THE REAL CHRISTIAN GREY
(Conversations between Christian Grey and Dr. John Flynn)
Based on characters of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy by E L James
A Novel
By
Marlette Bess
CHAPTER -1
Christian Grey, the twenty-seven-year-old millionaire (maybe a billionaire by this time) just called his psychiatrist the London born, Dr. John Flynn. The psychiatrist and Seattle's most eligible bachelor from the beginning had an odd relationship. Flynn had become Christian's psychiatrist, friend, mentor, and confidante for over two years. Christian had gained a male friend, his only - other than his brother Elliot.
Dr. Flynn thought Christian was the most beautiful man that he had ever seen with his tall stance, a buff build, piercing gray eyes and a mass of unruly copper hair. John admired his fashion style like he stepped out of the pages of GQ when working with his fine-looking custom-made suits. John only dressed for necessity; not to be a fashion icon like Christian. But when Christian casually dressed he looked like the local bad-ass rock-star, all in black with a tight tee shirt and jeans. No wonder women always swooned at the sight of him.
Christian was charming, funny, and opportunistic when it came to business, but in his private life he could be dark, brooding and very depressed. He also had a very exclusive and secretive sex life. His family thought he was gay and celibate. Christian carried many wounds from childhood most profoundly that he had been sexually abused at fifteen.
John's particular form of therapy, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy was to get Christian to set goals and find strategies to work toward those goals. Christian had seen many psychiatrists and, after two years of therapy, John was not sure that he had helped his patient that much. But each week he kept prodding Christian to set goals and follow through with them.
Monday May 23, 2011, "Hi John, I'm glad that you're in. I had such a wonderful weekend but I'm a little confused about what happen. I know you have never heard me use the word confused, but this woman, this young woman has turned my world upside down."
Flynn said, while combing his long black hair back with his fingers, "Are you talking about the same young woman you told me about in our last session you went down Vancouver to see and did the photo shoot with? I don't know how I wormed that out of you, since you only mentioned it in passing."
Christian answered, "Yes, but I don't even remember telling you about her. Two weeks ago, I went to see her at Clayton's Hardware where she works. This past weekend she called me."
"Christian, I want you to hang up and SKYPE me. I want to see your face and judge your reactions to my questions. Our conversations can be difficult over the phone. This time I insist that you SKYPE me because I want to see your face and gage your emotions."
Christian was pissed that John hung up on him, but did as he asked, he really needed his wisdom. Suddenly the good doc's face popped up on his laptop. They both glared at each other a minute, a sort of virtual a pissing contest on the computer.
Christian said, his gray eyes glaring, "You look well, John."
John winked his blue eye back at him, "If you were a girl, Christian, I would say you're positively giddy. And you look different, lighter I think. You aren't usually so transparent. I take it that she wants you."
Christian crossed his legs then uncrossed them and leaned back in the seat. "I did things with her that I have never done before. I'm almost tongue-tied. For God's sake, she even met my mother, Grace, of course, she fell all over Anastasia."
John thought Anastasia was a beautiful name, very European sounding. "What do you find hard to reconcile," Dr. Flynn said with authority.
"Doc, I hope you're as shocked as I am for these are all firsts. First, I slept with her in the same bed. I was clothed and she was passed out drunk. I took most of her clothes off so I could have the hotel launder them because they were covered in vomit. She has a beautiful body with divine skin. I didn't touch her, other than I removed her shirt and pants and I even put a tee shirt on her. That was Saturday morning early and then, on that evening, I flew her from Portland to Seattle in my helicopter, Charlie Tango. She watched me with such admiration and I watched her breathe, with her breasts heaving with excitement. We talked about sex and her becoming my submissive; hell, I even took her into the playroom. That was the biggest mistake I've ever made."
Christian's voice climbed an octave. "When we returned to the great room, and she told me she had no sexual experience; I was shocked. She was a virgin for God's sake." He shook his copper locks. "She was even more enticing and exciting in that moment. Don't worry, Flynn, she wanted me. I must have asked at least four times before entering, she gave me the go-ahead each and every time."
John yelled into his computer screen with a stern stare, "Look, Christian, why would you do that to her? The women you have had in the past have all been sexually experienced in your lifestyle. I know you have a particular taste, but to bring a young woman, a virgin no less, into your world is dangerous and frankly downright stupid."
"John, I know that, but she wanted me. Her body and eyes were giving me the go-ahead. I can read women and she wanted me." He said pleading. "For God's sake maybe she is the first woman who has ever wanted me - not just the Dominant - or the billionaire - but me. That's why I'm confused! Ana looked at me with such longing and lust, wanting me so badly and now, I want her. When I kissed her the first time in the Heathman Hotel elevator, I said, "Fuck the paperwork." I was talking about the god damn contract. I grabbed her and kissed her like my life depended on it as we were free falling down to the lobby."
Christian could see John writing on his notepad. John wrote; he's in love. "I don't need to know all the details, but did you satisfy her? You weren't all James Bondage on her?"
He stroked his copper hair and then shoved his long legs out again as he leaned towards the computer. "To tell you the truth, I was terrified. This was the first woman who actually wanted me, other than with Elena in the beginning. I would never admit that to anyone but you. I was gentle and tender making love to her, like I said, it was a first to have Vanilla Sex and I enjoyed myself. Then when we were finished with her first sexual experience, she asked for more. The second time, I held her hands so she wouldn't touch me and she had two more orgasms. There was blood on the sheets, and I know she was sore this morning."
