When Jack Sleeps
Jack does sleep. He tells them he doesn't, but yet again he keeps the truth from them. He does it with the best will in the world. If they knew; if Ianto knew; if Ianto only knew the thoughts that passed through his waking mind, it would be too much. Too much for Ianto to feel Jack's pain, and too much for Jack to know that he was causing Ianto such hurt.
Jack sleeps when he is tired. That much is self-evident, or at least he presumes it is. He sometimes presumes a lot. He is human after all. Immortal, but human. Like everyone. Jack sleeps when he is tired.
Jack sleeps when he is satiated; when he and Ianto have given themselves to each other fully and unconditionally. He sleeps, tangled in ultimate comfort, with with his lover. Legs and arms entwined. Jack sleeps when he is calm.
Jack sleeps when he is unable to deal with his emotions any more. Oh, he won't admit it to anyone, he barely admits it to himself. But Ianto knows, because Ianto sees everything. When the faeries took Jasmine - when Jack let the faeries take Jasmine..., when Jack gave Jasmine to the faeries.... - what really happened then....? Jack came back to the Hub, retreated to his room and slept for nearly two days. Jack sleeps when he just can't cope any more.
Jack sleeps when Owen makes him. Jack knows Owen does it for his own good. He knows that Owen counts the nights and the nightmares, with Ianto's help. And when the counter reaches Owen's danger zone, Owen slips him something to help him sleep. It is a tacit agreement. Neither has ever spoken of it. Neither will ever speak of it. Jack sleeps when Owen drugs him.
Jack sleeps when he wants to remember. It is a curious paradox. He sleeps to forget and he sleeps to remember. Only in his dreams does he really remember his childhood, his parents, his brother. The games they played on the beach before.... before.... Jack wakes, drenched in sweat, remembering. Then Jack forces himself to sleep again to forget.
Jack wakes when Owen growls at him, relishing the grin that is always behind Owen's gruff and totally fabricated exterior. He wakes when Tosh gives him her wide and unconditional smile. He wakes when Gwen touches him lightly. But most of all he wakes when when he feels Ianto's warm and gentle hands caressing him.
He wakes and gives himself to them again. But Jack is really only Jack when he sleeps.