A/N: BD spoilers! I thought of this conversation a couple days ago and I just couldn't get it out of my head. I thought it was wildly funny and awkward, but that could just be me. Not my best work, though, since I wrote it down at about one in the morning, and haven't bothered to edit it much. I'll go back over it later. Maybe. Anyways, please leave me a review!!! And yeah, sorry to everyone who has me on author alert, I'll try to update my real stories soon. And Merry Christmas, and Happy Chanukah!!! Yay!!
I took a deep breath and steeled myself to leave my comfortable spot next to Edward on our bed. Although I didn't really need the oxygen, it filled me with familiar scents, calming me and reassuring me that I was doing the right thing.
"You know, you don't really have to do this," he said, trying valiantly to stifle his laughter. Needless to say, he did not succeed.
I groaned and fell backward into the pillows. I yanked one from under my head and covered my face with it. "Yes, I do have to. She's old enough now that she'll want to know. And if I don't, Jacob will end up telling her himself, and then she'll really be mad." I heard two sets of footsteps enter the living room downstairs, his heavy and hers light, yet purposeful. She reminded me so much of Alice, even though they had no real relation to each other.
"Okay. Here I go," I said, forcing myself to stand up. "Wish me luck," I added dryly as I stepped lightly down the stairs, fully aware that he could hear me.
I heard his answering chuckle from my room. "Good luck," he called quietly, just loud enough for me and no one else to hear.
I growled under my breath. "Smart ass," I muttered.
I exhaled loudly and walked unwillingly into the open front room where Jacob and Renesmee sat. I still couldn't handle calling her Nessie – There were so many nicer nicknames, ones that didn't remind me of large, slimy reptiles that supposedly lived at the bottom of giant European lakes. Hey, if vampires and werewolves existed, why not the Loch Ness Monster?
"Hey guys," I said, coming up from behind them. They both turned around, Jacob looking slightly annoyed that I had interrupted their movie.
"Hey, Mom," said Renesmee cheerfully. "What's up?" She shifted in her seat, turning all the way around so that we could talk face-to-face.
"Er… I was just thinking," I said carefully, "Would you come in the kitchen for a minute? There's something I have to talk to you about."
Her eyes grew round and she started, "Gee, Mom, we don't really have to talk about that, do we? I mean, really, we did it in school…" she stammered. Her face was flushed. It was nice not to blush every time I got embarrassed, or I would definitely have been blushing now, but it was too bad that Renesmee had to get that particular gene from me.
"No, not that," I said quickly, and Jacob, on the couch, cracked up. "Shut up," I said grumpily, "Or I'll set Emmett on you." That just made him laugh more, so I gave up and turned my attention back to Renesmee. "Its just something I needed to tell you… in private."
"Oh, okay," she said, clearly relieved. I shuddered inwardly at the thought of having that talk with her. Hopefully that wouldn't be necessary for a while. Actually, I would have to talk to Carlisle about that. I was pretty sure that this particular pairing had never existed before…
We sat on the high stools at the counter, or, rather, she sat and relaxed while I tried to sit for a moment, then jumped up and paced around in front of her.
"So, I thought that I should tell you about something… Something that happened a long time ago, before you were even born… Well, it's about… um… me and Jacob," I began awkwardly.
"Mom. Spit it out," she said, not meanly, but like she really wanted to get back in there with Jacob, and wished I would hurry up.
"Okay, so you know that your dad and I were… together before I was a vampire," I tried again. "So, um…" I trailed off. "So… wow, this is harder than I thought… so, Jacob and I were really close then, as you also know," I said hurriedly.
"Yeah, I know," said Renesmee. "Is that it? You want to talk about your relationship with my boyfriend?" To her credit, her face wasn't at the tomato stage yet.
"Not exactly… well, yes," I admitted. I could hear Emmett laughing upstairs.
I never thought I would want Jacob to take part in this conversation, but when he, obviously bored of waiting for Renesmee to return, poked his head through the door and said, "Nessie. Back before you were born and I thought I was in love with your mom, I kissed her. Okay?"
To her credit, she didn't look completely shocked, just a bit surprised. And maybe a bit possessive. And just slightly angry.
"Guess that's my cue to go," I said. "Thanks, Jake, you don't mind finishing my end of the conversation, do you?" Then I darted upstairs and flopped down next to Edward, who was shaking with laughter. I hissed at him.
Downstairs, I could hear Renesmee getting worked up as she started to realize what we had said.
I looked over at Edward. "Feel like hunting?" I asked. Anything to get away from them.
As we ran through the trees in the forest outside their house in search of prey, he asked, "So, Bella, was there something you wanted to tell me about your relationship with Jacob?" He grinned at me, and I smacked him.
Unlike when I was human, I was pretty sure that one had hurt.