Had this on my mind as a dream last night
Since what happened on tonights episode of Hollyoaks I think people need some laughter in their lives. I've never wrote anything like this before but I read it to my mom and she laughed so I hope you all enjoy this as well.
"once upon a time in a land far, far, far, (far, far, far,) away" narrator chocking
" I'm getting ahead of myself"
"Shall we begin? Yes we shall. Like I was saying, who am I your wondering well I'm Doug Carter, and I'll be your narrator, through this magical and enchanted story I'm about to be stole on you fine, friendly readers out there in la-la land. Like I was saying, all good stories start with once upon a time in a land far far away. And of course that's were we will start so grab a comfortable chair or mattress or couch and sit back and relax as I tell you a tale of how Steven Hay a sweet lonely depressed prince found his match when he came across Brendan Brady, the angry hairy villain and how they became as equals, but I bet I know what you're thinking there's no gay characters in fairy tales but my dearies this is not one of those bedtime stories that you read to kids to help them sleep on no, this more like a wet dream, floating on cloud number 9 are you ready for a wild ride a freaky fun and new twist of finding ones happily ever after, I know I am, so like I said before sit back and relax, and occasion hold on tight this might get bumpy at times but I hope you're ready" Doug takes a deep breath and drinks some water to continue his narration.
"It's starts in a quiet village like everyday like the ones before but don't make the mistake of thinking this is another tale of beauty and the beast that my dear you'll be wrong. No candle sticks dancing and singing unless your Brendan Brady and fling the candles at someone to harm them"
XXX
Brendan Brady in his and his lovely sister; Cheryl Brady's club; he's having his normal fit and rage on those that do him wrong like this weird guy that Brendan loves to call foxy, oh yeah real dog, doesn't get his way he barks, well this time Brendan had just enough of his BS so as he was lighting up candles for the evening along the bar counter he took an unlit candle (not much fun isn't it) and he threw it at foxy aka Warren Fox; the greasiest and filthiest man you would have the displeasure of meeting, he once killed a girlfriend of his because she wanted have a farm, he said hell no I ain't milking some damn cow so he drugged her and sent her body to the baker not that far away. The candle smacked Warren on the forehead and since he was more ogre than man it didn't seem to faze him in the slightest.
"Well you say that doesn't seem quiet, but no that's the part of the village you'd rather stay away from"
XXX
"In the most quiet friendliest parts of the village is that of the castle, where a young and handsome man Steven Hay, was in his room in his bed, singing songs. One of those songs was his version of I kissed a girl by Katy Perry, I know not a fairy tale, Disney, whatever songs but here it goes"
XXX
Steven Hay in his room alone relaxing on his king size bed humming a sweet tune.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my dream boy don't mind it"
He took a pen and pad from his night stand and wrote 'some day my prince will come. Some day I'll find my love and how thrilling that moment will be when the prince of my dreams comes to me...'
'Oh hell, he's writing the lyrics to a stupid Snow White song, if he was one of those seven dwarfs he would be dopey, I'm telling you" Doug shakes his head.
Doug closes a huge book and sits it down beside him on a chair.
"Well It's late and much of the villagers are a sleep as they shall so I bid you good night in fairy land until we meet again"
XXX
"Oh what a glorious morning" said Doug opening his fairy tale of the twisted
Stedan hand book.
"Now where was I, ah yes, dopey Steven alone in his castle. Well now it's a sunny day
there's blue birds my oh my what a fabulous day. Yes, yes, yes. I do know it's a
wonderful day but here with the gay and happy folks its fabulous. I got it from
watching queer eye for the straight guy, oh how I miss that show. Oh me for
getting off track again, wreck it Ralph trying to save someone else's soul of
destruction. Be careful Brendan or you just might get sucked into it as well."
XXX
Brendan was in his club getting ready for the afternoon crew when suddenly in
walked walker, it's funny how Brendan had enemies with first name starting with
W and someone with the last night beginning with W, he was a weird fellow he had
a thing with names, some people he would call by their first name or sometimes
by their last or make something up that went well their last night, but hardly
used their nick name. Walker was a tall skinny guy, when he smiled looked like a
snake about to stick out his wet tongue, his teeth were scary pointy some say
that he a vampire in his other life.
"Hey street rat" called Brendan as walker walked into Chez Chez.
"Hey, I don't buy that"
"Hey poor boy"
"Ha" laughed walker evilly
"Walker was nothing like Aladdin, he was creepy he sometimes did look a rat,
that was one bloke Brendan was scared of" said Doug looking at his book.
In walked warren.
"Hey there Foxy, going to the baker, by the way don't forget the doughnuts."
"Yeah never know what you will find in those doughnuts" said walker
"Oh keep your mouth shut" spat warren
"Oh you poor unfortunate soul" said Brendan
XXX
"Well enough of that part of town, lets see what little Steven is up to. Little
love sick Steven, making clothing for him to wear at the new ball that'll take
place that evening when the clock strikes 12 he shall be in bed, doesn't that
remind you of Cinderella, I hated her and her glass slipper, "
While Steven was sowing a pair of pants together he was humming another tune
about kissing.
"Sha-la-la-la-la, kiss the boy."
"Well as you can see both Brendan and Steven had love for little mermaid, which
is my favorite fairy tale of all, that and this, but of course no Disney in our
future, oh well."
Once again Doug closed the book not happy about doing so but oh all.
"Well darn it, look at the time, I have to go see my fairy godmother, she would
be angry with me if I didn't say a few kind words. I'm not good with my words or
people that's why I'm a narrator all I have to do us have my nose in a book and
take a look its reading rainbow. No getting little off topic, I know you all
want to know how Brendan and Steven meet up well, your in luck, you fellow
Stedan fairy tale readers next chapter is part of the fun of the meeting."