A.N: I've had this story half completed for over a year and I thought I'll probably never complete it unless I start publishing :) Hope you like it!
This story happens around the third series but goes back and forwards in time.
"The Lightman Group was built on my sweat, I don't see anyone's else's name on the door, nor on my book jacket, for that matter"
"The one you haven't written?"
"You mess with my finances again, and you and I are through! Now you're the language expert. Can you tell me, do I mean that?"
Although he had truly meant it in the heat of the moment, the look on Gillian made him feel nauseous. But although he regretted his unkind words, his anger towards her felt justified. And no, it wasn't over the matter of frozen bank accounts. It had simply been the straw that broke the camel's back. He saw the raw hurt on her beautiful face, but she was saved the retort as Mrs Salinger cautiously entered the kitchen.
"You and I are through"
Those words seemed to reverberate in her head during the uncomfortable and dead quiet ride back to the office. He had meant it. She felt as if she was hollow inside, like a slow tide of panic was washing over her. He meant it. She pushed him and he decided to throw that in her face. Finally, a small voice inside her whispered.
He parked the car and left the car without looking at her. She followed and his dismissal of her presence helped fill the void inside her with fury. She buried all thoughts of the true reason for his behaviour and focused on her rage. Fueled it with all she could muster. Oh, and he even lent a hand, making sure she would see him with that crooked detective.
"Group hug? Too early?" He slouched worse than usual, looking at her daringly. She felt anger, but mostly frustration, bubbling in her which culminated with her derisive laughter. She turned away from them and walked to her office. She would wait this out. While his weapons of choice were rash decisions, provocation and prodding, hers was patience. That's why she had never lost.
Approximately six years before.
Cal and Gillian sat in his office enjoying a late night scotch. Gillian sat sideways on his sofa, her bare feet tucked under her, with her hair covering a part of her face. She looked so relaxed, and God, she never looked more beautiful. They were both exhausted after a gruelling case. Soft music played and the only light came from a lamp on his desk. He sat close to her, too close, slouched and his legs resting on the coffee table. Their knees almost touched.
Cal looked at her and he felt like his heart was about to leap out of his chest to cuddle in her impossibly warm embrace. He was so ridiculously in love with her that he was surprised his eyes didn't turn cartoonishly heart shaped every time he looked at her. Sometimes it physically hurt being so close to her. They were both married. Both dutifully ignoring said spouses in the cover of frequent late nights at the office. But to be completely honest, nothing had ever happened between them. Sometimes Cal even wondered whether his feelings were one-sided. She was an enigma to him.
"I think I better get going," she spoke suddenly, slowly sitting up.
"Yeah, me too darling," he looked at her.
"There's a long and exhausting fight waiting for me at home," he added with a humourless chuckle. Cal and Zoe did little except fight these days. Well, these last years was more accurate. Gillian looked at him with a compassionate smile.
"At least you fight. I feel like Alec and I are slowly drifting towards being companions that share a house." Gillian quickly realised what she had said. It had slipped from her traitorous mouth. She never talked about Alec with him. At least never anything regarding their marriage. She chanced a glance at him. What she saw made her heart leap. He wasn't even trying to hide it. Blatant hope. She couldn't say anything. She tried so hard to ignore her feelings, bottling them up and repeating over and over that she was happily married and Cal was simply her best friend. Her friend whom she wanted to spend every waking moment with. Slowly their faces approached as if an invisible force was drawing them together. The kiss was incredibly soft at first, but soon pent up longing took over and Cal pulled her onto his lap, one hand in her hair, the other held her tightly. Gillian stroked his hair and almost cried from the intensity of the kiss. He was so loving, adoring her with kisses. The kiss subsided and they breathed in unison. Gillian slowly removed herself from his lap, sitting as close to him as possible. They looked at each other and Cal looked punch-drunk.
"I've wanted to do that since I met you," he grinned, stroking his hand lovingly over her cheek.
Gillian smiled and kissed his palm. Cal closed his eyes at the gesture. He grabbed her head and kissed her again. She moaned into the kiss and he grunted, pushing her back. He kissed her neck and behind her ear, lightly biting on her earlobe. He then kissed her lips again, seeing stars as she pushed up her pelvis straight to his. He pushed back, letting her feel how she was affecting him. She moaned loudly and if it wasn't the most erotic thing he had ever heard. He kissed her neck and then left a trail of wet kisses towards her breasts. Gillian fumbled with his belt and Cal pushed up her skirt. He pulled her on top of him and pushed her underwear haphazardly down her long legs. He stroked her centre and she gasped. He swallowed her gasp with a kiss as Gillian deftly slid her hand inside his underwear, stroking his raging manhood. She gently pulled him out from his confines and guided him inside her.
Oh dear God Cal thought, she was so warm and soft. She began building up the tempo, slowly grinding her pelvis at him. Cal unbuttoned her shirt and removed her bra. He massaged one breast and kissed and licked the other. Gillian was clawing at his scalp and it was driving him crazy. He pushed her on her back and pulled out of her, then quickly entered her and picked up the tempo. Their combined moans echoed around the room and Cal knew he wouldn't last for much longer. He stroked her clit and drove hard into her. Gillian began trembling and as her inner muscles clenched around him he let go, joining her release.
They lay together on the couch, Gillian resting her head on Cal's chest, and he slowly stroked her hair. They hadn't said anything for a long while.
"What do we do now?" Gillian asked thoughtfully.
Cal didn't answer right away. What were they going to do? What could they do? Although Cal knew he had been unfaithful, he felt positively euphoric, lying there with Gillian in his arms. And he felt hopeful. He kissed her hair and stroked her back.
"You're all I want, Gill." He said, his heart beating faster. Gillian's eyes widened and she pushed up so she could look into his face.
"Leave Alec!" he said boldly, "my marriage is long gone," he added.
When she didn't say anything, he continued.
"Let's be together…" he hesitated, looking into her eyes, "I love you, Gillian."
Gillian felt a lump in her throat, she was so overwhelmed. She looked at him, with tears in her eyes. She meant to say, well, something, but no words came. She was so taken back by his complete honesty that she felt her heart swell. She kissed him softly, gently, full of the words she couldn't speak. He held her tightly and closed his eyes. Their tight embrace seemed to span a lifetime, or possibly only a heartbeat.
"Yes," she finally said. Cal looked at her, not really believing his own ears. A smile crept up her face at his stunned expression. They spent the night on the sofa, kissing and loving and adoring each other. Neither thought about what tomorrow would bring.
Cal walked through his front door, early next morning. He felt trepidation as he kicked off his shoes and entered his home. Zoe sat in the kitchen. She was wearing a silk nightgown and a murderous glare. It was obvious that she had not slept.
"Morning," she said icily, staring daggers at him.
"Morning," he answered.
"Where the hell have you been?" she said, standing up. Cal saw that she was on the warpath. She flared out, preparing for the storm.
"I want a divorce," he said, preventing her next retort.
"I slept with Gillian," Cal added.
His cheek burned after her aggrieved slap. Zoe's face showed hurt, hate and humiliation.
Gillian sat in her driveway, thinking about what had happened. She had slept with Cal! Her best friend. Cheated on her husband. And she didn't feel nearly as guilty as she ought to. All she wanted was to be with Cal again. She closed her eyes and images of their night played in her mind. She smiled and exited the car. She opened the front door and saw Alec sitting at the breakfast bar. He was drinking his morning coffee, reading the newspaper. She entered the kitchen and he looked up at her.
"Oh, were you just coming in now?" he said in mild surprise.
"Uhm, yeah… Long case," she answered, avoiding his eyes.
"Well, I'm actually off," he said, looking at his watch. He put his coffee cup in the sink and kissed her on the cheek.
"See you tonight," he said and he was gone.
Gillian stood in the kitchen puzzled. He hadn't found it odd at all that she was coming home early in the morning? Was he really this detached from her life?
Present time
Gillian sat pensively in her office. Her desk was neatly organised, like the rest of her office. Charming and warm with a professional ambience.
Much like herself. Calm and collective. She looked at the photos on her desk. A photo of her holding Sophie, a photo of her mother and then there was her favourite one. A photo of her and Cal holding each other tightly, champagne glasses in hand, laughing at a long forgotten joke. It was taken just after they started the practice. She had always loved this photo. It was before everything changed when they were still naive. She kept that photo and the one of Sophie in a way to agonise herself. One photo was a constant reminder that what she wanted most in life had been taken away from her; the other a reminder of what could have been. The cruel fate of the pain associated with these photos haunted her every day. But playing the game of what if was dangerous. Especially when she was feeling raw from his latest beratement. The cruellest what if her treacherous mind had ever conjured up, was the combination of these two photos. Merged together, forming a heart achingly longing for what would never be. She sometimes thought that she deserved to feel this way. That she should suffer. God knows how he has suffered.
Cal was waiting. She knew it. He had been waiting for her since she finally decided to leave Alec. But so much time had passed since their night, all those years ago. She kept him at arm's lengths because she was afraid to face her own actions.
tbc...