Being a nation is hard. Besides the whole work thing, you know, keeping your country up and on top, making sure no one else tries to take over when you're not looking, all that stuff. Being the living embodiment of a country is really lonely. Especially for me, I'm the embodiment of the great US of A. But my real name is Alfred. Alfred Franklin Jones, but F. Jones just sounds cooler. Anyways, I guess I should explain why I'm up here on the top of Lady Liberty, my favorite place to be. It honestly didn't happen that long ago, maybe a week or so. It just all happened so fast, which is saying something cause I've been alive for more than 236 years!
So basically, it started out just like any other meeting. Everyone was yelling and stuff, Germany was trying to get everyone's attention and I was just eating my Big Mac. I was being pretty quiet for once, I guess it was cause of the economy and I hate talking about it, even if I got a fool-proof plan Arthur always finds ways to poke holes in it. So I just stay quiet til someone calls on me, but after a few minutes no one even looks at me. My stomach begins to churn and the Big Mac doesn't look as appetizing anymore. I give them a bit more but still nothing, my breathing is getting faster and I begin to bite my lips. My heart is racing before another minutes passes. All these words in my head start screaming at me until I finally break and jump out of my seat, exclaiming the loudest I can. "Hey dudes! Let's just focus a little bit more on me and how my economy is doing just fine!" That did it, every nation with a short temper snaps on me causing the rest of the room to turn to me and watch as I argue with every shout thrown at me. Despite the horrible things they are saying about me, I still smile and laugh proudly. Why? Because I am alive. I should probably tell you what that means though, huh? I hate being out of the conversation, out of attention. I can't stand not being seen. The feeling cuts into my gut and twists like a knife. So, to stop that feeling, I stay around people. I include myself in every conversation around me, even if that just means they can insult me all they want.
The meeting finally ended after Germany had some...less than civil words used towards me concerning my mother's 'special parts' and where she used to spend her nights in Amsterdam. Needless to say, it was exactly what I needed because even after everyone shuffled out, I was still spoke to. England made a few comments about how childish I was but that didn't matter. Once the room was mostly empty I looked around the room before my eyes rested on the perfect solution to my discomfort. My baby brother, Canada, I just like to call him Mattie though. So I make my way over and beam the best smile I have. "Sup, lil bro?"
"Umm, not much? Why do you always do that, America?" Matthew chuckles the smallest bit before raising a brow, he never calls me by my name at work so I have to huff and pout before he sighs and corrects himself. "Why do you always do that to yourself, Alfred?" I just shrug and wrap an arm around his shoulder, the smile is back on my face.
"I dunno. I thought I had a pretty good plan going!"
"You wanted to just build a giant ATM so that the world can take out money as they please."
"And it was a really good idea!"
"Except, where is all the money going to come from to put into the machine?"
"The banks. They always have money."
"And where do you think the banks get all their money from?"
"Uhh..."
"..." Matthew looks at me with a straight face, complete with his patented 'Really? Are you sure you are my brother that has lived this long?' look. I glance at him before I burst out laughing, patting his shoulder much harder than I expected.
"I'm just joking! I know the idea wouldn't have worked."
"Then why did you say it!?" His voice raises the smallest bit, he never really had a loud voice to begin with. I blink quickly for a moment then shake my head and shrug.
"I'unno. Just wanted to give an idea." I try to sound cool and calm but I am anything but. I haven't told Mattie about my 'problem'. If I had my way, I wouldn't tell anyone at all. But with the slip ups I have sometimes, someone is bound to find out. So I need to get better at hiding it. I have to.
"Alfred...what's the matter with you?" Shit.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. You have been blurting out ridiculous ideas for the longest time. And you just smile when people insult you. That's...well, that's not exactly healthy." Matthew frowns as he looks down at his hands. As if he knows the meaning to healthy. He is forgotten constantly, no one pays him any attention. Maybe...maybe that's why I am around him so much. Cause he actually knows how it feels to be forgotten...
"Hey, they don't mean it. So why let it get to me?" I flash him a bright smile as he began to walk outside. The meeting was held in Ottawa this time so we head over to Mattie's house. He doesn't even bother to remind me about inviting myself over anymore. I just sort of follow him home most of the time unless I got something else to do. He unlocks the door and we head in, he gives me a very serious look, which is pretty scary since he has such a baby face. But I stop moving once my shoes are off and he raise a brow at him. "What?"
"Don't lie to me, Alfred. I know when you are lying." Damn. Maybe if I play dumb he will leave me alone.
"What do you mean? I'm not lying."
"Yes. You are. You're starting to bite your lips." Shit, bitch, honey glazed tits.
"Mattie. I got no clue what you are talking about." He stares me down for a moment before he sighs, giving up in his futile attempt at making me crack.
"Fine. Just...tell me if something is bothering you, alright?"
"Sure. You'll be the first to know." What? it's not a lie. The whole 'being alone' thing doesn't bug me. It makes me think that the world is crashing and I feel like I am going to puke but no, not bother. Never bother. That would be ridiculous for a Hero. To have the thought of being alone, or ignored...rejected...forgotten by everyone you ever met...
"Al? ….re...ight? Yo...akin..." Jesus I can barely get the thoughts out of my head. I'm not alone. I swear I'm not. There are lots of people that know me, and remember me. Lots! They just can't handle having me in their lives every moment of the day! But they still think about me. They know Alfred F. Jones. They know me! They know! I don't even notice my feet carry me to the bathroom until my hands are clenched on the bowl of the toilet and I am heaving up everything I had eaten through the day. My whole body is shaking and I can just barely make out the cold sweat that is forming on my skin as Mattie places a hand on the back of my neck, trying to rub small, soothing circles into it. By the time I am done throwing up and my breathing is making it's way to a normal rhythm, I can hear Mattie speak again. "Alfred...what the hell is the matter with you?"
"'M jus' a lil sick..." My words are slurred and barely there, he frowns deeply at me and I have to look away. Dammit, stop looking at me like that. It was just a small panic, I will be fine. I always am. He watches me a little longer before he sits up on the edge of the bathtub.
"I think we should get you home...let you rest." I jerk upwards but my head spins, I see three or four clones of the canadian for a moment.
"C'n I...c'n I stay 'ere?" I take a few calming breaths before my words start to sound like some semblance of American. "I just...I just don't wanna go all the...all the way home." He gives me a look, a look that clearly says 'I know you are trying to hide something but I will find out what it is.' And I am okay with that. Because if he is here with me, then I will be fine. No attacks, just me and Mattie. Completely safe. Mattie sighs as he carefully hoists me up to stand, my knees are still a little wobbly but I make it to his room where I fall on the mattress. He laughs faintly at me and I smile, after a few minutes of whining I get him to come have a nap with me. As he pulls the covers up over us, I swear I see this almost pitying look in his eyes. He kisses my forehead like when we were kids and turns off the light. He doesn't even say a word when I wrap my hand around his arm, making sure that he is going to be there the entire time I am asleep.