Hey there, gentle viewers. I'm a big Wolfstar shipper, but have never tried writing a fanfic for it before. So yeah, this is my first attempt at Wolfstar. This fic is SFW, with the exception of a tiny bit of light swearing, and deals a lot with Remus's doubts, fears, and guilt surrounding being a Werewolf and his possibly (sorry, I mean probably) no hetero feelings for Sirius. So far I have this planned out to be between 2-4 chapters. Maybe 5 if you're lucky (or unlucky. Like I said, this is my first Wolfstar fanfic. Plus, I generally don't do SFW material, so chances are this is terrible). Either way, please rate, share, and leave a review (if this website does reviews. . . I get all the fanfic sites I post on mixed up). If you like this, and/or want a Wolfstar fic that's NSFW, just tell me that in your review, and I'll probably make it happen! Anyway, enjoy!
Remus was running. Running faster than he had ever run before. He heard the low howl, and quickly turned and ran to his left, leaping over tree roots and fallen branches. He could here his parents calling for him, grief stricken.
But he didn't stop running. The howl sounded once more through the night, and this time it was much closer. Remus slowed down. He was in the woods, and the full moon was lighting his path.
He slowed even more till he was jogging. Remus was very small, being only 7-8 years old, but to him his age enabled h to see past the labels that adults put on things, such as the ones they put on the creature he was looking for.
The howl split the night yet again and this time Remus could tell that it was coming from a clearing just ahead. He broke into a run again, and dashed into large, moonlit patch of bare grass and leaves. The calls from his parents had faded into the night.
And there it was, not 20 feet away, on the other slide of the clearing. It let out a growl. It was 10 feet of solid fur and muscle. Its teeth were bared, and a line of drool was hanging down from its snout. Its fur was a smokey grey in the moonlight. This beast should have terrified Remus, but for some reason he felt drawn to it.
As Remus entered the clearing, the Werewolf's eyes snapped onto him. "It's alright!" Remus called. "I won't hurt you."
The Werewolf tilted its head slightly, studying him. Remus took a step forward, and the creature growled again, its nostrils flaring in warning.
"I-I'm really sorry for you" Remus called. "It must me terrible. People thinking you're a monster all the time when you're just a normal person. And I bet it's painful, transforming?"
The werewolf lowered itself down onto all fours and creept carefully towards Remus, looking, at least in Remus's eyes, like a lost dog. Dead leaves and twigs snapped and crackled as it's paws touched the ground. Remus smiled and held out his hand.
"Hi, I'm Remus. Remus Lupin. I-I don't know if you can speak, but I do think you can understand me. . . ?" Remus trailed away as the Werewolf took another few steps towards him. There was now less that 5 feet separating them.
"I'm sorry, again. I mean, I feel sorry for you. You really don't seem so bad."
The beast took a couple more steps, closing the gap between the two. It began sniffing the hand Remus had stretched out towards it. Remus giggled as the fur on the Werewolf's face tickled his hand.
"See, you're really OK" he said, and reached forward to scratch the beats ears. In a flash, the Werewolf had its claws on Remus's arm. With a deafening roar, it threw Remus back several feet. Remus screamed as he flew through the air. He landed painfully on his stomach, and the werewolf bounded forwards and pinned him down with one foot. Tears began to flow down Remus's face as the massive creature sliced down his back with its claws.
Remus screamed louder, this time with pain and fear. He was going to die! He had believed the werewolf to be harmless and misunderstood. He had pitied it, for it was not able to help what it was. But he had been wrong. It was a vile, hateful animal. It was going to kill him!
He could see it open its mouth. He could see the dozens of razor sharp, yellow teeth the size of pocket knives lowering towards him. He screamed louder, and thought he heard someone call his name. They call didn't sound very far away.
"MUMMY!" Remus shrieked. "MUMMY, HELP!"
He could smell the beast's breath in his face. He could feel its rough tongue giving him a preliminary taste. He could hear it whining persistently like a dog.
Then, with one particularly forceful lick, Remus opened his eyes. He was slightly disoriented. A dull morning light was filtering through the window next to his four-poster bed, which showed a light grey must outside.
He was 15, not 7. It was day, not night. He was safe at Hogwarts, not being attacked in the woods behind his house. And the thing licking him wasn't the Werewolf know as Fenrir Greyback, but rather. . .