He looked at John almost wondering what he was talking about. John tapped the screen to get his attention. Christian raised his eyebrows and continued talking. "The next morning after breakfast we took a bath together, she gave me the most incredible blow job; a first for her and the best I've ever had. She appears to have no gag reflex. This beautiful creature Anastasia has changed me and yet, I sent her home with the standard submissive contract after she signed a nondisclosure agreement. Oh one more thing, we were on our last sexual encounter my mother interrupted us. Thank God, Taylor prevented her from entering the bedroom by telling her I was not alone. Which I know she didn't believe at first."
"Let me get this straight," as John frowned at the monitor, "you deflowered a virgin, had the best blow job ever and, in the end, you were interrupted by your mother? And what the hell is vanilla sex?"
"Yea, that's about it," he said stammering with a shit-ass grin on his face, "and now I have one question for you, what has this woman done to me?"
Flynn laughed and Christian was taken aback. "I knew you were fucked-up, Christian, but this weekend takes the cake. If you think that you're screwed-up, just imagine what poor Anastasia is going through. She gave herself to you; heart and soul, without hesitation or reservation, and then you send her home with papers to sign to become your submissive. Are you telling me that you have no feelings for her? With your other submissives you had no feelings! How is she supposed to go on having given you everything, to being dominated by you?"
Flynn sat back in his chair, he was angry at Christian. He knew that there was more than a doctor/patient relationship between Christian and him, but he felt he had to make Christian think about what he wanted from Anastasia. John didn't want Anastasia as a client from just one sexual experience with Christian. He thought Christian speaking about Anastasia was progress because, in the past, he had kept his submissives on the outer reaches of their conversations. Christian's attention began to wander. John tried to keep Christian engaged in the conversation.
"Why was she drunk?"
"Celebrating final exams."
John looked satisfied with Christian's answer and then said, "I want you to close your eyes and describe Anastasia to me. I want you to go into as much detail about her as you feel comfortable."
Christian was always a willing patient because he wanted to be normal.
"Anastasia Rose Steel is approximately five-six, small boned with slim shoulders, and slender. I think she doesn't eat enough and is on the verge of becoming skinny. Having the most beautiful pale skin, like a blush on a white rose; I want to touch her all the time. Her unruly chestnut hair is in need of a good cut. But her powder-blue eyes look at me with lust and compassion. I also can see fear behind her smile. I think she thinks, she's not good enough for me, which is totally and utterly ridiculous; I'm surely the one not worthy of her. She will look through her extremely long lashes at me catching me off guard. I can see in her eyes that she trusts me. Did I mention her breasts that fit in my hands perfectly and that she has beautifully large nipples? I love watching them swell in between my fingers." Christian was unconsciously rolling his index finger and thumb together.
"She sounds like a beautiful woman. Did you tell her?"
"Yes…I think so." Christian got a confused look on his face. Then he told himself of course I did.
"How old is she?"
Christian looked sheepishly, "Twenty-one, old enough to give her consent."
Flynn said, looking directly in the screen, "I want you to do the same exercise as before, but I want you to tell me your emotions or feelings. I know you're a good talker, Christian, but I want to know, how it felt when you held her or kissed her or touched her skin. I know you don't do feelings, but now after Anastasia, I know you have feelings!"
Christian was perturbed. "John, in all the time I have known you, this is the hardest assignment you have given me. I want to say no, but I'm the one who needs help and if this will help, I'll do it, I think. Oh, I forgot to answer your question about Vanilla sex. It just means plain-old ordinary sex with no add-ons or sex toys."
Christian leaned once more into the seat and blew out a long breath, hoping he could do as Flynn asked. Closing his eyes he said. "Emotions, when she called me on early Saturday morning, she was drunk dialing me from some bar - giving me shit. I was angry with her, very angry because she should have more respect for her body than to get drunk. You know I can be ruthless when I want something, and I put my best tracking skills to work. I found her by tracking her phone. When I pulled up at the bar with my brother, Elliot, she was outside with a boy who was trying to take full advantage of her condition. I didn't go psycho on him, but I did feel a real need to protect her. She started vomiting, and it took time for her to calm down. We went inside the bar so she could tell her best friend, Kate that she was with me. My brother Elliot had already found Kate and was putting the moves on her. I must admit they made a striking blond couple." He took a thinking pause.
"I took Anastasia back to the Heathman for her own protection, or maybe it was my need to protect her. I felt obligated to take care of her. She was so vulnerable. The next morning she took a shower and even used my tooth brush after breakfast. I kissed her desperately in the elevator as we left the hotel. There was an electrical charge between us. I couldn't help myself and grabbed her in my arms pinning her against the wall of the elevator and grinding my body against hers. Then I kissed her with feelings. I wanted that kiss to go on forever. I could've ridden that elevator for days just touching her lips. Emotion, I felt complete, whole, and at peace for 10 seconds."
Christian took a drink of water and when he looked up at the screen Flynn was taking notes and looked up. "Do you want to continue? You're doing very well."
He nodded his head. "Then when I took her to the penthouse, she was frightened. I thought it was me, but it was her virginity she was about to lose. At first, I believed it was just something I had to do to make her my submissive, but when I actually had sex with her, she was real, no role playing, no coming on command. The more she gave to me, the more I understood that she was actually giving herself. I had no idea why she did that or how she allowed me take her trembling innocence. Then when she asked for more, I was lost. I think the second time it was pure emotion. I wanted her and her only. I wanted her not as a submissive, only as Ana. Then I slept with her in my arms. I don't know if I have ever slept that soundly. You see why I'm so damn confused?"
