hola! sorry but i really don't feel like working on my actual story (the one thats post new moon) so this is just some busy work on a boring weekend for me!! so this i just what i think edward was thinking in the chapter: "vote" in new moon. its really an emotional roller coaster for edward and super fun to write. but its still hard i mean i had to read this chapter over and over again and then you have to change the he saids to i saids, and the i saids to she saids (now i know how hard it is for alphie, who is writing twilight in edwards point of view. its called the lion and the lamb if you havent heard of it. it is AMAZING!!! anyway i feel for you alphie)

i'd actually like to thank my sister and this awsome can of red bull for this one, don't worry i'll explain. i'm thanking my annnoying ten year old sister because we were wrestling when i came up with this idea (i know its really not a reason to thank her but i'll do it anyway because trust me i'll never thank her ever, ever again). and i'd like to thank this can of red bull because it was the only thing that kept me up last night to write the first chapter.

disclaimer: okay i really needed a disclaimer for this story because i'm using the characters and actual lines here sooo... I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR NEW MOON!!! there i did it you mean lawyers.

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Chapter 1

When I first saw Bella, I only thought about how I was entirely infatuated with the smell of her blood. This was new to me. The smell of a human's blood had never in my existence ever smelled so… tasty. I couldn't take it and to make matters worse I couldn't read the thoughts in that precious head of hers. Of course, I didn't care what she was thinking at the time I first laid eyes on her. I only saw her as food and although I had been hunting recently before that, I became immensely thirsty.

In biology class, I nearly exposed my family's true nature; luckily there was a room full of small-minded humans to remind me to control myself. I stayed as far as possible and when class ended I did what only a pathetic human would do… I ran away. It was all just too risky.

I later found out that anytime I would be near Bella I would become thirsty…but not only for her blood but also for her body and the mind I just couldn't seem to ever figure out—just plain…Bella. I learned to love the one my kind were taught to kill…the lion fell in love with the lamb.

When I first told my family about my situation they reacted in a way I was not expecting…except for Rosalie of course… oh and Emmett. Rosalie absolutely loathed the fact that I was in love with a human and when Bella figured out what my family and I were, Rosalie just stopped talking to me for a few days.

Emmett on the other hand just thought that I should take what I lusted for and forget about it. He had been through this before and had done exactly what he was telling me to. But I didn't, Emmett's prey had just been a stranger who he happen to come across. He wasn't in a heavily human populated area so he just took what he wanted but I knew Bella… liked her—No, I loved her. I couldn't just take the one life I cared about so greatly about away. I would never hear her laugh, see her blush, listen to her heart race faster and faster every time I touched her ever again. I just couldn't bear to think to see her lifeless and know I was the reason she would never walk on this earth again.

The rest of my family thought it was great, except for the wanting to suck her blood part. They were glad to see that I had found a partner—someone to share my life with, something I had never found in all the hundred years I have been alive. But there was one flaw to my far from perfect plan—Bella was a human and I planned on keeping her that way.

It was all her human features that I loved. If she were to become one of the monsters I was I was afraid I might not love her anymore, even though I doubted that could ever happen. I truly loved her personality and everything she was but what about her beautiful blush, the one I wouldn't see if she were one of us. She wouldn't have the blood to blush in her body. And what about those perfect chocolate-brown eyes that I constantly got lost in, her eyes would become this boring shade of topaz—The one that for some odd reason, humans found striking.

And now I stood in my love's bedroom as she waited for my reaction. But all I was was disappointed. At that one moment I wanted to yell, just yell at the top of my lungs. This couldn't be happening. I felt at that moment that my family had nothing to do with our relationship or Bella's mortality, when really they had everything to do with it.

Bella would become part of our coven… our family. They had to have a say eventually. They were the second biggest thing in my life (Bella being the first) and I never made a decision without them… and this was no exception. And also, the only vampire I knew that could do the job without hurting Bella was Carlisle. He was the only one who didn't go crazy at the scent of blood… the only one who could successfully change Bella with no worries.

I didn't want to, but I did anyway. It could have been that it was just Bella and I would do anything she willed me to… or maybe, somewhere deep down inside I really did want to know what my family truly thought about the matter. It has come up once or twice before but not in a way that was taken seriously.

