A/N: Yeah, I know I have an in-progress fic...but I have like, fifteen chapters already written up for that and I'm pretty sure I can put this up. Angsty!Matthew, in case you didn't realise by the summary and genres and stuff...
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun Dark Dawn. If I did, they'd have less skeletons and more Felix. And you'd be able to go to Kalay.
He was sitting in a cafe at Belinsk, laughing happily with his friends. Karis, Tyrell, Rief, Amiti, Sveta, Himi, even Eoleo was there. The sun was shining brightly above them, and everything seemed to be peaceful.
Suddenly darkness stole over the country. Monsters were appearing, people screaming. He leapt to his feet, looking around, and everywhere he looked people were dying - dying because of him...
The darkness engulfed him, until it was just him and darkness. He stood there, frozen, eyes wide. His breathing was starting to speed up. 'Not this, please, not this...'
Then the screaming started. Tortured screams, echoing through the darkness. He gave a cry and clutched his arms, now panting heavily.
'Please...Please, stop it...'
he begged, but it didn't stop. Just like every other time.
The images came next. Watching repeatedly as innocent, defenseless people were struck down by the monsters, slaughtered in their hundreds. Friends, families, old, young, people he knew, complete strangers. Each died one after another, and each one gazed at him with accusing eyes before their light was extinguished forever.
"How could you..Matthew.."
He choked, turning slowly to stare at the figure infront of him. Her emerald eyes stared at him in accusation.
"You doomed my people...You killed my brother..!"
"N-No, Sveta, I promise, I didn't.."
"Don't lie to me! Because of you, the Morgals are a dead species! We have barely enough to make new families! And it's your fault!"
Then she had dissapeared, sinking into the ground and floating away with the wind.
"Mate.."
He turned again, staring into the horrified eyes of Eoleo.
"You killed my father...You killed my Dad.."
"Eoleo.."
"How could you! He was all I had left..."
And then he was gone aswell, leaving him to the darkness.
"Matthew.."
'No more...Please, stop!'
"My people..The Kaocho...because of you they are all dead!"
He gazed at Himi, staring at her ruby eyes.
"They were my people..and you killed them all! You are not fit to be our leader!"
She vanished, and the voices started, the shouts and cries and accusations, blaming him, willing him dead, for him to pay for all he had done.
"I know..I know...Please...I'm sorry.." he sobbed, sinking to his knees.
And then the darkness took him.
His eyes flashed open, and he lay there for a moment, his heart beating wildly against his chest and his cheeks wet with tear tracks.
"Matthew, sweetie? Are you up yet?" called Jenna through the door.
"Y-Yeah..I'll be down in a minute," he called back, forcing his voice to remain steady. He heard her footsteps going downstairs and lay back, staring up at his ceiling with unseeing eyes.
That nightmare again...He'd been having it often since the end of the eclipse. He knew most of it wasn't true; his friends had often said that they didn't blame him, that it was all of their faults and that he should stop beating himself up about it. Still, that lingering doubt remained, and he knew that it'd likely never leave. Certainly not any time soon.
Getting out of bed, he quickly changed into his clothes and glanced at the calendar on the wall. The day was circled, and he blinked before remembering. Today was the day they were going to meet up again...Six months after the eclipse.
Walking over to his door, he strapped the Sol Blade on before heading downstairs, where his mum sat in the kitchen.
"Morning Mum, morning Dad," he greeted, and they both smiled at him.
"Good morning Matthew. Did you sleep well?" asked Isaac.
He hesitated briefly, the images coming back to him, before giving a shaky smile. "Y-Yeah," he replied, pouring himself a quick drink. Finishing it off quickly, he placed the cup on the counter before heading for the door.
"Sweetie, aren't you going to get some breakfast?" asked Jenna, sounding concerned.
"No, I'm not hungry. I'll get something later," he replied, before heading out.
He walked through the streets of Kalay, gazing with unseeing eyes. The town had been caught in the eclipse, but because most of the Warriors of Vale lived in or near Kalay, it was saved from destruction. Still, there were injuries and deaths.
His path took him past the graveyard and he glanced at it, seeing the new graves which had been added because of the eclipse. People knelt at the white stones, heads bowed and tears running down their faces. A few noticed him and turned, glaring as if daring him to try and console them. Instead he turned away, walking off, his heart heavier than before.
Everywhere he walked, it felt like glares were being burned into his back; he was responsible, he started the eclipse, he killed so many people. It was all his fault.
"Matthew!"
The familiar voice of Rief made him look up and he managed a half-hearted smile as he spotted his friends. They waved him over, smiling.
"Matthew, how have you been?" Himi greeted.
"They were my people..and you killed them all!"
"Well enough," he replied with a shrug.