Christian took more water and John was going to say something but Christian continued, "How could she give me her virginity? I'm not worthy. I feel such excitement just thinking about her and want to nuzzle my nose in her hair smelling her scent. I want to smell her bodily fluids and, more than that, I want to kiss her full lips. Am I nuts, or what's wrong with me? John, we have gone through submissives together, leaving and finding new ones, but she literally stumbled into my life when she came to interview me at Grey House. I feel lost at this moment, and just talking about her has made me horny."
John asked, "When do you see her again?"
"Wednesday, I'm taking her to dinner to discuss the submissive/dominant contract."
"I just have one piece of advice, please don't push her. You've made her dreams come true. She waited a long time to give away her virginity. You're special in her powder-blue eyes. I know this is unfamiliar territory but Christian, Anastasia is a different creature from your usual type. She is vulnerable around you and may force herself into doing what you want just to have you. But the bigger question for me is that all you want from her to become your submissive? Is there any chance you may want more from her than weekends in bondage with no feelings?"
"John that's what's so damn confusing; I'm a dominant who needs a submissive. That being said, I also have this hunger to be with her. I don't think I would ever do anything stupid like hurt her, but she presses my buttons and that makes me want to punish her. I even opened up and told her about Elena. I just explained Elena was the one who brought me into the lifestyle"
Now John's face was almost on fire with anger. "Christian, you have no idea what you did. She thinks like me that you were molested. She has pity and sorrow for you. She's probably more confused than you." John put on his thinking cap. "Is she very smart?"
"Anastasia smart? What an understatement, she is very bright and at the top of her class. Why?"
"She is trying right now to figure out why you need to dominate her. Now you gave her one damn big clue that you were molested as a teenager. Christian, you have met a woman who is your equal. She will have you hogtied in ten seconds flat. I'm warning you that Anastasia is trying as we speak to figure you out. If you don't want her to delve deeper into your psyche then don't see her again for she will force you to confront the truth much more than I have."
Christian's face looked like shattered glass, a look that John had only seen when Christian talked about his birth mother. He wanted to say more, but nothing would come out.
"I'll heed your warning, but I've got to go because my phone has been on vibrate, and I've received so many calls I'm about to get a thrill. I won't see you Thursday because I'm giving a speech at Anastasia's commencement."
"Christian, I want you to do me a favor. I think you're going to need my help navigating these unchartered waters. Please email me after you see her each time. I don't think it wise for you to wait for our next session. Of course, you know that I'll always take your calls. Be careful, Christian, the heart is dangerous waters for you."
He smiled at the computer, "I'll do that, but I'll get my way with Anastasia Steel or my name is not Christian Grey."
Dr. Flynn sat and thought about Christian after he was disconnected; pondering Christian the arrogant son-of-a-bitch. This new woman changed Christian more in three days than therapy had in two years. Christian didn't know he was in love, but John did. He also worried that Christian might force Anastasia into something she was not ready for. He was deep into thought when the phone rang, informing him his next patient had arrived.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: First Email
Date: May 24 2011 00:14
To: Dr. John Flynn
I went to see her tonight. I couldn't wait until Wednesday night. Why does she affect me this way? When I'm in the same room I just can't keep my hands off her. We had sex. No, I shouldn't put it that way, we had good sex. At times, I think she is more satisfied than I am. I want to consume her. She is shy and sweet, but powerful when she moves her body. I've had women reach orgasm around me but, when she does it, it's like my explosion is deeper and more meaningful. Emotion, when she comes around me, it scares me. Shit! That's not an emotion, but you get my drift.
She asked me if I was going to collar her like a dog. This was shit she had read on the internet. I gave her a computer to do research on. I told her I never collared any woman and the only collar I wanted to put around her neck is diamonds.
I went to Anastasia's apartment because she sent me a dismissive email, telling me she did not want to see me again. Actually it said, "It was nice knowing you." My outrage was over-the-top and then she kicked me out of her bed after sex. Another first, no woman has ever told me they don't want to see me. As you would say if my submissives could speak they might have told me. With a submissive she can leave anytime she wants, no questions asked that is part of the contract. No woman has ever kicked me out of their bed. But then again, I have never had sex in any woman's bed before. Oh! The sex was good. I said that already. Am I losing my mind over her? I think I need sleep. I told Anastasia to go to sleep I should take my own advice.
Christian Grey
CEO & Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
After Christian sent the email, he felt something strange - a tear was on his cheek. It was an odd sensation because tears were something he never experienced.
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: First Email - Answer
Date: May 24 2011 07:14
To: Christian Grey
Christian, do you have any idea what you have done to that poor woman? Now that you have been in her bed, she will dream of you there. The reason she is shy is because you intimidate her. This powerful man steals her virginity, beds her, and then wants her to sign up for kinky sex. Do you know how bogus that sounds?
My God man, she has only had three days of sex! She is trying to process what her body and mind are trying to tell her. Then the guy she likes dangles a contract in front of her face like a horse watching a carrot on a stick. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN - CHRISTIAN!
John
From: Christian Grey
Subject: I Can't
Date: May 24 2011 12:04
To: Dr. John Flynn
This morning has been hard for me. Everywhere I looked I saw her. My phone rang and I kept thinking it was her. I'm in awe. What has she done to me? I'm trying not to be pushy or controlling, but I'm losing the battle. You've always told me I could change, but how? Are my sexual needs more important than my need to change? Am I capable of being less controlling? I'm just one sorry asshole.
