Half a Step
Whenever I try to reach out to him, I'm always half a step behind Sawako; and it hurts, to say the least, to know that I was only half a step behind to getting my prize.

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In life, there is a series of stairs that you must take in order to proceed through. Sometimes, the stairs have little obstacles you'll have to defeat in order to pass, and sometimes the stairs miraculously split into various paths, making your decision critical for the future. And, of course, there will sometimes be certain prizes waiting for you at any stair step, a sort of gift for having accomplished going so far in life, and it fuels your trite little legs with energy to walk more and more through life—especially considering you can never stop walking in these metaphorical stairs.

People go through these stairs at different rates than others, but I'd like to think I've beaten the majority of them. I have been in a relationship far before anyone else had; I have had my first kiss, and certainly quite a few others, before anyone else had; I've even grown breasts far before any other girl had, not to brag or anything. I felt like I was practically the queen of the world, being able to walk through so many flights of stairs in such little time, watching people all around me tremble on their own teetering stairs, laughing all the while in my superiority. I figured life was handed to me on a silver—not, not even silver, but gold—platter, life being a servant for me instead of the other way around. I loved the exhilarating thrill it gave me as well as the feeling of immortality that went along with it. I thought I was invincible, and for quite a long time in my life, I was.

And then, all of a sudden, all at once, a new flight of stairs appeared right next to mine, and an entire mile behind me was a fragile-looking figure that resembled the scary girl from The Rings. She had long, silky black hair and bangs that covered her face, giving her a surreal look of right-out-of-the-movie horror. Her pace was laughably slow, and she was already breathing hard, labored pants and all. I pitied her to an extent.

When I looked ahead of me, I noticed that our stairs were intertwined together, taking deep twists and turns every other way. The way my stairs were all jumbled up looked much more elaborate and complicated than the scary-looking girl's, though I took that as but a small handicap in life. (I pitied her anyway; she would never catch up to me, even with such handicaps over my head.) But, the most prominent thing I recognized was my crush for years now, Shouta Kazehaya, standing under the spotlight with a small heart wrapped carefully around his hands, his face as warm and bright as the flowers that greet me every morning. Instead of just being on my flight of stairs, he was in the middle of one of the intertwining stairs shared between me and the scary-looking girl. That meant I had to fight over Kazehaya… with her?

I suddenly felt much more pity inside of me. I also felt happiness bubbling up inside of me. No way would someone as slow as her beat me to my prize. It wasn't possible, and at our embarrassing (for her, anyway) gap, it would be a piece of cake for me.

But through the course of the stair-jog, I realized that there were much more obstacles in my way while the scary-looking girl (I learned her name was Sawako—such a pretty name, so much so that it makes me the slightest bit jealous…) had a lack of obstacles, only boosts and gifts from "friends," I suppose. Her "friends" were my obstacles, and passing by them was not as easy as I would have liked.

Sooner or later, when Kazehaya was just right in front of us, I took in consideration that Sawako Kuronuma—the girl that had lagged behind me in life for such a substantial amount of time—was suddenly right next to me, jogging like a maniac. Her pace slowed down when she saw me, her sad smile provoking me to at least wave. I wouldn't let pity take over me; I wanted my prize, and I wanted it now.

Sawako was soon behind me, though only by a few steps. Kazehaya was waiting—and, of course, karma wanted revenge for everything I did, and I tripped, and I watched by despondently as Sawako ran by me with that same hasty yet tentative pace as before. Regaining my composure, I began running as fast as my legs could handle, and I tore through all the unfair obstacles that went in-between me and Kazehaya. Sawako and I were, again, nose-to-nose, and I would've thought that I might've been able to secure Kazehaya for myself if I used proper tactics and purposefully hurt Sawako. I started telling people horrible rumors to maybe bring a dent in her staircase.

Instead, the outcome of it all was me falling a tad bit behind—a half step, to be exact.

I couldn't believe it at all. She was barely in front of me, and Kazehaya was right there with his eyes spread wide. I knew this was my last chance to give it my all, but tears started welling up in my eyes at the realization that I stood no chance. Sawako had the help of her friends through the staircase of life, assisting her in every way possible and breaking the barriers for her. Myself? I had nothing with me—nothing but me and my plans of sabotage.

So, some part of me wanted Sawako to win, because I figured she deserved Kazehaya a lot more than I had. But wasn't I the one who had been pining over Kazehaya for years now? Wasn't I the one who saw Kazehaya first? Wasn't I the substantially more attractive and cuter girl?

Though, I guess none of this mattered, because life hated me, and right before my eyes I saw Sawako fall into Kazehaya's warm arms. My staircase suddenly shifted to the side, parting me from the hugging couple, and I stood there, dumbfounded, watching my flight of stairs slowly crumbling ahead of me. It was cruel for life to let me watch my worst nightmares come to life. I suppose I was the servant in this instance now, me giving life the benefit of being a—pardon my language—bitch.

The abrupt pause in my life instigated feelings I've never felt before. I was soon converted from my sugary façade into the real me—the real Ume Kurumizawa. The side of me no one knew about. I was nastier and more honest than ever, and I'd like to think that Kazehaya was a bit remorseful about turning me down just a few days back.

He wasn't. He loved Sawako with all his heart. He broke my heart by giving his away to anyone else but me.

Though I looked fine on the outside, I grieved on the inside. It was just unlucky to miss him, my main goal in life, by half a step—and to the likes of a slow-moving, scary-looking girl like Sawako. I was spiteful, but I couldn't hate her. Hating her just made me feel even worse than I already felt.

My stairs healed slowly afterwards. I was on the path again, though I felt like I was slowing down compared to everyone else, who ran up their stairs without any trouble. I hurt inside watching everyone I once laughed at pass me without a care in the world. I supposed I deserved it.

I supposed I deserved missing Kazehaya by half a step, too.

Don't get me wrong. I love Kazehaya/Sawako as much as the next guy, but honestly, I feel a more exciting spark with Kazehaya/Kurumi. Not to say that Kazehaya/Sawako is boring, just that Kazehaya/Kurumi is a lot more fun to write for me, and I think they have better chemistry.

Also, Kurumi is my favorite character in Kimi ni Todoke. C: