Yu-gi-oh Abridged the Zexaled series
Script: episode 5
Title: how to play nostalgia
Cast: Yuma, Tori, Bronk, Astral, Roku, Kaze, Grandma
Beginning of episode in Yuma's room with both him an astral sitting on his bed in complete silence for a few moments as the camera pans to them several times
Yuma: so Astral are you ok (Astral is silent) come on Astral you've been like this all day snap out of it (Silence) I came to terms with me not being dead isn't that a good thing you were annoyed by that (silence) uh oh hey astral look I'm making an idiot of myself by falling on the floor (Yuma falls on his face) see how stupid was that you want to react (silence) I'll keep doing this till you say something (Yuma then continues to fall on his face about 5 times)
Astral: (Grunts)
Yuma: AH HA you made a noise I win, and it only took my 86 tries' (he says slightly slurred)
Tori: (from the door way with Bronk) are we interrupting something?
Yuma: PROBABLY, but please come in
Bronk: hey Yuma we got some new plot to show you (he shows Yuma his d-Pad and on it is an ad for the world duel cup)
Yuma: the world duel cup?
Bronk: yeah, it's a tournament the city is hosting bringing people from all around the world to one place for one big card game event, and the winner gets to essentially become something akin to the king of games
Yuma: that sounds awesome but at the same time well Astral is sad he kinda lost a card game, I think, so he's kinda mopping now
Bronk: so now your imaginary boyfriend is telling you not to duel?
Yuma: no he's just depressed is all, you know what losing card games does to people (Suddenly Yuma's grandma enters the room)
Grandma (with generic old woman voice): Yuma?
Yuma: Grandma?
Grandma: oh Yuma there you are now listen I need you to deliver this big bag of food to an old friend of mine please It would mean the world to
Yuma: what but, I mean, ok grandma anything for you
Grandma: anything for who wait who are you again
Yuma: I'm your grandson Yuma
Grandma: Karri?
Yuma: no that's your Granddaughter I'm Yuma
Grandma: who
Yuma: Yuma
Grandma: who
Yuma: Yuma
Grandma: (waits a moment) who
Yuma: YUMA
Tori: what's happening
Yuma: she has Alzheimer's
Grandma: wait where am I
Yuma: come on guy lets just go
Intro
Next scene Yuma is carrying the bag his Grandma gave him up a bunch of stairs while Astral sits on top of it while Bronk and Tori follow behind
Yuma: (out of breath) Screw you too Astral
Astral: I don't weight anything
Yuma: (out of breath) doesn't change the fact you look like a prick
Bronk: (out of breath) stairs are evil why (pants) why are stairs evil
Tori: (out of breath) this is hell
Yuma: (out of breath) I thought that Seto Kaiba outlawed stairs like these years ago how are these things still here
Astral: I guess they didn't get the memo
Yuma: and while were on the subject apparently Zexel takes place like 100 years after 5D's or something, why is that, GX takes place 10 after Duel monsters, and 5D's like another 10 after that but for some reason we take place a century later apparently and then Arc-V is like another 100 after us and I'm not sure about Vrains I can only assume the same and why the hell even is that (he approaches a landing) and oh my God I'm not even close to the top yet why are there so many stairs(tori and Bronk catch up with him) that's it I'm a goner Remember me more than someone people like to rip on for no reason please
Tori: (out of breath) oh come on don't be like that, ok why don't you just use bullshit anime powers
Yuma (now full of energy) your right Tori with Anime powers I can get up these stair in no time bring it on you bastards (Yuma now running up the stairs) YUMAAAAA TSUKOMUUUUUU (He reaches the top and yells out for help) ahh help help (Tori and Bronk rush up the reminding stairs)
Bronk: (out of breath) to tired (passes out)
Tori: (of breath) what's wrong
Yuma: (running around) there's a monkey on my back get it off get if off (the person on top of Yuma's bag is revealed to be an old man eating out of the sack and then jumps off)
Roku: well hi there you must be Haru's grandson
Yuma: wait who, oh right that's my Grandmas name, yes that's me I'm Yuma Tsukmo nice to meet you now why were you on my back
Roku: no questions
Yuma: but
Roku: I said no questions
Tori: so you're a friend of Yuma's Grandma
Roku: unfortunately that's all we ever were but yes and I welcome you three to (pans out to above) MY DUEL SANCTUARY (Echoes)
Yuma: duel sanctuary huh well that's neat well we just came to drop off your food so now we will be leaving like right the fuck now so let's get out of here guys
Tori: just give us a minute Bronk's still passed out
Roku: now hold on a minute, Haru says that Yuma and all his friends are my slaves for the weekend
Yuma: What?
Roku: yup says so right here
Yuma: ok I love my grandma and all but that doesn't change the fact that she has Alzheimer's, so she probably doesn't even remember writing that note much less what she was actually writing on it, sorry not sorry, but we are out of here
Roku: well I guess you could but the last bus left about an hour ago and they don't run on Sundays, I suppose you could walk back home but that's more then 15 miles and its getting late
Bronk: (regaining conciseness) I'm sorry what did he just say
Tori: that we are apparently his slaves this week end
Yuma: I almost wish I got hit by that truck now, almost
Roku: well times a wasting get to cleaning you three
Bronk: why do I keep following you
Yuma: I don't know why do you!?
Next scene Yuma, Bronk and Tori are each cleaning the room
Tori: (cleaning the floor) ew ew ew ew ew ew ew
Bronk: (carrying a box) fuck this shit man (looks over at Yuma) hey you better be working
Yuma: I am I just swept this spot
Tori: well please keep going I want to stop this already
Yuma: I am (looks over at a door to another room) I wonder if that room needs sweeping or something
Tori: where are you going?
Yuma: to check out this room I won't be long (Yuma walks over to the room and opens it) Holy shit (Yuma enters the room to see perfectly carved statues of monster form both Duel monsters and GX as he enters the room in amazement)
Tori: (running to the door with Bronk) Yuma what the hell are you – oh
Bronk: damn
Yuma: guys look at this place it is filled with all the Duel monster's and GX nostalgia you could ever need I mean we got Dark Magician, Blue-Eyes, Elemental HERO Neos and even frickin Super Vechroid Stealth Union just look at that statue of that shitty ass card isn't it amazing
Astral: I'll admit this place is pretty cool
Roku: so you like my hand work do you
Yuma: you made these
Roku: of course I hand made all these statues myself for this is the HALL OF NOSTOLGIA (ECHOS)
Yuma: well this is cool and all, but it seems like you're missing something
Roku: What are you talking about
Yuma: well where's Stardust Dragon, Red Dragon Archfiend, Black Wing Dragon you know the 5D's cards where are those
Roku: oh the SyNcRo monsters yeah screw those things
Yuma: you don't like them
Roku: are you kidding me those things ruined Yugioh
Yuma: what? no they didn't if you ask me I think they improved the game just like xyz and even at least one of the other two but were not allowed to talk about those yet, but we will
Roku: I've personally have no problem with xyz monsters as they seem interesting but the synchro's those suck
Yuma: what your fine with xyz but hate synchro usually that's at least the other way around or at least hate both
Roku: to be honest the best way to play is all the way back with legend of blue eyes
Yuma: I disagree
Roku: so you doubt me huh well how about this I challenge you to a special duel to prove my point
Tori: Yuma do it please we could get out of cleaning
Yuma: you got yourself a deal old man
Now a duel is set up
Roku: alright here's how it works both of us start of with two statue monsters I get Red-eyes Black Dragon and Blue Eyes White Dragon while you get Dark Magician and Dark Magician with boobies
Yuma: that doesn't seem very fair
Roku: also we will use these stone cards that I made
Yuma: you made these too
Roku: totally, also quick rule about the statues they have zero attack points, can't attack or be used for any kinda of summoning while there like this
Yuma: what if they can't do anything then who do we use them
Roku: you figure it out
Yuma: (thinking) none of the cards in my hand are any help at all, I guess I'll just have to draw then (he draws) (out loud) hey this will work I activate the statue zone field spell making it so all your statue monsters can do stuff now (Red eyes blue eyes, dark magician and Dark magician girl each come to life)
Bronk: holy crap Tori this is awesome my nostalgia boner is reaching critical mass
Tori: never say that to me again
Yuma: Alright Dark Magician take out Red-eyes with Dark, is, is it dark yes DARK MAGIC ATTACK (Dark Magician destroys red eyes) nice
Astral: well played Yuma
Yuma: well you're in a better mood all of a sudden
Astral: what can I say I'm a sucker for nostalgia
Roku: nicely done kid but did you move that monster?
