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Do not go gentle into that good night,
-Dylan Thomas
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CHAPTER 1: Denial
Part I
Oliver Davis.
It was weird how his own name sounded so foreign to his ears; how the more time he spent as Kazuya Shibuya, the more he forgot what it had been like before. There was a part of him that took comfort in this new identity. This new life.
He hated that part.
"Oliver Davis-hakase." Takigawa-san said again, as if Noll's thoughts had an echo.
There was a pause in which six pairs of eyes focused on Noll, all in various states of incredulity. Noll looked away from them all, glaring down at the only person in the room who wasn't watching him as if he'd grown another head. Hara-san's slate grey eyes were turned resolutely to the floor at his feet; the only one of the Irregular's who had known who he was. Why he was here.
"Naru…" Mai fidgeted with the hem of her skirt. He couldn't help meeting her wide, brown eyes. "Is that true?"
Anger shook his fists. If he hadn't already hidden them in a tight fashion across his chest, they would have ruined his carefully constructed mask. He took a breath. Somehow, they had effortlessly unraveled all his secrets right under his nose. So effortlessly, in fact, that if he hadn't already been so furious at his own carelessness, the stormy teen might have been impressed.
"Well?"
"I don't feel the need to answer you," he said, hoping no one else noticed the slight tremble in his voice. Disgusted with his own foolhardiness, he turned toward the door. "Are the 15 minutes over?"
His words must have shocked them into stillness because no one moved to stop him. He escaped into the stuffy heat of the summer day, ignoring the worrying rattle of the cabin door as it slammed shut behind him. Finally free from prying eyes, he let his guard slip. His fingernails were beginning to bite into his palms. He forced him open.
Who were they to corner him into such a position? he asked himself. Who did they think they were to take all his secrets and throw them back in his face?
Friends, his mind supplied. Noll rolled his eyes skyward, pushing the thought away with a growl.
He strode further from the cabin, hands curling to fists in barely contained anger, not caring that his Chinese chaperone was not right behind him. In fact, he didn't think he could stomach it if it did. These past two years, Lin had barely allowed him a mere second to himself — it was almost a relief to be alone.
No Lin hovering over his shoulder; a constant reminder of how fragile he was. How useless. With a sudden pang, Noll set off at a brisk pace. He just needed to put as much distance as he could between them as he could. He needed space to think.
He found himself back at the door of his cabin in a few short minutes. He fumbled in his pocket for the key.
The campground was obviously outdated; the floorboards creaked, the paint was bleached from years under the blazing sun, and the locks stuck. Fighting with the old lock, it took two tries before the key slid in and another three before it would turn. Just when he was starting to consider kicking the damn thing open as a completely viable option, the lock clicked and the door gave way.
The cool air of the cabin's surprisingly functional A/C greeted him. It blew back his bangs and chilled the sweat gathering on his nape.
Pocketing the key again, he ignored the small western couch pushed flush against the back wall, and collapsed onto the tatami with a grunt. The second he hit the floor, exhaustion seemed to settle into every muscle. With a sigh, he crossed his arms behind his head, allowing his unfocused eyes to fall shut but not expecting to sleep.
The act of sleeping had proven to be more and more difficult over the past two years. He'd spent more nights staring blankly up at the ceiling then he could remember. And even when he'd managed to fall asleep, his dreams were plagued by screeching tires, shattering glass, and green, murky water.
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The sound of children screaming happily outside on the campground startled him awake. Lurching violently into consciousness, Noll let out a low groan. His hip rolled uncomfortably stiff over his makeshift bed, popping as he turned onto his other side. It didn't immediately occur to him that someone may have been trying to wake him until he laid back down, nursing his aching pelvis, and jerked at the sound of a soft tap on the door.
"Naru?"
He groaned again. Lin's deep voice seeped through the door with ease, just loud enough to be heard above the whirring of the A/C. Noll peeled an eye open, glaring at the small window on the other side of the room and the golden orange rays of sun that slipped around its thin blinds.
He blinked. Was it sunset already? The divers would be forced to retire their search soon, and his brother would be spending another day at the bottom of that lake.
Another knock on the door left a dull ringing noise in his head. Noll didn't answer. He listened to the Chinese man call his name once more before he sighed and the porch creaked, protesting under his weight. "Get some sleep, Noll," he said in English, "your parents will be here in the morning."
Don't do anything reckless. Noll heard the underlying message in the Chinese man's innocuous tone. Then the porch creaked again and he was gone.
Noll draped his arm over his eyes in surrender.
Part II
"Noll?" Someone shook him. "Noll, wake up please."
"Leave him alone, Lu. He's just sleeping."
"He's on the floor, Martin." The female voice snapped back. Her tone softened as a warm hand shook Noll's shoulder again. "Oliver, please."
He peeled his eyes open, cringing against the sudden onslaught of light. The scent of lavender and mint greeted him and for a single, blissful moment, Noll could have sworn he was back in his bedroom in England. It was as if… it had all been some sort of nightmare. He squinted up at the small figure framed against the light, "Luella?"
Luella's deep perse-colored eyes bore into his dark ones, crinkling a bit at the edges as she smiled. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"
Beside her, a man's lined, genial face peered at him with a look of strained relief. "Sorry to wake you," he said lightly, "but your mother was worried."
Noll blinked, holding his eyes closed for a moment too long. This wasn't England. This hard tatami mat beneath him was a horrible excuse for his bed and Gene was — Noll sucked down a breath. A dull ache in his shoulder began to throb. Gene was the reason he was here. And Noll was the reason his adoptive parents were crouched over him on the floor, dark smudges forming beneath their eyes like bruises and fresh off an airplane.
Embarrassment threatened to heat his cheeks. The last time they'd been like this he'd been twelve years old and filled with such raw psychokinetic energy that he'd nearly destroyed the Davises living room. He'd awoken on the floor much like this with Luella, Martin, and his brother baring down on him.
Noll felt a frown pull at his lips. He pushed himself into a half-sitting position, pausing to rub the remainders of sleep from his eyes. His parents were looking after him with such a look of worry that it spurred him into speech. "How did you get in?" he asked, feeling the indention of the key pressed into his skin from sleep. As far as he was concerned he'd had the only copy — but no, that was stupid. Surely, the rental office kept a master key of all their cabin's in case of emergency.
"The manager unlocked the door for us. Lin, uh, explained the situation." Luella explained.
"It was a bit of a struggle," Martin said, "It seems they aren't too happy with the way you're using their property."
"Yes, well, they should appreciate me removing the body from their lake."
The loudest silence Noll had ever heard deafened the small cabin. Luella's eyebrows pinched together. She was so close to him, Noll could make out the exact moment her eyes welled with tears.
He looked away, "Sorry."
Martin's shoulders had gone very stiff. The hand closest to his wife twitched as if he were longing to pull her into a comforting embrace, but was stopping himself. They both stared at the same fray in the tatami's woven straw. "Are you… are you quite sure, Oliver? He's… Gene's here?" Martin's baritone voice broke at the sound of Gene's name.
Noll nodded.
Luella collapsed. She bent double, burying her face in her hands, her short, muted whimper punctuated the silence. Martin wrapped his arms tentatively around her slumping shoulders as if expected her to rebut him. When she didn't, he didn't pull her close, but rubbed soothing circles into her arm with his thumb, watching her sobbing form with tired eyes.
For the first time, Noll could see the physical effect of Gene's death on his parents. The few weeks he'd spent at home while they waited for any kind of news from the Japanese police, he'd always been in danger of finding Luella crying over one of Gene's misplaced shirts, or at the kitchen table staring blankly at the opposite wall. Martin, on the other hand, could rarely be found at home. He busied himself at the office, throwing himself into his research with new cases and finding excuses to be alone in his office. Noll hadn't been alarmed at their behavior; it was to be expected. He himself had been in a subtle form of shock, whittling away the hours by scouring any maps of Japanese waterways her could get his hands on and avoiding the color green.
Now, however, things were different. He was different. Noll had come to terms with the permeate absence of his twin, away from the big empty London manor. Apparently, time had not changed anything for his grieving parents. If possible, they looked even more distant from each other than they had before.
None of the Davises moved until Luella's sobs slowed and stuttered, turning into silent, sporadic hiccups. She wiped her face with the back of her hand, graciously accepting the tissue Martin offered her. "I'm s-sorry," she stuttered in between hiccups, "It's just—"
"We know," Martin hummed softly, "We miss him too."
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Sometimes before noon the trio of Davises had made it off the floor of the cabin's small living room and made their way to the even smaller kitchen where Luella busied herself by making tea.
