A/N: Rewatching the first seasons I realized that I had a few questions about characters' actions. So I tried to answer on all questions by looking at the situation from another point of view.

He didn't know what to do. He was overcome with fear and despair. The most important person in his life hung on the edge of the abyss and he couldn't help her. Yes, he held her, but what did it change? Chains pulled her down nearly tearing her to pieces. He saw her suffering, but couldn't stop it, because there was only one way to do it. He had to let go of her hand; he had to let her fall to her death. And he couldn't do that. His entire life he was able to leave women, but now it was different. They were an entity. To lose her meant losing himself. He knew he was selfish to think about himself, but he was frightened, he couldn't live without her. So he just held her, refusing to make a decision. Maybe fate would solve it for him. Maybe he'd fall with her. Thus they would be together. Forever.

Her hand began to slip out of his grasp. He tried to hold her harder, but he failed. Or was it she who didn't want him to hold on?

-No! Don't leave!-

He spoke already understanding that he couldn't change her decision. He could see it in her eyes. Sh**! She again made decision for him. Maybe she thought it would be better for him, but it wouldn't. How could she think that he'd manage to live without her?

-Please! Don't do it!-

He was ready to plead, to beg, to cry. He was going to do anything rather then listen her good bye words. "I love you. I love you so much."

-No! Don't you leave me.-

She smiled at him and he knew it was the last time he saw her smile.

He couldn't feel her palm anymore. And her eyes were farter and farter away from him.

-No! No! No!-

James woke up. It was just a dream, nothing more. Nightmares became part of his life, like the drinks that helped to forget them. But he couldn't get in the plane drunk. That was why he had a nightmare.

James looked around. People were deep in their problems. Nobody seemed to notice his condition. The man sitting near the window with the nails plunging deep into his palms wasn't their business. Only his neighbor glanced at him disdainfully, but it wasn't strange. James was used to such glances. People despised him, thinking of him as riffraff, but along with it they were frightened of what he could do to them. During his childhood he tried to change it, to prove that he deserved at least some respect, but he failed. He stopped his attempts and distanced himself from everybody. He could survive without them. That's why he didn't like planes. Here he was forced to be close with people without any possibility of escape. That's why he always tried to fall asleep fast on planes, but it again returned him to the nightmares. That's why he hated planes at all.

James shuddered recalling the awful feeling of forlornness and emptiness in his soul. The only memory he had of the recent nightmare.

His whole life was one big chain of mistakes which he couldn't correct and events he couldn't prevent. And with each one James got a new nightmare. Now it probably would be one about him killing an innocent man.

James sighed and held his head in his hands. "When will this damn flight end?" The answer came immediately.

The plane began shake. Things were falling. People were crying. Bright blessing flash. Then nothing. Void with no thoughts and doubts.

Wait! There was something. Somebody. Somebody looked at him. James couldn't see the whole person. All he saw were the eyes. So blue, so beautiful, so familiar. He was ready to look in them eternally. But then other sounds became his world.

James came to on the sand. He was on the beach. There were many people around. Some were crying out of fear and pain. Others were rushing around trying to help. James looked at the scene in front of him but didn't see. It was like the realization hadn't hit him yet.

Then it hit him. He was damn lucky. He survived in the plane crash. He survived to keep hurting people. It was his fate!

He kept drifting. He gathered everything he could find on the corpses and lived exchanging things for food. It was easier. It helped avoid closeness with people.

Whole days he read books, journals, anything that he could find. But during the nights his thoughts returned to those eyes. Why did he see them? Who was the person he felt there?

It's said that your life will pass before your eyes when you are near death. Was it his life? Was it a joke of fate? He spent whole life making women trust him.

No! That couldn't be it. These eyes! She looked at him differently. It was not only about trust. They were calm and tender.

He didn't notice when he began to think about the woman rather than just the blue eyes. He tried to remember where he had seen her. He tried to find her among the other passengers.

This woman came into his life. She became real for him. He saw her in every blond passing him. She was blond he was sure. But those girls weren't her. They were far from her.

It became madness, an obsession. It was time to fix it. It was time to forget about the woman with blue eyes. And he found a way to do it. He gave all his attention to a woman, who was the exact opposite. She was brunette with warm green eyes. She wasn't calm at all. She was unsetled and liked risk.

He turned on the charm for her. He teasered her. He scared her. He surprised her. The more he knew her the more he liked her. She was so real and she understood him.

They were very similar. He had his Freckles, he didn't need another woman.

The image of the blond woman began to fade away. Some part of his soul was hurt, but he was happy that his world again became simple and clear.

That was before that damn raft. That was another one of his mistakes, which led to losing the boy. And again he survived and was forced to struggle for the life he hated.

When darkness covered him, he didn't resist. He knew that Jin and Michael were trying to help him, but he didn't need it. He hadn't the strength to fight. All he wanted was for them to let him go. He wanted to die.

Then he felt tender touches. He heard a quiet voice. "It's alright. You are at home."

He wanted to listen to this voice forever. It was her voice, he knew it. She was with him again and he was happy. At some moment there was no voice, but he could still see her. He looked at her blue eyes and he knew that he really was at home. She was his home.

Then there was a male voice and she was gone. He struggled, trying to find her, but he couldn't.

-Where is she? Where?- he asked the voice that intruded and drove her away.

This voice prevented him from being with the woman he loved. Somehow he was sure about his feelings.

-I love her!-he whispered in his last attempt to explain the voice why he needed her.

Then nothing.

When he regained consciousness he saw Kate sitting near him. From her tired condition he realized she had been sitting with him a long time. She cared about him. It was so new. He was grateful to her. He smiled and let her be his babysitter.

Who would expect that he let a woman tell him what he should do. She led him to the station to change the bandages. She cut his hair. Sh**! They began acting like a family and it wasn't right. He wasn't meant for this. All he could do was hurt people. It was his fate.

So he drifted away from her. His whole life he ran away. He ran away from the blue eyes. Now he ran away from Freckles.

He did everything he could to push her away and he was successful. She looked at Jack. She talked to Jack. She thought about Jack. And on the pier Jack was the only person she cared about.