Yuma: yeah I guess, I mean he destroyed Red-eyes
Roku: but did you move him?
Yuma: I'm pretty sure
Roku: but did you move him?
Yuma: can you please just tell me what you mean
Roku: well in that case here take this
Yuma: what (suddenly he shifts and becomes the Dark Magician) (thinking) woah what was that, wait why aren't I tan any more, and why I Blue Eyes so much closer and why am I standing next to Dark Magician Girl and why am I over there made of wood and oh shit I'm the dark magician, ok am I high because I normally don't get high is this what being high is what even is this
Roku: got you now you little punk behold as a use polymerization to fuse 2 Blue eyes in my hand and the one on my field together in order to summon Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon Now Attack Dark Magician with Big Boobies (Ultimate Dragon Attacks Dark Magician Girl)
Yuma: (thinking) wait I don't get it what's happening
Roku: now I activate de-fusion splitting my Dragon back in to three and now attack Yuma and win
Yuma: (thinking) what the HELL (the dragons attack ending the duel) (now back in his body) what what was that I mean just how what
Roku: I told you move a monster I believe I am the victor this day
Yuma: well this doesn't really count as a loss
Roku: what do you mean
Yuma: well something tells me these decks haven't been shuffled
Roku: Shuffling is for pussies who don't want to win
Astral: ok maybe this guy isn't as wise as I thought
The next scene takes place the next day
Yuma: (polishing Cyber Dragon) I'll admit I got to question the old man's way of dueling, but he still seems cool
Bronk: this is so boring
Tori: so I guess that means you "nostalgia Bonner is gone then"
Bronk: look one can only stomach so much before they get bored
Yuma: well that's your opinion Bronk while I polish (in front of a statue of Blade Armor Ninja) um hey Astral what's this monster
Astral: I believe it is Blade Armor Ninja
Yuma: what why is this here, it's not a nostalgia hell it's a new card for the show at least, and why does it look like it got cut in half
Astral: The fuck should I know
Next Scene is outside the sanctuary with Roku standing out
Roku: I love them smell of card games in the morning (he then notices someone coming up) Well, well, well if it isn't my old student how you doing Kaze?
Kaze: Hello old man I've come for vengeance the only way I know how
Roku: Then face me
Back in the hall of nostalgia Yuma is still polishing when Kaze comes in
Yuma: um who are you
Kaze: I'm Kaze and I'm here to shake up some card games
Yuma: we are saying card game way to much in this episode
Roku: (entering the room with Tori helping him) Yuma be careful his dangerous
Kaze: I'm not dangerous I just (drawing his sword about to slash The Blade Armor Ninja Statue) want to kill this statue
Yuma: (jumping in front of the Statue) STOP
Kaze: get out of my way (he swings his sword)
Tori: YUMA (The sword hits Yuma's hair causing it to break in half, then the half that broke off flies over and stabs the Neos statue in the head) (Everyone looks back at the statue in shock then their eyes go back to Yuma)
Yuma: (softly) Bitch Please
Kaze: (after a moment) so duel?
