Disclaimer: I do not own the 100 or any of the characters used in the story. All rights belong to Kass Morgan and the CW. Warning: Mentions suicide. Please do not read if you are easily triggered.
Bellamy didn't know Clarke Griffin that well. She had been his sister's roommate in college, and she was a pre-med. They hadn't liked each other at all when they had first met, and Bellamy was pretty sure that even though they had known each other for three years, Clarke still hated him. So when he opened the door to the apartment he shared with Octavia and found her standing there, her fist raised as though she were about to knock, he was a little more than surprised. "Hey, Princess. What are you doing here?" Bellamy leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest, flashing the blonde a condescending smirk. "Um….I was looking for your sister." The quiet tone of Clarke's voice stunned him. In the past year or so, Clarke's whole demeanor had changed. Normally she would have glared or rolled her eyes at the use of his nickname for her, but recently she barely reacted, if at all. "She left with Lincoln a while ago, sorry. I could give her a message though." Clarke shook her head. "Thanks, but its fine. I just wanted to see if she would catch a movie with me or something." "Well, I was just gonna go get some coffee if you wanted to join me." she looked relieved. "That would be great." Bellamy smiled and turned to lock up his apartment before leading her down the hallway and out of his building. It was raining, and despite the fact that it was ten o'clock in the morning, the New York City sky was almost black with the clouds that covered it. They walked about three blocks in silence, and Clarke was so oblivious to the world around her that Bellamy had to grab her by the shoulders and pull her out of the path of an oncoming bicyclist. " A little distracted today Princess?" Bellamy asked with his eyebrows raised. "Yeah, I guess you could say that." "Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke looked up at him for the first time since they left the apartment. "What makes you think there's anything to talk about?" Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Come on. You were so desperate not to be alone today that you agreed to get coffee with somebody you don't even like. What gives?" Clarke sighed. "Not here, okay?" Bellamy nodded and followed her into the Starbucks across the street, where they ordered their drinks and took a seat on a couch in a vacated corner of the cafe. Clarke sighed again and scrubbed her hand over her face. "There was a girl I was seeing, Lexa…. Today marks a year since she committed suicide." Bellamy stared at her in shock. He remembered Octavia telling him that Clarke was having a hard time, but he never imagined it was like that. "Lexa and I had been dating for two years when she came out to her parents, and they didn't take it well. They spent an hour in our apartment screaming at her, and when they left, they stopped talking to her altogether. Of course, when they got home, they told everyone, so a lot of Lexa's friends cut her off too and she became really depressed. She felt worthless, unloved. And I….I tried…." Clarke's voice broke, and she took a deep breath before speaking again. "I tried to make her see that there was someone who cared, but…. it wasn't enough." Clarke was quiet for a long time and Bellamy was too astonished to speak. "A few weeks after Lexa told her parents, I decided to drive up to Brooklyn to see my mom…." She paused again, taking a shaking breath. "Two days after I left, I got a text from our roommate, Raven, telling me that I needed to come home. When I got there…. When I got there, they were carrying Lexa out of our apartment in a body bag." Clarke bent and put her head in her hands. "God, Bellamy I never should have left her there. If I had stayed with her…." "Stop." Bellamy cut her off, an edge to his voice. "Clarke, look at me." After a moment, she did as he told her to. "What happened to Lexa wasn't your fault." Clarke opened her mouth to argue, but Bellamy held his hand up, stopping her. "Were you there? Did you see it happen?" She shook her head. "Did you tell Lexa to kill herself?" Now Clarke looked horrified. "No! Of course not!" "Then it wasn't your fault." Bellamy reached across the sofa and took Clarke's hand. "You were there for her when she didn't have anyone else, you made sure that she knew you loved her. As much as what happened to her sucks, you did the best you could, and that's all anyone can do." Bellamy sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "It took me a long time to learn that, after my mom…."He paused, debating on whether or not telling Clarke something he had only ever talked about with his sister was a good idea. "She was bipolar. She had good days and bad ones, and on her bad days it was my responsibility to take care of Octavia." He glanced up at Clarke and found her blue eyes fixed on him in interest. "Things didn't get really bad until I was about seventeen. My mom lost her job, stopped talking, stopped leaving her room even. I started working so we could pay the bills, and one night I came home late... I found my mom and Octavia in the kitchen and my mom had her belt wrapped around Octavia's neck." Bellamy broke off and sighed. "The doctors told me after she was institutionalized that she had stopped taking her meds, and I felt like such a failure. Octavias my little sister, its my job to protect her, and I couldn't even do that. For so long I felt like it was my fault, because I should have known that my mom had stopped taking her meds. But then I realized that it was my mothers choice, not mine. I couldn't control her, all I could do was make sure she never hurt my sister again, which I did. I got custody of Octavia and we haven't seen my mother since." Bellamy wrapped an arm around Clarke's shoulders and pulled her close to him, tears streaming down her face. "It wasn't your fault." he whispered. They stayed like that for a long time, until Clarke had calmed down, then they stood and walked back to Bellamy's apartment. They sat on his couch and watched movies, and when it came time for Clarke to leave, Bellamy was almost disappointed. "Thank you for today. It really means a lot." He smiled at her from his spot on the couch. "Anytime Princess." Clarke rolled her eyes in exasperation and Bellamy grinned even further. The Clarke Griffin he knew was coming back. He knew she wouldn't be back to her normal self for a long time, but this was a start. "Good night Bellamy." "Night." Clarke stepped out of his apartment, and just before the door closed behind her, she popped her head around the other side and said, "And just for the record, I do like you." Then she closed the door and left, leaving Bellamy Blake in his living room, smiling like an idiot until his sister came home. "Whats wrong with you?" she asked, taking a seat next to him on the couch. He shook his head. "Nothing. I had coffee with Clarke today." Octavia shot up from where her head had been on his lap, staring at him in utter disbelief. "Really?! Why?" "She came over looking for you, and since you weren't here, I invited her to come with me." Bellamy was quiet for a minute, and his sister looked concerned. "Is she okay?" "She told me about Lexa." Octavia's eyes widened fractionally, and she groaned, putting her head in her hands. "Oh, shit. I'm such an asshole. I've been so distracted with Lincoln that I forgot what today was..." Octavia looked at her brother with a guilty expression. "Is she okay?" she asked again and Bellamy nodded."Yeah, she's going to be. And you know what..." He wrapped his arm around his sister, as he had done with Clarke earlier, and planted a kiss on top of her head. "I think that we might actually be friends." Octavia scoffed. "Sure took you long enough." Suddenly, her phone rang, and she rummaged through her purse on the floor to dig it out. "Speak of the devil." She stood up from the couch and disappeared into her room. She returned nearly a half an hour later with an incredulous expression on her face. "What did you say to her?" she asked him. "What do you mean?" Octavia sat back down on the couch, still looking down at her phone. "For the fist time in so long, she actually seems... okay." She raised her dark eyebrows and waited, causing Bellamy to sigh. "I told her about mom. She was feeling guilty about not being with Lexa when she died, and I told her how I felt like I failed you because I didn't see that anything was wrong with mom." Octavia stared at him, dumbfounded. She knew that their mother was a sore subject for her Bellamy and that he never told anyone, not even his ex, Gina, who he had been with for over a year. "Bell, what happened with mom wasn't your fault. You didn't tell her to go off her meds, and you were able to stop her before something really bad happened. Not many people can say they have someone looking out for them, but I can. I am lucky to have you as my big brother." Bellamy smiled, and wrapped his arm around his sister again. "You have that backwards. Its me whose the lucky one."