Noll sipped at the cup she set in front of him, frowning at it. Something was different. It didn't taste the same as it used too — or perhaps he'd grown too used to Mai's unique brand of tea. He pushed the cup in a slow circle, entranced by the dark, peppery scent. Lemon. Didn't Mai put lemon in her tea? He always thought it'd tasted distinctly citrusy.
At the other end of the table, Martin was looking particularly awkward as he tipped the kettle and poured himself a second cup. "So… Lin told us your, uh, employees are staying here as well."
Noll took another sip and held back a grimace. Milk. Mai always added a splash of milk to his tea. "They are no longer employed by SPR."
Martin, who'd been blowing the steam off his cup place it back on the table with a clang. "Why not?"
Maybe if he ran into her later, Mai would— "I informed them that my time in Japan was ending and that the office would be closing as soon as my…" Noll spared a glance at Luella who had found the small collection of rations he and Lin had brought from a nearby convenience store. "…business here was complete." He finished quietly.
"That must have shocked them," Martin had followed his gaze to his wide and was watching her busy herself over a pan of eggs.
Noll spared a brief thought as to where she was finding all this cookware. "I suppose so."
"Then they're staying here out of concern for you? Sounds like you've established quite a strong bond with them."
"I told them they had no business here anymore," Noll scoffed. It'd been a while since the last time he'd spoken English for any amount of time and the words sounded foreign to him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't quite rid himself of his comfortable Japanese accent. "Apparently, that only strengthened their resolve to stay. I'd hardly consider that a 'bond'. More like insubordination."
"Well, seeing as they are no longer under your employment, they have the right to stay if they feel the need."
"Yeah," Noll breathed over the top of his teacup, "So I've been told."
Luella scrounged up some severely dated plateware from one of the cabinets and served them all a plate of scrambled eggs with a flourish. It's been so long since he'd eaten, Noll's stomach pinched painfully at the sight.
She handed him a set of wooden chopsticks. "You should introduce us, Noll."
He nearly spit out his tea. "What?" he choked.
Luella took up the seat to his left. "You can't blame us for being interested. You've hired six employees since you've been here, and that's rather… unlike you. These people must be very skilled."
Noll watched her sip her lukewarm tea, noticing that she'd placed a similar plate in front of Martin, but didn't have anything herself. "You've read Lin's reports, haven't you?"
Martin had apparently noticed the same thing. He was eyeing Luella with a sort of preoccupied concern. "That's correct."
Noll glared down into the dark liquid swirling in his cup, "Then you know that while they are quite powerful in their respective spiritual resonances, they are also blithering idiots."
"Oliver!" Luella chastised him, but her tone fell flat. Even the stern look she was trying to level him with wasn't as stony as it should have been.
"Clearly, he is still cross about the situation." Martin teased, and upon seeing Noll's face, he explained, "Lin told us what happened. In my opinion, they have to be rather keen to figure all that out. I'm betting you didn't make it easy."
"They were stretching." Noll lifted a the teacup to his lips in response.
"Still," Luella set down her own cup, letting it clang lightly against the wooden table. "I would like to meet the people my son has been spending his time with for the last two years. I would like to thank them."
"If you don't," Martin continued, meeting his wife's eyes with a knowing look, "Madoka will."
Noll blanched. "Madoka's here?" The last thing he wanted was his mentor getting in the way of things again. Nothing good could ever come from Madoka's meddling.
"Of course. She flew in with us."
Noll pushed himself rather quickly to his feet, his chair scraping against the floor. "I just remembered, I never told Lin—"
"Oh, Oliver, don't disturb them. They haven't seen each other in months."
Noll was finding it harder and harder to keep his determinedly passive face. He ran a hand through his hair, half wondering if he looked as mussed and well-worn as his parents. "Lin should be finishing the reports on the Yoshimi case. They can catch up when we're all back in England."`
As he turned away, heading for the door, Luella called after him, "Noll, your breakfast!"
"I've lost my appetite."
Part III
The breeze felt cool against his flushed face as he leapt down the cabin's short porch. The grass squelched under his weight, swallowing the sole of his shoe before he could pull it free again. It must have rained sometime while he was sleeping. He pulled his other shoes free, heading for the muddy dirt path. He didn't really feel the need to check in on Madoka and Lin, but it'd proven a convenient excuse not to stay in that cabin a moment longer than necessary. Unfortunately, now he was condemned to either walking aimlessly or visiting the — no. He didn't think he could stomach the lake just yet.
