THE EVIL PUMPKIN JUICE
by Topaz
Disclaimer: Obviously the characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Plot holes belong to whoever invented them, plots ditto, the evil pumpkin juice belongs to me, and the electric bunnies belong to Hermione now.
(Harry, Hermione, and Ron are sitting down to a scrumptious Thanksgiving meal)
Ron: Yum. This meal is scrumptious.
Hermione: If you eat too much you'll have a heart attack.
Harry: Pass the pumpkin juice, please.
(Seconds later)
Harry: Ew! Grossness! Why am I drinking pumpkin juice!
Hermione: It's a traditional wizard drink.
Harry: It's disgusting! I can't believe I've drunk it so long without barfing!
Ron: Ew.
Hermione: We're trying to eat, Harry.
Harry: 'Trying' being the key word. Who could eat with the taste of pumpkin juice, all watery and... and... and... pumpkiny!
Ron: Ew!
Hermione: Shut up, Ron. Shut up, Harry. Let's just eat and be thankful.
Harry: For what? This pumpkin juice? No thank you!
Ron: Ew! *Hermione smacks him* Ow!
Dumbledore: Let us all be thankful for this wonderful meal--
Harry: *Gives a cough that sounds suspiciously like 'yeah right'*
Dumbledore: Detention, Potter, and 3,000 points from Gryffindor!
All: *Gasp* You're not Dumbledore! You're Snape!
Snape: Damn. *Vanishes*
Hermione: You cannot Disapparate in Hogwarts! *Hyperventilates*
Ron: Oy.
Harry: You know, this pumpkin juice still tastes bad.
Hermione: Drink butterbeer, then, fool!
Harry: I can't, there's a hole in my goblet.
All: *Sings* There's a hole in my goblet, dear Eliza, dear Eliza, there's hole in my goblet, dear Eliza, a hole!
Draco: *Shakes head disgustedly and drinks some pumpkin juice* Bletch... who peed in the pumpkin juice?
Ron: *Squeals* Ew! *Smack* Hermione! Stop hitting me!
Hermione: Stop being a wuss.
Harry: Why can't we drink something normal, like Coke or Sprite or something?
Draco: *Mutters to himself* Or vodka...
Hermione: Soda rots your teeth.
Harry: So does pumpkin juice.
Hermione: *Annoyed* No, it doesn't!
Draco: Vodka does.
Hermione: *Irritated*
Snape: Did somebody say vodka?
All: *Sings* Did somebody say McVodka?
Snape: I detest that commercial. *Vanishes again*
Hermione: *Is furious* You cannot Disapparate in Hogwarts!
Ron: It's okay, Hermione.
Hermione: No it isn't! *Bursts into tears and whacks Draco*
Draco: Oy. What was that for, Mudblood?
Ron: Do not call Hermione a Mudblood or you will regret it!
Draco: Sure thing, dude.
All: *Stare*
Draco: Waaaaassssssssuuuuppp?
Harry: Um... Draco?
Draco: Dude! Pumpkin juice! I like so totally loooove pumpkin juice!
All: *Back away slowly*
Hermione: *Whispers* Don't make any sudden moves.
Draco: Like, yah, man.
Hermione: *Shrieks* I am not a man! *Hyperventilates again*
Draco: Chill, man.
Ron: *Awed* One and a half pages, and still no self insertion.
Harry: Maybe it's a new record. A cliche without a self insertion.
(Insert Topaz: Yay!)
All: Darn!
Hermione: There was an outbreak of Ebola in Uganda a while ago.
Draco: Dude!
Harry: We need a plot. A plot is essential.
Ron: How much do they cost?
Hermione: 5 Galleons, 3 Sickles, and 15 Knuts. I'll buy one, you guys stay here. And keep an eye on Draco. *She runs off*
Harry: I hope she gets a good one. The last plot I was in was full of holes.
Ron: Ew!
(Harry gets annoyed and smacks Ron)
Ron: Oy.
Draco: Major bummer, man.
(Hermione comes back with a plot)
Harry: Ooh, you found one!
Hermione: *Reads from the plot* Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione-- I'm last again, arg!-- go on a quest for the Holy Grail.
Ron: Screw the plot, I'm going home.
Harry: Yeah.
Draco: Like, yah man.
(Hermione is left alone.)
Hermione: Oh well. More electric bunnies for me!