Christian Grey
CEO & Still Confused, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: Still Confused
Date: May 24 2011 13:14
To: Christian Grey
Do you really want her as your submissive - only having sex with her from Friday night to Sunday afternoon? Do you want her to be without opinions or needs, only service you without regard for her feelings? Sometimes I think a blowup doll would work very well for you. You could twist her into any position and she could come anytime you wanted.
Christian this young woman of excellent taste wants you and NOT a contract. I think what you fail to see is how charming, utterly charming you find her. She is tough and strong and is going to hold out as long as she can, hoping you will capitulate on the contract.
Please have a little compassion for her. You're her first sexual encounter and you're demanding she give up her life to you. THINK, Christian; is this really what you want?
I have two questions: how much sex did you have with your subs per day, and do you really want obedience from Anastasia? Would you have her be obedient and take away the spark that has drawn you together? Sorry three questions.
My advice is hand her the diploma and your heart at same time.
Your friend in all things good and true.
John
Christian was enjoying a leisurely moment in between meetings, but he took the time to think about Flynn's email. He stared out from his office with Seattle at his feet and wondered if Ana would always be below him or would she be at his side. These were all new thoughts.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Thinking
Date: May 24 2011 16:03
To: Dr. John Flynn
How much sex did I have? It's hard to gauge, but sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. You're right about Anastasia; I want sex with her daily. This is getting confusing. It seems I have drawn a line in the sand and dared her to cross over, but part of me wants the desirable and defiant Miss Steel. You're right again, I like her questioning me. It forces me to look at things differently but somehow I need to control her. I like the spark between us, especially the one I felt in the elevator. I seem to be on a big pendulum swinging back and forth. John, I want her so badly. I just need to breathe the same air as her!
I want her, John. She is not like hiring the other subs. Hiring is not the right word. Maybe recruiting a sub is easier, although the last one turned out to be a drag. Susannah only lasted a month. She told me I was cold and cruel and I never touched her. Fuck, why am I bringing this up now? Your patient is really screwed-up.
I'll see her tomorrow at seven to go over the contract.
Christian Grey
CEO & Now Fucked-up, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: You have been fucked-up for a while!
Date: May 25 2011 17:37
To: Christian Grey
Decide what you want before you press her into signing a contract at your dinner. Christian you're brilliant at business, but unfamiliar with affairs of the heart. PLEASE DON'T PUSH HER!
John
Christian was excitedto see Anastasia. He went down to the Marble Bar at the Heathman Hotel with his stomach in knots. How could this be? Women don't have this effect on him; but when he saw her in her plum dress that skimmed her body, he wanted to rip it off of her. He smiled, showing no signs of his internal struggle. Her beautiful chestnut hair hanging down to one breast made him salivate. He gathered his wits and took her to a booth.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Stunned
Date: May 25 2011 22:55
To: Dr. John Flynn
We went to dinner to discuss the contract. I was friendly and more businesslike than I had ever been with her. She's a good negotiator, who stated her arguing points with reason and clarity. It was odd to be discussing fisting, anal sex, and sexual tools during dinner. We discussed the contract logically but the undercurrent of sexuality kept invading our thoughts.
I thought I was being charming, but she would have none of it or me. She held her own even though I was salivating at her beauty in her plum dress. We ate dinner, but she didn't eat much.
She defies me about eating. I worry about her. Will she be strong enough for me to put her through my sexual paces?
When our negotiations were complete, I got one brief kiss and then she was off.
I'm really not persuading her to be my submissive. I know she is young and inexperienced, but I wanted her and would have taken her right there on the floor of the Heathman Hotel.
My God, I'm more confused than ever. All of my charms and powers of persuasion don't seem to be working on her.
John, all I want is her.
She did consent to kiss me, but she would not stay longer or spend the night. She told me she needed time to think. She has a hard time believing she could be my submissive. Before she left, I think I even begged her to stay something I've never done before.
She drives a very old VW bug. I was terrified she would not make it home. My God, John, if something happened to her, I would feel terrible. So I have decided to buy her a car for graduation tomorrow. At least, if she doesn't want me I know she'll be safe.
Why am I so possessed by her?
I even stated my case to her again in my email that I sent not more than ten minutes ago. What's so wrong with becoming my submissive?
Christian Grey
CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: Pushing
Date: May 26 2011 07:00
To: Christian Grey
I know you don't think buying a car is big deal, but it is! It's an extraordinarily large gift. She probably has worked her way through college.
You are PUSHING her hard, like you must do when you have sex with her. She is young and bright with a propensity to please. My God, Christian, you must be smothering her.
Do you want her as she is, or do you want to dominate her? She is a poor candidate for your submissive wants, for she is a complete woman.
You have things missing from childhood and adolescence, but she is complete and happy. Do you want her to give in to your depravity and take away her joy?
If I could get you on the phone, I would be shouting in your ear, Wake up, Christian Grey!
I know you think of me as an old man, but I'm only forty-five. I had to check my own ego in order to give up my practice in London to be with Rhian. I have adjusted to living in the States, to being a father, to living with a woman after all those years of being single. It was difficult, but worth it.
What are you willing to give up, your depraved lifestyle in order to have Anastasia?
I have become just like you, Christian, running my fingers through my hair to show my frustrations.
Be careful and slow down.
Good luck on your convocation address, but you probably don't need it for you'll pick Anastasia out of the audience and give the speech to her.
John
Once again, Christianread the words but couldn't connect his feelings to the words. He believed in that moment that pursuing Anastasia was the only action he could take. Christian sent a quick text to John as he was being driven to see Anastasia on her graduation night.
Good day. Going to her now. She is willing to try. I'll update later.
John was at home tucking the kids into bed when he got this text. He shook his head and said to himself, "Like hell, Anastasia is willing to try."