Thankfully, a distraction arrived in the form of Mai. She was only just inside the edge of the forest, leaning back against a rather dead looking tree and staring up at the overcast sky. He could just make out the movement of her lips. She was talking to someone, then. Yes, now he could see the dark-haired boy turned away from view, leaning against that same tree. Maybe he should leave her alone — but there was something familiar about the slope of the boy's shoulders.
It wasn't Yasuhara-san, nor could that dark hair have belonged to John or Takigawa-san. So, then who?
"Mai," He shouted, unsure what made him do it. Her name seemed to come more easily to him that any other.
Her brown eyes fell from the sky, widening as they found him. "Naru?" she asked, her voice nearly lost to the wind that shook the last remaining leaves atop the tree. She whipped around, stepping back from the tree to see its other side, "but… who…?"
He followed her gaze to the other side of the tree where the black-haired boy had been only a few seconds ago. Now, however, their eyes fell on the deliberately empty space between that tree and the next. Could he have been mistaken? Had there really been someone there, or was it just a trick of the light?
"Who were you talking to?" He asked, distantly. He wasn't really interested but it was polite to make conversation before ordering someone to do something; even if he had been ordering Mai to make him tea for years. However, his patience was already running thin — being with his parents tended to do that to him. And so, without giving her time to answer he add, "Mai, do you think you could—"
It was only the shocked expression on Mai's ashen face that could have stopped him from finishing his request. She whirled back around, looking pale and tired. "If-if it wasn't you…"
He inclined his head cajolingly. Maybe purifying all those young spirits,the other day had begun to take its toll on her. "There's no one there, Mai."
She frowned at him, "But," she said, crossing her arms. "I could have sworn I was talking to you."
"Nonsense," he said, "I haven't seen you since—" he stopped himself just short of saying 'last night'. He didn't know how she would take to knowing he'd hidden his identity from her the past two years now that she'd had time to process it. "Since yesterday."
The resolve in his tone made her deflate. She suddenly looked very unsure of herself as she lifted a finger to her lips. "Am I dreaming?"
"Do you normally dream about me?"
He'd only meant it as a joke but the bright red flush that crept up her neck was so unexpected that Noll felt it necessary to take a step back. If he didn't know better he would have thought he'd hit a nerve or something.
Mai patted her cheeks, squeezing her eyes shut. "No, it can't be. You would never look at me like that if this were a dream."
"What do you mean by that?" he asked, taking a tentative step closer. He glanced again toward the darker side of the tree, feeling as if he were missing something. Was it a trick of the light, or had there really been someone there? Someone neither of them had seen move or leave. Someone that just disappeared from existence. Someone that looked like him.
"I mean — nothing!" Mai cried out. She held herself tightly across the stomach as if keeping herself together. "Never you mind."
"No," Naru stared at her, wide-eyed. He recalled the figure with a mop of black hair and sloping shoulders. "Who were you talking to just now?"
Something inside Mai seemed to break. Tears welled in her eyes as her arms fell limp, small hands balled into shaking fists. "No! Just… what does it matter?"
"It matters to me!" he seethed through gritted teeth. He pinched his eyes shut, took a breath and opened them again, mastering himself. "You said you were talking to me? How long has this been going on?"
"Since the beginning!" she squeaked. Balling her hands into tight fists by her side, she refused to look at him.
Since the… beginning? Suddenly every random declaration Mai had ever made on a case came into sharp relief. In the end, all that will remain will be the most powerful spirit, right? Now that he thought about it, it made all the sense in the world. Those had been Gene's words, hadn't they? He'd been meddling since the beginning.
Noll pushed his palms to his eyes, groaning, "...it couldn't be... that idiot."
"...huh?" Mai's breathy intone seemed to echo in the space between them. He could feel her wide eyes on him, searching his face for the answers he didn't want to give. Not now; not when it felt like the world was pressing down on him.
"You're mistaken," he said, his voice stronger than he felt. Why did it have to be like this? He thought he could have taken it if he hadn't known, but now… Now it felt as if Gene were laughing at him from the grave. That damn idiot.
Mai narrowed her eyes at him, sniffling, wiping away the tears with the back of her hand. "What do you mean?"
"You haven't been talking to me," he said to her sandaled feet. He couldn't stand the sight of more tears welling in her eyes. "It's Gene."
More sniffling. "Who?"