"Padfoot! Ahh! Geroff!" Remus cried, rolling away and sitting up to avoid more licks from the bearlike black dog sitting next to Remus's bed. The dog whined, then stood up on its back paws. But it didn't stop there. The dog kept growing taller, inch by inch. It's fur began to shrink back into its skin. It's face, muscles, and bones all seemed to rearrange until it turned into a boy of about 15, with rugged good looks and a fit frame, who was also wearing black, sleeveless pajamas.
Sirius grinned down at Remus, wiping a strand of his long black hair out of his face. "Sorry, Moony. I couldn't resist. Besides, if you didn't wake up soon, you were going to miss breakfast."
Remus glared briefly at Sirius, before remembering that he had nothing to do with the nightmare. Sirius didn't care that he was a Werewolf.
For that was what Remus Lupin was. He had been bitten by the Werewolf that had attacked him in his youth, and the only people who knew about it were the Staff members at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Remus's best friends in the world, James, Peter, and Sirius.
They had found out on their own. Very month at the full moon, Remus was taken from the school, and delivered down a secret passageway under the Whomping Willow, a violent tree that attacked anyone who approached it. At the end of the passageway, Remus would enter an old, boarded up mansion, which resided in Hogsmeade Village. With now way in or out, he was safe to transform without hurting anyone until next morning, when he would be collected by a member of staff.
James and Sirius had taken an interest in where James went on those nights, and followed him, dragging Peter with them. And when they found out, they were completely supporting. Sirius was the most accepting. In fact, he had been the one to suggest that James, Peter, and Sirius learn how to become unregistered animagi in order to help Remus through his nights as a Werewolf.
Sirius seemed to know what Remus was thinking, or at least what he was thinking about.
"I, errrmm, heard you muttering in your sleep, too" he told Remus, a note of concern in his voice. "Was- was it a nightmare?"
Remus nodded, and Sirius swore.
"It's the same one as usual. . . About Greyback attacking me when I was a kid" Remus said, hanging his head.
Sirius jumped up onto the four-poster bed and pulled Remus close to him. "Listen, Moony, he can't hurt you now. You're safe at Hogwarts. And you can trust James, Peter, and I. We accept you, and we don't give a damn that you've got a Fuzzy Little Problem, OK?"
Remus nodded. "Thanks, Padfoot. That's actually exactly what I needed to hear."
"Glad I could help" Sirius said, giving Remus a quick half-hug. "I'm here anytime you need me, and I'm sure the same can be said for James. Now come on, we need to get to breakfast before it's all gone."
Remus rolled out of bed and changed into his patched and worn robes slowly, thinking about James and Sirius. He wasn't sure where he would be, or if he would be able to function, if it wasn't for those two. Not only had they accepted him when they found out he was a Werewolf, but they'd gone above and beyond to help him with that issue.
Remus was sure he had almost cried when Sirius suggested that he, James, and Peter become unregistered Animagi to give Remus some company on the nights when he transformed in the Shrieking Shack. And he had definitely cried when they actually went through with it. Remus owed Sirius James, and slightly Peter everything.
"Come on then. We still have about half an hour left of breakfast. We may have time to catch some of the Daily Prophet if we hurry" Sirius said. He was wearing muggle jeans, a t-shirt with some obscure band, and an old leather jacket. He refused to wear the school robes, except during Quidditch matches, preferring to show distance between himself and his prejudiced family by wearing muggle clothes. The teachers had tried getting him to wear robes, but Dumbledore, the Headmaster, had intervened and decided to allow Sirius to wear what he wanted. It was an action that created respect for Dumbledore amongst most of the students.
And besides, even Remus had to agree that Sirius looked hot in that outfit! Remus flinched slightly as the thought entered his mind. "It's alright" he told himself. "I was just making an onservation."
"Something up, Moony? Have I got something on my face? You're staring" Sirius grinned.
"What? Oh, right. . . Sorry. I guess I'm still pretty tired" Remus yawned, turning slightly red.
Sirius waved off the excuse. "You're fine. Come on! Breakfast! I'm fucking starving!"
The two boys hurried out of their bedroom, down the spiral staircase, through the common room, and out the portrait hole. They set off down the corridor at a brisk walk, chatting about the state of Sirius' hair (he was trying it out long as an experiment).