Christian was back at the Heathman relaxing after having fucked Anastasia, feeling rather proud of his performance. He had met her step-father, Ray Steel, after her commencement, and he had encouraged Christian to take care of his daughter. The more he thought about their encounter the more he wanted to be back with her, but he knew going back would open him up to her. He liked being the dominant and in control, but every time he went to teach her something, he ended up the one learning about her. Christian writes to Flynn knowing that, because of the time, he would not read it until tomorrow.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Wow! What an evening
Date: May 26 2011 22:30
To: Dr. John Flynn
We negotiated the soft limits of the contract. I told you that she was coming around to my way of thinking.
While having sex she tried to touch me, but then she took control and dominated me. I told her I had a rough start in life and that I was fifty shades of fucked-up.
We discussed contraception. I hate using condoms!
It was going great until she rolled her eyes at me, and I had to spank her. It took her by surprise, but then I fucked her good in the end.
She was so funny and caring towards me. She likes sex, but she takes me places I've never been.
Then I debase her and, when I left, she had such longing, questioning why I had to go. Now I sit in my hotel suite, questioning why I left. Why does she pull at me?
With the submissives I would leave them alone to sleep in their own bedroom, but I'm not sure I will allow Anastasia to sleep alone.
You're right I'm pushing her - to what end?
She told me she would take debasement to enlightenment. Whatever that means?
I will call you tomorrow, and hopefully you could enlighten me.
Christian Grey
CEO & Fucked-up even more, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
Flynn was working, just having finished a group session. Reading Christian's email, he realized that Christian was in such unfamiliar territory with Anastasia that he actually knew if this new relationship fell apart, so would Christian. He was alarmed and wrote back immediately.
From: Dr. John Flynn
Subject: Pushing
Date: May 26 2011 23:00
To: Christian Grey
Christian, if you keep giving her all the details of your life, she will continue to dig into your psyche. If you wanted to remain aloof and detached from this woman, you've certainly failed. I told you she was in love with you, and now she wants to rescue the little lost boy and the teenager from hell. You have opened up another whole kettle of worms, and you told her you were fifty shades of fucked-up.
Of course you are, now she will want to soothe each and every shade until you're in Technicolor. You have given her all the ammunition to heal you or hurt you.
Christian, if your timeline is correct, you then talked about contraception. This girl has had sex five times and you want her on oral contraception for your convenience.
Fuck! No choice? Do whatever Christian wants. Maybe you want a robot!
Spanking her is fun, but you fucked her good and then left. Grow up, you arrogant son-of-a-bitch.
WHAT ABOUT HER?Does she have feelings for you?
I am disgusted with you and, if you don't call tomorrow or SKYPE me, I will hunt you down.
For fuck sake Christian, THINK.
Your very pissed off friend,
John
Christian read hisemail and was about to respond when he got an email from Anastasia. He was so lost. He was surprised because he didn't know that she was just as lost. He read that she was angry at him because he never stayed with her. He knew if he went back to her place, he would sleep with her and he never had slept with anyone in their own bed.
His driving was fast, but in control, leading to her waiting arms. Why does he have such a need to be with her? After arriving at her apartment, Christian had to get past the over-protective roommate, Kate Kavanagh, only to find Ana crying. Why was she crying, certainly not over him? Was it because he spanked her? His head was more confused than ever. He was overwhelmed by his need to curl up next to her, kiss her, and sleep. Christian had a new feeling of being safe in her arms.
Was he a priapic monster as Kate called him? Did he always think with his penis first? Christian was not a monster or a rapist. He always had women who were interested in doing the same thing as he was. Anastasia he felt, worshipped him, as well she should, but she wasn't his submissive yet. Could she be his submissive? Why would he give into her demands when he never had before with any woman he had been with?
When Christian jumped out of bed in the morning, knowing that he might be a few minutes late to his meeting, it didn't seem to matter. He didn't want to leave her. How was that possible?
During the day, he called Dear Doctor Flynn. Christian understood how precious Flynn's vacation time was with his family. Thank God, it was a phone conversation, and Flynn didn't have to see Christian's face.
"John, you're yelling at me; I wouldn't take that shit from any man."
"Look, Christian, you don't get the point that Anastasia needs space and time to comprehend what is happening to her or what you have done to her. Do you think of this as a game where you will get what you want? She is a woman with wants and needs that you haven't even recognized as you steamroll yourself over her."
"John, calm down. I'm not the evil incarnate that you think I am. I just want her to become my submissive and I'm not asking for a lifetime commitment."
"That could be the problem, Christian; maybe she is looking for a lifetime commitment."
"NO…how could that be possible?" He shook his head in disbelief.
"You have given her - let me list - rare books, a new laptop, a new car, and now a BlackBerry, all to control her. She may be thinking, he really likes me, and she may want more than just the submissive shit."
"Why do you always take her side? I'm trying not to become a stalker, and that is how you make me sound when you list all the gifts. But you're right; I do want to control her, especially her orgasms"
John frowned, "I know you are trying to be witty, but you're not amusing me, and I don't think Ana would think that comment amusing either. Christian, I know with your wealth that buying her things has no significant consequence to you, but to her you are buying her into submission. It may give you the results you want in the short term, but not necessarily the result you need. Other than sex, tell me what qualities you like in her."
Christian barked into the phone. "You're hardnosed today; I thought vacations were supposed to make people relax. I don't know what you want."
"Think, Christian, does she make you laugh? Does she challenge you intellectually? Does she confront you as a person, or is she just another one of your submissive Barbie doll?"