He placed his pale hand to his clammy forehead, thinking, for a moment, about telling her off. It was none of her business, really, but he was the one who had sought her out. He'd had enough time to back away, to end it before it got this far, but it was too late now. He had started this and he needed to end it. "Eugene. My brother..."
When she didn't say anything right away he chanced a glance at her face, saw the tears rolling with renewed vigor down her face, and promptly directed his face skyward. What did Gene think he was doing, acting the hero? Had he really fallen so low that he needed some dead mediums help?
But then again… if Mai had been receiving help from Gene this whole time… had Noll ever solved any case without his help? Or was he so completely useless…
"That… no." Mai was blithering, "There's no way I would mistake you, even if you were brothers."
He looked at her again; really looked at her. Her shoulder's slumped as if by curling in on herself she could somehow shield herself from the shock of it. Her dark eyes were rimmed with red, staring dolefully up at him; her lips pursed in a sort of defiant pout. He shook his head at her, mournfully. Why did it have to be this way? Even in death, Gene had found a way to meddle in his life. Why hadn't it been me?
"No." he said finally, forcefully. He dropped his hand back to his side, wondering why he was still bothering with this conversation. He'd interrupted what was probably to be her last conversation with Gene and when she realized that, she would surely hate him. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? He swallowed hard, "It's Gene."
"But—"
"Mai, we're…" he sighed. Why was this so painful? "…We're twins."
"Twins?" she repeated, looking positively dumbfounded. "Do-do you mean—"
He glared at her, feeling an anger welling up inside his chest. It was a feeling akin to those he was privy to as a child just before something terrible happened. "It wasn't me, Mai." Why couldn't just understand that? Why couldn't anyone?
"But-but—" Mai's fingers were pressed against her lips, almost as if she were going to bite them. Suddenly, she blurted, "How could I have known?"
The words startled him. They almost seemed to seep past his skin, striking bone. Her eyes were blazing, staring resolutely at the ground. The tears falling over her cheeks now were not those of anger or surprise. They were of mourning. Of … heartbreak.
"Hey!" A distant voice called, "What are you two doing all alone?"
Noll stiffened. He'd almost forgotten they were only half-hidden on the inner lip of the forest surrounding the cabins were anyone exiting said cabins would be likely to see them. Still, was it impossible to be alone in this place? With the amount of time Noll was spending in total irritation, it was beginning to feel like a second skin. The feeling only grew in intensity as he and Mai turned to see Madoka making her way toward them, followed by a rather stout looking Lin.
"Madoka." He said, nodding once, "Lin."
"...Mori-san?" Mai asked, disbelief marring her confusion. She looked from Lin to Madoka, then back again, an unspoken question forming on her lips.
"We're just here as family friends this time, Mai-chan," Madoka said rather more cheerfully than Noll would have liked. He eyed Lin conspiratorially but the tall Chinese man kept his gaze firmly on Mai. Madoka turned a frosty smile on Noll, "Why aren't you with your parents?"
"What's it matter to you?" he asked, voice as frosty as her smile. He wasn't in the mood to be manipulated or told what to do. Suddenly, the lake was beginning to look like the place to be at the moment. He turned toward the sound of the water. "Excuse me—"
"No you don't," Madoka said, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "You're going to go right back to your parents until — oh look, here they come now."
Sure enough, Martin and Luella hadn't so much as stepped off the front porch of the farthest cabin before they spotted the four of them. Noll glared at the pair of them, feeling as if the space between them had grown since the last time. Usually when they walked, they had a way of holding hands or walking so close it was a miracle they didn't step on each other. Now though, it seemed as if they were saving a space for someone to walk in between them. He swallowed and looked away.
Madoka waved them over. "We were just talking going to get you," she said as soon as they were close enough, "I thought you might like to meet the whole SPR team."
"Oh, yes," Luella replied immediately, "We were just talking about that with Noll."
Noll didn't say a word. He gazed longingly down at the edge of the lake, part of him wishing he were the one lying buried beneath the freezing water. The other part just wishing Madoka would let go of him.
Thankfully, a moment later she did, using the arm to gesture to a very abashed Mai. "This is Taniyama Mai. I'm sure Lin's told you all about her."
"Not as much as I would have liked. You know how those two are," Luella said, smiling at the short brown-haired girl hovering just outside their small circle, "Hello, dear. I'm Luella Davis, Oliver's mother. This is my husband, Martin."