They had almost reached the Entrance Hall when they rounded a corner and walked smack into Peeves. Or rather, walked in on him jamming a broom closet shut using a small but thick piece of wood. Remus frowned slightly. That piece of wood would be thwarted by anyone with a wand. It seemed it was a trap specifically for the caretaker, who was a Squibb.
They had to get past Peeves. The fastest way to the Great Hall was around the Poltergeist. Any other route would have them arrive too late for breakfast.
Sirius motioned for Remus to follow him. Perhaps Peeves would be too concerned with the closet to pester them. They walked forward, and the boots Sirius was wearing echoed through the hall with every step.
Peeves turned maliciously towards them, a grin splitting across his face. He wizzed up to eye level, then floated upside down, tongue lolling out of his mouth.
"Shit!" Sirius muttered.
"Well well well" Peeves cackled. "If it isn't thing two and thing three! Where are things one and four, I wonder?"
"Suck me!" Sirius spat. He had hated Peeves since day one, when Peeves had started to purposefully call him "Regulas", Sirius's brothers name. The joke stuck for a while, and for nearly a year he had to endure people calling him by his brothers name.
"Ooohhhh, nasty Black flings nasty obscenities! And look, it brought Loony, Loopy Lupin, too! Such things Peevesy overhears about that one. Maybe the other children would like to know?"
Remus froze. Peeves couldn't possibly know! "But what if he does?" A voice asked in his head. "What if he does know what you are, and he tells the school?" Remus shuddered as he imagined the terror. Everyone would fight to get away from him. Parents would send he and Dumbledore howlers. Life would be a nightmare. . .
Peeves grinned and rolled over in the air so that he was looking at them right side up. He was obviously enjoying the effect his words had on Remus.
"Shut up, Peeves" Sirius muttered, pulling his wand out from inside his jacket. "Shut your hole right this damn second!"
"Oho! And why should I? Don't you think the other Ickle students deserve to know that they're having classes with a Were-"
"Waddiwasi!" Cried Sirius, pointing his wand at Peeves. There was a loud BANG, and the piece of wood shot out from the door and into Peeves' face with the force of a bullet. Peeves went whizzing off into the wall, swearing profusely.
"You keep your mouth shut, Peeves, or I'll give you another one of those! I'll be seeing the Bloody Baron about this, too!"
Still swearing and holding his face with his right hand, Peeves flipped Sirius off, then zoomed on down the hall and out or sight.
"Padfoot, I- thank you!" Remus said shakily.
"Don't mention it, Moony" Sirius responded, turning to go keep walking down the corridor, a glowering frown on his face.
Remus sped up, then turned to him and said "you know, as a Prefect, I'm going to have to report you. You aren't allowed to do magic in the halls."
Sirius stopped, then slowly turned towards Remus, finger raised with a grimace on his face. "Excuse me, but I just took down Peeves for you! If you think you can just- !?"
But Remus had started howling with laughter. "Padfoot, I'm feeling kind of insulted!" Remus gasped. "I'd like to think that you'd know me well enough to know that I was joking. We've only known each other for five years!"
"Alright, alright, jackass. Let's get down and actually eat something before you turn me in to McGonnagall."
It took them all of five minuets to reach the Great Hall. They hurried down the house tables and jumped into a seat with James and Peter at the Gryffindor table.
"About time!" Said James, a well-built but thin boy with untidy black hair. He grinned as Remus and Sirius sat down, and pushed his glasses up. "Breakfast ends in ten minuets. What happened? Did Remus convince you to join him in bed?" He winked at the pair of them, and ran a hand through his unkempt hair.
Remus felt himself go slightly red again, brut Sirius, ignoring the insinuation, said "just ran into Peeves is all. He had some words to say about our Furry Little Problem, so I lodged a piece of wood in his face."
James let out a hoot of laughter, and Peter whistled, impressed.
"Incidentally" James said, offering Sirius and Remus a plate of bacon and sausage, which they gladly took, "the Daily Prophet had something to say about our Furry Little Problem, too."
"Whadyoumean?!" Asked Remus quickly.
"More of the same. 'Werewolves are terrorizing this country' and 'we need new, aggressive legislation to combat this threat and protect our citizens'. Complete Rubbish. What qualified wizard doesn't know how to hold his own against a Werewolf?"
"Exactly!" Sirius said. "One good stunning spell should do the trick. Or three very devoted friends. . . " he winked at Remus, who grinned sheepishly.
