Fingerprints on my Heart
(Disclaimer: Faking It and all the characters are not mine.)
Amy gave Karma the biggest romantic gesture she had ever seen. It was enough to set in motion Karma's subconscious. She felt herself fill with warmth as Amy once again poured her heart out as she begged for Karma's forgiveness. It was that exact moment when Amy held her necklace, in ultimatum, when Karma realized how that hurt ten times more than Liam's betrayal. How the thought of losing Amy broke her heart so much that Liam fell to a footnote in her life.
That was the point of no return.
And what did Karma do? She ran to Liam - she sought clarity from the new found feelings. She sought the clarity in his kisses, only to end up with Amy haunting her dreams.
For a little while Karma dealt with her confusion.
Liam sought her out constantly, confused at her continuous coldness, he confused it with the idea that she had not forgiven him for sleeping with Amy. Karma didn't bother to correct him.
She finally took pity on him and allowed herself to break his heart. He had tears in his eyes when she claimed she loved someone else. But Liam never got enough credit for his good deeds. Karma knew he had grown too, he was no longer the boy that slithered from one girl to another. He is the man that recognized her need for self discovery and did not put up a fight. They left it on good terms and it had been Liam that Karma had heavily leaned on afterwards.
Karma and Amy tried.
Karma was hyper aware of Amy, she recognized the struggle Amy dealt with being in love with her best friend. Regret grew in her mind but Karma reasoned with herself. Amy is not an experiment. She owed it to herself and Amy to figure it out before declared what she felt. Although Karma sadly knew Reagan's relationship with Amy was rock solid, she was tired of hurting Amy. She isn't delusional to think Amy still had feelings for her, she just couldn't risk causing drama. She was forced to acknowledge that she had no one to help her. Not Shane, not Liam, especially not Amy.
Karma began to recognize the jealousy as it ate her up. Seeing Amy with Reagan got on her nerves. It scratched at her sanity.
So Karma did what she did best at that point. She lied. She told Amy excuses and she found herself at a gay bar at night, instead of having movie marathons and sleepovers with Amy. She avoided the actual bar, afraid that they would actually ID her and kick her out. She met a couple of people and found herself soon surrounded by others. And slowly, she found acceptance with her sexual fluidity. She found Alexa and Aubrey, college-wise musicians that embraced her hippie upbringing and sexual journey.
Karma came out to Liam first. She could tell he was not happy and she assured him it had nothing to do with him. He was a good boyfriend, overall. Liam accepted her and promised to keep it to himself since Karma hated the idea of Shane finding out.
She didn't realize Liam's acceptance was so important but she felt a little lighter after it. Liam was the last connection she had with old Karma and someday Karma knew she would be able to tell Amy. In happiness and exhilaration, she found a drink in her hand and had a semi-buzzed make out session against the wall with a very sexy Nicole Scherzinger look-alike. Alexa and Aubrey cheered her on.
This marked the new, care free Karma.
Amy had noticed Karma's avoidance of dinner and nightly sleepovers but decided not to push. They were still awkwardly navigating through their school days but it had gotten much better lately. Karma was changing and Amy generally liked the new Karma. To say Amy was confused was an understatement but it's not a bad thing, she just sometimes felt left out from these sudden changes.
They have gotten back to a new comfortable state. They still talked, they were still close, they were still able to pick up each other's nuances. They both also seemed to understand that it only required time to heal. But sometimes it still felt like they were walking on egg shells. Phones beeped with texts while they were together. Amy with Reagan's and Karma with her new friends. Amy realized that Karma had new friends, ones she had never met and the Reagan situation kept her from asking or pushing.
Karma continued to pine for Amy and Amy continued to date Reagan. It was a triangle of headache inducing proportions. Karma has avoided temptation, making sure her touches and actions were calculated around Amy. It got difficult when Amy demanded sleepovers. Karma found respect for Amy's abilities to control her libido in the past when they shared a bed. She found Amy's every movement sexy and that tested her self control.
Amy had recently become aware of Karma's eyes on her. At first it felt like scrutiny but Karma's face didn't exude judgement, only awe. It was a very confusing matter that Amy didn't want to go into. As she kissed Reagan, she sometimes thought of Karma and her quick gaze of avoidance when she was caught staring. If Amy was honest, it flattered her. Reagan wasn't as amused of Amy's recent obsession with Karma's new personality.
Amy and Reagan found themselves fighting lately. About everything. Until finally, Reagan said it. She didn't play second string. Amy failed the test and defended Karma instead of assuring Reagan.
This is how Karma found Amy. Devastated at her doorstep as she was about to head to dinner with Alexa and Aubrey. So as the best friend, she half carried Amy to her room and just held her as she cried. Karma was bewildered and didn't understand until Amy said the words, "We broke up."
If Karma was honest, this was the beginning of the end.
Amy won't say why they broke up because she was frustrated with herself. It had always been Karma and she faced her feelings again. It's then when fear crept in, it told her that she was unable to love anyone else and she was stuck pining for her best friend forever. Her straight best friend. It hurt her too much to live that way.
Karma had no clue what to do. She had these growing feelings for Amy and she was absolutely sure of her sexual fluidity. The last confession of love between them floated in her mind, she couldn't tell Amy. Alexa and Aubrey were supportive, they waved the Karmy banner but Amy just got out of a relationship and Karma knew she needed time to heal. The last thing she needed was a rebound relationship with her best friend. But fear crept in too. It almost broke them last time, what if they couldn't recover at an event of a second confession? More importantly for Karma, what if Amy wasn't receptive to her?
Shane had been all over Amy after the breakup. He took her out and kept Karma away. He gave her deathly look every time Karma even thought about getting close to Amy.
Amy didn't seem to mind since she did not reach out and so Karma did not push.
Liam checked up on Karma occasionally. Aubrey had gone off to college in Virginia and Alexa was left pouting at her best friend being gone. Alexa and Karma began to spend more time together, they skyped Aubrey when they can, and mostly they played music and jammed together.
It was Amy that sought out Karma after a couple of weeks and demanded why they were no longer hanging out. It was Karma that pointed out that Shane had been protectively aggressive and she didn't want to push. Amy called her an idiot for forgetting who her best friend is and Karma called her stupid for subconsciously pushing her away. Karma pointed out that it hasn't been just the two of them lately. They had gotten used to sharing their time with others.
Amy cried and Karma's heart broke. They hugged and whispered apologies and promises to hang out. They ate ice cream and binge watched movies and cuddled up on the couch before sleeping on Karma's bed. They fell asleep wrapped around each other, Karma in bliss and Amy in worry. This was the first time in a long time they had the courage to be in each other's arms.
The next morning Amy was distracted. She made up an excuse to leave and Karma was confused. She chalked it up to Amy's heartbreak over Reagan.
Karma had decided it was time Amy knew about her and so she wanted to take Amy with her to the bar. She wanted to introduce Alexa and just come clean.
Amy didn't answer her calls all day. She heard nothing all weekend.
It was Monday and when she didn't see Amy, she began to worry. Shane claimed he knew nothing but she was suspicious. Her calls and messages remained unanswered. Lauren was avoiding her. She decided to go to Amy's house after school. Farrah opened the door, let her in, and handed her an envelope before she led her to Amy's room.
It was bare. In the middle of the bed was a box of Karma's things. She opened the envelope and out came the necklace. She looked at it incredulously and the tears began to blur her vision. She gripped it in her hand as she began to sob. Her breathing was erratic. It was Lauren who came to her and held her. It was Lauren that got her to breathe and pulled her through her panic attack.
When? When? When?
Lauren said Sunday night.
The necklace in Karma's hand was stained with blood, she didn't even feel it break her palm in her death grip.
Karma sobbed harder.
She couldn't remember how Lauren got her home.
Lauren left but her arms were replaced with Molly's. Karma's mom stayed with her all night and into the day. Alexa stopped by too but no one could get Karma to stop crying. Not even when tears refused to fall did the sobbing stop. Days passed and the sound of crying turned into a deep and mournful silence.
It was very clear to everyone what had happened:
Amy is gone and Karma is in love with her.