Disclaimer: Not mine.
Spoilers: Up through the end of season 5, not including "The End."
A/N: Okay, so it has been a LONG time since I have written some brand new Sculder. So yes, I am a little rusty, but I hope they are still in character. Whoa, I have never had to wonder about that before. Note to self, make some time for Sculder. And amen.
They were no longer "Mulder and Scully." In the past few weeks they had become "Mulder and Scully and Constant Bickering." They couldn't seem to do anything without it ending in a huge fight, complete with screaming and slamming doors. It was the same fight every time, heightened by stress and monotony, and the desperate need to be heard over the other. They fought so hard and so long that once it was over, they didn't have much energy to make up or to even think about what was said. They fought to the point of exhaustion and that was the reason why they kept fighting.
It was certainly not the most productive they had ever been.
It was with sore throat and red eyes that Scully sat in Skinner's outer office, her arms crossed over her chest. She was so over this, and yet still so steamed from their latest scuffle that she couldn't think about anything else. Mulder's arrival two seconds ago, his flop down onto the couch next to her was just about the last straw and the straw that broke the camel's back all in one. His squirms and toe taps had driven her right to the edge, and she stood there wondering if the sigh he was about to let out would push her right over it. Her mouth cracked open, her vocal cords prepared for a work out, and her fists clenched at her sides just as Skinner poked his head into the room and asked them to join him.
Her legs twitching with irritation, she stood up and followed Skinner, managing to stay out of Mulder's bubble. She could tell he was just as irritated as she was, but when it came down to it, she was right and he was wrong, and there was nothing that could change that.
"I'll be blunt. I'm sick of this," Skinner said, sliding his glasses on and looking at the papers on his desk. "It has been months of arguments, reports that contradict each other, undermining each other, fighting in the hallway, and frankly, I'm sick of it. I've done my part. I've sent you out of town, I've kept you in the office. I've had you each meet with a counselor, I've separated you and I've even given you different partners. Somehow you continue to seek each other out and fight like… I don't even know what, I've stopped trying to understand. What it comes down to is this. I'm at my wits end and I don't know what to do with you. I need you gone for a while, so I am sending you to a seminar. I know you hate it, but the only way out is to quit."
They glanced at each other and then away, feeling the sizzle of rage about to burst forth. It was better to stay focused.
"It's a week long seminar, given by an outside group. They specialize in aiding partners in law enforcement or high risk occupations. Normally I wouldn't even try this, but quite frankly, you two have got to figure out something and I am willing to do whatever it takes to assist in that. This packet has all your travel information, and I expect you to be in attendance the whole week. Running off to chase monsters is not an option. When you get back, we'll have a discussion about where you two decide to go from here, as partners or not. I don't want flippant decisions either. Understood?"
"Sir, I don't think it's within your scope of leadership to ship us off because we're acting up. And if I may be so blunt-"
"No, Agent Mulder, you may not. It's either this or the unemployment line."
"You can't fire us for fighting, sir. As someone who has been threatened with termination hundreds of times, I am pretty certain that refusing to spend a week cooped up with her does not warrant firing me."
"Why did you say her like that?" Scully asked, turning to look at Mulder.
"Like what?"
"Like you're trying not to gag!"
"Spending a week with you is not high on my list of things to do before I die. It's high on my list of things that might kill me though."
"Am I really that awful? It's so bad that you would rather quit than-"
"Yes! Have you not been here Scully? Have you not heard the things we've said to each other over and over and over again?"
"You think I would forget all that, Mulder? It's not like it's been just another fight or something!"
"You haven't seemed to care much, Scully! You just stomp out of the room-"
"You're the one who slammed the door so hard it came off the hinges!"
"So is this a fight about anger management?"
"You think it would really come down to something as petty as that?"
"It can't come down farther than it's been, Scully!"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I think you know."
"How about you both just sit down and knock it off?" Skinner asked, slamming his fist down on his desk.
They both started at his reaction, having forgotten in the last fifteen seconds that he was even there. His face was pinched with a frustration they had never seen before, and Scully sat down quietly. Mulder however, seemed ready and willing to fight this out, and the short explosion with Scully had gotten him riled up.
"What if I decided to bail? What if I quit over this? Then what are you going to do, Skinner? You're going to hand over the X-Files to Scully, the most skeptical woman on the planet who wouldn't know a conspiracy if it smacked her in the face?"
"If you're gonna walk, Mulder, then walk!"
"You think I won't?"
"I think you won't."
"Well I'm going to! I've had enough of this and I'm not going to keep my head in the sand and-"
"Mulder shut up!" Scully shouted, wanting to clap her hands over her ears and scream. "You don't get to leave, okay? I'll go. I've wanted to go for a long time, and you know what? I give up! I don't know if that was your goal all along, for the last five years, to get me to throw in the towel, but if it was, congratulations."
"Both of you sit down and shut up. I don't want to tell you again. You're not going to quit in the middle of my office in the middle of a hissy fit, the likes of which I haven't seen outside of a high school dance. If you really want to quit, you're going to do it right. Fifteen minutes ago I would have cared, but now it doesn't matter. Just get back to me tomorrow with your decisions. Now get out."
They took their manila envelopes and stalked out of the room, separating as quickly as they could, Mulder going to the basement and Scully headed for the bathroom. It was really the only place she could think to go, as she didn't belong in the office anymore. She couldn't leave, she couldn't stay, so she stood at the sink in the bathroom, staring at herself in the mirror. Her face was red, she had bags under her eyes, and she looked as though she hadn't smiled in weeks. Frankly, she looked exactly how she felt.