Mai blushed furiously, whether from being addressed by 'dear', or simply being spoken to in English, Noll couldn't tell. She bowed quickly. "Pleased to meet you, Naru's family."
Luella and Martin mirrored her bow. Martin turned to Madoka, "Are the others still here? I would like to speak with them." He said, sounding every bit the professor he was. Stern, but kind. He gave Mai a small smile, saying, "My Japanese isn't very good but I'm lucky enough to have three perfectly capable translators here."
Noll gave a loud snort of exasperation. This didn't go unnoticed by anyone, least of all Luella whose gaze softened. "You look unwell, Noll. Are you feeling okay?"
"I'm fine," he said tersely. Why couldn't anyone see that he only wanted to be alone? Why was everyone so slow on the uptake?
Luella persisted. "Come, have a cup of tea."
"I'm not thirsty."
"Since when did you have to be thirsty to have tea?" Madoka argued, already leading the rest toward the cabin the female members of SPR had rented out.
Noll turned once against toward the lake, sparing his loathsome mentor from his rising temper. "Leave me alone."
Luella threaded her arm through his, replacing the spot Madoka had only just vacated, and pulled him along behind her. At his unpleasant expression, she smiled, "C'mon sweetie, we could all use—"
"I'm not Gene." He didn't know what made him say it. The words felt as if he were admitting guilt to a crime. As if being himself was something illegal, something to be punished, but the words fell from his lips before he could stop them.
Luella froze mid-stride, her knuckles white on his arm. In front of them, Martin, Lin, and Madoka stood dazed.
"I…" Luella's voice was soft. A whisper. "I never said…"
Noll wrenched his arm from her. She didn't fight. He stepped back, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground. If he looked at them… he didn't know if he would have the strength. "I'm not Gene." He said again, voice raising. He didn't know why he felt he need to yell, but the feeling of being unheard suddenly seized him. "I never will be."
When did he start shaking? Noll clenched his fist. For a long, pregnant moment, no one spoke. Noll's chest heaved as if he'd been in the middle of one of Lin's qigong practices. Blood rushed passed his ears.
Martin was the first to speak. He approached his son with raised hands, as if declaring amity to a wild animal. "Oliver, are you feeling all right?"
Noll took a step back. Anger, hatred, and confusion all vying for dominance.
How could I have known? The memory of Mai's tear-stained face invaded his thoughts, steeled him.
She preferred Gene. It wasn't a surprise. Everyone always preferred Gene. What he told Mai was the truth. Who would choose someone ill-tempered over someone kind and understanding if they shared the same face?
Noll was nothing without Gene. Without him, what was he worth? Despite himself, Noll glanced up, finding the fear-filled eyes of his parents. If they had had a choice—
"You wish it was me," he said. His voice was so soft, so calm that even he didn't recognize it. He stared blankly at the lake visible just over Martin's shoulder. "When I told you he was dead. You… wished it was me."
Luella's soft gasp was lost amid the torrent of happily laughing families that passed a few yards away, on their way to the lake. That damned lake. Luella's bony hand flitted to her throat. Martin stumbled sideways, mouth opening and closing, but no sound forming.
They didn't have to say anything. Noll could see the truth in their eyes.
Finally, Martin found his voice. "Oliver, that's… that's not true—"
"Don't lie to me!" Noll seethed. His heart was thumping hard in his throat, eyes prickling at the edges. He whipped around, blue eyes furious — only to find his way blocked.
Takigawa-san, John, Yasu, Matsuzaki-san, Hara-san, and — his heart wrenched — Mai were standing only a few feet away, staring at him. He jumped from face to face, feeling for the first time, the hot tears dripping down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them.
He felt the inexplicable feeling of someone standing just behind him, felt Lin's warm hand grip his forearm. The energy swirling, agitated, within him reached before he could stop it. There was a spark, an electric buzz, and Lin's pain-filled hiss.
"Don't touch me." Noll held the place where Lin touched him, as if his hand could somehow stem the flow of psychokinetic energy leaking from him. He bit his lip, feeling the imbalance the small demonstration made, and withdrawing it back unto himself. Was this what he was now?
"Naru—"
"Noll!"
Someone called for him, a mix of English and Japanese, but he turned on his heel before he could cause any more damage. He had no destination; his feet took him away from everything he knew and before he realized, he was surrounded once again by trees.