"H-honestly!" Peter, a round and mousy faced boy, began. "All this anti-werewolf nonsense is distracting from the real issues. All this new dark wizard activity, and pure blood mania."
"You know, Wormtail has a point." James said. "This anti-werewolf shit is obviously designed to distract from- from. . ." His words trailed off as his head turned to follow a girl who had just started walking their direction from the other end of the table. Sirius sniggered aggressively.
James ignored him and called down the table. "Alright there, Evans?"
The girl, who had a pretty face and ginger hair, looked up at him. She smiled uncertainly, as though she wanted to think one way about him, but couldn't help feel the opposite. "I'm alright. You?"
Before James could answer, she was intercepted by two chattering friends, and her attention was drawn away.
"Better luck next time, Prongs" said Peter, squeakily.
"Ah, it's cool. You remember third year when she wouldn't even look at us? At least now we're friends. Although she seems closest to Moony."
James looked pointedly at Remus, and Remus calmly replied "only because I actually read books. Not that Lily likes me, but girls like her do like smart and sensitive men who enjoy engaging in deeper talks than just sexual ones."
James rolled his eyes and said "how come they don't like Wormtail, then? He's sensitive"
"Oi!" Peter exclaimed.
"See what I mean?" James said with a smile.
"It's because he's thick!" Sirius chuckled.
"OI!" Peter repeated.
"Ease up, mate" James laughed.
"Yeah, we're only joking, Wormy!" Said Sirius.
At that moment, a bell sounded through the Great Hall. Everyone stood up and bustled about, some people reaching for their school bags, others hurriedly stuffing toast and sausages into their mouths, hoping to grab a few bites before the food disappeared from the golden plates.
"Come on!" Sirius groaned. "We've got Care of Magical Creatures with the Slytherins. Best get there quick. Half the time Professor Kettleburn is early, and half the time he's late."
"What do you care?" Asked Remus.
"I've been late to his class too many times in the last few weeks. I'd better at least try to avoid detention. Or so you keep telling me, Moony."
The four boys rolled a few sausages into napkins, swung their bags over their shoulders, and headed out into the entrance hall. They pushed through the throng of students shuffling to their first classes of the day, walked out through the wide oak front doors and into the grounds.
It was mid November, and a light yet bitingly cold mist obstructed the sky and the trees in the Forbidden Forrest. James, Remus, and Peter all wrapped their cloaks and scarves tightly around their faces, and stuffed their hands deep into their pockets. Sirius zipped up his jacket, and sandwiched himself between Remus and Peter for warmth.
The four friends started trudging slowly down a hill, quickly eating the sausages they had taken from the Great Hall before they got cold. They squinted carefully through the mist, which was threatening to turn to sleet if it got any colder or windier.
James abruptly turned to Remus, and pulled his red and gold stripped scarf down off his face.
"Moony, did you mean what you said during breakfast?" He asked.
"Which part?" Replied Remus, slightly bewildered.
"About Evans liking more mature and intuitive blokes." James said seriously.
"Yeah, I did. Not that she doesn't like sports players, but you've seen how much she talks to me, and how she spends half her time with Sna- I mean, with Snivillus."
James nodded dully, and fell silent.
"Daaamnnn" Sirius whistled. "Prongs must really like Evans! I mean, if you're seriously considering reinventing yourself just for her. . ."
"I'm not reinventing myself, Pads. I'm just considering easing up on the whole 'macho sports player' thing."
Remus let out a snort. "Yeah, that'll be the day!"
James rolled his eyes. "Like you wouldn't do anything for whoever you fell for."
Remus yet again turned slightly red, and glanced over at Sirius. To his pleasant surprise, Sirius was nodding his head thoughtfully, as though actually thinking about what James had said.
Sirius had been in a dozen or so relationships over the course of his friendship with the other Marauders. In each relationship, it had been clear that not much thought was involved, as though he was only in a relationship to catch the eye of another. Remus had grown use to this behavior, so this small sign of thoughtfulness gave him hope.
"Hope for what?" Asked the small voice in his head. Remus felt his face flush even more. What was he doing? He was acting as though he was beginning to fancy Sirius, when that couldn't be the case. He wasn't queer. And anyways, while Sirius was his best mate, he was fairly certain that a queer mindset wouldn't be met with sympathy. Not by him or James and Peter.