Yuma: duel!
There duel starts
Yuma: your going down ninja man
Kaze: you wish now behold my blade armor ninja now attack his Gagaga Magician (Magician is destroyed)
Yuma: I activate Gagaga Back by taking 600 damage his summoned back so come on back, and now it's my move I summon Dododo Warrior, he can be summoned without tribute by lowering his attack to 1800
Kaze: I see so that's why you saved you Magician you now plan on using its abilty to change its level to 6 and summon a rank 6 monster
Yuma: well that sounds like a good idea and I'll remember it, but I don't have any Rank 6 monsters
Kaze: you don't?
Yuma: no
Kaze: then why summon Dododo Warrior with its abilty wouldn't it have made more sense to tribute it after all you'd then be able to destroy my Blade Armor Ninja, what's more its unaffected by my Spells and Traps when it attacks so I couldn't do anything to stop it you would have left me with out a monster next turn
Yuma: because unlike you I respect my cards and would never send them to the grave
Kaze: what? What do you mean I don't respect them?
Yuma: well you were just sending them to the graveyard a minute ago
Kaze: to activate their effects, I'm literally using the card the way it was intended
Yuma: don't give me that, to respect monsters they must never go to the grave and I respect my cards in that way
Kaze: that's beyond stupid
Yuma: no it isn't you wouldn't understand anyway
Kaze: ok, then what about Gagaga back?
Yuma: what?
Kaze: yeah you used that to bring back you Magician and then sent it to the grave, so what do spells, and traps matter less to you, are they like second class citizens in your eyes seems that way from your logic
Yuma: well when you put it like that it kind of does seem unfair
Kaze: exactly and the graveyard isn't a bad place, in act its one of the best places for a card, you don't know where a card is in your deck, you have to draw it or search it out, but if tis in the graveyard you know where it is and there are most likely plenty of ways to get it back, because to a great duelist the grave is nothing more than a second hand
Astral: that's actually a good point
Kaze: and even the idea of making sure that no cards go to the graveyard is basically impossible I guess that you could just banish the cards I suppose but banishing cards is basically the same thing if not worse
Yuma: but Roku told me
Roku: oh, the old man let me guess he challenged you to a duel using the stone cards, gave himself red and blue eyes and you the two dark magicians you activated the field spell attacked his monster then you some how become the Dark Magician with "magic" and he then proceeds to summon Blue Eyes Ultimate dragon and OTK you is that right am I close
Yuma: that's exactly what happened how did you-?
Kaze: its literally the same thing he does to all his so-called students, but it gets worse
Yuma: what do you mean
Kaze: simply put I know how he made you think and everyone to perceive you ask Dark Magician and it is with this (he holds up a bag of a mysterious substance up)
Yuma: what is that
Kaze: this is a bag of the stuff he uses, its basically a combination of some really powerful halocins that he sprinkles on to people when there dueling
Yuma: WHAT
Tori: are you saying we were all drugged
Kaze: basically, but don't worry despite its power the halucigins make it less addictive then normal so because you've only had one you should be fine, but I wasn't, the old man kept doing it until I went crazy I slashed that statue and left, it took me years to get the help I needed but I finally kicked it, then I decided no one should have to go through what I did, and I honestly don't know if he does it intentionally or not but it doesn't matter
Yuma: but then why were you trying destroy the statue again then?
