Author's Note: I think a Team 7 cafe AU pairs rather nicely with the cold weather, don't you? Anyway, Merry Christmas Eve and (depending on the climate you live in) stay warm!
"Anybody who orders tea at a coffee shop is a total moron," Naruto says while squirting vanilla syrup into a mug.
Technically, he's supposed to use organic vanilla extract and granulated sugar, but is the customer really going to notice? Vanilla syrup achieves the same effect. It's quicker too, which helps because he's behind by two orders.
"If you have enough time to talk to yourself, then you can hurry it up back there," Sakura says.
Naruto clenches the vanilla syrup bottle, making his hand sticky with high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavoring. "If you really cared, then you'd help me out!"
Sakura doesn't bother replying, only gestures toward her left arm. It's tucked away in a sling. Apparently she "sprained her elbow" while "playing tennis with Ino." Likely story, but it's not like stirring up a few mint hot cocoas is going to kill her. Although Naruto's mentioned this several times, Kakashi still has her on cash register duty for the rest of the month, leaving Naruto to prepare all the drink orders by himself.
He slams down the mug without letting tea slosh over the rim.
"Vanilla chai latte's ready."
His hand, the one that isn't sticky, kneads the back of his neck. Better get started on the next order.
Maybe this wouldn't suck so much if it wasn't Naruto's eighth consecutive shift, but Sai got sick and needed someone to cover for him the past two days. (Actually, Sai was entirely okay with coming into work, fever and all, but that's where Kakashi, their ever-absent manager, drew a line. He refused to let this cafe be ground zero for the next outbreak.)
"Naruto, did you hear me?" Sakura says. "White. Chocolate. Mocha."
"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time." A lie, but it sets him into motion.
After mixing a shot of espresso with a generous squeeze of white chocolate syrup, Naruto tops it off with a small pitcher of steamed milk, occasional flicks of his wrist creating a leaf pattern with the froth. It's the signature latte art of Konoha, the Cafe Hidden in the Leaves. And it'll end up curdling at the bottom of some customer's stomach.
He parks the mug at the pick-up counter, right beside the unclaimed vanilla chai latte.
"White chocolate mocha's ready."
An unhurried shuffle, then a familiar face claims the order. "Thanks."
Leaning over the counter, Naruto breaks out into a grin. "Sasuke! How's that crim class going?"
"Nothing's changed since the last time you asked," Sasuke says, which is fair because Naruto did ask him that yesterday. And every day preceding that.
Sasuke's enrolled at the law school a couple blocks over, and he has this massive criminal law exam at the end of the semester. It's taken several weeks, almost as long as it took to master latte art, for Naruto to draw that information out of him. Other Sasuke facts that Naruto hoards: he prefers hazelnut syrup over caramel, he has "a past" with an unnamed older brother, and, yes, he does wake up with that hair.
However, it's a bit early for Sasuke to stop by the cafe. Sunlight hasn't even spilled through the storefront windows yet. When Naruto points this out, Sasuke mumbles something about an arson case and heads toward a table in the back corner.
All in all, it's just another day at Konoha, the Cafe Hidden in the Leaves, until the storefront windows shatter and zombies start tumbling in.
"Damnit, this is a lot harder when your left arm's in a sling," Sakura says as she pulls a chainsaw out from a nearby cabinet.
Naruto already has his flamethrower ready to go. In one swift motion, he jumps over the counter and begins to incinerate a row of zombies, engulfing them in flames. Sakura can't help but roll her eyes because he's such a show-off. And he's well aware Kakashi hates it when he uses that thing! It costs good money to replace scorched floor tiles. Even worse, it takes forever for the stench of charred flesh to clear. Not that Naruto cares.
"You ain't seen nothing yet!" he says in a blaze of fire.
Sakura's itching to score some kills of her own, but there's no way she can rev up the chainsaw and stabilize it with just one good arm. She abandons the weapon entirely to grab a katana from the broom closet. Not her first choice, but it'll have to do.
Most zombie attacks occur in the next city over because it's more densely populated. More brains to gnaw on. But to have one in Konoha? And this early in the morning, barely an hour into her shift? Sure, they've had their fair share of attacks—it's why they're equipped with weapons, should the occasion arise—but the timing of this attack feels a bit... odd. There were only a handful of brains in the cafe this morning, not enough to feed an entire pack of zombies. It would've made more sense if they were hit at the lunch rush, along with the university students, office interns, and book club mothers.
But Sakura pushes these thoughts out of her head because, right now, there are bigger fish to fry. She adjusts her grip on the katana. A glint of her blade, then ribbons of bowel spill out from a zombie's torso. It moans but continues shuffling forward, dragging its putrid intestines behind. Ugh, this is why she prefers chainsaws!
She lunges again, this time using the momentum of her landing to decapitate the zombie in a clean swipe. Its head rolls across the cafe's floor.
"Don't even think of underestimating me," she says, shifting her stance for the next round.
After taking out another three, five zombies, Sakura makes a quick scan of the cafe. By now, Naruto's run out of gas for his stupid flamethrower, so he's resorted to using cutlery, a shower of forks and knives raining down on a cluster of zombies. What a mess.
It looks like all the customers have escaped. Except Sasuke, of course. He's got a wooden chair leg sunken into a nearby zombie's chest. With a grunt, he yanks out the makeshift stake, bits of rotted flesh clinging to its splintered end.
"Sasuke! Over here!" she says, waving at him.
When he glances in her direction, she uses her good arm to toss him the chainsaw.
"Thanks, Sakura."
The rev of the engine is deafening within the small confines of the cafe. Blood spatters across his face.
Sasuke kicks aside a dismembered arm. "Pathetic."
Not wanting to fall behind, Sakura turns back to skewer another round of zombies. She. Will. Not. Be. Taken. Lightly. A battle cry, and the last one falls to its knees, then slumps forward. The cafe finally falls silent.
"I think we got all of them," Naruto says, wiping his brow. "I could go for some ramen now."
He slings his arm around a reluctant Sasuke, as if intending to leave, but Sakura points to a flaming pile of bodies. "Are you serious, Naruto? Look at this mess!"
He groans. "But that'll take forever to clean up."
Sakura doesn't bother responding, just grabs a broom and gets started on the shattered glass by the storefront windows.
"Looks like this pile has five businessmen, an elderly female, and a pair of barely school-age children," Sasuke says, jotting down notes on an order pad because it's the only paper he could scrounge up.
Sasuke shouldn't even be here. He should be doing more important things, like studying for an upcoming law exam or murdering Itachi in his sleep. Yet, here he is, taking inventory of burnt and bloody corpses with four more piles to go through.
Maybe he's staying out of gratitude for all the lattes he's had here. It's no secret that law school drains students of their life force, but studying at this cafe... it's been nice, actually. The solidarity between students, lured in by the promise of caffeine. The heady aroma of coffee beans and hazelnut. A clink of his spoon against ceramic. It's a part of his routine that he actually looks forward to.
And there are the employees, who can get annoying (i.e. Naruto), but overall they make him feel welcomed, like he's part of their little cafe family or something. They're skilled fighters as well. Naruto's got incredible stamina, almost inhuman, and Sakura has her own charm wielding a katana, even with one arm in a sling. He'd like to spar with them sometime. If they can keep up with him, that is.
When Sasuke turns over one of the corpses, its blank stare, although mottled, looks familiar.
"Naruto, Sakura," he says, "there's something you should see."
A moment later, they're peering over his shoulder, first in curiosity then in recognition. Sakura gasps, covering her mouth.
"That can't be," she says. "No, that's not Sai, is it?"
Sasuke notes the apron it's wearing, which matches the ones Naruto and Sakura have on. "Looks like he planned on working today."
What a pity. Sai's latte art rivaled Naruto's, although he was pretty heavy-handed with sweetener.
"But he called in sick! And he was supposed to be out with the flu, not the zombie virus," Naruto says.
"That explains why we were attacked so early in the morning." Sakura kneels down in front of their fallen coworker, reaches out to shut his eyelids. "The human part of him wanted to make it to his shift. But it looks like he attracted other packs of zombies along the way."
Her face crumples. Sasuke doesn't comfort her, doesn't tell her that, hey, at least Sai's out of his misery. Or offer an empty promise that everything's going to be okay. They've all lost coworkers, neighbors, and loved ones to the zombie virus. And Sai? Just another drop in that bucket.
Still, Sasuke lets her grieve in peace as he brushes past Naruto to take inventory of the other corpses. Another businessman with mangled limbs. Four high school students, judging by their uniforms. A woman likely in her second trimester.
What's funny is that Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, all three of them, relished killing these zombies in the first place. It's one thing when you view them as faceless monsters, fodder for melee weapons and combo attacks. It's another thing when you recognize your coworker in that bunch. But that's the world they live in, an ever-shifting food chain.
After Sasuke finishes taking inventory, he calls the police to notify them of the zombie attack. They'll arrive in half an hour to pick up the corpses and document the encounter. Meanwhile, Sakura and Naruto have finished clearing out the debris. Once every surface is doused with bleach, the cafe's starting to look pretty okay. (Well, except for anything Naruto's flamethrower has destroyed. What an idiot.)
Sakura turns to face Sasuke. There's a smear of blood across her cheek, probably transferred from the back of her hand when she wiped away her tears.
"We'll see you tomorrow, right?" she says.
Sure, Sakura still cries over every death, but even she recognizes the importance of moving on. If they closed the cafe over one co-worker, what's to stop the entire city from doing the same? What about the grocery stores? The hospital? It'd be total chaos. Cafes like this one would be converted into emergency bunkers or taken over as zombie dens. The youth of this generation would sooner know the taste of blood than of dark roast coffee. And Sasuke would be slaying zombies full-time instead of studying law.
So it's vital that they open shop tomorrow, just like any other day. He looks forward to it.
"Yeah, I'll be here," he says, "but only if Naruto doesn't half-ass my order."
Naruto throws a bloodied rag on the floor and jabs his index finger in Sasuke's direction. "You know what? Just because you said that, I'm totally adding hot sauce to your next latte!"
"Heh, I'd like to see you try."
Once Sasuke's outside, he zips up his jacket, stuffs his hands in his pockets. It's not yet winter, but the autumn breeze is a threat of its own, carrying the faint scent of charred flesh.