Note: This takes place post-series, with a slight plot divergence. In this story, Kagome didn't have three years in her era before she chose to stay with Inuyasha - she was able to come back just a few days after Naraku had been defeated. The well was sealed immediately after.
Kagome's blood boiled, causing her to let out a shriek much like a tea kettle would do once it had reached its limit. She had already stormed away from the others - stomping through underbrush and foliage as she mumbled darkly to herself.
Kikyo. It was always her - never Kagome, just Kikyo. Why was Inuyasaha able to hurt her so thoroughly when it came to her previous incarnation? How could he not understand how deeply his half-hearted affection wounded her? Why couldn't Inuyasha stop himself from comparing Kagome to Kikyo?
Why did Kagome wish that she were Kikyo?
With another shriek, the would-be priestess kicked the nearest stone she could see - missing, of course, and instead just kicking a bunch of mud and getting her bare leg covered in it. Great. Just perfect.
She knew there had been a stream nearby and started towards the direction she thought it was in, attempting to distract herself from her sour mood with the search. However, she just couldn't get Inuyasha's behavior out of her mind. Kikyo, he had called her! They had been traveling together for two years and he managed to call her another woman's name!
I'm not Kikyo. She repeated the mantra in her head several times, trying to ignore the tight grip of jealousy in her chest. Kikyo wasn't even around anymore. She was dead. Her body, made of the earth - dirt and clay, Kagome thought with surprising venom - had crumbled and Kikyo's soul was gone. Yet even after her final rest, she still managed to torment Kagome.
She had to take a breath when realized out badly her hands were shaking. She had reached the stream, sitting near the edge to clean the mud from her leg. She had no reason to be angry at Kikyo this time - she was finally at rest, having aided them in getting rid of Naraku once and for all. It was Inuyasha who had sleepily mistaken Kagome for the other, who was always looking off in the distance with thoughts Kagome could easily guess. He was always thinking of her. Of his first love, his first real loss. Kagome felt as if she were nothing but the supplement now that Kikyo was truly gone.
Why did she care? Kagome could never figure out why she was unable to tear her heart away from wanting Inuyasha. Perhaps, she thought sourly, it's because Kikyo loved him too. And a part of her, lives in me. Perhaps I'm just doomed to repeat the cycle Naraku started fifty years ago... she mused upon the thought of pinning Inuyasha to Goshinboku with a sacred arrow - while it was a good fantasy, she knew she could never do that. As angry as she was, and as hurt as she was, Inuyasha was still her best friend. She wanted more than that, and she thought that he did too, but the longer she waited for a sign from him... the more it seemed like Kikyo would never leave his heart.
Perhaps it was time to accept that the relationship Kagome wanted would never be able to happen.
It's too late for that, she reminded herself, Naraku is gone. The well is closed. I chose Inuyasha over... everything. How could I have been such a fool?
She didn't realize she was crying until her chest started shaking and the sobs began. The weight of her decision was starting to crush her - she could never go home, never see her family again. The time she had grown up in was no longer her time. She would be here, in Sengoku Jidai, until the day she died.
Which given the low life-expectancy of people in this era, may not even be that long, she sarcastically quiped to herself, rubbing at her tears. She had no desire to show back up in the village with puffy, red eyes but knew as she started crying again that it would be helpless to hide it. Tomorrow they would head out to aid various villiages and settlements that had been suffering under Naraku's influence for the last few years, and though initially the plan was that it would be just Kagome and Inuyasha going, Kagome was grateful that Miroku, Sango, and Shippo had all decided to travel with them as well. She wasn't sure she could bear being alone with Inuyasha for awhile.
Despite everything she still loved him. She still wanted to be with him, but... it was so painful knowing that she could never surpass his affection for a dead woman. They had been through so much together, in what was objectively a short time. She had fallen for him far too quickly, far too hard, and it wasn't something she could just turn off, no matter how badly she wanted to.
When she had begun making her way back to the village, the had started to set on the horizon. She had spent more time moping in the forest than she had meant to, not taking into account the fact that night time around these parts would tend to bring more danger than anyone needed in their lives. She had only just approached the edge of the tree line before she made out a figure in the growing shadows.
Her body tensed, sending out waves of reiki as an automatic defense in the wake of the unknown figure. "Who's there?" Her voice sounded a lot more confident than she actually actually felt.
"Relax," the figure scoffed. As Kagome's eyes focused better, she could see that they had had their arms crossed - until they began to walk towards her. It was only a few seconds before she recognized the person before her.