(Tom Turkey comes alive and eats all the peeps in the world)
Tom Turkey: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
THE END
by Topaz
Disclaimer: Obviously the characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Plot holes belong to whoever invented them, plots ditto, the evil pumpkin juice belongs to me, and the electric bunnies belong to Hermione now.
(Harry, Hermione, and Ron are sitting down to a scrumptious Thanksgiving meal)
Ron: Yum. This meal is scrumptious.
Hermione: If you eat too much you'll have a heart attack.
Harry: Pass the pumpkin juice, please.
(Seconds later)
Harry: Ew! Grossness! Why am I drinking pumpkin juice!
Hermione: It's a traditional wizard drink.
Harry: It's disgusting! I can't believe I've drunk it so long without barfing!
Ron: Ew.
Hermione: We're trying to eat, Harry.
Harry: 'Trying' being the key word. Who could eat with the taste of pumpkin juice, all watery and... and... and... pumpkiny!
Ron: Ew!
Hermione: Shut up, Ron. Shut up, Harry. Let's just eat and be thankful.
Harry: For what? This pumpkin juice? No thank you!
Ron: Ew! *Hermione smacks him* Ow!
Dumbledore: Let us all be thankful for this wonderful meal--
Harry: *Gives a cough that sounds suspiciously like 'yeah right'*
Dumbledore: Detention, Potter, and 3,000 points from Gryffindor!
All: *Gasp* You're not Dumbledore! You're Snape!
Snape: Damn. *Vanishes*
Hermione: You cannot Disapparate in Hogwarts! *Hyperventilates*
Ron: Oy.
Harry: You know, this pumpkin juice still tastes bad.
Hermione: Drink butterbeer, then, fool!
Harry: I can't, there's a hole in my goblet.
All: *Sings* There's a hole in my goblet, dear Eliza, dear Eliza, there's hole in my goblet, dear Eliza, a hole!
Draco: *Shakes head disgustedly and drinks some pumpkin juice* Bletch... who peed in the pumpkin juice?
Ron: *Squeals* Ew! *Smack* Hermione! Stop hitting me!
Hermione: Stop being a wuss.
Harry: Why can't we drink something normal, like Coke or Sprite or something?
Draco: *Mutters to himself* Or vodka...
Hermione: Soda rots your teeth.
Harry: So does pumpkin juice.
Hermione: *Annoyed* No, it doesn't!
Draco: Vodka does.
Hermione: *Irritated*
Snape: Did somebody say vodka?
All: *Sings* Did somebody say McVodka?
Snape: I detest that commercial. *Vanishes again*
Hermione: *Is furious* You cannot Disapparate in Hogwarts!
Ron: It's okay, Hermione.
Hermione: No it isn't! *Bursts into tears and whacks Draco*
Draco: Oy. What was that for, Mudblood?
Ron: Do not call Hermione a Mudblood or you will regret it!
Draco: Sure thing, dude.
All: *Stare*
Draco: Waaaaassssssssuuuuppp?
Harry: Um... Draco?
Draco: Dude! Pumpkin juice! I like so totally loooove pumpkin juice!
All: *Back away slowly*
Hermione: *Whispers* Don't make any sudden moves.
Draco: Like, yah, man.
Hermione: *Shrieks* I am not a man! *Hyperventilates again*
Draco: Chill, man.
Ron: *Awed* One and a half pages, and still no self insertion.
Harry: Maybe it's a new record. A cliche without a self insertion.
(Insert Topaz: Yay!)
All: Darn!
Hermione: There was an outbreak of Ebola in Uganda a while ago.
Draco: Dude!
Harry: We need a plot. A plot is essential.
Ron: How much do they cost?
Hermione: 5 Galleons, 3 Sickles, and 15 Knuts. I'll buy one, you guys stay here. And keep an eye on Draco. *She runs off*
Harry: I hope she gets a good one. The last plot I was in was full of holes.
Ron: Ew!
(Harry gets annoyed and smacks Ron)
Ron: Oy.
Draco: Major bummer, man.
(Hermione comes back with a plot)
Harry: Ooh, you found one!
Hermione: *Reads from the plot* Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione-- I'm last again, arg!-- go on a quest for the Holy Grail.
Ron: Screw the plot, I'm going home.
Harry: Yeah.
Draco: Like, yah man.
(Hermione is left alone.)
Hermione: Oh well. More electric bunnies for me!
(Tom Turkey comes alive and eats all the peeps in the world)
Tom Turkey: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
THE END