Everything had happened so fast. Lagos, The Accords, Vienna and the explosion.
Natasha had barely had time to think after the hall exploded.
She found herself walking outside, away from the carnage, to one of the benches.
They were searching for James, wanting to kill on sight, and Natasha hurt.
"The task force will decide who brings in Barnes." But oh she wanted so badly to go after him.
There was something inside of her telling her that it wasn't unlike the other deaths The Winter Soldier had caused. That maybe it had been him. But deeper down, in her heart, she knew.
James had pulled Steve from the lake, had disappeared. But they'd heard nothing since. No deaths.
It wasn't him. Not the real James. So either he'd been triggered again, or it was someone setting him up.
"I know how much Barnes means to you. Stay home." The words hurt to say, as she gritted out James' last name because it hurt too much to say his first.
It killed her to not be able to express how much she understood his need. She would only get in the way. James didn't remember her, and she didn't want to trigger any of the past he'd forgotten.
"If he's this far gone, Nat."
The redhead winced and closed her eyes.
She knew it was hopeless to try and get him to stay behind. She'd secretly hoped he would ignore her.
It was important that someone close to her, and James, went to find him first.
The next few hours were agony.
Waiting for them to return, to find out if James was alive or dead.
When they came back, when James was locked away and taken to psych, she thought she couldn't watch.
Then, on the screens, she heard him talk for the first time in years.
"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, James."
"My name is Bucky."
Natasha winced, pulling her gaze from the screen.
He'd never been Bucky to her. She'd been James, or Sir.
To hear him say that...she knew the man she'd trained with, grew up with, was gone.
It hurt. But she also felt relief. When he'd been with her, he hadn't been himself, and she hadn't been herself.
They'd both been brainwashed and controlled, and it was good that James...that Bucky was able to pull away from that past.
Natasha backed up a few steps. "Goodbye, James." She whispered, turning to leave the room.
The power went out and she knew. She just knew.
"We're in position."
Bucky was gone. He was only The Winter Soldier now.
He fought just like she remembered, all hard lines and crushing moves.
Her friends were dropping and she had to fight.
She flipped, legs around his neck and then her back hit a table and his hand was around her neck.
Her mind flashed back and she almost froze, struggling to throw him off.
She gritted her teeth, struggling for air, and spat out the only words she could think of.
"You could at least recognise me."
She thought she saw a flash in his eyes, but it could've been wishful thinking.
As Bucky, he didn't remember her. As The Winter Soldier, he might.
But then he was gone and she was too busy trying to get air into her lungs to see where.
In a few seconds, she was back on her feet and rushing to find out where he'd gone.
She ignored Sharon, T'Challa and Tony and ran like her life depended on it.
She was just in time to see the helicopter tip over the side of the helipad and into the water below.
She was about to jump in after them when Steve surfaced, Bucky in his arms.
Natasha gritted her teeth, and knew she wasn't letting him get away this time.
She jumped down, into the water and followed them.
"Natasha." Steve murmured, holding out his hand to help her out the water.
"I'm coming with you." She pushed wet hair off her forehead, eyes flitting to the unconscious form on the ground.
"I figured." He hummed. "It's nice to have you."
She'd never mentioned her past with James, but she'd suspected for a while that Steve knew.
You couldn't do that much research and spend all that time trying to find Bucky to not realise their connection.
Later, in the middle of nowhere, Bucky woke up.
"What did I do?"
The redhead stayed in the shadows, watching.
"I'm not the only Winter Soldier."
Her blood ran cold.
She stepped forward. "What?"
Bucky's gaze lifted and his eyes ran over her.
A flash of recognition in his eyes and confusion marred his face.
Now was not the time.
"What do you mean, you aren't the only one?"
"I mean...I was the first, but I wasn't the last. They tried to make more. Took people from all over the world."
"Were they dangerous?" Steve asked quietly.
"More kills than anyone in hydra history. And that was before the serum."
Natasha flinched, hand instinctively touching the inside of her arm.
The needle marks had long since disappeared, but the memories remained.
"Steve, a minute-" Natasha murmured, directing him over to the corner.
"He's telling the truth. They...there we a lot of subjects, not a lot of them survived." She began. "The side effects were...bad. Some went crazy, some killed themselves, some attacked and were...put down. I didn't think any survived, none did where I was raised." Except her. "But it makes sense that others, in other places did."
Steve nodded, touching her shoulder. "Thank you. I know it's not easy to talk about but I appreciate it."
They nodded and moved back to Bucky.
"Tell me about them."
"They speak 30 languages. Can hide in plain sight. Infiltrate. Assassinate. Destabilise. They can take a whole country down in one night and you'd never see them coming."
Yeah that sounded about right.
"What now?'' Sam asked, stepping into the room.
"We stop Zemo getting those soldiers." Natasha said quietly. "It only took the world 70 years to find Barnes, how hard could it be."
She couldn't look at him, wouldn't look at him.
Then came the fight.
Her friends, her family, all against each other.
She believed in the Accords, but this was beyond that.
Those soldiers, and Zemo, had to be stopped.
She wanted to be there, should be there. It was her past too.
But in the end, only two of them could leave.
And with Bucky back, not James, she knew it had to be Steve.
"Don't stop." She whispered, urging them on.
Bucky gave her a strange look and then they were running to the jet.
Natasha deployed her Widow's bites on T'Challa, then things got a little hazy.
On autopilot, she met Tony at the hospital. He looked disappointed, angry and upset.
She wished she could make him feel better, but he needed time.
She couldn't go back to Tony's, so she went back to one of her safe houses.
The next few hours were agony.
Her best friend and half of their team was locked up, she was nursing a few broken bones, and as much as she wanted to board the next flight to Russia she knew she'd never make it in time.
Then she got the call.
T'Challa sent a plane and without another word to anyone, she was there.
Bucky, his metal arm missing from the shoulder, covered in cuts and bruises, dried blood matting his hair and his face.
She wanted to be there with him, but she couldn't push it.
Bucky wanted to go back under.
Steve watched over him as they cleaned him up, wrapped up his shoulder and prepped him for the cryo freeze.
"You sure about this?"
"I can't trust my own mind. So I think until they figure out how to get this stuff out my head, going back under is the best thing for everybody."
Natasha swallowed, dark eyes watching from the corner.
Bucky found her gaze, and he tilted his head, confusion crossing his face.
"Natalia-" he said quietly, brows furrowed.
"James." She breathed, feeling like all the air had been knocked out of her lungs.
"Later?" He smiled weakly, still trying to push through the fog of his memories.
"Later." She agreed.
Maybe when he came out of freeze, maybe when they figured how to re-write his mind, maybe then he'd remember her.
Maybe.
/Please drop a comment if you enjoyed, there might be a part two I'm not sure yet 3