"She challenges me all the time with her questions about my past. Ana has a good sense of humor. She is well read. I guess you're right; I know more about her body than her intellect. I think she is practical and has common sense."
"Do you understand that you're not valuing her as a human being?"
"Yes, but I still want her."
"That is fine, Christian; but you must appreciate what is above the waistline as well as what is below it. I have got to go; the family is ready and waiting for me. Christian, please, try to take things slowly."
"Bye, John, talking to you is always fun, but now I think I'm demoralized. I'll see you next week."
When Christian hung up, he thought a long time about what Flynn had to say. Was he valuing Ana as a human being? He could walk the walk and talk the talk as a CEO, but his feelings about Anastasia were all over the place. Then yesterday he told her to cry when he was around; what a stupid thing to say. It broke his heart to see her upset in any way unlike all the times he had seen his submissives cry.
Saturday, picking up Mia, his baby sister, from her Paris flight was challenging. Mia, could get anything she wanted from Christian…he was putty in her hands. Mia was a breath of fresh air direct from Paris, France. She was not so little now… just a few inches shorter than he with raven bobbed hair and decked out in the latest French fashion. He took her to breakfast knowing that once home, he wouldn't have any time with her; when her friends found out she was back.
Mia said, "Christian, there is something different about you. Have you found someone?"
Christian's embarrassment came out. He couldn't tell her much, due to his straight line thinking because Anastasia was going to become his submissive only. Mia's girlish enthusiasm rubbed off on him. Mia and Anastasia were just a few months apart in age; Mia the wild child and Ana the serious one, but he didn't know if that was true. Anastasia's giggles made his world light up.
"I may have met someone. I don't know where the relationship is going and, besides that, it's too early to call."
"Does she have a name, or is she just a figment of your imagination."
"No, she's real. Her name is Anastasia Steel. She is your age, just graduated from WSU Vancouver. Both mother and Elliot have met her."
"I can't wait to meet the girl who has captured my brother's heart."
Then the brat told their parents at dinner about Ana, something new for Christian, he felt embarrassed. But his older brother Elliot, the golden boy of family, decided to invite Katherine, Anastasia's roommate, the following night to dinner. He had been sexually entwined with Kate since the night they rescued Ana from the bar. In an effort to prolong Ana's Sunday with him, Christian told his mother that Anastasia would be coming to dinner too.
Christian had always lived by rules that he set up when he started having submissives. Their contact was supposed to be limited to Christian. No contact with his family, or his business associates, only people the women knew before becoming his submissive. He knew he was breaking every rule that he had set, but Anastasia wasn't his submissive yet. She had met his mother once and Elliot that was his only rationalization. But he had broken the rules!
From: Christian Grey
Subject: She is here!
Date: May 27 2011 13:07
To: Dr. John Flynn
She moved to Seattle yesterday. Wow! We're in the same city!
Why am I so excited? Is excitement an emotion? She is going to give me an answer today. I'll write more later. Whoa! She is here in the apartment and soon in my arms.
Christian Grey
CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.
On Monday around noon Ana had just left to get ready for her interviews; she still had not told Christian what publishers she had intern interviews with. It was lunch time, and he hoped to catch Dr. Flynn in.
"Hi, John, hope you had a great getaway with your family." Christian smiled into his phone.
"Thank you for emailing me; I've enjoyed your sexcapades. But you have made me so damn mad at times; I needed to call my shrink. Before you give me the latest installment of the Christian and Anastasia saga, did my emails help at all?"
"John, yes…maybe…well…but I find myself so wrapped up in Anastasia that my logical brain doesn't work when I'm around her. So I guess you'll be glad to know that I have an emotional brain. I don't understand it, I'm sure Ana must think I'm a madman. I'm on a swing, swinging from logical to emotional in a nanosecond. What do you want to know, you always want to know something?"
John rubbed his chin at the same time Christian was doing the same. "Did she sign the contract?"
"No, I told her not to sign it until she got back from Georgia. She is flying there tonight to see her mother."
"Is she from the South?"
"No, her mother is on husband number four. Her birth father is dead and Ana lived most of her teenage years with her step-father who lives in Montesano, Washington. Oh, that would be husband number two, Ray Steel. Ana took his last name."
"How do you feel about Anastasia going to see her mother?"
"Now we get the emotional or feeling part. I hate it. I even asked if I could go along and she told me no. I'm nervous she won't come back." His voice cracked with uncertainty.
"If she didn't, you could always go hire another sub," John said in his most sarcastic voice.
Christian was completely taken aback and said, "Funny, I don't want anyone but her."
"What if she doesn't want your lifestyle?"
"I think of that every day. I think she wants me and shows me. I've never allowed a woman to kiss me and yet, she grabs my face and kisses me with such passion that all I can do is surrender to her. Does that mean she wants me?"
"Christian, old man, you don't have a clue. She wants you so badly that it is probably excruciating for her not to touch you."
"John, she even asked how I would feel if I couldn't touch her. The only word that came to mind was unbearable. I want her to touch me, but I just can't bring myself to allow her to do so. I'm fucked-up. She did let me take her into the playroom and tie her up, giving her overwhelming orgasms. I wore her out and then had to wake her up to take her to dinner at my parents' house."
"What the fuck, Christian," John yelled into the phone. Christian had to take the phone away from his ear momentarily. "You want her as your submissive to tie up and abuse, but then you take her to meet your parents. Did you take other submissives to meet your parents? Of course not! You keep pressuring her to sign the contract and then introduce her to your parents as the bitch that kneels in the corner naked until you call on her to perform kinky sex acts."
