Disclaimer: I do not own Redwall or lord of the rings. And so, with that
out of the way, on with the show!
Strange Over Head Voice that sounds remarkably like Galadriel: IT all started with the forging of the great bells.
(Cut to three squirrels)
Three for the squirrels, who are fairly wise and good at fighting.
(Cut to seven Badgers)
Seven for the Badger lords, who are really wise and really good at this fighting thing.
(Cut to Cluny and eight of his minions, Redtooth, Ragear, Darkclaw, Fangburn, Cheesethief, Killconey, Skullface, and the Shadow)
And nine for the rat lords, who aren't very wise at all, but pretty good at fighting.
Redtooth: Ha! We get to be big important villains!
Ragear: This is better than our last job!
Shut up, this is supposed to be dramatic!
Cheesethief: Why is Killconey here? He's a ferret, not a rat!
Killconey: Because I'm one of the few minions that stand out and people will recognize. As me old mum used to say...
SHUT UP!
All: Sorry.
But they were all deceived, for another bell was created.
(Shows a mouse wearing armor that is way too big for him)
Inside the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Joseph the Bellmaker forged his ruling bell. The one bell TO RULE THEM ALL! (Melodramatic chords) And so, one by one, they were all plunged into darkness...
Cluny: We were already evil. Does it matter?
(Ignoring him) And so, a last alliance of mice and squirrels, and badgers, and otters, and shrews, (Heck, how could they lose with this army?) marched into the dark land of Mordor to end Joseph's reign of terror. (Shows several woodlanders fighting many, many vermin.)
And just as it seemed that victory was near,
All: YAY!
Joseph came out of his strong hold and kicked those woodlanders around like a football.
(Joseph comes out, still wearing his armor, and the Joseph bell is tied to him, as it is really big.)
Of course, it would actually be several footballs.
(Joseph swings his equally too-big-for-him mace and knocks woodlanders left and right)
I mean, you can't use the singular sense of the word, as he's kicking many of them around...
Joseph: Get on with it!
Uran Voh: Yes, get on with it!
All: Get on with it!
Fine. Any way, it was than that Luke, son of Martin Sr., picked up his father's sword.
(Luke picks up the sword and cuts the rope connecting Joseph to his bell.)
Joseph: Oh nuts! (Explodes)
(Uran Voh rushes over to Luke)
Uran: Hurry Luke!
(They lug the bell, which is still its full size, up Mount Doom)
(Inside Mt. Doom)
Uran: Cast it into the fire!
(Luke looks at the bell, which remarkably shrinks to fit his finger)
Luke: (looking evil) no.
The bell passed to Luke, who wished to use it for his own purposes, as the bell had a will of its own.
(Luke is walking with a few of his tribe when they are ambushed by Flitchaye and is shot)
The bell betrayed Luke to his death. And for 1000 years or so the bell was forgotten. Until it ensnared a new victim.
Gabool: Ooooh, pretty!
It came to the rat Gabool, and slowly it poisioned his mind.
Gabool: (talking to bell) I'll polish you up nice and shiny-like.
Of course, he was already pretty nuts.
Gabool: And then, I'll put you in my big cool belltower!
I mean, the guy talks to a bell!
Gabool: And then all will know my powerful power!
No sane person does that! But at any rate, the bell soon felt that it's master Joseph had arisen (or something like that.) It's time has come!
(shows the bell falling down some stairs) The bell abandoned Gabool, so it could seek it's fortune in the big world as a show girl! What? Who's been messing with my script? Oh well. But then something happened the bell did not intend.
Methesulah: Hello, what's this?
IT came to the most unlikely creature. A mouse. Methuseluh of Redwall Abbey.
And soon the time will come when mice will effect the happenings of the entire world! Geez laweez that was a long intro! I would have walked out by now! Wait, is this still on? Oh,...
Strange Over Head Voice that sounds remarkably like Galadriel: IT all started with the forging of the great bells.
(Cut to three squirrels)
Three for the squirrels, who are fairly wise and good at fighting.
(Cut to seven Badgers)
Seven for the Badger lords, who are really wise and really good at this fighting thing.
(Cut to Cluny and eight of his minions, Redtooth, Ragear, Darkclaw, Fangburn, Cheesethief, Killconey, Skullface, and the Shadow)
And nine for the rat lords, who aren't very wise at all, but pretty good at fighting.
Redtooth: Ha! We get to be big important villains!
Ragear: This is better than our last job!
Shut up, this is supposed to be dramatic!
Cheesethief: Why is Killconey here? He's a ferret, not a rat!
Killconey: Because I'm one of the few minions that stand out and people will recognize. As me old mum used to say...
SHUT UP!
All: Sorry.
But they were all deceived, for another bell was created.
(Shows a mouse wearing armor that is way too big for him)
Inside the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Joseph the Bellmaker forged his ruling bell. The one bell TO RULE THEM ALL! (Melodramatic chords) And so, one by one, they were all plunged into darkness...
Cluny: We were already evil. Does it matter?
(Ignoring him) And so, a last alliance of mice and squirrels, and badgers, and otters, and shrews, (Heck, how could they lose with this army?) marched into the dark land of Mordor to end Joseph's reign of terror. (Shows several woodlanders fighting many, many vermin.)
And just as it seemed that victory was near,
All: YAY!
Joseph came out of his strong hold and kicked those woodlanders around like a football.
(Joseph comes out, still wearing his armor, and the Joseph bell is tied to him, as it is really big.)
Of course, it would actually be several footballs.
(Joseph swings his equally too-big-for-him mace and knocks woodlanders left and right)
I mean, you can't use the singular sense of the word, as he's kicking many of them around...
Joseph: Get on with it!
Uran Voh: Yes, get on with it!
All: Get on with it!
Fine. Any way, it was than that Luke, son of Martin Sr., picked up his father's sword.
(Luke picks up the sword and cuts the rope connecting Joseph to his bell.)
Joseph: Oh nuts! (Explodes)
(Uran Voh rushes over to Luke)
Uran: Hurry Luke!
(They lug the bell, which is still its full size, up Mount Doom)
(Inside Mt. Doom)
Uran: Cast it into the fire!
(Luke looks at the bell, which remarkably shrinks to fit his finger)
Luke: (looking evil) no.
The bell passed to Luke, who wished to use it for his own purposes, as the bell had a will of its own.
(Luke is walking with a few of his tribe when they are ambushed by Flitchaye and is shot)
The bell betrayed Luke to his death. And for 1000 years or so the bell was forgotten. Until it ensnared a new victim.
Gabool: Ooooh, pretty!
It came to the rat Gabool, and slowly it poisioned his mind.
Gabool: (talking to bell) I'll polish you up nice and shiny-like.
Of course, he was already pretty nuts.
Gabool: And then, I'll put you in my big cool belltower!
I mean, the guy talks to a bell!
Gabool: And then all will know my powerful power!
No sane person does that! But at any rate, the bell soon felt that it's master Joseph had arisen (or something like that.) It's time has come!
(shows the bell falling down some stairs) The bell abandoned Gabool, so it could seek it's fortune in the big world as a show girl! What? Who's been messing with my script? Oh well. But then something happened the bell did not intend.
Methesulah: Hello, what's this?
IT came to the most unlikely creature. A mouse. Methuseluh of Redwall Abbey.
And soon the time will come when mice will effect the happenings of the entire world! Geez laweez that was a long intro! I would have walked out by now! Wait, is this still on? Oh,...