Before I could change my mind I grabbed Bella ever so carefully and jumped out her window. This was all so easy, the jumping out of the window part that is. I'd done this so many times before and with my vampire reflexes, I stuck a perfect landing.

" All right then, up you go" I said. What I was doing was finally catching up to me. Why was I doing this? What if my family really and truly wanted her? What if they overruled me? I should just turned back now but I'd already decided on this… I was going to do it; I was going to let my family vote on Bella mortality.

I helped her on to my back, being extra careful not to "break" her, and then took off running towards my house.

I was running for only a couple of minutes when I felt something warm, and familiar on my neck. It was Bella's lips. Had she decided to accept that she was awake? Well, whatever she was thinking I was thankful for it.

"Thank you," I said. A couple of seconds passed and I decided to ask her the question that was flooding my head at the moment. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed. Oh, that laugh. I had to remember to make her laugh more often. "Not really." She said, "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

I couldn't believe it. She still didn't trust me. Didn't she get it; I wasn't leaving her, not after our last experiment. I concluded long ago, while I was away from her for so many months, that I needed her, more than anything on this planet. More than the blood I thirsted for. While I was away I just wished sometimes and had decided that I'd go months without hunting, if I could be with her for one more day.

And now that I was here, with her, and everything felt so perfect, I wasn't going to leave her ever… unless she wanted me to leave. I pushed the discouraging thought out of my mind.

I said in a voice to myself that I thought she wouldn't hear, "I'll earn trust back somehow, if it's the last thing I do"

Obviously she heard because she replied with a "I trust you. It's me I don't trust"

I didn't quite understand that one. "Explain that, please"

We were close to the house so I slowed down to a walk. I wanted to hear absolutely everything she was about to say to me.

"Well—I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

Was she joking?! I felt the same way about her everyday of my long life these days. How could something so precious want the monster that I was? I stopped and took her off my back. I put her on her feet and hugged her close to me.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable." I assured her, "Never doubt that"

Only I could doubt that the creature that stood before me was truly meant for me. But then something dawned on me…

"You never did tell me…" I murmured.

"What?" she encouraged.

"What your greatest problem is"

"I'll give you one guess." She said while tapping the tip of my nose with her index finger. Now I see… I'm her greatest problem. I've known that since the day I first laid eyes on her. But me over the Volturi's and Victoria… why?

I decided to play along. I nodded and said, "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

I waited for her to continue before I protested anything.

"You can leave me," she explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

I immediately felt sick. She thought that me leaving her was worse than being gruesomely killed. I regretted asking her to explain why I was her #1 problem even though deep down inside me I knew this piece of information all along.

"Don't—" she comforted, "Don't be sad" she touched my face as a sign of comfort.

I gave her a soft, sad smile. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you." I thought for a moment. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

I'm guessing she liked this because she replied with an "Okay". But I still just couldn't grasp the idea that she still believed that I would leave her again.

She tried to distract me "So—Since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

In the back of my mind the thought of me leaving still pondered over my thoughts but I still laughed. I had forgotten about that for a while. "Your things were never gone," I told her. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" Heat rising to her face…but in a good way, a happy way with a touch of anger.

I nodded amusingly.

"I think," she said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

Confusion. "What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I thought for a moment. Something with what she said didn't sit well with me. I repeated what she had said over and over in my head, and then I figured it out. "Voices?" I asked flatly.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." That didn't sound good. Had she gotten mentally ill while I was gone… had it impacted her that badly? And what about that "it's a long story" thing. I'm a freaking vampire for god sake! I've got all the time in the freaking universe!

I calmed down and said too calm for even I to believe, "I've got time."

"It's pretty pathetic," she said but I waited, I wanted to hear this one.

"Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she began.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said. The thought mad me angry. How could endangering your life be fun? Even with all the anger and sadness and worrisome and disappointment and… love I had bottled up inside of me I showed no emotional expression on my face.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"

"Motorcycle?" I repeated in a questioningly voice. All the emotion that was bottled up was slowly beginning to show.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly," she confessed to me. I could tell that she felt that what she did in the months I was gone was stupid…now. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt."

