For better or for worse
Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov tried to be a good husband. He really did. He was loving, supportive, encouraging, and did the dishes every other night as they'd agreed. Usually, he considered himself lucky enough to be married to the love of his life. Even on their worst days, he believed that while they'd vowed to be together "for better or for worse", they would always end up better off together. But when Victor walked out of their bedroom wearing that, Yuuri actually contemplated getting a divorce for an entire second.
He tried to remain calm, and ignore the travesty in front of him, but it was so awful that he couldn't contain himself.
"Victor? Victor, what are you wearing?"
Victor looked down at his outfit as if only noticing it for the first time. "Oh, this? This was a birthday present from Chris."
Yuri closed his eyes, wishing for peace and the mysterious disappearance of Christopher Giacometti.
"Do you not think it's my colour?" Victor's voice was uncertain, but Yuuri didn't care. He deserved to be unsure. Let him suffer in the same way Yuuri was suffering!
Victor was wearing a sky blue crop top (only a few shades of blue different from his eyes), the hemline curving upwards to show off his well-toned, skater's muscles. Yuuri had to admit that he was enjoying the sight, and if the top had been plain, then it would probably have even improved Yuuri's morning. No, the top was fine.
It was the slogan that was the problem.
"Is it too short? It's summer, Yuuri! If you make me wear something else I swear I will melt, and all that'll be left of me will be an unusually sparkly puddle. Do you want that, Yuuri? Do you want to be known forevermore as the figure skater who eloped with a puddle?"
Ignoring his husbands theatrics (something he had an unfortunate amount of practice in), Yuuri tried to get back to the point. "It's not the length I'm complaining about, Vic-chan."
"Well…" Victor looked down at his outfit in confusion. "What is it then?"
Yuuri sighed. "Do you really think the slogan were necessary?"
Emblazoned on the top in thick black cursive were the words Yuuri Katsuki's trophy husband, and if Victor were ever to wear it outside of the flat, then Yuuri knew that he would die of embarrassment.
"Where did you even get something like that?"
Unbelievably, Victor looked proud of himself and his awful top. "It turns out, your friend Phichit is actually quite good with a sewing machine! Even with all of the hamsters running around while he worked – who would've thought?"
Phichit Chulanont's days were numbered, and no one would ever find his body.
A/n: Written for Caesar's Palace shipping week. Keeping Up With The Katsukis' Victor actually has this shirt, and it is a work of art.