Summary: Addison at the night Derek left, her feelings and memories of the brownstone.

Disclaimer: Do I look like freakin' Shonda Rhimes? No? Well than clearly I own nothing

By my side, you'll never be.
By my side, you'll never be.
Cause I'm fake at the seams,
I'm lost in my dreams.

'I need to get out of here'

That was all that went trough Addison's head when she saw her husband walking out of the door two hours ago, not sure if she would ever see him again.

She walked lost through her house, not sure what to take with her, not sure what she was looking for.

She stood in the kitchen, they've been there together so many times.

Everyday they would eat breakfast here together, talking about their plans for the day between the 'Can I have the milk?' and the 'Are you finished with the newspaper?' conversation. Every morning it was like that until a year ago, when Derek became absent and she'd spent nearly every breakfast alone.

& I want you to know,
That I can't let you go.

She walked out of the kitchen into the living room, stopping when she walked past the fireplace and looked at the pictures.

The pictures of the good times, the times where everything was still sunshine and paradise.

She picked up a picture that always made her smile, it was a picture of her, Derek and Mark when they graduated med-school. Derek had Addison scooped up in his arms and Mark had a grin plastered to his face, they were so happy there.

She put the picture back and picked up another one. This one was one of her and Derek, it was on her 26th birthday, Derek stood behind Addison and had his arms wrapped around her waist while she blew out the candles of her birthday cake, every year she had an amazing birthday. Not because of the big party, the beautiful decorated house or the presents, no because all her friends and family were there and most importantly the love of her life but all of that has change the last couple of years, Derek forgot holidays, anniversaries and birthdays

She picked up another picture, this one has always been her favorite

This one was made on Christmas '92, the night Derek purposed to Addison.

In the picture Addison sat in Derek's lap, mirroring his position and they were both smiling of the eskimo kiss Addison gave him.

In that time Derek still looked at her with his eyes full of adoration, his kisses full of passion and love. But not anymore he doesn't look at her anymore and only kisses her out of habit, only on her cheek.

She held the frame in her hands for a couple of seconds until she realized there won't be any happy moments again and she throws the picture into the wall and stares at the chattered frame on the floor, that's just how she felt…chattered.

I wanted to tell you I'd changed.
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.
But I see you, you see me,
Differently.
I see you, you see me,
Differently.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again...

Addison opened the front door bare foot, clad in only one of Derek's t-shirts.

She stood there, on the front steps, she took one last glance at their house, knowing that this would be the last time. The house they shared so much memories in, the good and the bad but no matter what they always shared those memories together

Until now, she knew that her sleeping with his best friend would be their last memory.

At these doorsteps it began all and at these very same doorsteps, it also ended


& I want you to know,
That I can't let you go.

She needed to get away, too much feelings, too much memories it was all much too much.

She ran down the street, no idea were she was going but she had to run, she was sure that if she just kept running at one moment all the feelings would disappear and the memories would be forgotten.


By my side, you'll never be.
By my side, you'll never be.

She finally reached the end of the street but kept on running.

She was sure if she kept on running it'll all go away, that she'd wake up from a horrible dream.

And she did, until something hit her and it all went black, she would never wake up from that horrible dream and she didn't even want to anymore.

And you're never coming home again,
And you're never coming home again.

So yeah, looks like Addi died huh, but did she? Hmm maybe I can write another chapter were some random neurosurgeon needs to operate on her...it's up to you!

Thank for reading & please review! D

Lyrics are by: Unkle Bob - Swans