"That's not an accurate description of what a sub does." He tightened his legs to protect himself, "I do see your point, John, but I haven't been able to get the logical brain to work out all the details. My family loves her, as everyone was gushing over her as we left. I was angry and mad at her."
"Do I really want to know why you were angry and mad at her?"
"I know this is going to sound childish and stupid, but we went to my parents' house, and she wasn't wearing panties. That is another long story. When I tried to feel her thighs, she closed her legs to me under the table. She is the first woman who has ever closed her legs to me. Then I carried her later out to the boathouse to give her a spanking, but she told me no, she didn't want to get spanked." He yelled, "She told me NO!"
"Welcome to the real world of relationships, my dear boy, since you have never been in one. Women hate to be told what to do. None of your subs could speak and Anastasia speaks her mind freely all the time. I bet you even got hotter and madder when she said no. Whether you like it or not, I think you're in the real world relationships. She'll never be your submissive, no matter how hard she tries. I just don't think she has it in her to let you dominate. Why would you humiliate her in front of your parents? Is this part of the sicko Christian Grey's rule book? Also, I know she slept in your bed. What the hell are you doing, Christian?"
"I feel you are pressuring me, John, and I should hang up, but why should she stop my hand going up her thigh?"
John was really mad yelling again into the phone, "Have you heard of words like modesty, personal space and, for God sake's, embarrassment? She was a virgin up until a week ago; what if she were rubbing your penis under the dinner table with her parents sitting there? Would you spring it forth and let her suck it off under the table? Think, Christian, you're humiliating her."
"Well, I never thought about humiliating her. And sometimes I don't even remember her being a virgin, the sex has been so phenomenal. I really do know how to demean her, and I don't mean sexually. Why would she let me degrade her in this way?"
"Because she is in love you, and she would let you debase her at every turn if it meant she could have you."
"How can she love me when I'm a real nasty son-of-a-bitch? Now that you have raked me over the hot coals, all I want is her, but I can't seem to stop my need to control her. What am I going to do? Maybe I need to give her space and some for me too."
"Christian, what do you see in your future? Is she there in your arms, or are you alone hugging a ghost?"
In a very sad and lonely voice, Christian said, "I'll think about that and get back to you. Thanks, John, I'm glad I caught you in. Bye."
When he hung up, he had a tear running down his face. He was lost and alone in that moment and he wanted nothing more than to find Anastasia, kiss her, and make love to her until next year. But his logical brain kicked in, and he went off to work after eating lunch.
Taylor, Christian's bodyguard/driver/secret keeper was driving to the airport in Hilton Head, South Carolina with his usual proficiency. Christian had been on the phone since they started their drive in Savannah, Georgia.
"John, I hate leaving messages, but I want to know if Mrs. Jones is okay…"
"Hi, Christian, I was ending a session. I talked with Mrs. Jones a little while ago and she is doing fine. She is upset, but will call if there are any lingering problems. No word on Leila, and I'm sorry that this has gotten in the way of your time with Anastasia. When can you come see me? We need a face to face."
"What time do you have free tomorrow," Christian asked.
"I could fit you in early morning, would you like to do breakfast?" John answered hoping he could have facetime with Christian.
"Sure, I'll meet you at that café in your building at 7 or 7:30?"
"I'll be there at seven." John answered.
"Anastasia is wonderful. See you in the morning; bye, John"
Christian and Taylor arrived back in Seattle at the Escala to his penthouse in the early afternoon. He went into the study and Taylor went to find Mrs. Jones.
"I looked in the kitchen for you, Gail, and you weren't there."
She ran to his arms and started to cry. "I didn't know how she broke in, but she was right in front of me in the kitchen…she came out of thin air. Maybe I'd seen her before, but I don't think so. I believe she had spent weekends with Mr. Grey. She wandered around the kitchen not giving me any thought like I was a ghost. I knew that Ryan was here for security, and Sawyer was at Grey House for a meeting, I think. But no one came to the kitchen to help. I was alone with a mad woman. At least, that's how she appeared… dirty, wild eyed, and barely audible. She knew where the knives were, and took out a knife, cutting her left arm open. She dropped the knife and I grabbed a kitchen towel and wrapped her arm. Still no Ryan showed up at the foyer, so I drove her to the ER, myself. I called Dr. Flynn, but she escaped before he got there."
Taylor said, "When Mr. Grey told me about Leila, it was all I could do to keep the panic down in my voice. I left you three messages, but you didn't call me back. Gail, you look beautiful and I love you."
Taylor kissed her passionately there in the foyer.
"Jason Taylor, you need a shave, and maybe you could stand a shower too. I'm glad you're home, and I can't wait until we go to bed tonight. I just want you to hold me in your big strong arms and have you tell me everything is alright."
"My beautiful blonde Gail, everything is alright and I'm home. Hopefully, Miss Steel won't have the need to run off to Timbuktu or Pago Pago; I'll be in town for a while. I'll go clean up for you. That's the trouble with having a heavy beard; you need to shave a lot."
"I like your beard, buzz cut, and your hard body." She gave him a passionate kiss, and Christian came in the foyer and backed up in surprise. Then he called out for Taylor, and Gail scurried away.
After Taylor answered, Christian told him he was going to Grey House and to be ready in half an hour.
Christian was so involved with his work that afternoon he only took time to answer Ana's emails.
He had a fitful night's sleep, and longed for her touch until he got out of bed at five in the morning. He knew he should have slept more, but longing and desire did nothing to relieve his feelings of doom and dread.
