Breathe
Breathe
I can't breathe, Pippin.
I'm watching you and I can't breathe.
You turn to look at me and there's a bright smile on your face. It's like a knife through my heart. I ignore the woman by your side. The woman you're swearing to love until death.
I bite my lip. I won't cry. I swear I won't cry. For you I'll keep quiet. For you I'll stay silent and hold me peace. I'll suffer this torture without a word.
Have you forgotten Pip? Have you forgotten everything you told me? That I'd always be the only one in your arms and thoughts?
I haven't forgotten, Pip. I could never forget. Not any of it.
So how can you do it? How can you marry her and leave me alone? How can you smile at me like that when you know I love you? When you know I'll never love anything but you?
You lean in to kiss her and I die.
I close my eyes not wanting to see it anymore. The room is suddenly so small.
Breathe.
I push my way past the people. I have to get out. I see you watching me, worry on your face. I have to get out.
Once I'm outside it's better. I can't see you watching her. People are leaving the church now and I run. I don't know where I'm running to but suddenly I know where I am.
That barn. You remember that night, Pip? Or have you forgotten that too? Everything in that memory is so clear. Your hands touching me, your mouth on mine, your body so close.
I close my eyes. Breathe. It's all I can do not to die.
"Merry?"
I open my eyes and there you are. You look so handsome. I force myself not to cry. "It was a beautiful wedding," I somehow manage.
You frown and move toward me. "I've hurt you." You reach out and put a hand on my cheek. It takes all my strength not to kiss you. To take you in my arms again.
I force a painful smile and step away from your touch. I can't bear it. "I'm fine. I'm just so happy for you both."
You smile and I smile too. Someone calls you and you look away. For a second I let the agony cross my features. I can't stop it. Then you look back and the smile returns.
You step forward and hug me. I breathe in deeply, trying to remember this moment forever. Knowing I'll never be with you again. Knowing that this will have to be goodbye because it's just too painful.
"I'm so happy," you whisper and I close my eyes. I'm crying now and I can't hide it from you.
You pull away and mistake it for tears of happiness. Happiness for you and your bride.
Then with one final bright smile you leave me and I collapse, my sobs echoing through the barn.
Breathe
I can't breathe, Pippin.
I'm watching you and I can't breathe.
You turn to look at me and there's a bright smile on your face. It's like a knife through my heart. I ignore the woman by your side. The woman you're swearing to love until death.
I bite my lip. I won't cry. I swear I won't cry. For you I'll keep quiet. For you I'll stay silent and hold me peace. I'll suffer this torture without a word.
Have you forgotten Pip? Have you forgotten everything you told me? That I'd always be the only one in your arms and thoughts?
I haven't forgotten, Pip. I could never forget. Not any of it.
So how can you do it? How can you marry her and leave me alone? How can you smile at me like that when you know I love you? When you know I'll never love anything but you?
You lean in to kiss her and I die.
I close my eyes not wanting to see it anymore. The room is suddenly so small.
Breathe.
I push my way past the people. I have to get out. I see you watching me, worry on your face. I have to get out.
Once I'm outside it's better. I can't see you watching her. People are leaving the church now and I run. I don't know where I'm running to but suddenly I know where I am.
That barn. You remember that night, Pip? Or have you forgotten that too? Everything in that memory is so clear. Your hands touching me, your mouth on mine, your body so close.
I close my eyes. Breathe. It's all I can do not to die.
"Merry?"
I open my eyes and there you are. You look so handsome. I force myself not to cry. "It was a beautiful wedding," I somehow manage.
You frown and move toward me. "I've hurt you." You reach out and put a hand on my cheek. It takes all my strength not to kiss you. To take you in my arms again.
I force a painful smile and step away from your touch. I can't bear it. "I'm fine. I'm just so happy for you both."
You smile and I smile too. Someone calls you and you look away. For a second I let the agony cross my features. I can't stop it. Then you look back and the smile returns.
You step forward and hug me. I breathe in deeply, trying to remember this moment forever. Knowing I'll never be with you again. Knowing that this will have to be goodbye because it's just too painful.
"I'm so happy," you whisper and I close my eyes. I'm crying now and I can't hide it from you.
You pull away and mistake it for tears of happiness. Happiness for you and your bride.
Then with one final bright smile you leave me and I collapse, my sobs echoing through the barn.