. Maybe then she would have known her, recognised her when he asked.
He knew he was selfish, but he couldn't find himself to really care that it was the end of the world. Not when she was coming back. Not when finally, finally, he could live again.
Maybe he could tell her. Maybe he could ask her what he had wanted to for as long as he could remember. And maybe, just maybe, she would say yes.
x
It takes a while for Donna's words to sink in. It couldn't, shouldn't, be happening. But as he finally prepares himself to turn around and see nothing there, for this just to be another let down after the so many he had suffered since she had gone, he sees her.
Rose. She's here.
Before he knows what he's doing, he's running. Running away from the darkness and the monsters behind him; running towards the happiness and the light. Running to what, out of anything in this universe and all of the others, he believed in.
Her.
He's so focused on her, how they're both doing what they do best-"Run."-that he doesn't notice what's at the side of the road. It's already too late when he sees the Dalek preparing to attack, and he immediately panics when he collapses to the ground.
But then she's there, and the pain in his chest is overwhelmed by relief. After all this time, she finally found her way back to him, and he's never felt happier in his long, long life.
He knows he should be hurting, that he should be in excruciating pain, but he can't feel it. He's vaguely aware of being moved into the TARDIS, of Jack calling for Rose to get back.
No! Don't leave me! Not now, please not now.
His hearts soar when he sees that she's just as desperate to see him as he is to see her, but then her beautiful face is gone.
He knows now that he's going to regenerate, and he tries to focus on changing his body to fit hers.
But he's already done that before, and he doesn't want to change again. Not when his hand can perfectly hold hers, not when she had already had to suffer through this before.
It wouldn't be fair to her to heal himself into a new person. He couldn't, not when they've spent all this time trying to get back to each other.
That's when he thinks of it. He knows exactly what he needs to do. And he does.
x
He should be concentrating. The whole universe-all of the universes-are in danger, and he's one of the only ones who can stop them. But his mind wanders, and the contents of his jacket pocket start to feel heavy.
He wants to ask her, needs to. But not now, not when he can't even touch her from where he's been trapped. Both of them are stuck, not being able to reach other, and it hurts. All this time they've been apart, and the Daleks still find a way to ruin it for them.
He idly thinks what would happen if he asked now. If he just got down on one knee, during their time trying to save the world. He thinks she might like it-not many people could say that they got engaged when trying to defeat an alien race threatening to destroy everything-and he would, too.
Yeah, he'd probably feel like an idiot proposing with one of his greatest enemies just there watching him, and he couldn't really give the ring to her right now; but he has to try very hard not to dig the box out of his pocket.
It's strange that everything seems to resolve around her. That wasn't just his thoughts over how she was the centre of his universe, it's how it actually was.
She is the only one with him right now, the others are in dangerous situations not too far away, and everything feels right.
It's the Doctor and Rose. How it should be.
And the way the others react to her when they meet shows just how brilliant she is. He feels mildly embarrassed at Martha's words when she sees Rose Tyler for the first time, but the way his pink and yellow human looks at him removes all uncertainty from his mind.
Despite the threat of the Daleks, of losing his ship, it feels like everything had turned out how it should. He felt happiness that he hadn't in years when he looks to his left and sees her. The world has meaning again, and there's nothing which could take the perfectness of this away from him.
Until he came.
x
He tries not to think about it too much, but he's quickly running out of time. He tries not to dwell on the fact that this is the last time he will ever see Rose Tyler on the TARDIS, or Rose Tyler at all.
It's clear what's going to happen, and in a way everything did turn out for the best. She could now have the life he could never give her, have someone she could spend forever with.
He's everything she needs. And he hates him for it.
While he puts on a smile as he runs around the console to guide his friends, he tries to find a way to change what he knows is going to happen.
He doesn't have to send her away. After spending so much effort trying to get back, she would agree to stay with him on the TARDIS-want it, in fact. The other him will want to hold onto her just as badly, but he is certain that he could find a way to make it work. He glances over to her as he makes his way back to her side, and looks at how he is watching her, too. Seeing them from an outsider's perspective actually makes him happy; he realises just how perfect they are together. He always did take pride in how much control he had when he altered himself for her, but he did a greater job than he imagined.
They're even dressed to match, having taken on the role as that couple. Couple, that's an interesting thought. It's obvious to everyone in the room how feel towards each other, and there's no denying that that's where their relationship is headed to next.
The Doctor thinks back to the ring in his pocket, and decides he should give it to the other him. He could finally tell Rose how he felt, and be able to propose to her in the way in which she deserves.
As he approaches closer to him he reaches for it, but then stops himself. No, he already had more than the Doctor ever wanted. He was not going to give him this to.
He placed his hand instead on Rose's shoulder, and asked what she had been up to when she had gone.
x
It's far, far too late now. Or should that be early?
He has to see her just one more time. Both the first and last face that this him ever saw.
It hurts that she doesn't even recognise him, more than the regeneration he's trying to hold back long enough to say goodbye. Of course she wouldn't, this is before they ever met, but still. It hurts.
It's worth it, though. It's worth the pain and the grief that is coming to its climax now to see her again. To see her golden hair, her beautiful smile.
He starts to reminisce about the year that's ahead, and that's why he tells her those words. They take him straight back to their first adventure, the first time they met, and it feels fantastic.
She has no idea how brilliant she is, how legendary she will become. She doesn't know the pain she will suffer, but she also doesn't know the love she will feel for him.
He thinks of what would have happened if he had revealed the ring in his pocket, but it doesn't hurt how he thought it would. Out there, in another universe, he knows what he's dreaming is actually a reality, that he does have forever with her after all.
He holds onto this thought as she finally disappears from his view, and trying to hold onto the shattered pieces of his heart, stumbles back into the TARDIS.
x
"I wish I could have met her. She sounded amazing, Doctor."
"She is. All of my companions are, Amelia Pond."
The Doctor suddenly clapped his hands together.
"Now, I think we've been sat here long enough, don't you? Why don't you go find wherever Rory has lost himself, and bring him back here? I'm ready for an adventure!"
Amy pushed herself off of her seat, and handed a velvet box back to the Doctor.
"We're always here for you, if you need us. You know that, right?"
"Thank you, Amy. Now go and find that husband of yours."
Once she had left the room, the Doctor looked down to the object in his hands. He wasn't sure how long he had just sat there, staring at it, but when he heard the Ponds coming closer; he quickly put it back in its place in his jacket.
After making sure to straighten his bow-tie, he went to the console and input the co-ordinates for their next destination.
x
A/N: I hope that wasn't too bad. I mentally cringed at parts when I reread, and I made the Doctor sound very dependent and incapable. Plus some of my other characters are OOC, which I loathe (I am so supportive of my writing!). As I said, I wasn't going to share but my friends gave some nice words of encouragement, and here we go!
A Wild Eleventh Doctor appeared. I don't know how that happened. It just kinda…did.
I have other 10/Rose ideas I keep going to write, and then become distracted by Tumblr. Those actually I like, but for some reason the piece I demand myself to write was this one.
Thank you for taking the time to read this! You don't know how happy that makes me.