It was immediately obvious that no one had followed him. The only sound was the sporadic chirruping of birds and the distant sound of running water.
He must have walked for longer than he'd thought, trenching deeper into the wood, until the sun was nearly blocked completely by the thick canopy. The heat no longer seemed to bother him as he continued, his thoughts, for the first time since arriving in Japan, becoming clearer; regret setting in.
He supposed he shouldn't have done what he did, but he couldn't deny the sincerity of his words. He'd stopped crying, but the tears were still sticky on his skin. He whipped at them with his sleeve. Even though he hadn't really thought about it before, it felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Like he was finally free from Gene's shadow.
—Her soft gasp was his only warning to her presence. He stopped suddenly, searching for the source of the sound when he saw her. At first, her face held no meaning. There was no familiarity in her dark eyes, yet he found himself unable to look away. She looked like some of his clients; someone who had foregone sleep for days, her red hair framing her pale face in untidy waves. The large purple bruises beneath her dead eyes held the look of permanent anguish.
She looked… haunted.
She froze when she saw him, visibly shaken as her eyes grew wide, her mouth falling open in a silent gasp. "Y-you...!"
Noll turned toward her, crossing his arms. He didn't know this woman, but it seemed, she knew him. For a second, he allowed the annoyance to show on his face. Was she a disgruntled client? He didn't think so, but it certainly wasn't impossible that he'd turned her away and simply forgot her.
As he stared, the woman stumbled backward, jabbing a shaking finger in his direction. "Why are you — what do you want from me?!"
"What nonsense—?" he started, but the breath caught in his throat, muting him. He felt himself sway, dizzy as he watched her lips move in another shout that he couldn't hear over the blood rushing past his ears.
It wasn't… it… it couldn't be…
A red car speeding around the hairpin bend too fast to stop in time. Screeching tires, a long, shrill scream. The sound of a car door opening and a pair of slender, high-heeled legs staggering toward him. He'd been haunted by this memory for too long not to know he'd finally found her.
A light, warm breeze blew around them, twirling her ragged, worn skirt; toying with his hair. Where did she come from? The park? It was hard to imagine that such a person would return to the scene of a murder, unless…
Gene.
His eyes widened, jaw falling slack. It seemed his dearly departed brother had been busy in his afterlife. Not only did he find it in himself to solve all his cases for him, but to lead his murderer directly to the only person who would recognize her for what she was.
Shaking in fear and trepidation, the woman shouted, voice breaking, "If you've come to kill me — it's too late!"
He watched as she dug into the small bag that hung loosely off her shoulder. He didn't know what he expected her to retrieve from the bag but he realized now that he should have recognized the forlorn look in her eyes. When she retracted her hand gripping a bulky, smoke-grey handgun, he could have laughed.
It wasn't funny; not really. But if he really were the vengeful ghost she had mistaken him for, then the gun she was pointing straight at his chest wouldn't have made much of an impact. Surely this woman realized ghosts were already dead.
Her hands were shaking, finger splayed over the trigger. Then, almost as if she heard his thoughts, she turned the gun on herself, pushing it right up against her temple.
Fear spider webbed in his chest. What a coward, he thought. So afraid of her crimes that she would take her own life instead of owning up to what she'd done. He frowned down at her. This was not how his search would end — he would not allow it. He wanted, no; he deserved justice for the death of his brother. For the hell she had put him through. He wanted—
He lunged for her.
Her eyes grew wide, fearful. She screamed as his hands wrapped firmly around the barrel, overpowering her. Her hands were hot beneath his, burning him. Their eyes met; dark blue on murky brown.
A shot rang out.
He felt the burn of the gun powder on his shirt, ears ringing as he stumbled back. The woman watched him, slack jawed. Paralyzed with fear, he realized the bullet must have missed a split second before the anguish registered on her face. Shrieking, sobbing now, she robotically raised the gun back to her temple.
This time he didn't even try to stop her. Noll pinched his eyes shut, not wanting to see as turned on his heel and ran.
.
.
BANG.
A/N: This story was written in celebration of the twins' birthday. Stick with me and everything will be okay. ;)
Huge thank you to SymmetricalGirl8DeathTheKid for keeping me sane while I wile away my time second-guessing myself and for being a great beta. And another to Lily from GhosthuntHQ for beta-ing this for me too. Ya'll both amazing people.
See you all next week,
ELV