They had never actually discussed homosexuals, or anything relating. They made jokes based off of sexuality every now and then, but that was only because that's how boys their age talked. The only person Remus had talked to openly in a deep and stimulating conversation about homosexuality was Lily Evans. She shared Remus's open-mindedness and slightly scholarly approach to people and politics.
"You still with us, Moony?" Sirius snapped a finger under Remus's nose. They had arrived at the paddock on the grounds where Care of Magical Creatures took place. Professor Kettleburn was absent for the time being, late to arrive.
"Sorry, what?" Remus asked, shaking his head slightly.
"We were asking" said Peter, "if you thought those girls were in Sirius's league?" He pointed at a group of fifth year Slytherin girls walking down the hill to the paddock.
"Those girls" said Remus in a bored tone, "fawn after Sirius anyways. I'm not sure if that means anything, but I'd say he might have a slim chance with them."
James let out a loud laugh. "How d'you know that, ay Moony?"
"They're always looking at him, they've tried flirting with him on a few occasions, including at your last Quidditch match, James. In fact, they make a point to sit right in front of him at every match."
"Jesus, Moony! It's almost creepy how much more you notice than we do!" Sirius said, though Remus could tell he was teasing.
The girls were now almost level with them. There were three of them, one with dark hair and freckles, another was tall and blonde, and the third with short, uneven yet artful hair and glasses. The one with the glasses turned to the other two, and whispered something, then turned and stared at Sirius. The other toe became overrun by a fit of giggles.
"Ahhhhhh" said James distastefully. And there's Snivillus!" He nodded over at the left side of the paddock. Remus looked over. Sure enough, there he was, the sallow-skinned, hook-nosed, Slytherin with greasy, black hair was talking animatedly with Lily Evans.
"What on earth does she see in him?" Peter said with a pronounced frown.
"Alright you lot, sorry I'm late. I didn't mean to freeze ya. I was talking to pr'fess'r Sinistra abou' Centaurs, and lost track O' time." called a voice from behind the group of students.
Turning, Remus saw the outline of their care of magical creatures teacher, Professor Kettleburn.
"About time" Sirius muttered in Remus's ear as he shivered. "I might die of hypothermia soon."
"Should've worn a bloody long sleeve shirt and a scarf then." Remus murmured back with a grin.
"Right-O!" Called Professor Kettleburn, clapping his hands together. "As it's so cold and foggy, I say we give you an easy lesson today! You lot remember them Salamanders from the beginning of last term? Well, I've gotten my hands on a fresh batch!"
The crowd of students broke into excited murmurs. They all remembered the fire-loving Salamanders from last term, and they were all eager to get warm.
"I thought you'd like that. Follow me, then!" Professor Kettleburn walked around the left side of the paddock, and started trudging off towards the forbidden forest, the pack of students trailing closely behind. Remus noticed that the group of giggling Slytherin girls was tagging closely behind he, Sirius, James, and Peter.
After about three minuets, the group reached the edge of the forest. A quick summoning spell by Professor Kettleburn, and a large pile of wood stacked itself neatly in the middle of the crowd.
"Right, I can't summon those firey little bludgeons here. Gotta be careful with 'em. I'll run up to the hut and grab 'em, and you sit tight here."
Professor Kettleburn turned to go the the cabin, then quickly turned back. "I nearly forgot!" He said, then pulled out his wand. "Incendio!"
The pile of wood burst into flames, and warmth washed mercifully over the crowd. There was a collective sigh of relief, and the students unclenched their muscles, and pushed closer to the fire.
With a curt nod, professor Kettleburn turned away from the students, who now nearly all had their hands stretched out to the fire, and began jogging up to the gamekeeper's hut, where he was evidently having Hagrid look after the salamanders.
The now relatively comfortable crowd immediately broke into chatter, continuing conversations from breakfast, talking about the Salamanders and the weather, and trading gossip.
Sirius brushed against Remus's arm as he reached forward, splaying his fingers in front of the fire. Remus looked up into his warm, handsome face. The fire was reflecting in his eyes, and a small smile was playing on his lips.
Remus felt a sudden urge in his stomach. He tried to push it down, but failed.
"Hey, Pads, who exactly are you crushing on now, anyways?" Remus asked. He spoke nonchalantly, but at the same time was mentally smacking himself.
"Yeah, I'd kinda like to know that too, Padfoot!" Said James, smiling innocently up at him. "Who's pulling your strings now?"
