Hello from the other side. I must've called a thousand times to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done, but when I call you never seem to be home.
"Carla.." he sighs into the silence. "I've tried to call everyday since, but they always tell me I'm not allowed to speak to you, that you needed to be kept away from the outside to recover, get back to yourself. It's been months, the bed is so empty without you still. I used to like sleeping alone, before you. I enjoyed the space, although I'd never told Leanne that. Not with you though. You had this way of clinging to me, like your need for me was physical, like you couldn't bare to be apart. It made me feel worth something, it made me feel important. I don't feel worth anything these days. I think you made me, me.
I thought, naive I know, but I thought when they let you out of there you'd come back to me. I hoped you'd recover enough to understand why I did what I did. I loved you, but I was losing you. We were all losing you. It wasn't like the last time, not like the fire. It was worse, and once upon a time I wouldn't have thought that possible. You weren't her anymore, you weren't you. Sending you there was the hardest thing I've had to do, Carla but I needed to get you help. You needed help.
The clinic told me to stop phoning weeks ago. They said it was your request. That was the second hardest thing I've ever done, starting to give up on you, knowing you'd given up on us.
The other day, I saw Michelle laughing. Do you know how long it had been since I'd seen her really laugh? Since anyone had. I knew then, I knew she'd seen you. She wouldn't tell me much but I know you're out. The pity for me in her eyes almost killed me. I've left so many messages since, I don't even know if you're listening to them anymore. I guess now it's become less about speaking to you and more about hearing you. Just those few seconds, I can hear you again and for a minute it's all alright again. Almost.
I can pretend I'm ringing to ask what time you're home tonight and what you want for tea. Red or white wine tonight, shall I pick us up a take away? If only it were that easy.
You said you'd hurt me in the end, Carla. I don't think you realised I would hurt you too. Watching you fall apart those last few months of our relationship almost took me with you. After Rob, after you found about.. about your dad. I didn't see you eat for weeks, I don't think you even spoke properly. At first, you needed me. You might not speak much but your grip on me wouldn't falter and I needed that so much. Eventually, you didn't need anyone.
Really, I don't think you were alive back then. Sure you were breathing but that's about it. You had said to me one night that people had always taken so much from you, one thing that they couldn't take were your memories but now even they were tainted and it was the final thing on a long list of heartbreak. No one blamed you for your breakdown, especially not me. I just wish I could have eased the pain somehow.
I got home from work an hour ago, and now I realise, I have to let you go. I guess you got Michelle to do it? I hope she tells you that I hadn't touched a thing. Your clothes were still hanging on your more than half of the wardrobe, your toothbrush was next to mine in the bathroom and your perfume untouched on the side.
You weren't here anymore but you hadn't really left at all. A year might have passed in Weatherfield and wherever you are, but nothing passed at all for me. My flat feels emptier than ever. The day they took you, it was like living with a thousand ghosts. I could hear you laughing gleefully as we messed around in the kitchen, you wearing little more than my shirt. I could hear your sharp tongue as I made a comment you couldn't help but get the last word on. I could hear you groan as the alarm rang out and groan my name for entirely different reasons. I hadn't realised until you were gone just how much of my life was made up of you. Now you've taken back your things I have nothing left.
I guess no one really knows what they're living for until they know what they would die for. And that day, I knew. That day, watching the car door bang shut but it doing little to drown out your sobs. I could still hear you begging me, repeating my name like you were saying a prayer, your hands banging against the back window. You looked like a little girl, and I would have thrown myself in front of it if it would have taken away the pain engulfing you, Carla.
If you listen to this voicemail, know that I won't call you again but know that I will spend everyday wanting to. Know that I really did love you and know that I'm so glad I took my chances on you.
You were worth it, baby.
Well, bye then Carla. Bye."
He hangs up, drops the phone onto the bed beside him, laying still as the world carries on but his crashes at his feet.