"Kouga?" She questioned hesitantly. How long had he been there? She hadn't even felt his presence. Some priestess...
He didn't say anything as he stepped closer, using the distance to examine her closely. Her eyes were irritated, swollen. The scent of salt in the air had told him she had been crying - he just didn't realize until now how much crying she had likely done. The frown on his face painted his emotions well. If he had his way, Kagome would never cry.
"How long have you..." Kagome began to voice her initial thought, but trailed off at the look her was giving her. His eyes that wandered over her appearance, focusing on her eyes - that deep frown he wore. Her lips twitched into a grimace for a brief moment, realizing what his expression had to have been: Pity. Kouga found her pitiful.
"Long enough," he didn't need her to finish her question to know what she was wondering. In reality, he had been watching her for quite some time. Initially, he had been on his way to the village to check up on her but when he caught wind of her scent moving away from his destination he had changed course. He found her kicking mud and cursing, but kept behind to observe her. The fact that she hadn't sensed him had him worried for her - whatever she was upset about, she was so focused on that her ability to sense youkai was impaired. Naraku may be dead, but such a lack of foresight could still get her killed.
Not your problem Kouga, he tried to remind himself, but just like Kagome he couldn't turn off his emotions through sheer force of will. He had been able to kidnap the priestess once; He had never been able to do the same with her heart. Still, he couldn't help the concern in his eyes, couldn't control his hand as it reached forward and gently brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. He let out a shaky sigh.
"Kouga..." Kagome started, wearily. Was he going to once again proclaim his love to her? She wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of once again turning him down when she was already feeling so low. Kouga had said he had understood her feelings for Inuyasha - that he realized she couldn't love him while she loved the other. The look in his eyes made her feel like any consolation Kouga could give her now would be the prouct of pity instead of adoration.
"I came to check on you, figure out your plans. The monk had mentioned that you wanted to help everyone rebuild, start fresh. I wanted to extend my aid however I could - Naraku is gone. You've done my pack a great service." Kagome was confused at his clear cut way of speaking - almost rehearsed and not at all the proposal she had been bracing herself for. Kouga cleared his throat. "I didn't mean to intrude on... such an intimate moment. But if ya need me or my pack's resources... you know where to find me."
He turned, not being able to face her anymore. He had managed to squelch his desire to embrace her, to tell her that he'd never make her cry like him. Because that had to be it, right? It had to be Inuyasha. It was always Inuyasha. And no matter how many times he had hurt her, no matter how many times Kouga had tried to defend her against him, no matter the times Kouga had ran for miles just because he caught a trace of her scent, just so that he could have a possibility of seeing her... she always chose him. She had made that clear, and he had long since decided that his love-at-first-sight was obviously a one-sided affair. He had to let go.
"K-Kouga," Kagome began again, her hand reaching towards him. He felt the slight warmth as it nearly touched his back, and then stepped out of her reach.
"I wish you had picked me instead, Kagome." He whispered before dashing off with his incredible speed. Even without the jewel shards in his legs, he was gone from her sight within seconds. Her hand, still reaching out, slowly dropped to her side. She knew what that meant - and she wasn't surprised. After all, she had repeatedly told him that she wasn't interested. He had given up; He had moved on. And she was glad for him. Kouga needed to find someone who made him happy, someone who could stay by his side. He deserved that much.
I still have...
...I still want Inuyasha.
She took a moment to collect herself and calm her pounding heart before continuing forward.
AN: Yes, this is an "Inuyasha picks Kikyo" fic, and I know how very, very common that trope is within this pairing - but, alas. I am weak. I'm going to try and do it a bit differently, as I started this fic for two reasons: writing practice, and guilty pleasure. To those who are reading my other fanfictions, do not sweat! I am, of course, still writing Work For It.
I'm being pretty lax with this fanfiction, meaning I'm not editing much and I'm just trying to hit it as a warm up for writing other things. That doesn't mean I'm going to just up and abandon it, though. Kouga and Kagome happen to be my favorite pairing in Inuyasha - and one of my favorite in any kind of media, to be honest. I've wanted to write something for them for quite awhile. I'm hoping to diverge a bit from the norm with this.
About the title! Because of Kagome's musings at the beginning of this chapter (It's always Kikyo!) And Kouga's at the end (It's always Inuyasha!) and my love of Undertale quotes, I really just... had to.
The rating is there for a reason, too! J-just, with time.