The moment hung in the air before Dean let out a shuddering breath, his shoulders dropping forward as if the weight of the world had been lifted from them. A small, sad smile tugged at his lips as his eyes slid shut. "I can't believe it's all over Sammy," his voice rushed out in a low hush, heavy with complete and utter disbelief. "We did it. We closed the god damn gates of hell. No more demons, no more monsters," a beat of silence filled the air. "No more hell." His eyes opened up as he leaned his head back, staring up into the setting sky.
"Christ we've been through so much. Saved the worlds ass more times than I can count and barely anybody will ever know. Nah, we're just legends for all the former hunters to spread about; the story of the Winchesters and their dumbass angel, saving the world one person at a time." His smiled widened a little bit, etching further onto his face. "So many people would've been gone if it weren't for us… We did good Sammy. Dad would've been proud of us. We fucking did good... but there were times that I fucking questioned it. Wondered if it really was that important for us, for me, to be around. For us to be living those lives. For us to go to hell and back, go through all that fucking hell on earth that we were put through and I know that yeah, yeah it was. We were able to stop so much death."
Silence blanketed the area as Dean ran a hand through his hair, his eyes watering as he stared up into the dimming sky. "Of course, we never could stop death when it mattered to us. Must be the biggest of sins for the Winchesters to save a loved one and keep them alive and breathing. Probably earn ourselves a special place in hell for that." He shut his eyes once more, trying to block out the stinging in his eyes. "But they'd be proud. Damn proud." The crack is his voice was painful. He needed to turn this conversation and fast.
His hand found its way into his pocket, fingers circling the cool metal as he pulled out the amulet. "I can't believe you kept that. And that you didn't fucking tell me about it. Damn Sammy, you never gave up on keeping secrets did you? Heh."
No answer came, but he waited patiently, letting the moments tick by. The time stretched out too long for him before he sighed softly and slipped the amulet over his neck. The weight fell against his chest, the familiar feeling of it seized his chest with pain as his eyes screwed shut even tighter.
"You know, I have no idea if our friendly neighbourhood angel is going to return or not. Wonder if he could fix this for me because god Sammy, I messed up." The air around him was slowly cooling, the sun disappearing farther and farther into the horizon. "This was supposed to be me. This was my goddamn price to pay. Not yours." Dean shook his head quickly, forcing the sob bubbling up in his throat back down. "You were supposed to be the one standing here. Dammit Sam."
"You better be getting your damn happily ever after up there," a slow breath filled the space. "You deserve it more than anybody else man. You put up with so much shit. You deserve to be happy." Slowly, he opened his eyes, staring into the dark abyss littered with distant burning lights.
"I'm sorry I failed you again. Fuck. I've only ever had one job to do and it was the one I could never complete." A harsh laughter forced its way out of his throat, filling up the silence and fading into the evening.
"I'm sorry Sammy. I should've done better. Should've done more but I didn't." He shook his head to himself, trying to blink away the tears. The pain was welling up in his chest, clawing and gnawing to get out, to break him. "God I've been through this too many times but this one's the real one isn't it. Heh. I know that you're up there, in your perfect personalized heaven."
The trembling in his lower lip, the quivering in his jaw forced him to stop speaking, to lock his mouth shut as air was blown through his nose harshly. The ache in his heart was growing with every passing second.
"You're home now."
Chick flick moments weren't his thing, they never had been. Right now he was wishing that maybe they had been. At least with Sam. They could have cleared so much up, made things right between them. They never did. They glossed it over, he said it was fine, made two steps forward but took five steps back. What was wrong with him?
"I'll be along soon enough Sam. This isn't the end of our duo and I know you know that too."
His hand shot up with his face, dragging it down across his cheeks and wiping away the tears that had begun to fall as his free hand slipped into his pocket. The cool metal of his zippo felt wrong against his skin as he grasped it. Dean kept his gaze up in the sky as he pulled the light from his jacket and flipped it open, hitting the flick and smelling the flame as it roared it life in his hands.
"This is only goodbye until I get my ass up there Sammy. Not goodbye forever. Not by a long shot." His gaze dragged down slowly to the pyre sitting before him. It was already salted, already covered in gas. All it would take now was a flick of his wrist and things would be complete. Inhaling deep, even the air seemed bitter and against him as he swung his arm forward, releasing the lighter from his grip; it landed right in the middle of the shroud covering his brother.
"Be home soon baby brother. Let mom and dad know I'll be there for Sunday dinner." The sad smile remained on his face as he watched the flames climb high towards the sky, eating up the wood, claiming everything on there as its fuel.
Sunday dinner was a promise he wasn't about to forget.