"Ha ha, very funny, Prongs." Said Sirius in a false exasperated tone. "Look, if I told you, you wouldn't believe-"
Sirius broke off mid sentence, straightened up and looked around.
"Hello? Earth to Padfoot!" Said James, but to no effect. Not even Peter poking Sirius in the ribs worked. Finally, Sirius settled his gaze on something just over Remus's shoulder.
Remus looked round. Sirius appeared to be looking at the group of Slytherin girls who had followed them from the paddock. It took Remus a moment to discern what about them had distracted Sirius from their conversation.
The three girls were chatting loudly, as though they wanted to be heard. The fact that they kept shooting mischievous looks over at Sirius, James, and Remus seemed to prove Remus's guess.
"And I mean, Black just has that look, ya know?"
"Totally! He's completely dateable!"
"And, like, you know he has money, because when he does wear robes, like, at Quidditch matches, they're really nice. And that's the kind if person I like. Someone with style, who's a bit rebellious, but who's also well-groomed."
"Exactly! And I mean, Potter's a good pick too. Nothing like Black, but. . . "
"As long as it's not that shabby Lupin kid!"
"Oh, I totally know what you mean! Like, Prefects, eww!"
"Totally ew. And, like, does he even have a single Galleon? Like, robes aren't THAT expensive!"
Sirius was shaking with anger. He carefully pushed past Remus, who was once more red in the face. He couldn't help not having money. His parents couldn't find work, and hving a werewolf in the house certainly didn't make things easier.
The girls seemed to have misread Sirius's actions, because when they saw him push past Remus, they appeared to think their strategy was working, and continued insulting Remus.
"Does the school rule book say that you're allowed to wear a potato sack as robes? We may have to check that at some point."
"Poor boy probably doesn't realize how pathetic he looks! And he'd probably look hot if he had some decent robes."
Sirius had had enough. "Excuse you" he called at the last girl who had spoken, the one with short hair and glasses. "Excuse you, but I personally think he looks hot in whatever he's wearing, a potato sack included!"
Remus felt his breath catch in his throat. His heart was pounding in his ears. Did Sirius mean that?! Did he think Remus looked hot?! "Why do I care so much?" Asked the voice in his head. "He probably just said it to piss the girls off." "But what if he didn't?" Asked another, quieter voice. "What if he meant what he said?"
Remus shook his head again, and turned his focus back on what was happening. The girls were staring at Sirius, dumbstruck. The blonde opened her mouth as though to say something back to him, but the dark haired girl with freckles elbowed her hard in the ribs. They stared at him quizzically for several more seconds, and only the sound of the fire crackling and the mundane chatter of the other students talking could be heard. Sirius held Slytherins gazes the whole time.
Finally, they turned and stalked away, muttering obscenities under their breath as they went. Sirius glared at them for a moment, then turned to Remus with a look of concern sweeping over his face.
"Are you OK, Remus?" He asked in an undertone.
"Of course I am. I mean, I feel slightly hurt and embarrassed, but . . ." Remus trailed off. He'd wanted to also say "and I feel confused", but he couldn't bring himself I do it.
"That's good. I mean the part where you're OK, not the. . . everything else." James said, reaching over and patting Remus on the back.
"Yeah, Moony! We're here for you!" Said Peter, his chest swelling importantly.
"Listen, don't let them get to you. You wouldn't want to date assholes like that anyway. You want to date someone who likes you for you, and not for how you dress."
Remus was once more supposed by this sudden thoughtfulness that Sirius was putting into relationships. It was most unlike Sirius, or so he had thought.
Remus rubbed his arm nervously, looking at Sirius with longing, before quickly realizing what he was doing, and shutting that feeling down. What was wrong with him today?
"And Remus, if it makes any difference, just know that you can take any money form me whenever you want, for whatever you need. My family has a fortune, and I'd much rather it go to you than to more shit from the dark arts."
"Same here, although minus the dark arts stuff." Said James, patting Remus on the back again. Remus's eyes clouded briefly with tears. "I-I don't know what to say."
"Say 'I will make sure I only go out with people who appreciate me for me, and I will try not to let the Slytherins get me down'" Sirius grinned, and Remus felt an emotional warmth spread though him.
"Speaking of liking people for who they are, and not how they look, those chicks didn't know a thing about you, did they, Pads?" Said James, frowning.
"What do you mean?" Said Sirius, also frowning.