Taylor dropped Christian off at seven for his breakfast meeting with Dr. Flynn, and then he went to put gas in the SUV and check the tires. Taylor thrived in his position and always paid attention to the smallest details. That's what made him so good at his job.
"How are you, John?" Christian said as he sat down. "I know I've added to your work by dumping Leila in your lap, so to speak."
"If you're here about Leila, I know nothing more than you. But first you need to tell me about her. I know it isn't a subject you want to talk about."
"What do you want to know?" Christian said irritated, "I sent you the form with all of her personal information."
"I want to know what you remember of her personality. Birthdates and employment history do little to help me understand what is happening to her now."
The waitress brought coffee, and they ordered breakfast so there would be fewer interruptions.
"Leila was with me for a year. She was always fun-loving and eager to please. I must admit Leila was the most beautiful women that I took on as a submissive. That's not one of my criteria for choosing a sub. She was happy, outgoing and always up for a challenge. When she left, it was a blow to my ego that she could so easily dismiss me and get married. It happened within a month. It was in the contract that she was to see no one but me, or have sex with anyone. Of course, you and I have discussed the contract many times, and it was not enforceable by any police department. I had no way of knowing if she was cavorting around with someone else."
"Did you love her, sleep with her; have sex in places other than in the playroom?"
"None of the above, when I told you that I'm having firsts with Ana, I meant it. Wait a minute, it's yes to the last question. I fucked her a few places in the penthouse never in my bed."
"Just checking, Christian, you have led an unusual lifestyle. Now, what about Ana?"
He replied, "You know me too well, John," he said as he rubbed both hands through his clean copper hair. "I came to tell you what happened to me in Savannah." He sipped his coffee.
"First, I should tell you on Tuesday night, I had dinner with Elena. I even emailed Ana and told her. Why? I don't know, but let me tell you Ana gave me a whole lot of shit. Backing up, first, Elena encouraged me to go to Savannah. I wanted to go anyway, but she told me it was a good thing. I know I should have called you, but I didn't feel the need to explain my actions. In the end, I'm here explaining my actions. I'm not being very articulate because, when it comes to Anastasia, I'm tongue-tied."
John just smiled as the waitress poured more coffee.
"I flew down to Savannah and stayed at a very nice hotel, and who should be in the bar when I went in after dinner; but Anastasia and her mother, Mrs. Carla Adams, a very attractive young forty-something woman but from her looks she may be in her thirties. I was shocked - so shocked – that I sent Ana an email asking her how many cosmopolitans she'd had. She was so cute with her mouth gaping open as I sauntered toward them. My heart was racing she could have rejected me, and I would have gone back to the airport and flown home. Instead, I had a quick drink and told the bartender to charge their drinks to my room, giving him the room number. I was never more floored when later there was a knock at the door and it was Anastasia. She looked so hot and desirable. I was on a business phone call and was doing my best to get off so I could take her in my arms and kiss her. I hardly kissed my subs, especially the last two."
Breakfast came, and Christian ate. John said, "I would ask how the sex was, but of course that would never be your problem," giving Christian a smirk. "Why are we having this conversation?"
Christian put down his fork "She told me she wanted more, and I gave her more; I took her soaring. She was absolutely giddy, and I was thrilled to have her restrained in the cockpit of the glider with me."
John actually started tapping his fork on his plate in frustration and when the waitress came with more coffee, he waved her off.
"She wanted to know about Elena and how I could see her again. She thinks Mrs. Robinson (Ana's name for her) is a pedophile and molested me when I was a teenager. Everytime I mentioned her name or tried to explain how she helped me out, her eyes turned from blue to green. She is jealous, something I just can't understand."
"Christian, you sometimes can be so obtuse. She loves you and feels this woman harmed you and made you the way you are. She is profoundly concerned because of you not wanting to be touched."
"Why does she need to know all this shit from my past? It's like I'm breaking free of the past everytime I see her and yet, she insists on dragging me back into it. I told her the no touching was not from Elena, but she wants to know everything." He went back to eating.
"Christian, did you answer her questions, or did you avoid them like you do most of mine? How many ways can I put this to you? She is in love with you and wants to know every dark secret so she can bring light to it and heal you. Are you still pushing her to sign that damn contract? I want you to heed my words, Christian Grey. If she signs the contract you both will be miserable and disaster awaits."
Christian put his fork down and pushed his plate away. "Why would you say a thing like that?"
"She wanted you and you gave her more. You let her sleep in your bed; you introduced her to your parents - without panties." (Shaking his head.) "You're overwhelming her and then you want to punish her for some perceived line that she may cross. Can you control your desire to punish her? Can you control your lust? She wants the whole package – the whole…Christian. She wants hearts and flowers and happily ever after."
"How do you know this, John?"
"My God, you're a dense man; she gave you her virginity! I didn't mean for my voice to grow louder, but you can be so damn frustrating."
"Oh that must be why I got such a peculiar response from Ana when I told her I was coming back to Seattle to handle a situation. That is what I called her virginity before I took it from her, a situation."
For the first time, John knew he had made Christian think differently about Anastasia. He watched as Christian's demeanor changed like the air had been let out of a balloon.
"When will you see her again?"
"Anastasia is flying home today." He was now rubbing his smoothly shaven chin. "I'll think long and hard about what you said. I told you I get tongue-tied, but I think between the two of you, I'm hog-tied." He threw money down on the table for the bill and went outside in disgust just as Taylor pulled up.
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Fucked-up
Date: June 4 2011 23:47
To: Dr. John Flynn
Fucked her, Beat her and she left me!
Christian Grey
CEO Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.