Kaze: to be honest I was just kind of pissed and I never really like it anyway so that's why, I came back to defeat the old man and take the sanctuary to stop him both from not only his addictive inducing ways and him from teaching people how to be bad at yu-gi-oh
Yuma: be bad at it I don't get it
Kaze: I shouldn't expect you to after all you're a main character so you don't exactly understand but look at this room sure it's full of nostalgia but just from the anime and everyone in the anime is absolutely terrible at this game, realistically the only statues that should be in this room are Dark Magician Blue-Eyes and Cyber Dragon the first two just because they were technically the first meta and cyber dragon because it was an absolutely broken deck back in the day, cards that should be in here are things like Dark Armed Dragon, or Gladiator Beast Gyzarus or even thousand-eyes restrict, instead we have an old fusion monster that has absolutely horrible material and shouldn't have even been a fusion, a Voltron that's basically impossible to summon until just recently, or mister "I need 4 specific materials to summon but then halve my attack points when I attack" I mean come on that one defiantly shouldn't be here
Yuma: you have a point I guess
Kaze: it also takes more than believing in the heart of the cards, or as everyone else calls it TOP DECKING, especially when it never seems that you people never seem to brick ever
Yuma: I don't know what that means
Kaze: and that's another thing you don't even know the lingo everyone who play s at least knows the lingo, though it's not only just you, all of the protags suck, if you were to put them up against well, name a fucking meta deck, they would be absolutely destroyed especially when they win by literally top decking every turn and having access to an infinite supply of trap cards, win by destroying flotation rings and the moon, and finally consistently winning duels using a combination of Neos-Spacions and the really crappy elemental heroes, NEO FUCKING SPACIANS I dare you to try and make a deck like that see how often you win if at all
Yuma: I mean they just got some new support thought.
Kaze: pure
Yuma: ok, I see your point, but counter point your using Ninjas those aren't exactly meta
Kaze: they also received new support, but even then I already know that but that's because I know how to make ninjas work I could use a meta deck but that would just be to easy for a truly great duelist doesn't play the meta they make it, and I know that sometime an anime characters deck becomes meta, it just that usually that character just so happens to be the absolute worst player of the deck case in point everyone in Vrains.
Yuma: I don't know why but his words are reaching me and there hitting stuff right on the head
Astral: this man does seem quite wise in terms of trading cards
Yuma: KAZE
Kaze: what?!
Yuma: teach me
Kaze: what?
Yuma: your words there just clicking with me so much and if your really as good as you say then help me go from being a second-rate duelist to a guy who tears the meta a new one
Kaze: that could create the most powerful being in existence, A yugioh protagonist that knows how to play Yu-gi-oh, something with that much power could rival Dragon Rulers and dare I say maybe even pepe, hell that could even go beyond card games, a frightening concept indeed, but at the same time very intriguing, very well Yuma I will train you and teach you everything I know about card games
Yuma: thank you Kaze I promise I will be a great student
Tori: wait didn't he just try and kill you a few minutes ago
Yuma: SILENCE WOMAN, I'm learning about trading cards
We then go to a pan of the sanctuary from above where Astral is now narrating
Astral: and so Yuma and I studied with Kaze for the next two weeks where we learned how to build a proper deck, with consistency and gained new cards to help us on our quest
Back inside where a new duel is taking place
Yuma: Now Utopia destroy Crimson Shadow Armor Ninja with rising sun slash (Utopia Destroys the monster and Kaze is defeated)
Kaze: a truly amazing duel Yuma you truly have improved and deserve to graduate
Yuma: thank you Kaze-Samma
Kaze: your free to take the number card we acquired to help with training may it help you on your mission to collect them
Yuma: thank you and for all the other cards you gave me such as Onomatopaira, Gogogo Giant, Castel the sky blast musketeer and Tornado Dragon to name a few, with these cards and what you've taught me I promise to become the greatest duelist ever
Kaze: good I will inherit the Duel sanctuary and even allow Roku to live here I hate him for what his done but a part of me thinks he didn't know what he was doing so I'll forgive him for now, now go and show this world what your made of
Yuma: and I'll remember to bring it to them
Roku: and you can have this a super-secret legendary deck
Yuma: I've seen that deck and it is barely good enough to be considered a starter deck, still free cards (Yuma, Astral, Bronk, and Tori all leave waving good bye to Kaze)
End of Episode