"It is good to see you, Matthew," Amiti said with a smile.
"It's been a while, mate," Eoleo grinned, slapping a hand on his shoulder.
"You killed my father...You killed my Dad.."
"Too long."
"Matthew," Sveta smiled, hugging him.
"You doomed my people...You killed my brother..!"
"Hey," he replied with a strained smile. His heart hurt, he couldn't handle this. Not today. Probably never. It hurt just to see them.
"Hey, are you okay? You look tired," Karis said, frowning.
Matthew smiled as naturally as he could. "I'm fine," he replied.
Sveta pulled back, also frowning. "You feel thin, Matthew. Have you been eating properly?" she asked, concerned.
"I promise, I'm okay."
The others had caught onto the girls' concerns now.
"Are you sure? You look kinda stressed," Rief mused.
"Really?" asked Tyrell, squinting at him.
Matthew closed his eyes, smiling. He couldn't let them see, he couldn't show them, he deserved this pain, all of it..
He felt a tug in his mind and flinched, eyes snapping open. Sveta lowered her hands, her eyes wide.
"Matthew.." she gasped, eyes filling with tears.
'She read my mind..She saw it..!'
"What? What's the matter Sveta?" asked Karis, and Sveta turned.
"I can't describe it...I'll show you," she said, closing her eyes and placing her hands at her head. She glowed as she used her Psynergy to share the images with everyone.
"Wait, Sveta, don't!" Matthew managed to cry, but it was too late, everyone was staring in horror, then gazing at Matthew.
"Mate...How long have you been dealing with this?" asking Eoleo, fighting to remain calm, to not snap at the young boy infront of him. The young, scarred boy.
Matthew didn't reply, but their gazes weren't moving, their eyes asking for answers. Finally he caved, looking away.
"...Since the eclipse ended," he murmured.
"Why...why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me?" asked Tyrell, looking confused and a little hurt.
"...I didn't want anyone to worry. I deserve it. There's no reason to share what I'm feeling with you, when there's nothing you can do," he replied flatly, eyes darkening and becoming unseeing.
"Do you really believe that's what we think?" asked Himi quietly, and the others fell silent, staring at their leader.
"...Yes."
"Y-You're kidding, right? Mate, you know we don't blame you!" Eoleo cried.
"Matthew, you've shared my mind. You can't believe that I blame you for any of that!" Sveta cried.
Matthew didn't reply. There was nothing for him to say.
"Don't you..Don't you trust us?" asked Karis hesitantly, eyes beginning to well with tears.
It was falling. Everything was falling to pieces. He was cracking, everything was dissapearing, everything he loved and held dear was slipping through his fingers and fading with his continued silence. He didn't want this, he didn't want them to think he didn't trust them, didn't believe them.
But he didn't deserve them, either.
Everything he had, he deserved none of it. Heroes as parents, heroes as friends, but he was the bad guy here, the one who caused so much suffering. If this was his punishment for that, then he would accept it. What he owed to everyone, this barely covered it. He should give up his life for what he'd done.
Hearing several stifled gasps, he raised his head, staring at the horrified expressions and tearing eyes of his friends.
"Matthew.." Sveta murmured, reaching forward and hugging him. A moment later Himi and Karis joined her, the three crying onto his shirt.
For a moment he was confused, then he realised; Sveta had read his mind and relayed it to everyone again. He'd get angry, but he didn't have any anger left in him anymore. He didn't have anything.
"Matthew...You can come to us. If you ever feel that you need to talk with someone, we'll be here for you," Rief said gently.
"The people of Ayuthay would greet you warmly, Matthew. You saved us, after all," Amiti agreed.
"You'll be welcome with me on the seas anytime, mate," Eoleo added.
"Me and Karis, we'll always be here for you, Matthew. We've grown up together, we're practically brothers. You don't need to think that you're alone," Tyrell murmured.
Matthew looked around at them slowly, then down at the girls still hugging him tightly.
Maybe...Maybe he wasn't quite alone. Maybe he - dare he think it - did deserve them.
Well, even if he didn't, they weren't going to leave him any time soon, so he supposed he'd just have to get used to it. With that thought, he allowed himself a small smile.
"Thanks," he replied, genuinely meaning it, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders as his eyes sparked back to life.
He'd never repay what he owed, but he could at least try to correct what he'd done. After all, when had moping ever gotten him anything?
A/N: Every time I get to the eclipse bit in GS:DD, I start freaking out. I mean, what's with all the skeletons? It's just super creepy.
So I figured, if it affected me, then surely it must have gotten to Matthew and the rest of them, right? I might actually make another little thing about during the eclipse and their thoughts, but for now, have a bunch of Matthew angst!