Had I hurt her that badly? That it hurt her to think about me. I think I went through the same thing except a million times worse. I tried distracting myself with tracking but that was later on.(ok peoples just so that you don't ask: I'm making this part up so bare with me here)The two weeks after I left her I was practically dead. I did nothing. Actually for a full two weeks I sat in the middle of a forest. I don't know were exactly I was though. I think I might have stopped running in Canada somewhere. I just sat there…lifeless… staring into space, watching the sun rise and my skin sparkle and then watch the sun set and the deafening creatures around me come out of hiding and begin to hunt. Not one of those creatures came within 50 yards of me though; all could see that I was in the middle of an inner torture. Something I would not get out of until I saw her glorious face again.

When I did move from my spot two weeks later, I was going through the same inner torture but I tried to do things to make myself seem less depressed. But inside, a hole burned through my chest, making everything I did seem difficult and when I wasn't trying to distract myself with tracking, I was utterly useless. I let the pain take over and wished that I could cry but all I could manage to let out were dry sobs. It almost felt as if I was internally and emotionally dying, only worse. It would have been great to die compared to the pain I felt on the inside.

She continued, "And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I struggled with this concept. She didn't realize that I loved her above and beyond anything on this earth. A million thoughts raced through my head at once and I struggled to say, "You… were… risking your life… to hear—"

She interrupted me. "Shh," she said, "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

There was a long silence as she thought. I didn't interrupt her, though; I truly wanted her to think about whatever it was that she was thinking about. Hopefully she would actually think about what she had just recently told me, about not being sure that I really loved her…since I left and all. Didn't she realize that I left her because I loved her?

"Oh!" she exclaimed.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see"

I took a wild guess: "Your epiphany?" I asked. My thoughts never left the matter of how much I loved Bella, but this was I nice distraction.

"You love me," she said in a truthful voice.

Finally she'd gotten it! I love her. That's the only phrase existing that could even come close to what I felt for her. I smiled at her and said, "Truly, I do."

I heard her heart beat rapidly accelerate in her chest. I wanted her to really believe what I was about to tell her. I was going to tell her 'I love you' straight out but that didn't seem like enough. What could I say or do that would make her understand that I loved her… times infinity. And then I figured it out.

I took her face tightly between my hands and kissed her. It all felt so right, so perfect. I never wanted the feeling that I'm sure we both felt now to ever go away. I kissed her until I remembered that she was a human and needed to breath.

I forced my lips to pull away from hers but I didn't want to go not even a foot away from her. I leaned my forehead against hers and my breathing was hard and irregular…for a vampire that is. Hers was the same as mine but that was normal for Bella. When I touched her, her heart raced. When I kissed her, her heart practically stopped. My mind was in a fog. Had I run into a tree earlier and went unconscious. Was I dreaming that I had just kissed Bella and that she finally realized that I loved her more than anything ever in my long existence?

I tried to collect all my thoughts to tell her one last thing before we got to the house, for we were tremendously close, "You were better at it that I was, you know" I stated.

"Better at what?" she asked.

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that too." It felt so vitalizing to confess this to her, like I was cleaning out my soul of all the past months' bad memories.

"I only heard one voice" she corrected me.

I laughed and pulled her to my side, leaning her towards the direction of the house.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I said while pointing with the wave of my hand towards the house. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too" she answered quickly.

I knew she was completely right but I just shrugged unconcernedly, trying to hide what I truly was thinking. What will they say?

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yeah yeah i know this isn't the entire chapter but i've got to stop somewhere you know. i'll try to post my update in the next week or so but then i'll still have another chapter to do after that. so as you can see i'm spliting up the chapter as so:

chapter 1: edward and bella are going to the cullens house

chapter 2: the cullens vote on bella's mortality and edward flips out and breaks "something" in the living room. oh what will he break??? or maybe you should ask yourself what will he not break????

chapter 3: edward brings bella back home. ah yes and then he proposes to her, that will be interesting to write in edward's point of view.

and then i'll be done with that. but i'm actually thinking of writing the beginning of new moon up until the moment after edward leaves in edward's pov. its all just so fun, getting into edwards head and all.

review if you think my idea on the beginning of new moon in ed's pov is good and also hurry and review and give me some ideas on what edward breaks. "look we just want some reviews peoples" says the little voices in my head. "hey don't be so mean" i answer back.