"Well, they thought they could get to your heart by insulting one of your closest friends. Does that sound like a worm you'd bite?"
"Well, we already knew they weren't the smartest fish in the sea-"
Remus found himself once again losing focus on the conversation. Despite the mental walls he was putting up to block all unacceptable thoughts concerning Sirius, he had one question he really, desperately needed answered.
"Did you mean it?" Remus blurted out, cutting across Sirius's words.
"I don't- erm, what? Mean what about what?" Said Sirius, bewildered.
"Did you mean it when you said I was hot?!"
Sirius smiled and opened his mouth. Remus felt as though his heart was about to jump straight out of his chest.
"Sorry that took so long!" Boomed a voice from their left. "Hagrid is a bit too enthusiastic about raising beasts, as we're all well aware. Still, we've got a good 15 minuets O' class left, and with a few more summoning spells, I can keep this fire going the rest O' the day. The next few classes should be plenty happy."
Professor Kettleburn was back. He was carrying an armful of what appeared to be cardboard boxes, save that they were emitting a feint orange glow.
"Now then, I'll need some help handling these lovelies for a little while. They need to get used to the fire, and then they won't try to run off into the cold. Now. . . "Black, Flint, come over here and put on these dragonhide gloves. . . "
The rest of the lesson had Sirius running about, picking up runaway, smoldering Salamanders, and placing them carefully back in the fire. When the distant school bell finally rang, Remus was one if the first to swim his bag over his shoulder, and start to tromp up to the castle for Charms class.
"Hey, hold up!" called Sirius. He, James, and Peter ran to catch up with Remus.
"Are you still upset?" Sirius asked, sounding concerned once more.
"Still just a little on edge and embarrassed." Remus told him.
Sirius nodded sympathetically, then said "oh, what was it you were trying to ask me? I got distracted by Professor Kettleburn."
"Oh, errrmm, it was nothing." Remus had lost his confidence since he'd first asked the question, and was now feeling quite glad Sirius hadn't heard him the first time.
"Oh, alright then. Only, it sounded like it was important to you earlier" Sirius said.
"Nah. It w-was just me being stupid" Remus said, pulling his scarf up to his eyes to hide how red his face was now. He was getting sick if feeling awkward and embarrassed during every conversation.
Remus suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, mildly surprised. The first thing he saw was the Slytherins marching away towards the Greenhouses for Herbology. The next thing he saw was a flurry of red hair.
"Evans!" James called happily, and he began bouncing on the balls of his feet and running his hand through his hair.
"Hello, James!" Said Lily brightly. She smile at him, then turned to Remus.
"I kinda overheard what those twisted Slytherins were saying about you, and I just wanted to let you know that it's their problem! Honestly, everyone who knows you, loves you!"
She beamed at Remus, and he felt a warmth spreading through his body. "Th-thank you, Lily! That's exactly what I needed to hear. Though James and Sirius helped a lot, too."
She smiled at the pair of them. "I'm glad! I actually heard what Sirius said to them, and that was really brave, standing up for him like that."
Sirius shifted from foo to foot uncomfortably. "I, erm, just. . . I mean, Remus is my best mate. I wasn't going to sit there and do nothing."
Lily nodded appreciatively, then turned once more to Remus. "Listen, if you need to talk about it, or about anything, really, feel free to talk to me. I'm usually up in the library after dinner. And I'm a very good listener."
"Thanks, Lily. I'll keep that in mind."
With another heartwarming smile, she wrapped Remus in a quick hug, and hurried up the sloping lawns and into the castle.
"Damn. Why doesn't she talk to me like that? I knew her first." James mumbled.
"We told you" Sirius said, his face impassive as though he were doing his best not to reveal anything. "We told you, she likes more sensitive and mature guys."
Remus nodded as they started walking again. He was thinking hard. Sweet, open-minded, accepting Lily had made the mental walls Remus had put up come tumbling down. He had to admit, even if only to himself, that he was feeling something out of the ordinary for Sirius. He had trouble, however, discerning if those feelings were simply gratitude for Sirius sticking up for him, mixed with the other complex emotions of being a teenage Werewolf, or if he was simply feeling their bond of friendship growing stronger.
And as much as it pained him to think about it, Remus now realized that he had to open himself to every possibility. He had to look at every possible situation in order to better understand himself, and to get through this tangle of feelings. And that meant that Remus had to open himself to the possibility that he was actually gay for Sirius.